Puella Monstrum Madoka Moecha – Chapter – 15

Hitomi’s Big (and Very Long) Day

My head is swimming.

Which, given that I have, throughout this day, gotten mindfucked, thoroughly fucked, lost my virginity, got my repressed Sapphic crush revealed, and been introduced to the existence of literal magic…

…

Right.

My head’s swimming.

“You don’t have to make a decision right at this very moment, Hitomi Shizuki,” the girl wearing a silver-stranded office lady get-up that does everything at all to remind me that I apparently like girls in thatway says.

“I… There’s a ticking countdown, isn’t there? Until Sayaka’s magic… fades,” I say, reflexively resting an open hand on my belly, over my blouse, as I keep feeling the lingering traces of her inside of me.

Of her having stuffed me full of her—darn it, Sayaka, really?

Really?

“Indeed,” the often inexpressive girl standing over me and by my side says before she rests her right hand on my left shoulder, the small warmth startling me enough that I get a minor panic attack when I suddenly straighten up before she forcefully steadies me.

It’s… a good thing that she does, seeing as I’m sitting on a skyscraper’s ledge.

No, I don’t know why, either.

“Sayaka Miki’s magic is still lingering in your system but will likely fade out before the sun rises,” she says, looking straight ahead at that very sun sinking between two glass towers just somewhat taller than the one we are on. “That, Hitomi Shizuki, is not the end, though. You can always ask for a refill.”

I blink a few times before looking up from the skyline bathed in gold and red and up into a girl’s profile that reveals only one of her crimson eyes.

Red eyes.

They are rarely a good sign.

It’s even worse when I’m pretty sure they’re concealing a mocking smirk under that perfect deadpan of hers.

“You’re messing with me,” I say.

“Perish the thought,” she answers.

“I am not… you know.”

“Do I?”

“Yes.”

“Ah. The curse of knowing too much. I haven’t missed its heavy weight.”

I can feel the muscles around my left eye straining not to twitch, and—

“You’re doing this to calm me down, aren’t you?” I say, the realization becoming words before I can think otherwise.

And Kyuubey, an ancient being responsible for handing down the power needed for humanity to battle the monsters of its own creation… sighs.

Then, her hand still on my shoulder, she sinks down to sit by my side, and I notice just how much shorter than me she is as she childishly kicks her stocking-clad feet back and forth below the ledge of a building tall enough that the visible, red sun, is now lower than us.

“I never got the trick of it,” she says in a tone more emotional than it has been since she started her lecture on what waits for me if I take her offer, even if that emotion is just exhaustion.

“Of calming people down?” I ask for lack of anything better to add.

She nods, her short hair swaying slightly, glinting in ways that I would be fascinated by if I had more practice being honest with myself and if I didn’t keep thinking about even shorter blue hair doing the very same thing the hundreds of times the tomboy’s been by my side, the two of us alone and sharing laughter, joy, and mild ribbing.

Sayaka…

The warmth of her throbs inside of me, and I don’t even know if it’s what I swallowed or what she shot into my womb. Don’t even know if it matters. If one mark is more than the other.

Because I did swallow.

Eagerly.

“It’s hard. Being human,” Kyuubey says.

And, this time, it’s my turn to nod.

***

“You don’t have to do this. There’s no need to rush. Plenty of magical girls could offer you the same thing you now have,” she tells me.

“I thought it was… unusual?” I say.

“That a newly-minted magical girl would grab a dear friend of hers and stuff her full of semen to the point that her magic gets engraved in her soul? Why, yes, I imagine it is, given how few magical girls there are in the world.”

I stare at the shorter girl looking up at me while we both stand in the middle of a rooftop and try, yet again, not to have my eye twitch.

“That tells me it’s unusual in the absolute, not in relative terms,” I say.

“Yes. It certainly does,” she answers with a slight shrug.

And I guess it’s just to make it harder for me to read her body language that the shrug seems to ripple over her silver jacket, the sleeves puffing away from her arms until they burst, the metallic threads turned into a buzzing, swirling cloud of glittering silver that reflects the half-lit sky above us, with the line demarcating the separation between red and dark blue blurred and shifting over the surface of a sphere that slowly rises above the black tiles covering the skyscraper she carried me to before instructing me on what to expect if I took her offer.

The air complains at the acceleration of whatever it is that surrounds her, and then the sphere shrinks and grows, beating with its own light, like the absent moon, but getting smaller with each cycle until, finally, the shape is no longer a perfect orb, but something much, much smaller than the girl I’ve been talking to for hours.

Under my fascinated stare, Kyuubey leaps on all fours to the ground below, landing on her front paws as a fluffy tail waves behind her even as her animal ears remain atop her head, twitching a single time before she sits down and looks straight up at me with crimson eyes that are less mesmerizing now that a beautiful girl doesn’t look up at me through them.

