American Mcgee's Alice

Oh boy oh boy, It's my favorite kind of game to play. Badass PC games from the 90s that i didn't get to play as a kid because i didn't see a computer until i was 22. System Shock? Never played it. Marathon? Never played it. There's still a ton of stuff like that i'm gonna get around to someday. But today is a special day. Today i get to say hey, me play this game, yay!

American Mcgee's Alice is a classic spooky shooty platforming freak fest based on the classic public domain story of one photographer's weird obsession with his friend's kid. That photographer was Lewis Carroll, and yes, Alice was a real person. She lived for 82 years but is most famous as a 10 year old, talk about peaking early. Thankfully i'm pretty sure the rest of the characters are made up, including that asshole caterpillar. I fucking hate that guy.

This game reimagined Wonderland as dark and violent, back when that was still a somewhat novel spin on the novel Carroll spun. I say somewhat, because let's be honest, this shit has always been horrific. Type in "Alice in Wonderland - scary", and you'll get more results than "Princess Peach - horny", and i'm sure there's at least 1,000 results of me saying or rapping the latter.

Most adaptations of the Wonderland novels over the years are terrifying entirely by accident, with their creepy 80s puppets that look like Jim Henson's personal sleep paralysis demons. Hell, even the Disney movie from the 50s is fucked up beyond all reason. Ever since i was a kid i've feared and respected that movie, because i relate deeply to the horror of traveling aimlessly through a world full of insufferable assholes. I still love that flick and most of the things in it. Except for that cunt caterpillar, and those fuckface flowers, and that damn bitch broom dog that brushes away the path.

Anyway, in this game Alice's stupid cat burns her house down and she ends up in a nuthouse. But then she's gotta go back to Wonderland cause it's even more fucked now and she's the only one woke and sassy enough to set it right. Also she has a big bloody knife now and slices through card guard's guts, it's fuckin sick, bro.

This game rules. The controls are a bit slippery and the platforming a bit shit, but the atmosphere, music, voice acting and general art direction are tops blooby. It certainly slaps the shit out of those cancerous Tim Burton movies.