AlwaysRats

Roskva

Added 2019-11-05 23:29:33 +0000 UTC

Jáhko's mum.

I've really, really struggled with anxiety recently and I haven't really got an outlet to talk about it and I fear putting people off if I was to bring it up. I've struggled terribly to continue Tistow alongside time commitments to the big-project, I just don't know what to do. I have great support from friends and family, but in the end it does fall down on me to make things work.

Something I've never mentioned in public before, and this links strongly to stuff that's been going on in the last year and a half with all the health stuff, is that my partner and I have been looking at doing IVF. It adds on top of my anxiety and stress massively and I've found it easier to just not share anything, including art, with the risk of looking like I'm not up to much or interested in anything.

And it sucks. It makes me feel really broken. I don't want to let anyone down but at the same time I feel like I've struggled to cope with constant disappointments. Not just the aforementioned thing but for example, either not hearing back from publishers that I've applied for or being turned down. I've given up on trying to get Tistow into one. Being turned down takes a hell of a lot out of me. I think I'll be happier just occasionally bringing out a book if I have the opportunity to. Sharing it on the website is enough for me.

I'm working slowly and I haven't had the confidence to share much. Thank you everyone who have stuck around. It means an awful lot to me.