Midnight Pals: Vice Shark

Jordan Kurella: [scrimshawing a narwal tusk] ahoy there minnows
Dean Koontz: aye aye, cap'n!
Kurella: I CAN'T HEAR YOUUUUUUU
Koontz: AYE AYE, CAP'N!
Kurella: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Kurella: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, this be the tale of the vice shark

Kurella: tis about a shark that feeds on the milk of human depravity and sin
Clive Barker: where can one find this shark
Kurella: ah interested in getting yer wish granted, eh, landlubber?
Barker: what

Kurella: arr, see, if you catch the vice shark
Kurella: it be granting ye one (1) wish
Barker: what? a wish? ok
Barker: i mean
Barker: that's fine too
Barker: let's hear about this sin and depravity

Jordan Kurella: it lives down at the bottom of the trench, it does
Kurella: full five fathom deep
Kurella: tis no shark
Kurella: tis a remorseless wish-granting machine!

Kurella: arr so i was the cap'n of me own ship
Kurella: spendin' me days sailin' rich party people into international waters for sex parties
Kurella: and me nights gettin' drunk in in the forgotten port that he damned call home
Kurella: twas the life!

Kurella: wasting away in Margaritaville
Kurella: Searchin' for me long lost shaker of salt
Kurella: Some might say that there's a woman to blame
Kurella: and there be

Kurella: me old high school crush came to me an' she wanted to find the vice shark
Kurella: an arrrr this old salt never could resist the siren call of a comely wench
Edward Lee: oh bro
Lee: bro
Lee: i so feel ya bro
Lee: i'm lways saying that bro
Barker: when are we gonna get to the depravity shark

Kurella: so ye want to catch the vice shark, do ye?
Kurella: i'll need 3 ships and 50 stout men
Barker: how about you, William? you were in the navy
William Hope Hodgson: i hate the sea and everything in it

Kurella: now me old high school crush, she wished that SHE could be the shark
Franz Kafka: you can do that?
Kafka: what if… um
Kafka: what if you wished you were a cockroach?
Kurella: aye the vice shark can do that too
LC von Hessen: what about a worm
Kurella: aye

Roald Dahl: hee hee could it shrink you really tiny? hee hee
Kurella: aye
Frank Belknap Long: could it turn you into a half wolf/half fox with angel wings and heterochromia?
Kurella: aye
Kafka: what about a girl
Kafka: i mean i just think that would be funny
Kafka: ha he right?
Kafka: that would be a great joke ha ha right

Kurella: arrrgh jolly roger poopdeck mizzenmast arrrrrgh