I almost squeal.

“Sayaka was all over you, wasn’t she?” I, instead, manage to ask.

“Your voice just cracked,” she says.

“Don’t change the subject!”

“Sayaka Miki’s fastidious molestation is not a memory I wish to revive.”

“… You’re awful.”

“I find it somewhat insulting yet paradoxically flattering how often you girls use that appellative for my animal form even as you refrain from saying the same about my humanoid one.”

I open my mouth to answer, meet a curious head tilt, and desist from saying anything that will get me in further trouble.

‘I can read your mind.’

“Please, don’t,” I weakly mutter.

“As you wish, Hitomi Shizuki. Speaking of which, if your decision is final…”

She’s trailing off, letting me fill in the blanks rather than stating anything. And, after a whole day of having a rug pulled under me, of the world being set on making me reevaluate everything I’ve ever taken for granted…

I appreciate it.

“You’re not that bad at it. At calming people,” I say with a tired smile.

“Backhanded compliments are rarely what one looks for when asking for reassurance,” she comments with a very visible eye roll that has crimson irises almost entirely vanish behind furred eyelids.

My smile grows a tiny bit.

“Okay,” I finally say. “I’m ready.”

The crimson comes back, and her neck straightens to look directly at me.

“Maybe you are,” she mutters.

And then crimson and black symbols explode out of her unfurling back, crawling all over the glimmering black tiles and bathing them in matte shadow, surrounding both of us as an eerie light pours out of her body, and her eyes beam straight at me when her long ears wave in unseen, unfelt winds and reach for me, straight for and through my chest, filling me with a cold so intense it burns, it makes me gasp, it takes my senses away and fills them with stars and what is between them.

“Your wish, Hitomi Shizuki. State your wish. And make it as selfish and personal as you can.”

Her words barely bring me back from a music that is felt rather than heard, and I remember our talk. Our discussion. How wishes shape magic, and magic shapes the girl.

How much she always regretted it when a girl of hers wasted one for something that should’ve been a gift, maybe the last one a doomed warrior would get.

I know the wish we arrived at. The one we discussed.

I open my lips to state it.

To ask for… for strength and serenity. For all the things that will make whatever comes next at least a little bit easier.

But then, pink and blue hair flash through my memory, and I open my lips before I even realize what I am doing as the magic in my belly throbs with a heat that fights off the cold between stars:

“I want… I don’t want to fail them,” I whisper.

Her eyes shoot wide open in what can only be panic, and her words reach me across the silent howl of the winds shaking the ears marooned deep inside of me.

“Wait! No! Not that!”

My feet leave the black tiles, and I offer her a grateful smile.

Then, black waters rush around me and carry me away to a place of darkness.

***

“Who are you?” a voice garbled by the swirl of the ocean around me asks.

I open my mouth and can’t answer.

“What do you want?” it asks me yet again.

I can’t tell you.

And so, the ocean carries me.

There are occasional flashes of light and color. The sun reaches down to patches of white sand or to waving, colorful algae and anemones. But it never lasts, and the current keeps dragging me farther and farther away.

Deeper.

And deeper.

It’s cold in here, almost as cold as what Kyuubey used to bridge her touch to my soul, but there’s no silence or serenity to be found. There’s just the rush of the ocean taking me away whenever the voice asks another question that I can’t answer.

What are you, what do you look for, what will you become, what do you hope for?

I can’t… I don’t know. I don’t know what’s the right answer.

I don’t know.

“What do you want from me?!” I finally ask as it yanks me yet again, going faster and faster, my hair whipping behind me as the current jerks in tight turns that take me toward a deeper darkness.

“Your answer,” it says.

“I c—I can’t!” I tell it before seawater floods my mouth and lungs, and for the first time since the cold darkness took me, I feel like I will drown.

“What is your wish?” it says, maddeningly calm.

Uncaring of me drowning.

I try. I try to find the words as a stream of bubbles pushes past my lips, and I think about my talk with Kyuubey and what I should’ve wished for.

“Strength! Wisdom!” I beg in garbled cries.

“No,” it answers.

And it carries me deeper, swirling waters tugging at my clothing and tearing it to shreds until I’m nude, cold, and surrounded by a dark so deep I can’t even see my body.

I forget about my talk, then. I—I just struggle, trying to swim up. Away. I try to fight off the rings of icy water around my limbs to kick and claw, but I keep failing as more and more of the sea fills my body with a chill that drains my life away.

“What is your wish, Hitomi?” the voice whispers in my ear.

“I told you!” I beg, more bubbles coming out with my cry to be replaced by a pressure inside my chest that is about to make me burst apart.

“What is your wish?” she says as the rings close now around my neck, unnecessarily strangling me when I’m already drowning.

