The Good The Bad and The Buff

This one actually stumped me, not because there's nothing to say but because everything's been said. Aside from maybe Citizen Kane this is probably the most analyzed, discussed, and acclaimed movie of all time. So giving it a normal review felt redundant, i hate saying shit other people have said.

You know what the movie is, everyone knows what this movie is, and everyone knows that it's literally perfect in every way. So this one leans more toward entertainment than any thoughtful critique or intellectual discussion, as I felt it more appropriate to babble like a silly man and do a bunch of retarded comedy bits

This is the kind of movie that even if you haven't seen it, it sort of feels like you have. It's so ingrained in the culture you might even think there's hardly a reason to sit down and watch it. Well that's fucking wrong and you're a fool for thinking it. There's actually more to this film than just the iconic stuff that everyone remembers and pays homage to.

Yes, the cinematography is amazing, yes the one liners are great and the stare downs are epic, yes Clint is the coolest fucking badass ever in a movie and looks like a mythic legend, and yes the music is Man's greatest achievement. All of these things are widely known to any and all before even seeing one frame of the actual film for yourself. But those things alone don't make it an epic story. Nay, i say to thee verily, this film has heart. It stands the test of time because above all it makes you feel.

The characters are what truly makes this just as watchable nearly 60 years later. It's not called The Good The Bad and The Ugly for nothing. The three central figures are each equally fascinating in their own ways. Eastwood's Man-With-No-Name-Except-He-Actually-Has-At-Least-3-Names-It's-Blondie-In-This-One is an effortlessly charismatic trickster who constantly outsmarts everyone and speaks only in cool one liners.

Lee Van Cleef as Angel Eyes isn't just The Bad but the baddest of the bad. This dude makes Vader, Sauron, and Jaws all look like little geeks. It's impossible to describe this guy without using the words ice cold. He exudes menace and cruelty so naturally it's mind blowing to see him as a good guy in the previous film.

But the real star of the movie, and in many ways the protagonist is Tuco, played by Eli Wallach. This dude is one of the greatest characters ever in a movie. Like the title says he's neither good nor bad, just ugly. An outlaw scumbag with a ton of personality and just enough heart to be completely likable. He steals every scene, and goes through so much shit that it's impossible not to root for the guy. He's cunning and tenacious, and it's his inclusion that elevates this film far above its two predecessors to legendary status.

My favorite scene in the movie is when he reunites with his brother and gets savagely rejected for being a scumbag, then lies to Blondie about how how much his brother loves him. He's so humanized, and having a character like that to empathize with is what completes the film. Blondie is meant to be stoic and mysterious, he's the cool hero and part of his allure is that we don't learn much about him. Angel Eyes is the perfect villain, almost totally inhuman, no remorse, no feeling whatsoever. But Tuco is the guy we actually give a shit about. The viewer intrinsically identifies with him as an imperfect but complicated dude competing against these other two superhuman walls of stone.

It's Tuco that gives the film it's emotional center, and that's what makes it hold up. Ecstasy of Gold is an amazing piece of music, but what makes it special is the scene it's paired with, when after making it through all that shit, nearly dying in the desert, getting the shit kicked out of him, his only family telling him to get lost, guys sneaking up on him in the tub, he finally makes it to the place first. Stuff like that feels so earned and cathartic, the film gets every emotion it wants out of you in a way that feels authentic and genuinely moving.

That's why even after being told all your life it's one of the best movies ever, you sit down to finally watch it and still get blown away. It doesn't seem possible that it could live up to all that hype, but it does. I remember in high school they made us watch Citizen Kane, the supposed greatest film ever made. Now, i like old movies to begin with but i can tell you most of my classmates found it boring as fuck. That wouldn't happen with this. They oughta show The Good The Bad and The Ugly in school. This is the real greatest film ever made. So is Mallrats for that matter but that's just my opinion. 

I guess i could have said all that in the video. But mostly i just goofed around. Don't think that means i phoned it in though. I take my goofing around very seriously. I goof hard, and i don't stop goofing until the camera dies. Cause I am The Good and The Cool and The Silly and The Buff Movie Buff, and I'm stronger than Goro or something.