Vaught 06 & 07 - WIP
Added 2023-05-31 14:58:14 +0000 UTCGreg knows even more than Elizabeth feared. Milktec appears to be closing their fist around Abby's operation, and Alice finds herself immediately in over her head.
Hi all! Wrapping up May with another chunk of Vaught. Lots of plot in 06. I tried to keep the made up sciencey stuff to a minimum, but it probably needs a streamlining. 07 and 08 are from the perspective of Alice and Benny respectively and how they intersect which means there's a possibility for a bridging section between the two that's not here yet because it wouldn't make sense without the other side of the bridge and I'd rather get out this chunk than delay another few days.
I also tried to hold off on too much direct description of the transformation that happens in 07, which obviously sounds like a stupid choice in tf erotica, but with lots of ground left to cover I didn't want to put out everything and the kitchen sink by the midway point. If that turns out to be unnecessary, I can always add some more to this part.
As always, this is a WIP so expect grammatical errors, misspellings, and inconsistencies.
Hope you enjoy, Happy Reading!
Comments
1. The timing on Benny coming clean will make more sense with his POV chapter. 2. That was intentional, meta view on both of them having a headache for different reasons. Might just be confusing. 3. Formatting will help with this issue in the future. Either setting out the "intro" scenes in the study as separate bullets outside of chapters or maybe framing those sections in italics. Haven't decided exactly how to do it, but in the meantime, I'll just stick in some blunt stage directions when it comes up in future chunks. 4. It's gonna be a slower burn, but Greg is putting the whole story out in order to show Elizabeth how little control she ever had. So, her horror will mount in each interstitial as she realizes her pawns and supposed allies failed her pretty much immediately. Some of this will show up specifically in the bridge to the next chapter about Benny as Elizabeth reflects on what she's just been told about Alice. She will also address Maddock's involvement in a heated exchange. Reading in process stuff can be confounding, but its a good sign for me when readers come up with questions that are the results of seeds in the writing. Means I'm (hopefully) on the right track.
Quixerotic
2023-06-01 13:35:03 +0000 UTCWell damn that was a nice read. I like the flow, didn't realize I was at the end until it was too late. Loved the flow, Thoughts overall: * I would have thought even though Greg needed to hear it from Benny, it seems that this info should have been told ASAP to Maddock the second Benny had the fight and left Liz, even with Greg occupied in the capital Benny should have found Maddock and told him so Greg could be alerted. I would have liked to have seen Benny's low status compared to Maddock really emphasized with Greg questioning why. aka Maddock should have been told so Greg could have started working on the problems last night not the next day. * End of CH.6 : Who is asking for the aspirin as it isn't clear. I can guess it's Greg but reading it I could see it being Abby as well. * Start of Chapter 7 I was 3 or 4 paragraphs before I realized we were back in the sitting room at night with the conversation between Greg/Liz. And then we were off to the Alice story. I know you're weaving "present time" study with events that happen in the weeks prior, some of them it is clearer when we've jumped back to framing moment; this one was harder for me to catch. *End of Chapter 7 given the top of the chapter I almost expected a more deflated Liz realizing she'd really been had from the git go with Alice. Alice was a poisoned well the second she tried to get her addicted by sending her running to Greg essentially. Also I would have liked Greg to show one of those humanity moments where Maddock took a liking to Alice so she was off limits due to the bond he shared with Maddock. Sort of the counter point of Abby's POV from the previous chapter that even though she wanted a sample from Greg, Abby would take one from Maddock. Maddock would only have done it reluctantly due to his understanding of what Abby wants is almost synonymous with what Greg wants and he'd never violate that bond.
Red Panda Seven
2023-05-31 19:14:31 +0000 UTC
