Midnight Pals: Church Ladies

Jessica Leonard: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the church that hates witches
Leonard: so this guy's dad was a lawyer but he gave it all up to be a farmer
Leonard: and join a church
Leonard: this guy just really loves church

Leonard: this farmer guy is all "hey i love tilling the soil, i'm gonna do that"
Ursula Vernon: right right, tilling the soil
Vernon: i mean, yeah, you gotta til the soil
Vernon: real important part of being a farmer
Vernon: probably the most important part

Leonard: so they join this church
Leonard: but get this
Leonard: it turns out this church
Leonard: is disrespectful to women
Angela Carter: whoa
Leonard: i know, right???

Angela Carter: you're telling me this church doesn't respect womens autonomy?
Leonard: no! in fact, they're kinda backwards on that issue
Carter: wow
Carter: well
Carter: i would simply NOT go to that church

Leonard: yeah like this church says women can't be in leadership positions
Carter: WOW
Carter: well
Carter: as a strong independent woman
Carter: who is also intelligent
Carter: i would not be down with that
Patricia Highsmith: yeah i dunno i think they got a point

Carter: oh really patricia? is that so
Highsmith: i'm just sayin'
Highsmith: you know dames
Highsmith: always yak yak yakkin'
Highsmith: you want some skirt running a church council?
Highsmith: she'll get her damn menses all over the tabernacle

Highsmith: look, i'm just sayin'
Highsmith: women ain't there to do heavy thinkin'
Highsmith: they're there to make casseroles and look pretty
Highsmith: mostly look pretty
Highsmith: i mean there ain't nothing like a dame am i right?
Carter:

Highsmith: the boys know what i'm talkin' about
Edward Lee: bro
Lee: bro
Lee: you're being kinda problematic bro
Highsmith: i'm just sayin' what we're all thinkin!

Leonard: so the church ladies are all "we love making casseroles for our men"
Leonard: "also i haven't cum in 20 years, i should pray on that"
Carter: this is like scary accurate church lady dialogue

Leonard: so the reverend is all "hmm our church ladies are getting too mouthy"
Leonard: "what if we sent them to a torture farm for a weekend"
Leonard: "ya know, just to scare 'em back in line"
Leonard: but that's when these church ladies
Leonard: stop making casseroles
Leonard: and start getting real

Leonard: so the women are all "man, this church sucks! it hates women and its obsessed with witches"
Leonard: "we should, like, join a different church"