The Product Tester - Chapter 1

Author's Note: If any of this seems familiar to long-time fans, there's a reason why. This is a reboot. 

I started writing this story a while ago, and while I'm still happy with the concepts that went into it, I was unsatisfied with some of the execution and decided to revisit it from scratch rather than try to muddle along and retcon some of the issues with the handful of published chapters that were already out. The first few chapters are going to hit some of the same plot points as the original, but in new, better ways. 

I hope you enjoy the new, improved version of "The Product Tester"! 

Illustration by HofBondage.

Chapter 1

“Five thousand dollars,” Mary Bambine stared at the woman in the fashionable pantsuit sitting across the desk. She tried to maintain a neutral mask. She doubted it was successful. 

“That’s just the base fee, but yes.” The woman, Katherine, slid a thick stack of papers across the desk for Mary to peruse, all formal and polite. It almost made Mary forget what she was negotiating over. 

“And all I have to do is…” Mary trailed off for a moment. It was so plainly ridiculous that she didn’t even know how to wrap her head around it. “You want me to wear…”

Katherine nodded, her polite, down-to-business smile completely incongruous with the subject matter as she finished the statement. “That’s right, Ms. Bambine. Diapers.” 

Mary leaned back, the comfortable office chair reminding her just how out of place she was. The LAB-D  offices were part of a billion dollar R&D company with contracts across the nation. Mary was a freelance IT consultant whose business was just successful enough to keep her pantry stocked with ramen and off-brand soda. 

That morning, she hadn’t even known that this project existed. Her fiance, Ethan, had gone into work like normal while she stayed at home trying to drum up some work. When Katherine had called, Mary had gone down the line of assumptions: First, she guessed that Ethan was hurt. Second, she thought that their in-house crew was busy and they needed to bring in an outside professional to work on their servers. Third, that they wanted to offer her a job. Katherine had played it coy, asked her to come into the office, and only once Mary was there and seated did she drop the bombshell. 

It was surreal. Here Mary was in an office better furnished than her entire apartment, sitting across from a woman who made more in a month than Mary made in a year, and she was being asked to…

“You want me to wear them for a month?” she clarified, rubbing at the bridge of her nose. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I really understand this. Can you back up?” 

“The contract explains it quite thoroughly,” Katherine said, gesturing to the stack of papers, “But I can sum it up if you’d prefer.” 

Mary nodded. “Please.” 

“Simply put, we’ve got a new incontinence product that we need to field test, and your name came up on the list of qualified candidates.” 

“Qualified… to wear diapers?” Mary asked, adjusting her glasses and trying to determine if this was some kind of elaborate prank. 

“Qualified to do penetration testing,” Kat corrected, shaking her head. “We need a product tester who can ensure that we’re up to snuff.” 

Mary pressed her lips into a line, feeling unamused. “I’ll have you know I’m completely potty trained. Go find someone who actually needs... those things.” 

“The diapers are mostly incidental,” Kat explained, adjusting a few papers on her desk and selecting a simple diagram from a folder. “What we actually need tested is the cover.” 

Accepting the schematic, Mary scanned over it. There was no mention of materials or specifics, just a basic sketch of what appeared to be a plain, transparent set of plastic pants with a heavy-duty fastener around the waist and a pair of reinforced wires running out of the back. 

Staring at the design, she said, “I don’t get it.”

“I won’t bore you with specifics, then,” Katherine promised. “In short, there are places where it’s necessary or beneficial for individuals to wear incontinence protection, but refuse to do so voluntarily. If you’ve ever been in a nursing home when someone removed their diaper out of stubborness, then had an accident, you’ll understand the need. It can create a mess, and it’s bad for everyone.” 

Mary started to get it. “So the cover, it stops that? What’s it got, some kind of lock so the old farts can’t wriggle out of them?” 

“Essentially, yes. It’s more complicated than that, but if I told you the specifics of the design, it would invalidate the test. I’ll just say that it’s intended to be completely… ‘wriggle proof’.” 

It clicked in Mary’s head, then, what she was being asked to do. “Oh, you need a white hat.” 

It was Katherine’s turn to look confused, just for a moment. “What?” 

“A white hat,” Mary finally felt as though she were on solid ground. This was her territory, if she squinted at it just right. “A good guy hacker. Someone who breaks into your system to test it for weaknesses.”

Following along, the CEO nodded. “That’s correct. We don’t strictly need you to use the diapers, we need you to break out of them.” 

Mary frowned, thinking it over. “Still, why me?” 

Katherine already had her response prepared. “You’ve got a degree in engineering, a background in computers, and from what Ethan tells me, your day job doesn’t require much direct customer service.” 

Mary blushed herself as she understood his meaning. Leaning forward to put her elbows on the desk, she asked the most pressing question. “And the five grand? I get that if I can find a way out of your diaper cover thing?” 

