Midnight Pals: The Hell Candidate

Graham Masterton: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of what if satan ran for president
Masterton: think about it! if satan was president, he could do anything
Barker: i mean, he already can do anything can't he?
Barker: he's satan
Masterton:

Masterton: if satan was president of the US, he could do all sorts of evil things!
Masterton: could you imagine? the very engine of government, turned toward evil!
Masterton: why, it might commit genocide or institute slavery!
King: wow, scary stuff!
King: glad this is only a story

Masterton: imagine a world where the prince of darkness himself runs to be president of the united states
King: i don't have to imagine it!
King: I lived under DONALD DRUMPF!

King: eh? eh?
King: see, the joke is that drumpf sounds like-
Dan Simmons: JEEZ steve why'd you have to go and make it POLITICAL

Masterton: so the devil himself runs for president
Masterton: and you what would happen if satan became president?
Masterton: why, he'd probably pass all sorts of crazy laws!

Masterton: like he could make it illegal to pet dogs!
Dean Koontz: no no no! stop it!
Koontz: steve make it stop!
King: it's ok dean don't worry
King: satan couldn't really be president
King: he'd never be able to build a working coalition

King: satan could never get the votes to become president
Koontz: b-but what if he did???
King: well don't worry about that dean
King: even if satan did somehow manage to become president
King: he'd still be constrained by checks and balances

Koontz: steve, i can't sleep
Koontz: i just keep thinking what if graham's story was real??
Koontz: what if satan could become president?
King: well, steve, let me tell you something i told my boy joe when he had that same fear...

King: if that happened we'd just stage an assassination attempt and when the media saw the candidate using a child as a human shield, his whole campaign would collapse
Koontz: oh phew!
Koontz: thanks steve that makes me feel a lot better :)