Midnight Pals: Lies that Bind

Rae Knowles: we've got a real banger of a story for you tonight
April Yates: real banger
Knowles: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, we call this the tale of the disaster lesbians
Yates: real disasters, these two
Yates: possibly the biggest

Knowles: so there's these two lesbians who run a fake seance scam
Edward Lee: bro i don't care about any fake seance scam
Lee: i just have one question
Knowles: ah yes to answer your question, yes they do
Yates: A LOT
Lee:
Lee: bro

Knowles: so these lesbians, let me tell you
Knowles: you know lesbian bed death?
Lee: yeah
Knowles: imagine the opposite of that
Lee:
Lee: bro
Yates: that's what I'm talkin' about!

Knowles: unfortunately these lesbians are having issues in the bedroom
Yates: communication issues
Knowles: cuz you know women
Yates: they just can't ever sit down and talk things out like rational adults

Knowles: and then this mysterious woman comes into their lives
Yates: a mysterious woman with a shady past and a hidden agenda
Yates: and an irresistibly magnetic sexual power
Patricia Highsmith: oh yeah there ain't nothin' like a dame!

Knowles: this mysterious woman claims to be friends w a man who can help the one lesbian with her terrible secret
Yates: and that man is aleister crowley
Crowley: Yeah! that's me!
Crowley: THE GREAT BEAST!
Crowley: DO AS THOU WILT!
Lee: bro, sit down, i wanna hear about lesbians

Knowles: the women are helpless in the thrall of this predatory lesbian
Highsmith: oh that's a shame, that's a real shame
Highsmith: you're a real high class dame, ya know
Knowles: i
Knowles: oh um thank you
Highsmith: you're a real swell lady too, real swell
Yates: haha oh you

Highsmith: now i wouldn't wanna get between you two ladies
Highsmith: not in the emotional sense, that is
Highsmith: if you get my drift
Knowles: tee hee
Yates: ha ha
Lee: bro! we were gonna hear about lesbians-
Highsmith: back off, Lee, i'm workin' here!

Highsmith: so just what sorta things might these two, uh, fictional ladies you're talkin about be hypothetically into?
Knowles: oh you know
Knowles: bondage, choking
Yates: breathplay, bloodplay, knifeplay
Highsmith: uh huh uh huh gotcha
Highsmith: and what's your safeword?

Crowley: hey when are we gonna get to the part about me?
Crowley: everyone should be asking 'when's the great beast gonna show up?'
Highsmith: hey, pal, just cool it on down
Highsmith: let the ladies get a little attention, eh?
Crowley:
Crowley: [sulking] i want attention too

Barker: what's that, aleister? you say you'd like some attention too?
Barker: gee i never would have guessed
Barker: from that gigantic flaming eye pyramid hat you're wearing
Crowley: it's
Crowley: It's a cool hat!!
Barker: hm it's a little try hard
Poe: it kinda is