After AnimeCon 2: Driving Back

    “G’night, Brian!” Candace whispered with a grin.

    She rose up on her tiptoes and gave him a rather chaste kiss on the cheek.

    “This has been fun,” Candace said. “Let’s do this again sometime, maybe?”

    “Yeah,” Brian pulled her in for a quick hug. “For sure. Catch you later.”

    “Brian, we goin’?” Emily asked.

    “Yeah, yeah,” Brian chuckled. “Hold your horses.”

    Candace gave them a knowing smile as she trotted off into the darkness, and Brian turned his attention to the rest of the group. Becky and Tanya had already gone up to the house to turn in for the night, Will had retired to his van to sleep, and Mark was slouching way down in his chair in a drunken stupor. Christine held hands with a wasted Monique and was just starting to guide her down the path away from the campfire clearing, and when Brian managed to catch her eyes, he silently mouthed the words we’ll follow to her.

    “Brian, my man,” Michael bellowed. “You guys headin’ out?”

    “Yeah,” Brian nodded, exchanging glances with Emily and Kelly. “Think we’re ready. Good seein’ you again, man.”

    “The best,” Michael stomped over and grabbed Brian up in a big bear hug. “You’re always welcome here, man. Anytime, any reason. You all good to drive? I’m grabbin’ keys.”

    “We’re good,” Brian promised with a chuckle, slapping his friend’s back. “Don’t think any of us drank.”

    “Can I have my keys back,” Mary whined. “I’m not gonna drive. Just gonna sleep in the back of my SUV. I’ve done it before.”

    “We can let you in your car, but then we’re takin’ your keys back ‘til tomorrow,” Michael said. “Boss’s orders.”

    “Sshhhe’s a ssshhhh—itty ‘nuff driver as id is,” Mark drawled out as he leveled a vacant stare towards the remains of the fire. “For—serioussss.”

    “Shut up, asshole,” Mary groaned. “What are we doing with him?”

    “I’ll put him inside,” Michael said. “Tuck him in all nice and proper, don’t you worry your little head.”

    “I wasn’t fucking worried?” Mary made a face of disgust. “Whatever. So long as he’s not my problem?”

    “Got the cooler,” Emily reported, turning the carry cooler upside-down to shake out the last drips of water before righting it and sliding the lid closed. “What we doin’ with the leftover pizza?”

    “I got it, I got it,” Michael assured her. “Bitch, please. This ain’t my first rodeo.”

    “I’m just helpin!’” Emily stuck her tongue out. “I’m a helper.”

    Although Michael had been knocking back beers nonstop the whole night with the others, his height and massive bulky frame meant that rather than drunk he was just reasonably buzzed. Among the steady drinkers here he was always the last man standing, and already used to herding his inebriated friends along to couches, beds, or carpeted areas to sleep when get-togethers drew to a close. Michael was a jackass but he never took advantage of his friends or allowed them to fall into bed with each other, despite Becky often making advances on others after she’d had a few too many—Michael could be trusted not to fondle or creep on passed out people.

    They would absolutely wake up with dicks and swear words drawn on their face if he found a handy marker to play with, but that was already something Michael would do while sober.

    “Alright, later Michael,” Brian waved his goodbyes. “See ya, Mark.”

    “Cool meeting you all,” Kelly said.

    “Later, bitches,” Emily said. “Byyyye.”

    “Brian,” Mark waved. “Kelly. Auntie Em.”

    They set out across the sparse trees and long grass of Aunt Mattie’s back yard together, following the dark but well-trodden path up towards the house where they would cross through the side porch to get to the front where everyone was parked.

    “Hey, wait up!” Mary called, hurrying after them. “Brian, are you like—gonna be by yourself, tonight? No Candace?”

    “Not a chance,” Emily scoffed. “No way.”

    “Wasn’t talkin’ to you,” Mary growled. “You have a girlfriend. I was talking to Brian.”

    “Yeah, let her shoot her shot,” Kelly teased. “Since Candace decided not to put out.”

    “Ooh, right,” Emily rapped her knuckles against the empty cooler, making a hollow sound. “Good call. Mary, you puttin’ out?”

    “I—I don’t—” Mary said in a fluster. “I don’t see how that’s any of YOUR business!”

    “That’s not a no,” Kelly pointed out. “What do you think, Brian? Feel like deflowering some steamy virgin pussy, tonight?”

    “Mary—” Brian let out a long sigh. “You’re drunk.”

    “I’m not that drunk,” Mary refuted. “I just thought—that. I don’t know. I’m uh, I’m not saying that we should like, have sex, I’m not like that. I just meant—”

    “In that case, she’s tipsy and horny enough that she wants to make out for a bit,” Kelly translated. “Second base is on the table. Expect to steal the whole way to third if the mood is vibing. A home run, or anything that puts numbers on the scoreboard? Hmm, with her type? Probably not an option, not happening.”