“No. That’s the base fee for your time,” Kat explained, sliding over a contract for Mary to read. “If thirty days go by and you are unable to remove the cover, you’ll be cut a check for five thousand dollars. If you break out, your fee will be five times as much, regardless of how quickly you solve it. Theoretically, you could find an exploit in twenty minutes and get paid before you have your first accident.” 

Mary was floored. Twenty five thousand dollars… That was half the money she usually made in a year. Freelance IT work wasn’t the worst profession in the world; she could set her own hours, finish jobs as fast or as slow as she wanted, and it was fun, challenging work. However, it wasn’t the most lucrative, and jobs had been few and far between the past few months. With that sort of cash, she could take a vacation. 

“What’s the catch?” She asked. “Do I have to live in some sort of observation center? Am I only allowed to use my hands?” 

“No catch,” Katherine said. “You can use any method you can think of to escape. Physical attacks, software exploits, finding design flaws. I wouldn’t recommend using power tools, but that’s up to you. As long as you tell us how you got out - if and when you do - you get paid.” 

That was pretty tempting. Hell, it was incredibly tempting, though Mary still had one concern. “So… Do I have to, y’know… Use them?”

Katherine nodded. “The use and process has to be authentic, otherwise you could miss a critical exploit in the cover’s function. Complete, random usage of the diapers is necessary to ensure the quality of the test.”

“You think I could find a way out of the cover by peeing my pants?” Mary almost smirked at the idea, but since it would be her butt on the line, it didn’t seem quite as funny. 

“The diaper changing process is as vulnerable to attack as the actual cover,” Katherine explained, bending to reach the lower drawer of her desk. “We’ll have to go over how that will work, but first, we need to do one more thing right now to ensure your suitability as a candidate.” 

Mary craned her neck, trying to see what was being retrieved. “What’s that?” 

Katherine pulled out a large, absorbent square of fabric with small paw prints emblazoned on it. Standing up from her chair, she walked around and laid out the puppy pad on the floor. “You’ll need to pee your pants.” 

Even with everything else, that was enough to make Mary blink. “Huh?” 

“I said, you’ll need to pee your-”

“Yeah, I heard that.” Mary shook her head, looking up at the taller woman. “Why?” 

“To make sure you’re willing to deal with the embarrassment,” Katherine’s tone was matter-of-fact. “Our diapers are the most absorbent on the market, but there’s no such thing as a perfectly leak-proof incontinence product. Given the circumstances of what you’ll be trying to do, leaks, smells, and exposure to bodily fluids are inevitable. We need to be sure that you are able to deal with these problems and that you won’t want out of your contract the first time you experience a public accident.” 

Mary sat back, stunned. “I didn’t bring another pair of pants.” 

“I’m aware,” Katherine said, nodding. “And, since you didn’t ask me to validate your parking, I’m assuming you took the bus to get here. I am not going to help you with those problems. Overcoming these sorts of challenges will be part of your job if you accept this offer.” 

She was right, though Mary was loathe to admit it. “Can this wait?” 

Kat shook her head. “You won’t get to decide when your diapers leak.” 

“I…” Mary frowned, trying to think about the ramifications. “How long do I have to decide?” 

Walking back to her desk, Katherine shrugged. “My next meeting is in fifteen minutes. Our break room is just down the hall. Go get something to drink, clear your head, and make up your mind before they get here.” 

“Th-thanks.” 

Mary’s head was spinning as she left the office, walking past rows of cubicles to get to the break room. The whole offer was surreal, and she’d never have considered it if the amount of money they were offering wasn’t so astoundingly high. 

Even with the hope of a massive paycheck, though, she didn’t know if she could go through with it. Katherine was right; just the idea of having an accident was off-putting, she couldn’t imagine doing her business in her pants for a whole month. 

“Coffee,” she muttered, stepping into the break room and making a bee line for their machine. It was one of the disposable pod machines, which wasn’t ideal, but coffee was coffee. 

Selecting from a row of pods, Mary took a breakfast blend that didn’t sound terrible and popped it into the machine, waiting for it to brew while she mulled it over. 

A familiar voice distracted her. “Mary?” 

She turned, surprised to see her fiance standing in the doorway. She smiled, relieved to see a friendly face. “Hey, babe.” 

Her fiance, Ethan, walked over to the fridge and got out a soda, popping the tab with a little fizzing noise. “What are you doing here? Not that I mind seeing you.”  

Mary paused, hedging her explanation. “Your boss, Katherine, asked me to come in to talk about a… project.” 

Can halfway to his mouth, Ethan froze, eyebrows raising as he stared at her. “A project?” 

“Try not to laugh,” Mary smirked, “But she wants me to wear-” 

“Son of a gun!” Ethan set down the open can with more force than Mary was used to him using. “Kat brought you in for Project Impound?”

Mary raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know. Is ‘Project Impound’ an indestructible diaper cover?” 

