LRPD - part ten sneak peek

Okay so I meant to post a before and after with this to kind of show where I start and where I go (botched it on the first try but anyway:)

This is the before:

Ava’s eyes go wide over your shoulder when he turns the corner, and she distinctly mouths his name.

Bleeding christ.

Thousands of things scream in your eyes when you turn to find him. Anxiety, fear, worry, stress… they’re all there. All the things you carry on your shoulders, all those things breaking your back, all of it.

But there’s something else too. Something that almost slows his steps, something that warms his blood.

Relief.

There’s relief just barely beneath the frozen surface, a small current running under the iced over lake.

You’re relieved to see him.

“Hey Doctor Riley.” Ava gives him a sly grin, all feline and knowing, before rubbing Riley’s back and leaning into you for a half hug. “See? Problem solved. Call me later.”

“Ava, wait, I-” she’s gone. You look around for an escape, an excuse, but there’s nothing. Nothing but him.

“Let me take her.” Your mouth drops open and you stare at him like he’s grown two heads.

“I’m really okay, she’s-”

“A third grader asleep in your arms. I can see the way you’re shifting your weight, it’s not comfortable, and she’s too heavy. Let me take her.”

I kind of like to start out with bones and then add more structure/detail once I get the general gist established. So things change, but the overall direction stays the same. This is the after:

You’re carrying Riley. Holding her as she sleeps, her arms slung around your neck, small spool of drool on your shirt. She’s dead weight, practically sitting on your folded forearms, hot pink cast sticking straight up past your head. Her hand on her good arm is shackled to you in a vise grip, like even in sleep she’s afraid to let go, and the way you cling to her doesn’t dispute the notion.

Oh sweet girl.

Even though you’re uncomfortable, even though she’s too heavy, you won’t lay her down in a bed or set her in a chair because the last time you were here with her, you almost lost her. You lost your sister, your brother in law, you lost everything.

Except Riley, and even then, it was close enough you prepared to lose her too.

Ava’s eyes go wide over your shoulder when she spots him, distinctly mouthing his name with unabashed glee.

Bleeding christ.

You meet his gaze with an avalanche of anxiety, worry, fear, stress… all of it swirling together, all the things you carry on your shoulders, all those things breaking your back, all of it.

But there’s something else too. A break in the clouds that almost slows his steps, something that warms his blood.

Relief.

There’s relief just barely beneath the frozen surface, a small current running under the iced over lake.

You’re relieved to see him.

“Hey Doctor Riley.” Ava gives him a sly grin, all feline and knowing, before rubbing Riley’s back and leaning into you for a half hug. “See? Problem solved. Call me later.”

“Ava, wait, I-” she’s gone. You look around for an escape, an excuse, but there’s nothing. Nothing but him.

“Let me take her.” Your mouth drops open and you stare at him like he’s grown two heads.

“I’m really okay, she’s-”

“A third grader asleep in your arms. I can see the way you’re shifting your weight, it’s not comfortable, and she’s too heavy. Let me take her.” You swallow, and he nods encouragingly, settles his palm on your back. “I’ve got her Daisy, I promise. She’s safe with me.”