Midnight Pals: Nosferatu

Robert Eggers: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the nosferatu
Barker: oh we've heard this one before
Eggers: not the way i tell it!
Barker: has it got farting in it?
Eggers: n-no!
Eggers: i do more than just fart movies for your information!
Barker: this sounds like its about farting

Bram Stoker: this is just a blatant rip-off of my story!
King: which one?
Stoker: "which one"
Stoker: Dracula! i'm talking about dracula!
Stoker: obviously i'm talking about Dracula!

Eggers: nope nope this is about a guy named orlock
Eggers: totally different guy
King: he's got you there bram
Stoker: no he doesn't
Stoker: it's obviously the same guy!
King: the names DO sound kinda different

Stoker: orlock is just the same as Dracula!
Eggers: oh yeah?
Eggers: well does Dracula have a mustache?
Eggers: huh smart guy?? does he?

Stoker: yes Dracula does have a mustache
Eggers:
Eggers: ok but i bet it's nothing like this mustache
Eggers: orlocks got an insane mustache
Eggers: like a real hoss

Eggers: so here's the thing about orlock
Eggers: he's got like a huge freddy mercury mustache
Eggers: like he looks like the dad from Marmaduke
Eggers: you won't mess with this stash

Eggers: i know we've all seen the original nosferatu
Eggers: but i think we can all agree that what would really improve it
Eggers: is about 3 extra hours of really ponderous old timey dialogue
Eggers: also orlock should hang dong

Bram Stoker: wait you see orlock's dick?
Eggers: yeah i thought you'd like that
Stoker: i
Stoker: i didn't say that!
Eggers: he likes it
Barker: obviously
Stoker: I DID NOT SAY THAT!

Stoker: i do like that you took out threesome with dracula's brides
Stoker: in retrospect i always thought that was a mistake
Stoker: you know how it is
Stoker: women just slow down the action
Poe: i like how many cats are in this
Lovecraft: i like that too

Eggers: nosferatu brings this plague of rats with him
Eggers: just thousands of rats
Eggers: and there's one rat
Eggers: you'll know him when you see him
Eggers: just standing up on his hind legs
Eggers: like a little rory Calhoun

Roger Corman: eyyy its me roger corman
Corman: star of da bluesky account!
Corman: so where's dis showboatin' rat i been hearin so much about?
Corman: i hear this rat's got real star power!
Corman: he's gonna make it big in dis town!