“Gosh dangit,” he spat, conveying as much venom as was possible without using real swear words, pacing up and down the space. “I… sorry, I don’t mean to blow up like this, but she went totally over my head.” 

It was Mary’s turn to be surprised. “You didn’t recommend me for the position?” 

“Of course not. Kat floated the idea, but I told her I didn’t want you anywhere near this.” He sighed, frowning. “That’s just like her. If she didn’t sign my paycheck, I swear, I’d raise a fuss like you’d never seen.” 

Mary smiled, stepping closer to him. “It’s alright, I didn’t have much else going on today. How’s work been?” 

“Up until now, pretty good. Just going over some patents, and-” His face brightened and he reached for his phone. “Oh, the graphic designer got back to me with some STD options.” 

Mary blinked. “Why would I want an STD?” 

“Save the date,” Ethan explained, pulling up the Images app and swiping through a few pretty invitation designs. “There’s a couple options, so you can pick your favorite and we’ll get them printed up.” 

“The second one, I think, but I’ll look at them closer later,” Mary said, glancing at the images as he swiped through. “Can you email them to me?”

“Yeah, of course.” Ethan leaned in, surprising Mary with a peck on the cheek as he put his phone away. “I’ve got to get back to the grind, but it was good to see you. Sorry Kat wasted your time.” 

“Well, maybe she didn’t,” Mary said, picking up her coffee as the machine beeped. “I haven’t decided if I’m going to take the job yet. You worked on the project, right?” 

Ethan paused and sighed, rubbing at his mouth. “Yeah. I ran the R&D, actually. You’re seriously okay with giving up your toilet training for a month for five grand?” 

“Twenty five grand,” Mary pointed out. “I’m nothing if not crafty, I’ll figure out a way out. Why didn’t you talk about the project? You tell me other funny stuff you do here.” 

“Confidentiality clause.” Ethan shook his head, picking up his soda. “And you’re not going to crack it. It’d just be a waste of your time to try.” 

She frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

Ethan shrugged. “It’s simple. If you take this job, you’re going to fail, plain and simple. You’re not good enough to get through my security.” 

“Is that a challenge?” Mary asked, stepping back. 

“Babe, I-”

“Don’t ‘babe’ me,” Mary snapped. “I’m the best goddamned IT consultant in this city. Where do you get off acting like you’re better than me?” 

“I’m not better than you, just-” Ethan stopped, trying to find the right words. “Don’t take the job. I don’t want you to embarrass yourself.” 

“Yeah? We’ll see who’s embarrassed when a week from now I’m not wearing diapers anymore,” Mary said, frowning at the wording. “I mean- fuck it. You know what I’m saying.” 

“Mary.” Ethan stepped closer to her, his voice firm and as commanding as he had ever been. “I’m not asking. Don’t take this job.” 

Anger flashed at his attempt to be domineering, and Mary felt an angry retort rising. Just before she started yelling, chewing him out for trying to boss her around, she caught herself, set down the coffee, and walked towards the door. 

Ethan watched her go. “Babe? I’m sorry, that was shitty of me, I just don’t…” 

She didn’t listen, hands balling into fists as she stalked up the office floor, almost knocking over an intern who didn’t get out of her way in time. Throwing open the door to the office, she walked over to the laid-out puppy pad. 

Kat was surprised at her sudden, furious entrance. “Ms. Bambine? Did you make up your mind?” 

“You want to know if I can cut it, huh?” Mary snapped, planting her feet on the pad and shutting her eyes in determination. 

It was harder than she’d expected to overcome twenty eight years of potty training. Her body instinctively fought back as she gave it instructions to release her bladder, instinct and reflex fighting against her. Face flushed, she concentrated harder, willing her body to obey. 

Finally, the dam burst. 

Her plan had just been to dribble a little, make a wet spot, and then stop. It would hopefully be enough to satisfy Katherine, and she could dab her pants dry in the bathroom before she went home. Once the flood gates were open, though, they didn’t obey her signals to close. 

Warmth spread over her crotch and down her thighs, dripping down onto the pad that had been put out for her. She tried to squeeze and stop the flood, but her bladder wasn’t going to take no for an answer, and kept up the stream, draining all the way to empty. 

She didn’t want to look at the dark, yellow stain that was spreading down her legs. From how it felt, it had to be enormous and impossible to miss, but as long as she didn’t look, she could pretend it wasn’t that bad. 

Only once the drip of urine had stopped and she was soaked down to her socks did Katherine clear her throat. 

“Very good, Ms. Bambine.” 

Mary opened her eyes, looking uncertainly at the CEO who was staring back at her in clear amusement. “Did I get the contract, then?” 

Katherine nodded. “If you wouldn’t mind checking in with our front desk, they’ll get your contact info and send the contract to you right away. Try not to drip on the floor on your way out.”