Spreading Rumors (Commission)

This is a follow-up to the last piece about Midna wearing diapers. https://www.patreon.com/posts/39030562/

“Psst,” you whisper, leaning in to the palace guard. 

He looks at you with a sidelong glance, not moving away from his post. It’s fine, you just want him to listen. 

“I just thought you might want to know,” you say, quietly. “Midna wears diapers.” 

It’s true, but you would be telling the guard this even if it wasn’t. After the way she embarrassed you, you just want some way to get back at her - and it just so happens that the most embarrassing thing you can think to suggest is also true. 

The guard raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t say anything. You can still see the smirk beneath his helmet, though. 

“Yeah. I think something’s wrong with her,” you whisper. “From the magic whatsit that brought her here as an imp. She can’t hold it at all, she’s not even a little potty trained.” 

It’s hard to know for sure if he believes you, but even if he’s not fully convinced, you know he’ll at least be curious enough to look next time Midna goes by, and once he notices the subtle little puff around her bottom, he’ll be convinced. 

Yeah, this is a good idea. 

…

Leaning across the bar, you only keep your voice down a little. You want people to overhear. “So, I just found out Midna wears diapers.” 

Telma glances at you in surprise, wiping at a glass. “Oh? That’s a surprise.” 

“Yeah,” you explain. “And she likes it, too. She’s potty trained, she just likes peeing her pants more than using the toilet. It’s actually causing problems at the palace, they’re having to do more laundry just to keep up with all her soggy diapers.” 

One of the bar’s patrons leans over. “Who’re you talking about?” 

“Midna.” You use your hands to gesture as you describe her. “You know, the imp who helped Link out? She doesn’t use the bathroom at all. They had to bring in a special order of candles just to cover up how much she smells.” 

Someone else who could hear you snickered, and you leaned back. “It’s true! If you don’t believe me, just look for yourself: You can totally see the diaper she’s wearing when it’s wet.” 

“Bullshit,” another drinking farmer slurred. “You’re telling me she poops her pants for fun?” 

“Absolutely,” you assure him. “And she just asked the castle carpenter to build her a crib to sleep in.”

“No!” the first drinker said. “Really?”

“I swear to the goddess,” you promise. “She won’t even change herself unless you tell her to. I’m pretty sure she’d let her diaper leak all over if we didn’t remind her that she had to change. It’s gross.”

Telma pours a drink and passes it to the appropriate customer. “How come they let her get away with it?” 

“Oh, well, you know,” you say, coming up with a quick lie. “She… uh… well, I tried to ask her nicely to stop, and she threated to tell everyone a fake story about how I had worn a diaper, which is complete crap. I bet she’s blackmailing everyone so that she can keep filling up diapers whenever she wants.” 

The bar’s patrons snicker as they think about it, and you feel more than satisfied that they’re buying your lie. 

…

“I saw it with my own eyes,” you tell the princess, in a tone that you’re explaining something in confidence. “Midna walked out of the bathroom, put on a diaper right in front of me, and then started using it. She kept moaning and making noises while she was wearing it, too, like she liked it.” 

Zelda smirks as you explain this, and asks, “Oh, really? Who else have you told this to?” 

“I’ve kept it under wraps, you’re the only person who knows,” you lie. “I just thought, since you were the princess, you deserved to be kept informed. Midna has been using diapers on purpose and then showing them off to people and bragging about how stinky they are.” 

“Is that so…” Zelda mused, grinning with amusement. “What a surprise. What did she say to you when you talked to her about it?”

“I… didn’t,” you say, frowning a bit. “Why?” 

“Oh,” Zelda said, pointing. “She just walked into the throne room while you were telling me this, and she looks pretty upset. Why don’t you go see what she wants?”