Midnight Pals: just bad shit

[at a scottish castle]
JK Rowling: finally! the frivolouss lawssuit i funded has finally sstripped transs women of all rightss
Rowling: this callss for a celebration
Rowling: [puts on record]
Record: ceeeelebrate good times 🎶
Rowling: i will

Rowling: finally i've achieved my goal
Rowling: total immunity for policce to grope women
Rowling: it wass a difficult journey but i sstuck to my principless
Rowling: here i sstand, i can do no other

Rowling: ssome might ssay, "but joanne, doessn't thiss affect ssome ciss women too?"
Rowling: "you know, the women who matter"
Rowling: but c'mon
Rowling: they don't matter that much

Rowling: look, if women don't want to be groped by the police
Rowling: they should just do what i do
Rowling: be really rich and live in a scottish castle

Rowling: already women across britain can resst eassier knowing that genital enforcement is finally here
[meanwhile]
Bobby [encountering a busty nurse played by Barbara Windsor]: oy whats all this then? i best put my hands down this bird's trousers to ascertain the nature of the disputed genitals.
Bobby: [crossing eyes at camera] FWUHHHHH!!!

Rowling: now all the people i alienated with my relentlesss obsessssion will beat a path to the door of my scottish castle to apologize
Rowling:
Rowling:
Rowling:
Rowling: any moment now

Rowling: check it out
Rowling: i'm here, sssmoking a big cigar
Rowling: enjoying a sssnifter of brandy
Rowling: like i jussst don't give a fuck
Rowling: real cool guy hoursss

Julie Bindel: oh dark lord! your cigar and brandy photo made you look so totally cool and very feminist!
Rowling: that'ss right
Bindel: just like noted feminist thinker davis aurini!
Rowling: good, that'ss the look i wass going for

Rowling: i feel like the vibe issn't quite right tho
Bindel: what if you wore a fedora
Rowling: close but sstill not right
Bindel: you could subtly place a skull in the background
Rowling: now you're talking!

Julie Bindel: but dark lord i don't understand
Bindel: i still feel so lonely and unfulfilled
Bindel: you would think that my work toward the eradification of a persecuted minority would make me popular
Bindel: but for some reason people don't want to hang out with me

Bindel: i'm just so lonely
Rowling: well the important thing iss that you don't posst about it online
Rowling: you don't want to give fodder to our enemiess
Bindel:
Rowling: did you already posst it
Bindel: um
Rowling: goddamnit julie
Rowling: that'sss a total glinner move