A small statement and a Rei Ayanami photo💙

TW for sensitive and potentially triggering content💞
Please do not read If you do not want to hear it.


Mentions of su1cide and abuse





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For the past few years of my life I have been struggling heavily with suicidal/violent thoughts and tendencies. This is something I've tried my absolute hardest to hide from everyone. However, I am at a point where I feel I'm a danger to myself.
Growing up I suffered at the hands of physical, verbal, and mental abuse constantly which have ruined me completely as a person and ripped me of what was once my true self. I have suffered at the hand of abuse in every form from past romantic partners as well. I have in the past been forced to be isolated from the world and have had my life kept from me, unable to get a job, unable to have my own car, unable to get to a better situation.
Fighting this alone with several other medical disorders I prefer to keep secret has been a nightmare.
After my surgery I was in a sensitive state and thought I would value my life more after a near death experience but lately I've found myself crying every single night since, wishing I had not survived. I am struggling mentally severely to the point I don't trust myself alone anymore. I have talked with multiple doctors and I am set to see a psychiatrist to get help at the end of July.
I find that my surgery experience was mere torture due to my constant mistreatment and has worsened my mental state.
I apologize for my lack of content, but I cant bring myself to do anything anymore. I'm so incredibly unhappy, I feel selfish for all that I have been given by you guys.
I am not in a good place, nothing is fun I haven't enjoyed anything and I've become numb. I have a decent amount of free time to provide you all with content but I can't bring myself to do it I have been beaten down too many times.
I don't want to go into too much detail as my experience through life has not only been violent and upsetting but also very graphic and horrifying.

I'm doing something I should have done a long time ago, I'm going to therapy. I am getting help.
I ask of you all to please be patient with me as I try to bring myself back together and be happy again. I love you all, I love my friends and I want to be here with you all, genuinely. Thank you for supporting me, please stick with me as I repair myself. Thank you for being here up until now.
I would love to be the positive happy cosplayer you all want to see, I am working hard to climb that hill instead of giving up.
I will try my hardest to cosplay as much as I can as it is something I love to do, and I want you all to be getting the content you want.

Please wish me luck and thank you, from the bottom of my heart.💞