Amazing Comics Weekly

Here's another top of the line experimental new breakthrough in Patreon reward tier technology. I call it, writing about comics!

I have been very slowly psyching myself up for years to make videos about comics and I'm almost ready to break through that glass ceiling and grab the brass ring and other lofty MeekMahan-isms. Soon, very soon I will educate the masses on why comics rule and are the most important thing in the world. But you, my loyal buttchugg boyz, you get first dibs on this knowledge I'm dropping. Behold, the weekly patreon exclusive comic book blog thing, in which i tell you about the comics i read this week and which ones were amazing. 

All New Wolverine #13

This is one of my favorite marvel books at the moment, not surprising, generally speaking wolverine stuff is always my favorite cause he's cool as shit. But this ain't regular wolverine, he's been dead for like 3 years, which is a remarkably long time in comics. All New Wolverine is about his clone/daughter Laura, formerly known as X-23, now donning the mantle of Wolverine and looking damn sexy in the yellow spandex. Legacy characters are always a mixed bag and marvel especially has soured people on the concept with it's endless parade of diversity warriors. Two Miss Marvels, one white and one brown, Two Spider-Men, one white and one brown/black, Two Thors one cis shit and one empowered female, Two Iron Men, one a man and one a little black girl still called Iron Man for some reason, Two Captain Americas one white and one black okay we fucking get it jesus christ gag me with a spoon you white guilt milquetoast pieces of shit. 

It's hideous. They don't even give these characters new names, or wait for the original to die anymore, there's just two guys both named Spider-Man slinging around, what the hell kind of topsy turvey world is that. I hate it. I hate comics. 

Anyways my point is that while legacy characters in general have taken a sharp turn into the realm of retardation, Laura is one of the few I actually like. Unlike Black/Mexican Spider-Man who was just randomly thrust into the marvel universe for diversity's sake,  and rediculous cancer Thor who was shoved down everyone's throats  Roman Reigns style because muh feminism,  Laura at least makes sense. 

She has an established character of her own that makes sense, she's always been a fun character to read, and it makes sense for her in terms of character progression. 

It feels right, it doesn't feel out of nowhere or shoehorned, it feels earned. Of course X-23 should be Wolverine now, this is what her entire character arc has been building to and out of all Wolverine's off brands and bastards she has the most legitimate claim to the throne (or the pointy hair shaped helmet in this case.)

Anyways given the sorry state of Marvel's track record when it comes to "female or minority is the new ______, deal with it" it's a pleasant surprise that this book has been not only competent but damn fine. 

Laura's slowly amassed her own life and supporting cast, living in her own apartment with her own clone/kid sister and a fucking pet wolverine, which is so stupid it rules. 

I say this as probably the biggest Logan fan in the world, i don't mind him staying dead for a while. Laura just looks too damn good in that suit. 

The only crappy part that was bound to rear it's ugly head is the always spreading cancer that is event comics. As Marvel's retarded Civil War 2 storyline slowly spreads to infect every book they publish one would think it only a matter of time before it sank it's tendrils into wolverine. 

Last week's issue ended with Laura straight up saying fuck that and, in a moment of 4th wall breaking brilliance that earned my esteemed #PanelOfTheWeek award on twitter, told Captain America to take his bullshit event comic and shove it up his glory hole. It was awesome. The All New Wolverine doesn't have time for that bullshit, and I only hope they keep their word on it. From the looks of this weeks issue, it could go either way. 

This issue devoted itself to setting up a new storyline which made it kind of slow and boring without much happening. Laura gets mailed a spooky vial of trigger scent (the shit that makes her flip out and kill people) and decides to take Lil Bub the hell out of the city to one of Logan's old secret cabins, of which i assume he had thousands. There she reminisces about her origins while stumbling into a small town but oh shit, Airplanes show up and drop trigger scent all over the place. Looks we're gonna have an All New Massacre.... NEXT ISSUE.

Kind of disappointing to be honest. It seems to be setting up a "enemy of the state" storyline harkening back to the classic Logan story of the same name. This would be fine except that given the current Civil War 2 event comic fuckery that's going on, this kind of storyline is doomed to be full of that massive crossover bullshit. For god sakes why can't they just leave my comics alone and keep their crummy crossover events out of them?

A slow start to what could be a trainwreck. I give it 2 claws out of 6, bub. 

Invincible Iron Man #14

I havn't read Iron Man in a while. All I know is he's heavily involved in Civil War 2 which is lame and gay, he's training an All New little black girl Iron Man which is retarded and dumb, and Mary Jane Watson is his new secretary because Spider-Man comics have gotten so fucking irredeemably terrible she has no place in them anymore. 

Luckily this issue was mercifully short on the new sidekick, and while it did focus on the Civil War 2 storyline, it managed to do it in a decently compelling way. With a quiet, character driven confrontation and conversation between the two opposing shitheads Tony Stark and Carol Danvers. 

Tony is stressed about everything and decides he needs an AA meeting to keep him from drinking. Even though he himself is Carol's sponsor, he tries to go a different one than usual to avoid having to see each other. Carol has the same idea though and they end up being there together anyway. 

They go outside and have a conversation, saying how much they care about each other but both still unable to be swayed towards surrender in this goofy super hero war. Carol flies off and Tony goes back to the AA meeting shedding a single tear for his #Broken friendship. 

A damn fine issue all things considered. Emotionally effective. Not Awful. 

7 out of 10 mandarin rings. 

Harley Quinn #5

No. I hate it. Stop this. I can't. Harley Quinn is the most popular character with the most narrative potential DC has and they don't understand what to do with her at all. I hate this. No one can ever understand how much I hate every single Harley Quinn book for not being what it could be. 

0/8 constipated pizza shits which is a thing that actually happens in this comic.

Death of X #1

It's no good. I can't do it. What have they done? What have they to my fucking X-Men. This is too painful. 

0/10000

Flinstones #4

This comics is great. They done rebooted the Flinstones into this satirical, philosophically driven dark comedy and every issue is a masterpiece. I would say more but I'm tired. Buy it. 

YabbaDabba/Doo

This is the part where my speliing gets bad  caus im tired and i dont care about fuana  shit     geto ut of my toilet you succubus harpy from the shit dimensions and im gonna feed you to my gerber baby dauhghter nad make her eat shit and you seat shit eberybody ears shit foreber all the itme . 

hmmmm...... Well i read more comics but I'm tired so I'll talk about the rest next week or something. I was gonna make this a 3 dollar and up reward but.... eh fuck it. I have better plans for the 3 dollar reward. Maybe I'll bump this up to a 3 dollar at some point if I change my mind but for now all you on the bottom are getting a taste of the good life .

everybody become a comics.