    “Yeah, you’d have to be goin’ steady for that,” Emily agreed with her evaluation. “Committed to putting up with her bullshit long term. Super Catholic parents, or whatever. Like the saying goes—if you break it, you’ve bought it. That was always originally referring to hymens, duh.”

    “Can the both of you butt out of our business??” Mary slurred. “Goddd. Hey, if all you’re gonna do is cockblock your friend—”

    “Ooh, so you’re gonna play with his cock?” Emily gasped.

    “What do you think, Brian?” Kelly asked. “Up for a real clumsy first attempt at a handjob, while Mary asks you repeatedly if it feels good, or if she’s doing it right, and then she gets super frustrated and embarrassed when she can’t get you off?”

    “Fuck off,” Mary swore. “Like you would even know.”

    “Hmmmm~!” Kelly answered only with a hum.

    “Your call, Brian!” Emily shrugged. “Just. I dunno. Mark’s little sister? Tuggin’ around on your baloney pony? Kinda weird.”

    “Oh, I’m weird, okay,” Mary scoffed. “Yeah, coming from you. Who went all dyejob lesbo on us out of nowhere and—”

    “Mary,” Brian interrupted. “I’m absolutely not gonna fool around with you when you’ve been drinking and maybe have you regret anything later. You’re cute, Mary, you’re attractive. It would be great to uh, put aside our differences and not just be antagonizing each other like we always used to. Do I see a serious relationship between us working? I don’t know.”

    “Oka-okay,” Mary said, letting out a small hiccup of surprise. “Uh. Okay. Arrre—are you and Candace going to be a thing? Is—”

    “I have no idea, Mary,” Brian admitted. “I literally just met her for the first time tonight.”

    “Okay,” Mary seemed to be mollified. “Okay. Then, can we—do you want to do something, sometime? Dinner, or something? Like, a drate, no I mean a date, so we can uhh, so we can get to know each other better? If you want. Let me know?”

    “Let’s talk about that sometime when you’re not drunk?” Brian suggested. “See if that’s really how you feel, or if—”

    “I’m not like that drunk,” Mary growled. “It’s just like. I thought—I don’t want to have to ask you again when I’m super sober and like, overthinking everything? You know? This doesn’t have to be any harder than it already is??”

    “Real talk though, Mary,” Emily interrupted. “Where do you see a relationship with Brian going? How would dating you be all that much different than how it was with him and Chloe?”

    “Um, I’m not Chloe, for one?” Mary shot back. “Like, at all. I’m hot, I’m a virgin, and I’m Asian—white guys love Asian women. Like literally they’re crazy about us. And, Brian’s tall, he’s a hot white guy, and—”

    “Hold up, hold up,” Emily stopped her. “Is this like… is this a raceplay thing? Are you only into Brian ‘cause he’s white?!”

    “Yeah, wow,” Kelly shook her head. “That’s effed up.”

    “I didn’t even say that!” Mary said. “I literally didn’t. You’re the one who—”

    “You only just said white guy and Asian twice,” Emily laughed. “Literally you just did. In the same sentence there, practically. So in your mind, Brian’s just a hot white guy. It’s like—a fetish?”

    “It is not!” Mary said. “And, so what if it even is?! White guys are cool. Nothing wrong with that. There’s nowhere that says—”

    “Would you still be interested in Brian if he wasn’t white?” Kelly laughed. “If instead of Brian he was, uhhh—Jamal? Jun-woo? José?”

    “Jun-woo?” Emily wondered out loud. “The fuck?”

    “I think that’s a Korean name?” Kelly said. “I swear it is.”

    “I would totally be into Brian if he was Korean!” Mary said. “That would be like—like that would be even better. Korean guys are sooo hot—!”

    “Wooow,” Brian sighed. “Uh, yeah thanks Mary.”

    “Jamal, Jun-woo, José—what’s with all the ‘J’ names?” Emily asked. “Couldn’t think of any ‘B’ names for other races?”

    “I mean, can you?” Kelly challenged.

    “Brayden, that’s a black name!” Emily blurted out. “Benito, for Mexican? Uhhh—”

    “Brayden isn’t a black name,” Kelly said. “That’s like—Irish. Or, Scottish? One or the other. White.”

    “No, I swear I knew a Brayden, before,” Emily said. “Uhh—Bao. That’s Chinese? Maybe? Bao.”

    “Bao literally just means bun,” Mary growled. “Like, the food. Bao, baozi. It’s not—”

    “Jayden is a black name, not Brayden,” Kelly argued. “I’ve never heard of a—”

    “There you go again with the ‘J’s,” Emily said. “J, J, J—what’s up with that?”

    “José doesn’t start with a—oh wait shit, I guess it does,” Kelly caught herself. “Well, it doesn’t count, anyways. Not if the ‘J’ is silent.”

    “Is this racist??” Mary turned to Brian. “Starting to sound like they’re the racist ones??”

