Trash Of The Royal Family: CH001

-CHAPTER 1-

-UNKNOWN POV-

CLANG! CLANG!

I blankly looked at the group of knights sparring with real metal swords in the middle of the clearing, dozens of tents surrounding them with a clear area being prepared for a massive bonfire.

Another group of ladies laughing to my right about some royal court gossip, as pair of butchers hard at work to my left silently cut up the elk that the hunting party had caught.

Birds chirped as they flew through the forest, and another group of knights and lords groaned and held their heads in pain from drinking too much the other day with the king.

It was surreal seeing all these ‘medieval’ things that I had only ever seen in TV shows or movies. Or from LARPers.

In fact, it would look just like that to me! Just a bunch of role-players having fun in a forest…

That is, if the two sets of memories in my head didn’t loudly disagree.

One showed… Well, me! Just a normal, average office worker too tired most of the times to do anything with the money he earns. From the year 2025 of 21st Century, a year that was not quite so good for me personally- what with me getting my ass fired in exchange for a robot.

My last memories was of drinking too much with my friends- a very rare thing cause Dad raised no alcoholic! ­–and then blacking out in the taxi home.

So honestly only God knows what happened to me there… Frankly I should be panicking like a headless chicken, because there was a real chance that I had died or that this was a fever dream.

But the one reason I didn’t? The other set of memories in my head.

They- He was not me. There was clear disconnect between mine and his memories. For one, they were empty and hollow of all emotions as if the memories were a dull movie that you just put on just to fill the silence.

Yet they provided me with enough context to understand just what kind of situation I was in.

The memories flashed through my eyes at lightning speeds once more, instantly giving me the sixteen year worth of memories in a nanosecond-and also giving me a migraine but we don’t talk about that.

This world was familiar to my modern memories. A medieval continent with seven kingdoms all sitting on a powder keg, with no technology outside of cold weapons and lots and lots of poison (if you think of that as tech).

And did I mention the dragons in the east and the undead in the far north? Yeah, now magic was a thing.

And if what I had heard online what true, then there was also a bunch of Lovecraft shit going on behind the scenes too. I shivered.

Simply put, I had died and reincarnated in Westeros.

Now, “being isekaied!” wasn’t a new concept to me because I was also once an isekai anime enjoyer and in my low moments even I had fantasized about transporting to another world and becoming a hero…

I just didn’t know it would turn out to be true!

So till here, I could stomach all of this, I didn’t care if I was sent here by some god or by some demon I would enjoy this second chance damnit!

I could figure out all the undead and dragon queen issues, maybe even the War of Five Kings could have reached a solution in time! Then I would be free to live the rest of my life in peace and luxury as a rich merchant. If only I had not been isekaied into this trash!

He was- if you can believe it –a Prince! Of an empire of all thing! Normally this would’ve been a great boon, after all I was in the top 15 of this world! But instead of the charming princes of fairy tale- this guy I had been stuck into was firmly of the “Nero” kind of variety. As in this kid was a full on psychopath.

Others would probably try to justify him as spoiled, misunderstood or a product of bad upbringing. But I knew. From the moment this bastard had breath in his lungs there was just something skewed in him,

Sure there was the normal ‘parent problem’ that many kids went through but there was just so much rot that had no justification to exist. Incest really fucked kids up in the head didn’t it?

Seriously bro? Who killed a pregnant cat of all things?! He clearly had no humanity left in him. I nodded in conviction.

But my conviction left me like my salary after paying all my bills, as I slumped down and sighed.

“Seriously, why am I Joffrey of all people?” I muttered. At least I can’t really feel guilty for basically taking over his body.

But my problems had just begun…

Everyone who knew him hated him- which meant they hated me.

Allying the Dragon Queen? Yeah that went down the drain fast- after all my ‘father’ had sent hundreds of assassins after her since she was but a newborn, she would feed me to her dragons the first chance she gets even if I surrendered!

Then there were my so-called ‘uncles’, the less said about them the better. As soon as Bobby B died they would sing to everyone who listened about the supposed “bastardry” of their new king (i.e. me) and how they were the true heir and should be king.

Then came the “honorable” North. Really taking someone’s inheritance was honorable? Sure, the original Joffrey was a psycho cunt but once Bran was pushed off of the tower war between the North and South was inevitable and my predecessor killing of Ned certainly didn’t help. But this is perhaps the only enemy I could do something about. After all, we were still two days away from reaching Winterfell, maybe Winterfell could be an ally!

-And if this was the book version then there could even be an Aegon roaming around, who would also want nothing less than gutting me with his Valyrian Steel blade for the death of his mother and sister- along with the whole of Dorne for that matter. Didn’t matter if he was true or not, he grew up thinking he was the real son of Rhaegar and would also hate me from the get go just cause I was the descendant of the people who had killed his family…

All of this of course not mentioning, the White Walkers and whatever fucking hell eldritch-demon that Euron Greyjoy supposedly was!

Did I miss anyone? Well too bad! I have a lot of enemies out for my blood when I haven’t really done anything to warrant it! It really make a guy stress out!

“Deep breath… Take deep breaths, everything will be fine!” I closed my eyes and held a calm hand over my loudly beating heart as I calmed myself down from my internal rant.

For a moment I even thought of running away from everything else. But I shook off that thought with a shake of my head.

This was a rare- once in a lifetime opportunity. Who gets to say that they isekaied? I had a full on second chance at life and I was not going to be coward about it despite all of the miserable ways I could die.

Look at it this way, things are still fine for now. As long as Bobby B is alive there would be no War of Five Kings. North still has not suffered any injustice from my side and Bran is fine. The Tyrells have no quarrel with me so why would they poison me?

And if Daenerys really arrives on my doorsteps, I could always hire some Faceless Men right? Sure it would beggar the kingdom, but at least there would BE a kingdom.

And if all the realms were united would Aegon even attack? Would Dorne even move?

I sighed. The future was uncertain but I could try with all my strength to change it from what I remember it would be… All so I could live out the lazy life I want to-

[Initializing Complete!]

[Chaos Gacha Online!]

[You have 3 Gold Tickets]

A world shattering bell rang as a stream of information was blasted straight into my mind. And above all one statement burned itself into my mind.

THE BIGGER THE FEATS, THE HIGHER THE ROLLS.

I stood still, the statement still ringing in my head, before a grin of anticipation filled my face. A smile that many would even liken to a madman.

“Now this… This is where the fun begins.” I smirked. The possibilities were endless. Just having access to something like Chaos Gacha- a superpower that pulled powers, items and familiars from anywhere in existence –was nothing short of a divine miracle and pretty overpowered.

Am I really that lucky? My smile turns giddy at having my own cheat power. Sure, it meant that to have more and better rolls I would actively have to put myself in the middle of the dangers of the plot but I was gonna do that anyway just that with this I could get strong enough that everyone else would be akin to ants under my boots.

In my head it was a fair bargain. And not to mention I get three Gold Tickets for basically free! Those should give me something good right?

Too much over thinking! I shook my head, walking inside my tent for privacy. So there is only one thing left to do…

“Roll!”

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A/N: This is going to be a mixture of books and shows, Joffrey’s age right now is 16 or 15 (what it should be in the show) but many event and characters will be like the books. As in they don’t look like their actor counterparts and resemble the book ones. Other than that I’ll try to remain faithful to the original source but the plot WILL be butterflied fast. Just be warned though, this isn’t going to be a long fic.

Also thanks to Bronz for creating the Chaos Gacha and releasing it out on the internet for everyone to enjoy. It’s an excellent tool and I have been obsessed with it since I found it!

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[EDITED FOR SPELLING MISTAKES]