Convent of Sin VI: Prisoners
Added 2022-12-12 19:49:50 +0000 UTCKarl never imagined winding up in a POW camp in the middle of America, but it hasn't been too bad. He and his small cadre of fellow prisoners are well fed and given the opportunity to work on local farms. Things change when Sister Deborah arrives with an offer to work in the Convent. Karl is soon faced by old sins, new temptations, and an eternity of suffering pleasure.
Comments
To your first point, I had written an intro to this that is basically a scene of Sasha communing with the Big Bad. I wound up leaving it off because it seemed confusing to start with that and then lapse into an explanation of WWII POW camps, and the back and forth through the timeline got a little wonky. You're right though that its as weird without it as I thought it was with it. To the second, I agree. This is the third version of this ending that I've attempted, and it still isn't hitting the note I want it to. I'll probably take a fourth swing because it needs a good settled spot before the next chapter(s) jumps into a more frenetic tempo.
Quixerotic
2022-12-13 01:31:57 +0000 UTCTwo thoughts with this chapter 1. I know we were getting a different character introduced and some backstory setup and so mentally lining up timing with the previous chapters, I personally would have liked some indication of passage of time or where I was in the timeline of the story. e.g I sort of wanted to know if Karl being placed in Matthews' camp was the same time that Sasha and the novices entered the abbey. This leads into the how soon is this after Deborah is transformed. It seems fast/weird/different that Sasha is exerting this much control and she hasn't snagged Sister Helen or Abbess. It is leading the question Demon needed men/workers for something in the basement but why/how does Sasha/Deborah get the request out for them without the Abbess involved. 2. The transformations felt unbalanced in the terms we got to see the changes to Hans but Karl's own seems rushed and really besides the massive cock/beastial comment, the abrupt end and lack of depiction of the transformation I wasn't prepared for. I thought I was missing something upon first reading. Overall I enjoyed the chapter, paired with Deborah this was a great read and an interesting addition to the menagerie of creatures. I half expected going into the chapter Karl (or another man) to convert to the Primal Demon in the basement like Sasha or Pearl. Really look forward to see the next chapter and how corruption continues or how Hans and Karl are put to use.
Red Panda Seven
2022-12-13 00:52:20 +0000 UTC
