Midnight Pals: Barnacles?! For Eyes?!

Lyndsey Coal: ahoy there minnows!
Dean Koontz: aye aye cap'n!
Croal: I CAN'T HEAR YOUUUUU
Koontz: AYE AYE, CAP'N!
Barker: oh we're doing this bit again? ok
Croal: OHHHHHH
Croal: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the girl with barnacles for eyes

Croal: ok so imagine that there's a seaside town
Croal: where evie works
Croal: laying deliveries down
Croal: They say evie fetch another round
Croal: She serves them oatcakes and bread

Croal: now every year, the curator sails into this town
Croal: with his boat full of gadgets and gizmos a plenty
Croal: he's got whosits and whatsits galore
Croal: want thingamabobs? he's got twenty
Croal: but who cares? no big deal
Croal: he wants more

Croal: this year, the curator has something new to show the people of this harbor town
Croal: something very unusual
Croal: something from the deep dark depths of the ocean
Lovecraft: [sweats
Croal: from the bottom of the trench
Lovecraft: [sweating intensifies]

Croal: something from way deep under the waves
Lovecraft: [sweats] oh no
Croal: it's
Lovecraft: [sweats] OH NO
Croal: a girl with barnacles for eyes
Lovecraft: OH NO!!!
Lovecraft: A GIRL?!?!?!?!

Croal: no howard the strange thing isn't that she's a girl
Croal: the strange thing is the barnacles
Barker: people in this harbor town never seen barnacles before?
Croal: what? no of course they've seen barnacles
Croal its the eye thing that's unusual
Poe: stop making trouble clive
Poe: you knew what she meant

Croal: now the curator is a cruel and brutish man
Croal: he treats his charge unkindly
Dean Koontz: oh no!
Croal: he also has an octopus
Croal: he treats it badly too
Koontz: nooo!

Koontz: oh no i hope that octopus is ok :(
King: aw that's cute, dean's concerned about the octopus
Croal: the octopus's name is otto
King:
Croal: otto the octopus
King: well jeez
King now i'm getting invested in this octopus too

Croal: now evie comes to see the curator's show and she sees the girl with barnacles for eyes
Croal: and she thinks
Croal: oh no
Croal: she's hot
Croal: i gotta save her
Koontz: and otto?
Koontz: please say she saves otto too!

King: yeah please say she saves otto too!
Barker: oh my god you guys are being such babies
Barker: i can't believe you're getting all weepy over an octopus
Barker: the octopus is ok tho, right?
Barker: i mean right?

Lovecraft: ugh why do you all want to save this octopus?
King: what's the matter howard? you don't like octopuses?
King: i would have thought you'd be really into them
Barker: yeah we've seen your browser history
Lovecraft: I-i-i
August Derleth: EXCUSE ME HOWARD ONLY LOOKS AT AS MUCH TENTACLE PORN AS THE AVERAGE MAN OF HIS TIME!!

Lovecraft: it's just that
Lovecraft: you know octopuses
Lovecraft: [shudders] they're so squamous and eldritch
Lovecraft: they have the appearance of monstrous things from eons past and best forgotten
Croal: this one is named otto
Lovecraft:
Lovecraft: i changed my mind
Lovecraft: i love him, i would die for this octopus
Lovecraft: p-please say otto's ok???

Croal: well, if you want to know what happens to otto
Croal: [turns to camera] maybe you should all run out and read the Shirley Jackson nominated "The Girl with Barnacles for Eyes"
Croal: available in Split Scream 5 from Tenebrous Press

Bitter Karella: hey you should do more than read split scream 5
Karella: you should also buy a copy!
Karella: i say this as an impartial observer with no vested interest!
Barker: aren't YOU in split scream 5
Karella:
Barker: oh this is cheap
Karella: SHUT UP!
Karella: it's my gimmick account, you're not the boss of me!

(Okay, maybe I'm being gauche because I'm in the same issue of Split Scream, BUTTTT Lyndsey Croal's The Girl with Barnacles for Eyes has indeed been nominated for a Shirley Jackson award! You should check it out!)