RE7 - Garage Battle

This video features a video game boss battle representation of the real spiritual war i fight every time i set foot in a garage. Time for a spooky true story about the scariest thing there is, living in the actual world.

Recently, during a routine oil change, I was informed by a trusted wrench-monkey that it would be a good idea to invest in some new tires before hitting the road any further. This would surely be expensive but i resolved to get it done quickly, because i have places to be and I can't get there by pogo stick. I mean I guess I could but i don't want to.

So i went to the tire place and got 4 new tires which cost me an egregious 500 big ones, and took the dummies 3 and a half hours to do for some reason which i can't begin to comprehend but will almost certainly be mad about forever.

Annoying, but simple enough, right? Wrong. If you think the story ends there you know even less about the trials of car maintenance than you do those of my silly life, which i assure you is very, very silly. You don't even want to know how silly.

Anyways blah blah blah next thing i know something or other is too hot and i need "coolant". So i took it to another shop and... ah forget it, this story sucks. Nah, i'll finish it.

This guy tells me my "thermometer" is busted. Okay, fine. I guess cars have thermometers, you're the expert, guy. Put in a new one of those. So get this, he changes the coolant and sticks a new thermometer in my car's asshole or wherever it goes, and that comes out to like 150 bucks or some shit. Maybe more, i don't remember. It felt like it cost a million billion.

But here's where it gets really stupid. Immediately after getting that issue "fixed", all of a sudden my car coincidentally has a brand new issue. Something something engine exploding. That turns out to be a "misfiring cylinder" which sets me back another 400 or so.

So i get the stupid new cylinder but then next thing i know the check engine light is on all week, and the tire pressure light. Turns out my left front tire is leaking. That's odd, seeing as how it's a new tire. So i fill it up and now i gotta go yell at the tire people for giving me a defective tire, and meanwhile i still have that shitty check engine light to worry about.

So i get that looked at and the guy sticks his virtual boy into my dashboard or whatever the fuck he does, and that gets the light off, but now the ignition sounds like an old man with a tired dick, like the battery's dying or something. What the heck?

I don't know what this jerkoff did to sabatage my battery, but i get that checked and it turns out the battery is fine, so come to find out my "starter" needs to be replaced now. Sure, whatever, there's a Squirtle in my engine and it needs to be a Charmander. How much is that gonna be? According to the autoparts website another 150 bucks.

Just typing that whole story gave me a stroke so imagine how much worse it was living it, and i haven't even gotten the new starter yet so who knows what new problem that ends up creating. In the meantime i'm stuck here twiddling my thumbs in Bumfuck, Shitville for the last month just trying to get this shit sorted so i can blow this popsicle stand and live my fucking life.

Also i lost my owners manual. That pissed me off too.

Anyway here's Resident Evil.