Midnight Pals: White Mage

Charles Williams: Submitted for the approval of the midnight pals, I call this the tale of the devil and the lady
Williams: it's about a woman who gets impregnated by the devil to birth the antichrist
Ira Levin: hey wait a minute

Williams: the whole reason that the concept is scary, you see, is because the devil is real
Williams: ira will back me up on this
Levin: what? no!
Levin: don't bring me into this!
Levin: i'm not William peter blatty!

Williams: how do i know that the devil is real, you ask?
Williams: it's because i
Williams: am a wizard
Poe:
King:
Lovecraft:
Koontz:
Barker:
Barker: oh shit not another one
Poe: clive! be nice!

Williams: that's right, i am a wizard
Aleister Crowley: yes! YES! DO WHAT THOU WILT!! HA HA!
Williams: but don't worry
Williams: i'm a good wizard
Crowley: what the fuck

Williams: that's right
Williams: i only practice the whitest of white magic
Williams: in keeping with the dictates of the Anglican church
Crowley: BOO! BOO!
Crowley: BOOOOOO!

Williams: i only do magic in service of God almighty, see
Crowley: that's not magic!
Crowley: i bet you've never even summoned a demon by eating a big block of hashish and ass fucking a guy
Williams:
Williams: [hanging head] no you're right
Williams: i haven't

Crowley: white magic! that's so stupid!
Crowley: why would anyone waste their time with white magic?!
Crowley: I'M THE GREAT BEAST!!!!
Crowley: [pounding table until it's reduced to splinters] DO WHAT THOU WILT!

Barker: we're just lousy with wizards around here
Barker: half you lot are wizards!
Poe: clive don't say that in front of dean
Koontz: there's wizards here?!?!

Barker: it's okay dean they're not real wizards
Barker: they can't do magic
Aleister Crowley: what the hell
Crowley: don't tell him that!
Barker: oh yeah? give a little spell then, aleister
Crowley:
Crowley: i
Crowley: i don't feel like it right now
Barker: right

Barker: what kind of stuff do you do anyway?
Williams: i cure diseases
Williams: i exorcise evil spirits
Williams: i spank comely young ladies on their bottoms
Edward Lee: bro
Lee: bro!