Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion

This is one of those "quirky" indie games, if you couldn't tell by the title. You're a little vegetable maniac going around talking to other berries and veggies, killing snails, and ripping up bills. It controls fine and i guess it's sort of cute and funny. Whatever, it's self-explanatory. One of those games that really only exists to make me do a bunch of funny voices until i get annoyed which usually takes around 17 minutes. 

It's late so i'm winding down and looking for a movie to put on while i write these, and for some reason i decided on The Passion of The Christ. So I'm watching Jesus get his ass beat shitless while i'm writing about the stupid vegetable game. Who knows, maybe it'll stir something in me and I'll be filled with the Glory of belief. Maybe i'll finally find Jesus in my heart and be saved. Saved from playing shitty games that is.

I mean this game isn't really shitty. The controls are fine, it's colorful, the characters are neat looking and some of the dialogue is funny. But something about it just pisses me off and fills me with revulsion. It's Godless. It's a Godless game. 

I don't even like this dumbass sinful little turnip character, he's a mindless sociopath and a lawbreaker scuzzoid. This guy gets to roam free, doing all manner of mischief, and meanwhile Jebus has to get whipped and cut up and yelled at while Satan skulks around glaring at him menacingly, where's the damn justice?

I'll play more of this if people actually like seeing it, otherwise i'm gonna uninstall it and go buy a bunch of cool religious candles at the Mexican Mall. Those tall ones with the mother Mary on them. And i'm gonna have a horchata while i'm at it. I love the Mexican Mall.

That's all i have to say about this blasphemy. This demonic inversion of the Veggietales Gospel. The Turnip Game is evil and Judas is a bitch. I wish i lived in Roman Times so i could have Jesus build me a tall table while I wore a cool red cape and rode around on a donkey, instead of playing inane video games in the dark and then further darkening my soul writing about them on the internet.

One more thing before I go, don't be like Turnip Boy. Be a responsible citizen and pay your stupid taxes. I know they suck but i'm not sure this game is sending young players a responsible message. I mean you could get in big trouble messing around with the IRS. Turnip boy is no role model. He's an agent of Satan and he wants to lead you astray so you get in trouble and wind up in a hellish cell. I'm talking about the big house, the slammer, the klink, the OH GOD I FORGOT ABOUT THE SATAN FACED BABY WHY THE FUCK IS THAT IN THIS MOVIE OH GOD SAVE ME JESUS I REPENT I SURRENDER JUST PLEASE END THE NIGHTMARE AND ERADICATE THAT UNHOLY THING AAAAAAAHHHHHH