Midnight Pals: Slapfight of the Century

King: hey uh
King: where's elon?
Barker: why? do you want him here?
King: NO
King: no i mean
King: he's usually here
King: it's not like him to not show up
Poe: we moved the campfire without telling him
King: that usually doesn't stop him

King: i dunno guys
King: heck i can't believe i'm saying it
King: i'm worried about him
King: what if he's in trouble?
Poe: i'm sure he's fine, steve
Poe: he'll come home when he gets hungry
Barker: for ketamine
Poe:
Poe: yeah for ketamine

[white house]
Donald Trump: so there're these people, see, they tell me that you need air to breathe
Trump: i call these people LIE-entists
JD Vance: masterful gambit sir
Trump: let's ask robert
Trump: robert do you need air to breathe
Robert Kennedy Jr: there's nothing in air that you can't get from vitamin supplements and human growth hormone injected directly into your scrotum

JD Vance: there's no mention in the catholic bible that we need air
Trump: it's settled
Trump: you heard it here folks
Trump: we're getting rid of the air
Trump: we don't need it!
Trump: it's bad!
Trump: we're gonna sell it

Trump: all the america hating liberals and caravan sickos say no no don't sell the air, we need air to breathe
Trump: then it should be worth something, right? so i say we sell the air. we're gonna sell the air, folks. more and more people are saying we're gonna sell the air
Elon Musk: [rising from bushes] eyyyyy donaldo trump
Trump: oh god not this asshole again

Elon Musk: eyyyyy donaldo trump
Musk: my lifa been so full anna enriching since i lefta da doge
Musk: so brimming witha friends anna loved ones
Musk: that i almost no comma back
Trump: yet here you are
Musk: MAMA MIA PLEASE TAKA ME BACK I BE A GOODA BOY

Trump: i don't know elon you were very very rude to me
Trump: why shouldn't i crush you like a bug
Stephen Miller: [attached remora-like to Trump's neck] a just question, my liege

Trump: you said you didn't like the bill that makes me king and kills the trans and bans abortion and ends medicaid and destroys social security and ends AI regulation
Musk: yeah but i lika all those things!
Musk: i only didn't lika the part where you took MY money!
Trump: too bad cuz i like that part
Trump: bah bye loser

Musk: mama mia you maka a bigga mistake donaldo trump!
Musk: you maka da elon muska mad!
Musk: you tangle witha things you no understand! elon muska, he gotta da power to taka you down!
Trump: go ahead
Musk:
Musk: [sulkily] maybe you a pedophile

Musk: maybe you alla pedophiles!
Trump: they say this guy is a genius and it took him this long to figure things out
Trump: more and more people are saying it
Stephen Miller: a wise observation my liege

Musk: you a pedophile, donaldo trump!
Musk: Everyone, listen up! da donaldo trump, he inna da epstein files!
Musk: anna my moral code says i canta work for a pedophile for more thanna 130 days!