Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes - Part 3: Focus

In the last installment of me pouring words on you all without rhyme or reason, I said that, when I started this whole thing, I never expected to be managing more than ten stories at once.

… Quite a few more than ten.

That was a mix of both pessimism and optimism at once. I really couldn’t conceive of anyone paying me regularly to write something just for the pleasure of reading it and sharing it with others. Contributing to a story with an established fanbase or asking for a short, doujin-like one-shot? Yeah, I could see that, but giving me a premise and setting me loose on the page for something ongoing was far too alien a concept, given my experience as a writer up till this point.

That was the pessimist part. The optimist was that I would somehow accrue enough “low-level” subscribers to make a living just with my ongoing, weekly stories.

…

Yeah, about that…

Since I closed the commission tiers of the Patreon, I’ve been getting a monthly growth that’s as close to a flat line as it gets. New subscribers keep coming in, but at the same time, the old ones keep departing. This isn’t me complaining about them, to be clear: I’m deeply grateful to anyone who ever decided my ramblings were worth giving me a tip, no matter how small, but the fact remains that it’s only with external commissions that I’m making it close to a living wage, and that’s just because I’m currently living rent-free until I can afford to pay it back. Adulthood? Is that something you eat?

So, that brings us to the current mess I’ve got in my hands: I don’t even know what you all want from me.

Some of you are here for the cute, traumatized lesbians, some of you are here for the martyr unwittingly gathering a harem, some like both of them, and some, I presume, like some of my other stories.

Honestly, I thought most of you would be in that last category, because, well… you are here. But that’s obviously not the case.

Each story of mine, while keeping some elements I can’t remove without a lobotomy (the snark, mostly, but also the fluffiness), is distinct enough that I can see somebody liking one and hating another. Which is a problem, because if somebody gets here one month after enjoying, for instance, a chapter of Of Sisters and Shadows, sees that none of the other stories scratches the same itch, and then sees that it won’t update until two months later, it’s quite obvious that person will just unsubscribe. Well, obvious to the current me. Past me was too eager to jump onto any idea, stretch his creative muscles after years of atrophy, and finally let loose. And, as the tale of Disciple Dude-bro taught us, that wasn’t the wrong answer. It was, in fact, the right answer.

The right answer for past me.

Because I’ve learned more over these past few months than I thought I could still learn. Because I’ve loved and enjoyed each and every project, struggles and all. Because I’ve found limits far beyond where I expected to find them, and I keep pushing past them. Because I’m a much better writer than I was when everything started.

And because I’ve met some wonderfully supportive, witty, creative people. Some friends too.

Damn it, those ninjas throwing sand in my eyes are at it again…

So, what’s the right answer for current me?

… I’ve got no fucking clue.

I think I should start tying up some of my ongoing stories. I’ve mostly gone along with the way they flowed, just enjoying the freedom that publishing chapter by chapter and seeing how you all react brings me, but that’s come dangerously close to me writing myself into a corner, and I would rather none of the current projects suffer from an unsatisfactory ending that sours the whole experience. I’ve mocked J.J. Abrams enough not to want to do that.

This is easier said than done because many stories are nowhere near a climax, and the update rate makes it even harder to plan in advance when it is quite possible for me not to touch something in more than a month. That means a new approach on my end is needed, and, while I’m not going back to the rigid outlines that never worked, at least I should make sure I always have a direction in mind before I start writing a chapter. Not the full journey, but a destination to orient the characters when they get lost in the overworld map.

That also means not taking on so many new projects. Because I need the money, but I don’t have the time. I charge €10 per 1k words, and, as established, I can write more or less about 4k per day semi-reliably, but my month has at least eight days that are devoted to Wake-up Call and All Right! Fine! I Will Take You! Not to mention I need to stop at least one day per week if I don’t want to burn out like I almost did last month, so… That realistically leaves me four days per week to earn money through commissions, with Patreon being far from the point where it covers the two weekly stories, as about half of what I make from it are monthly commissions. Those aren’t that many days, and even if I decided to go all-in on commissions, that’s an earning ceiling of €1300, which, given the amount of work involved and that I did this whole thing to get more creative freedom… Yeah, it isn’t worth it.

Earning a living wage through commissions would be more feasible if I just wrote porn without caring about the characters, plot, or setting, but that’s just… not what I want to do.

This is becoming an awful rant, isn’t it? Sorry, I had something in mind, but writing it is becoming more exploratory than I thought.

So, I think the plan should be to start giving stories satisfactory endings, maybe focusing on a given project at a time by contacting commissioners and asking if they would be amenable to let me accumulate words to write in longer bursts or to maybe write more than I owe if they want to stay afterward until the balance is settled… I don’t know, this will require an individual approach.

Meanwhile, I think what I should do is… Really, what I told you I would be doing this month and I keep finding excuses not to do: write original content and get it ready to publish on Amazon. Writing Ginosko and having it appreciated has been quite cathartic, and, while self-publishing of any kind is far from a reliable source of income, I want to—no, I need to try. It makes no sense to say I want to be a writer, make all the sacrifices I’ve made, put in all the work I have, and then shy away from this step just because things have gone badly before.

Right, that’s more of a cathartic rant than anything else, but, about the actual question implied in the title, what do you all feel? What do you enjoy about my writing? What brought you here and would make you stay even if I changed other things? Check all that apply, really.

And, as always, don’t hesitate to comment or leave me a message on the Discord. Rather, please do so.