wednesday update: what the hell am i doing

(before you start: i know this is a stupid long update, but it's really important for the future of my content and this patreon page! please give it all a read and leave me your thoughts, it helps me a ton)

hi! it's wednesday, and i've been having an existential crisis for the last two weeks. the short version of the story is: I guess my RAE video has had more of an impact on this fandom far beyond what i expected, and now i'm like... controversial? i have haters? it's weird?

the long version of the story goes as such: my video apparently attracted the attention of a group of fans that consider themselves at the top of the pecking order in the rae/cec fandom, mostly because they kinda monopolized the available information and data on these franchises. past that, they're notorious for being here for a long time, and also being SUPER toxic. like, doxxing kids, threatening people, almost always riding the line between legal and illegal kinda toxic. i knew about these guys before i made my video, and figured they werent worth getting involved with, so i went to the effort to not mention them in the video. what i didn't anticipate is that they'd see my video as a sorta... i guess competitor to their database? they've never said that to me directly, but also very few of these ppl have spoken to me directly (and when they are they're calling me a creep and saying to kms). instead, they've started spreading straight up lies about me that i draw nsfw art of minors, which for the love of god i should hope should go without saying i don't do and would never do. to those who hadn't heard of me before this, though, it doesn't matter- so i've kinda been dealing with a harassment campaign for a bit now, which i haven't been able to talk much about publicly because i dont want to attract more.

this week, aaron fechter (known for creating the rockafire and also being the guy i lowkey tore into in my video) finally noticed my video, and is responding with a multi-part series where he reacts to it. in the videos he seems gracious enough, but in his comments section and among his followers it's quickly devolved into a similar level of disrespect and harassment. it's gotten to a point where the two situations are starting to cross wires, confusing those who only know about one or know about neither. it's frankly wild to watch happen lmao

all this and some other events in the fandom and in my personal life have led me to feel... hesitant to leave animatronic content behind so soon. which may sound strange given how i just talked about how i'm being harassed from multiple fronts rn. but aside from the fact that i and most others know the people who are trying to bring me down are... really not worth the attention, i've also come to realize that there genuinely is a lot more for this community i'd like to contribute. (and if i'm being hated for providing a good source of information to newcomers, what better way to spite the haters than keep providing it?)

you may have seen it, but i've just started organizing an animatronics-themed zine (showroomzine on twitter, showroomcertifiedzine on tumblr if you haven't). i've also started a little series of news updates on animatronics on tiktok, and have been asked onto other small-yet-ongoing projects by fans (which idk if i can talk about yet lol), AND i'm still writing my long-ass fanfic. i've also been asked by people on my RAE video to do a similar one on CEC, which i've begun to consider more seriously.

all this to say, i know i started on an SPG video, but i feel like my attention is... elsewhere, to say the least lol . and all this simply because this video made much bigger waves than i ever couldve expected! it feels like i'm bragging when i say this, which isn't the intention, but i really feel like something in my life has changed since it came out. even down to like, i couldn't even dream of having a patreon before now, and yet here i am typing all this to you. i'm very grateful, i'm very surprised, i'm a little scared and confused lol but i'm going to keep making stuff and doing my best. i just don't know if that's gonna be anything other than animatronic content for the time being. am i selling out? no, i do still have a ton of passion for this topic, and a lot more i want to make for it. whenever i get bored of it, i will make stuff about other stuff! i follow the flow of the passion, yknow?

so where does this leave us, me and you, the people who were paying me for updates on a video i feel like is best left on the backburner for the time being? i'll continue to make my monthlies for you, ofc, but i feel bad not having a larger project to give yall sneak peeks on. is this something that matters to you guys? if i move forward with making a CEC history video, would you be okay with updates on it being kinda slow until my other projects sort themselves out (which would likely be a few months)? is there some other big project/video/etc you wanna see me do instead? i feel a little aimless right now, and i really value your input. even if all you have to say is "i dunno, do whatever" that actually does help me a lot lol, so please comment that or anything else on ur mind!

this was a really long one. i've had a lot on my mind. thank you for reading this much! and thank you for being here, i love you.