And I’m afraid. Scared. My heart’s racing, and I just…

I won’t see Mom or Dad. I’ll leave Kyuubey a crying mess, alone on a rooftop with the corpse of the girl who didn’t listen. I’ll never get to talk with Mami and scold her for being a terrible teacher and what that ended up meaning for me. I’ll fail Madoka and never stand beside her when she finally joins the battle she wants to fight by Homura’s side.

I’ll lose Sayaka.

And… And I—

“I want them! I want to stay by their side!” I say.

“Almost,” the voice breathes, becoming something other than gurgling waters, turning into a girl’s words.

There’s now only darkness around me, and I’m so cold I can barely feel my body, but I still… I still have to…

I manage to raise my hands up, just enough to claw around my neck and disrupt the rings of water strangling me, if only to take a last gulp of the sea before I…

Almost.

I can still… I can still find my wish, I can…

No.

No, that’s not it.

My eyes shoot wide open, and I still don’t see anything other than deepest black, but I feel the hint of…

I reach behind me and grab long, flowing hair, and pull.

Then she’s in front of me.

“I don’t know,” I say with a voice so steady that it surprises me. “I don’t know who I am or what I want.”

Light the color of my green hair falls around us like a slow rain, and I see myself smiling in front of me before she embraces me.

“We don’t know. And that’s all right,” she says before she kisses me.

The sea inside of me surges, turning into waves lapping up at my insides, eroding the barriers of the lies I’ve told myself for years and trickling through the holes from where truth can shine as cold lips rub over mine and I close my eyes until the only thing I see is green light shining from inside of me.

And then…

I fall apart.

But it’s all right.

***

“You stupid, stupid girl,” a voice that sounds more distraught than the words imply says as a smooth, small hand keeps brushing over my forehead.

My back and legs are on something hard and cold, but my head is on something soft and warm.

It takes me a moment to understand what that means.

“Yes. Yes, I am,” I say without opening my eyes.

“Self-awareness will serve you well, Hitomi Shizuki,” she whispers as the hand stills abruptly, a vague tremor telling me that she’s as relieved as…

As…

I don’t know.

I don’t know a lot of things. About myself, about the people around me, about my friends, about Sayaka…

I…

“You’re going to get unbearably aroused in no time at all,” she says.

I open my eyes to see her looking down at me with her crimson ones, her face once more inexpressive until I reach up to cradle the cheek of the girl giving me a lap pillow, and she, for a single moment, nuzzles against my hand.

“Is that an offer?” I weakly joke.

“Yes,” she murmurs.

And there’s a rush of heat between my legs and through suddenly pointed nipples that has me rubbing my thighs together and moanlike I did in the park’s toilet this morning while getting deeply plowed by Sayaka as her water tentacles kept feeding me her cum straight from my quivering womb and down my eager throat.

…

“Please don’t do that,” I weakly murmur.

“You’re going to lose control at some point, Hitomi Shizuki. It would be better for all concerned if I took care of—”

“Sayaka,” I say.

“Well, yes, maybe I should take care of her as well—”

“You know what I mean,” I say with a weak glare that is somewhat undermined by a tremor going under my navel and reaching down in liquid heat that…

This is all Sayaka’s fault. It objectively and unambiguously is. I make no apologies on her behalf.

Nor for what seeing Kyuubey sighing on top of me is doing to my very pointed nipples.

“Very well. Allow me to ascertain a few details,” she says before closing her eyes and nuzzling yet again against my hand before I remember to pull it back.

She then opens her eyes, offers me a mild pout, and goes back to whatever it is that she’s doing that likely has to do with magic, mind reading, and, hopefully, not magically reading my mind.

‘Not at this very moment, no,’she says, obviously lying.

Rather than answer, her lips curl up into a small, impish smile that lasts just long enough for me to catch it before she goes back to her customary inscrutable mask.

And then I just keep lying here, on this black rooftop, under a dark sky with no moon and barely any clouds, her silver hair the only note of light and color to distract myself with, and…

And she is beautiful. Beautiful enough that… that I would be tempted to give her my first time as whatever I’ll be when the magic takes over.

I would.

But I’m not.

“Go to her room. She will be there in a couple of hours,” she says, opening her eyes to look down at me and add even more color to the night.

“Hours?” I try not to whine.

“It could be argued that you’ve been waiting for this for years.”

“I…”

I drift off.

I remember all the little things I told Madoka about a few hours ago, on that very park where I lost my virginity this morning, and a silly, blue owl plushie wearing a soccer shirt that matched Sayaka’s hair stands out from all of them for a reason I can’t quite name.

And there’s still the urge to deny it. To say that I’m not gay, or bi, or even heterosexual with one single, tomboyish exception. That I’m normal.

But I remember a green girl under the ocean, her cold lips on mine, and…

And I don’t know.

It’s all right that I don’t know.

But I still want to find out.

***

She’s taking too long.

