Klok Tips: QFWT (Quit Fucking With Tenses)

A week since the last part was posted... no part today. However, I'm still working on the restructuring, it's just taking longer than I expected, as all worthwhile things tend to do. I'm determined to post a new part tomorrow at the latest, so we shall see!

In any case, this post is about writing tips. I'm not going to pretend that I'm the greatest writer in the world, or even a foremost authority on writing in general, but I'm pretty okay at it and I have an improving grasp on the fundamentals every time that I write.

In reading through my story all the way from the beginning for the first time in months, I've caught many small mistakes that have added up quickly, but none have been so awful as the dreaded Tensing Missteaks. For those who don't know, a 'tense' is when a character is talking about or referred to in the past/present/future, but you then refer to them in one of the other two manners shortly after, or you might wibble-wobble between future and past without clarifying which tense your story actually takes place in.

Here is an example.

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John walks though the park, having noted as he will always tend to do that the birds are very active this time of year.

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That hurt to type. Noting the bold words above, we start off in the present tense, jump to the past tense, leap into the future tense, jump back to the present tense, and stay in the present tense. Also, at the very end, the final few words are a narrative shift from third person narrator to something of a second person narrator... rather awkward.

So why mention tensing at all? Because the early parts of Cryopod are absolutely littered with awful Tensing Missteaks, notably anything from a first person point of view.

Let's look at an example from your own favorite story!

From Part 266... in the middle of that part. (SPOILERS!)

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I cock an eyebrow. "I thought you had made a confident prediction last year that you had a special technology that would quickly create lots of Trifrancium once we'd manufactured the first batch?"

His smile faltered. "Ah, yeah. Unfortunately it required too much... energy. The, erm, technology works... but it's so slow that we might as well just manufacture it the normal way. Turns out Earth had many of the deposits we needed, it's just painfully hard to mine and refine the stuff."

I shrug back at him. "Can't be helped, I suppose. If it were that easy to create the stuff, the Volgrim would be launching yearly assaults on Earth."

Judicator itched his chin as he chuckled. "Yeah.. heh, I suppose so." He paused for a second as his head cocked slightly upwards, as if he was thinking about something. "Oh, yes, how much longer until this area's EPS is online? We need to go global before we launch our initial assault on Volgarius."

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In this part, Benjamin Brown is the narrator, and we're looking from his point of view. A common mistake that I used to make was that I would always write the 'main' character in the scene as a present tense, while the others would all be written in past tense. I stopped doing this right around Part 320 or so, but I'm going off memory. Someone mentioned it to me in PM and I've been meaning to go back and make notes, but unfortunately I made the error SO often that literally only the rewrite will fix these endless minor grammatical mistakes.

But for fun, let's rewrite the entire thing in past tense, then we'll do it again in present tense. It's only a few minor edits!

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I cocked an eyebrow. "I thought you had made a confident prediction last year that you had a special technology that would quickly create lots of Trifrancium once we'd manufactured the first batch?"

His smile faltered. "Ah, yeah. Unfortunately it required too much... energy. The, erm, technology works... but it's so slow that we might as well just manufacture it the normal way. Turns out Earth had many of the deposits we needed, it's just painfully hard to mine and refine the stuff."

I shrugged back at him. "Can't be helped, I suppose. If it were that easy to create the stuff, the Volgrim would be launching yearly assaults on Earth."

Judicator itched his chin as he chuckled. "Yeah.. heh, I suppose so." He paused for a second as his head cocked slightly upwards, as if he was thinking about something. "Oh, yes, how much longer until this area's EPS is online? We need to go global before we launch our initial assault on Volgarius."

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I cock an eyebrow. "I thought you had made a confident prediction last year that you had a special technology that would quickly create lots of Trifrancium once we'd manufactured the first batch?"

His smile falters. "Ah, yeah. Unfortunately it required too much... energy. The, erm, technology works... but it's so slow that we might as well just manufacture it the normal way. Turns out Earth had many of the deposits we needed, it's just painfully hard to mine and refine the stuff."

I shrug back at him. "Can't be helped, I suppose. If it were that easy to create the stuff, the Volgrim would be launching yearly assaults on Earth."

Judicator itches his chin as he chuckles. "Yeah.. heh, I suppose so." He pauses for a second as his head cocks slightly upwards, as if he was thinking about something. "Oh, yes, how much longer until this area's EPS is online? We need to go global before we launch our initial assault on Volgarius."

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Cryopod is littered with many many small errors. Again, they aren't major, but re-reading has opened my eyes to all the little flaws that I so gleefully ignored the first time around. As a writer, if you, the reader, can notice Tensing Missteaks (I never tire of that meme), your writing will improve greatly. I wouldn't need to worry about these anymore, because ever since they were brought to my attention, I notice them all the time now and I make sure to not make those errors anymore!

In any case, sorry this isn't a new part, but I'm working on it. It'll arrive soon, guys! Thanks for being readers!