Midnight Pals: HBO

King: guys, did you hear that there's a new harry potter series on HBO?
Barker: steve i could not care less because i am not a child
Barker: i'm an adult and when i want to watch a show about child wizards going to school
Barker: i watch a show about child wizards going to school that's for adults
King:
King:
King: ok uh well anyway

King: guys i'm really conflicted about this new harry potter series
King: i heard that JK Rowling was using the money to buy a giant meat grinder to turn trans people into sausage
Barker: i don't think she's doing that, steve
King: oh, no? so you're saying it's actually 100% okay to support this new harry potter series?
Barker: i didn't say-
King: Phew! let me tell you, THAT is a relief!

King: this was a real dilemma! one the one hand, JK Rowling uses her money to fund transphobia
King: but on the other, i still have this super cool Gryffindor scarf
King: i mean, it's got the right colors and everything
King: it would be such a waste not to wear it...

Barker: steve, i think you should really think about what kind of message that sends
King: oh right right yeah
King: you're right of course
King: well, i off to maine
Barker: steve
Barker: the scarf is still around your neck
King: huh? what? oh
King: isn't that odd

King: [fingering scarf] yet... after all... why not
King: why shouldn't I keep it?!
Barker: i think you should leave the scarf behind
King: bah! what business is it of yours what i do with my own things?!
Barker: there's no need to get angry

King: YOU WANT IT FOR YOURSELF!!
Barker: STEPHEN H. KING
Barker: DO NOT TAKE ME FOR SOME CONJURER OF CHEAP TRICKS

JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: it'ssss me jk rowling
Rowling: writer of the beloved manifesssto Harry Potter and the final ssolution

Barker: oh you're back? don't you have some tweeting to do?
Rowling: no, twitter's not really fun anymore
Rowling: there jusst aren't a lot of trans people to yell at there anymore
Barker: aw that's a real shame
Rowling: i mean
Rowling: i tried yelling at sspooniess and fat people
Rowling: but it'ss jusst not the sssame

Rowling: i'm proud to sssay that i'm going to be intimately involved in the new harry potter ssseriesss
Rowling: HBO thinksss I've got a lot to contribute
Rowling: now that fassscisssm is cool again, assssociation with the Rowling name is a pluss!

Rowling: ha ha ha! you thought it was all over for ol' JK Rowling!
Rowling: little did you know that all i had to do was wait for the complete collapse of the liberal democratic consensus and the return of violent populism and then my particularly british brand of sstochasstic terrorism would be back in vogue!
Rowling: joke'ssss on you! ha ha ha!
Poe: yeah i guess it is
Poe:
Poe: boy it feels bad
Rowling: ha ha ha!!! lick it up, bitch!! LICK! IT! UP!

Rowling: i hope you're posting this on bluesky! i really want to see what the no-avi accounts with names like "politically homeless twitter refugee" and "Sebastian gorka daddy complex" have to say!
Rowling: and don't even think of blocking them without engaging!
Poe: why not?
Rowling: cuz
Rowling:
Rowling: cuz it's not fair, okay?!?!?

Rowling: you can bet that i'll be keeping a close eye on things over at HBO
Rowling: especially on these child actorss
Rowling: in case they do a gender nonconformity
Rowling: we're building campsss right now to deal with the problem
Poe:
King:
Lovecraft:
Koontz:
Barker:
Barker: jesus christ this is getting dark