I can feel that it’s too long.

… Phrasing.

All right. All right, Hitomi, pause and think. You’re sitting outside of the window of your cru—childhood friend, waiting for her to return because Kyuubey assured you she would be here, but she’s caught up in magical girl business, which likely means sex, and now I’m thinking about Sayaka and sex, which obviously leads to Sayaka having sex, likely with a girl and using her cock.

The cock that took my virginity.

This is all so unfair…

I’ve… I’ve been stewing on the urges. And yes, getting away from Kyuubey and her warm, soft thighs helped at first, but now I’m getting steadily hornier on my own, and it’s getting harder and harder not to reach under this frilly skirt, push my panties aside, and really indulge in peering into my cr—into Sayaka’s room.

Okay, I’m not going to do that.

Most of all, because I don’t want to fall to my death in the middle of jilling off. There are more embarrassing ways to die, but none that I can manage on such short notice.

I guess I could wrap myself up like a present and then accidentally choke on the ribbon, but, really, that is only marginally worse. And also maybe something that I shouldn’t consider while the juices running between my legs just made Sayaka’s windowsill that much sleeker than a moment ago.

… Fuck, being aroused out of my mind is bringing up fetishes I didn’t think existed.

Also, my magic’s running low.

Wait a second, my magic’s running low!

I grab the edge of the windowsill and drop down to the flat below, landing just a second after I horrifiedly think things through and desperately hope that my own lubrication hasn’t trickled down below and made this too slippery to—okay. No. It’s dry.

Thank God, oh fuck, oh God, oh thank you—

Right. Deep breaths. Not going to fall to my death right this very second, but I’m still about to run empty, and I’m getting hornier and hornier, and my thoughts are slowing down as they have to push through this thick haze, even if some of them feel like they’re speeding up, and—

And there’s an easysolution for this.

I bite my lower lip and remember the touch of cold, green lips on mine. Kyuubey’s lecture. And I look down at a magical girl uniform that is all white and green, slightly similar to Sayaka’s in color distribution and proportion if not design because, for some reason, mine looks more like what a waitress in a very disreputable café would be generously paid to wear.

As in, I have a frilly apron.

And a maid’s tiara.

Also, my magical weapon is a broom.

Yes, I’m not happy about that. Particularly given that it’s one of those old-styled ones with a shaft made out of a cane and long straw bristles that I very much doubt a phantom will appreciate having their face scratched by.

It’s a stupid weapon.

This makes the next step somewhat less trepidatious than it would be if I wasn’t distracting myself very hard from thinking about what’s going to happen to my body when I delve just a tad deeper into my magic, down toward the place of cool comfort below my navel, and pull.

The world blurs.

Or maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it’s just that I’m a moron who just decided to try out her monster form for the first time while balancing on a third-floor windowsill, and I am suddenly deprivedof the legs and feet I need to keep doing such balancing, so I’m falling at a pretty fast pace, which is, as far as I know, the usual pace for things to fall at when dropped from a friggin’ window!

Right! Faster! Turn into my monster form faster and hope to God that it’s a winged form because the street is getting nearer, and the only thing I feel is the coolness reaching across my body, expanding through and over me, but I don’t notice any change in shape even as things become greener and the rush of air in my ears gets distorted before fading away as I open my mouth to scream my lungs out only for nothing to come out and the sidewalk to come up—

And I splatter.

All over it.

I can feel it. My entire body, across the sidewalk, covering almost the whole length of the apartment block from one pedestrian crossing to the next.

Wait.

Wait, wait, wait.

I can feel it!

My eyes open slowly, and I turn them around, away from the concrete pavement, rolling into my skull—no, not my skull, my head. Because I don’t have bones. I don’t have—I close my eyes, and I can feel that the gesture does not work the same way now; it just deletesthem, so I focus a bit more and I open them on the back of my head, only for it to become my face as my hair sprawls out on the street under me and I test my jaw and lips while staring up at a sky that is as dark as it was when I rested on Kyuubey’s lap except for a crescent moon shining up above me.

Across me.

Across my entire body, the mass of slow, gelatinous fluid crawling across the sidewalk to gather up around me, reforming into a memory of the green girl kissing me under dark waters.

I’m green. As green as my hair, yet more… vibrant. Luminous.

Magic.

And, as I reshape myself to stand on two legs and test the boundaries of what I can now do, then shamefully try for a single moment to see how easy it is to replicate Sayaka’s attributeson my own body…

My mouth shapes itself into a smile, and I can craft every single line on my wet, glossy lips.

Then I gather the last glob of my body rolling over the sidewalk, look up at Sayaka’s window, and the lack of magic and the presence of the monster make a plan that I agree with.

***

“Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!” Sayaka starts to say before I shove a pseudopod with exquisite tactile feedback straight down her throat.

Just as planned.