June Bonus Story #2 Video
Added 2022-06-21 03:27:42 +0000 UTCWe need your help on this one.. Complex story about a man that didn't want to be a dad, didn't tell his parents, and now his child is coming back in his life due to his ex being sick.. lots to unpack here.
Comments
He’s not the asshole for not wanting it, but is the asshole for being an asshole to the child. He could babysit occasionally (it didn’t seem like they left the child with him all the time), pay them child support for a babysitter, or he COULD move out & pay them child support rather than the mother because that money is there to support the child. Enough to pay their rent & extra food (they could even apply for food stamps since they’re not working & have a dependent). He’s trying to get out of all responsibilities by saying “oh, they’ll all be homeless if I move out! & then I’ll REALLY be the asshole.” And it’ll only be a couple of years that leaving her alone would be a problem, eventually she’ll be old enough to stay home alone a couple of hours & will soon be old enough for a job & then will be an adult. Let them raise her the next few years & either stop being hateful towards her (the child doesn’t deserve that) or move out.
Courtney
2022-09-17 22:45:58 +0000 UTCI screamed so many times at my phone during this story. OP is nta. Yes, he could have behaved better in that very specific interaction with the kid, but why is he being forced to interact with the kid at all? The mother of the kid is an absolute asshole for completely ignoring OP's boundary, set *and agreed upon* when they found out about the pregnancy. She should have never reached out directly to his family. The family (also assholes) should never have taken the kid without first consulting with OP and letting him decide. OP does not "have to" help out, he established his position 12 years ago, he didn't want to be involved. The story that Morgan and Justin discuss about a father being angry now because the mother of his child only wanted to birth the kid but then have nothing to do with them, *that's exactly what's happening here*. Why are we saying that dad is the asshole and not going by the same rule for OP on this story?
Paula Gargan
2022-09-12 00:16:08 +0000 UTCGuy’s not an asshole for not wanting to be a dad, but a grown man snapping at a probably traumatised 10yrold? That’s being a grade A asshole
Tríona Seery
2022-06-25 18:03:21 +0000 UTCWhether he wants to be a dad or not, he's a human. Like come on you can be considerate and still not be her dad. And trust she doesn't need an asshole like you in her life when she's already struggling.
Heather Hampton
2022-06-23 05:51:15 +0000 UTCI really agree with that awarded comment. He’s not THE asshole, but he’s for sure a bit of a prick in the specific example. I wouldn’t call a woman an asshole for giving her kid up for adoption or giving up parental rights because she was clear she did not want to be a parent, so I didn’t think he is an asshole at all for that. He was clear, he stayed out of it, allowed her to parent as she wished, and support financially, without wanting anything in return. Frankly, I think the mom is a little bit of an asshole for reaching out to him/his family, knowing he was not the father. There’s not even really a good argument for this versus foster care, because either way the kid is with strangers. Ultimately, I just feel bad for that kid, being tossed into all this chaos. But OP is not the asshole, at the end of the day
Jessica
2022-06-22 00:16:11 +0000 UTCI’m not going to say definitive yes but it damn sure isn’t a NTA situation. I agree with Justin’s initial response that he shouldn’t have been doing what it takes to make a baby if he felt this strongly about not being a parent. For him to know what this kid is going through and still be this hell bent on not being involved in any way makes he feel he should have been extremely careful with this sexual encounters. Only having sec with people who he’s in a committed relationship with and trusts who feels as strongly against kids as he does, always wearing protection etc. I doubt any of this was the case because based n his comments to responders he would’ve mentioned it. You don’t get to go raw and be irresponsible and then say “well I told you I didn’t wanna be a parent” and think that absolves you of being considered an asshole. It’s unfortunate that he did his best to rectify the situation after the fact,(child support with no involvement) and still ended up being put in this position but sometimes we have to take the hand life deals us and face our responsibilities. I personally think he should be a father to this kid, uncle at bare minimum but it sounds like the mom is doing pretty bad so I honestly think stepping up as a father would do that kid a lot of good. It’s a fucked up situation all around but I see more asshole than not imo.
Kristen
2022-06-21 23:01:03 +0000 UTCnta, but this is what life is dealing rn and if the mom isn’t going to be around for much longer and the kid is going to be living with grandma/grandpa, op would be an AH for avoiding & being angry with the kid for the rest of their childhood. IMO, op doesn’t have to be the dad in kiddo’s life, grandpa can do that, but he should try to get to know the kid as like a niece type or something? Idk but ignoring her forever would make op an AH
halle
2022-06-21 21:38:58 +0000 UTCHonestly he seems like he’s scared of actually knowing the kid and potentially loving them his reaction to them trying to interact really any one on one is so dramatic I think its his way of I guess protecting himself from the change of heart he could face. Also like y’all said the kid is 10 they ain’t stupid, I would bet money the kid knows who their biological father is and they also know that its the guy that lives with them and their grandparents the guy that literally yells at them to stay in their room for hours and presumably avoids any interaction with them any other time and I definitely can imagine that kid is deeply hurt in many ways by basically having no option but to be faced with the fact in person that their father does not want them or care about them. That fact that it is all in the same house just seems like an extra twist to the knife. Just so sad.
Cassidy
2022-06-21 04:40:45 +0000 UTC