    “No, but why are you always—” Emily began.

    “Jackson!” Kelly said. “I knew a black guy named Jackson.”

    “Isn’t that more like a last name, though?” Emily pondered. “What’re some ‘B’ ones? Bronte! Bronte sounds like a black name. Byron. That sounds super black.”

    Having crossed the porch together and reached the front yard, Brian saw that though Will’s vehicle was dark, the roof vent of his van was now propped open and he had a fan going. On the other side of the row of vehicles, Monique and Christine were waiting in that sporty red compact car, which had its lights on. The dome light in the car there illuminated a bleary and confused Monique reclining way back in the passenger seat, while Christine was pretending to check through something on her phone, but also sneaking subtle glances in their direction. In the distance, a pair of red tail lights was disappearing down the long driveway towards the main road—presumably Candace, although at this point he couldn’t make out what kind of car she was driving.

    “Jasper,” Kelly said. “Julian. Jason.”

    “Those ones are all super white sounding, though?” Mary pointed out. “Not exactly—”

    “I’m thinking, ssh,” Kelly growled. “James. Jayden.”

    “You said that one already,” Emily said. “And seriously, James? Might as well be hitting up all the Biblical names like—Bill. Ben. Bob.”

    “Bob’s not biblical. Is it?”

    “Sure it is. Book of Bob?”

    “You mean the Book of Job?”

    “There you go again with the J’s! I seriously think you—”

    “Alright, alright, both of you shut up and get in the car,” Brian rolled his eyes. “Mary? What are you gonna do? You can sleep in your SUV if you want to, but you might be better off just going in and grabbing one of the couches inside at Aunt Mattie’s. Or, if you want we can swing you by and take you home, it’s not that out of the way.”

    “I didn’t drink that much, I can still drive, you guys,” Mary made a face. “I’ll just friggin’ drive real slow. I don’t even live that far. It’s not like—”

    “No,” Brian stopped her short with a flat refusal. “You’re not driving anywhere, Mary.”

    “I’ll literally be fine,” Mary said. “I’m a good driver. I’m—”

    “Mary,” Emily interrupted. “My dad died in a car wreck. So—shut the fuck up. You’ve only even had your license for like, two years, plus it’s like two or three AM so you’re tired, and you had like seven fucking beers.”

    “It wasn’t seven,” Mary grumbled. “I don’t think. It was only like—four. Six? Four or five—”

    “Mary,” Brian warned.

    “And they’re only like, three percent alcohol to begin with—”

    “Mary,” Kelly said. “What’s three percent times five beers?”

    “It’s only—it’s—I don’t fucking know, Kelly, I’m not a Math Asian,” Mary said in a fluster. “I don’t—”

    “Yes you are, you’re literally Chinese?” Emily said. “And, isn’t your brother a polymath dude? He—”

    “First of all, that’s racist!” Mary slurred. “And second of all—my brother’s a fucking total dweeb, so—”

    “Mary, you’re making a bad impression with Brian,” Kelly said. “Whining about everything. He’s not going to let you drive, because he’s actually a great guy and cares about your safety? Imagine that. So, if you really want the hot white guy here to mash that fuckin’ muff of yours later—”

    “Oh my Goddd,” Mary groaned, tilting her head back in exasperation. “I literally never even said—”

    “Yeah, if you want Brian stirrin’ up those peaches and cream, then—” Emily joined in.

    “If you want the absolute whitest guy goin’ all lickety-spit on your naughty bits—” Kelly teased.

    “Okay, whoa whoa whoa,” Brian held up his hands. “Can we dial back the white guy stuff, at least? I’m not real into that.”

    “Yeah, but Mary is, so—”

    “I am not!!”

    “Girls,” Brian put on a stern voice, pointing towards his car. “You two go sit in the car.”

    “Eep!” Kelly giggled.

    “OoOOOoh, we got in trouble~!” Emily cooed as she pulled Kelly away and bounced over towards his vehicle.

    “So uh,” Mary gave him a look now that they had some privacy. “Brian?”

    “How about you call me tomorrow, or in a couple days,” Brian suggested. “I’d much rather talk about all of this when I know you’re not under the influence. Okay? I’m not real comfortable with—”

    “Call me, then,” Mary urged him. “Please? You promise? It’s super scary just uh, just like me hitting you up out of the blue. Okay? Can you call me? Soon as you can. So dat—so THAT we can like, talk and stuff.”

    “Fine,” Brian conceded. “Soon as I can, I’ll call you and we can try to meet up for lunch, or something.”

    “Dinner?” Mary pleaded.

    “Let’s try lunch, first,” Brian chuckled, glancing at her SUV. “Do you need into your car? Because, we are taking your keys.”

    “I wasn’t really gonna sleep in my car,” Mary said. “I just wanted to, you know. Get a chance to talk to you. Even though Emily and her stupid girlfriend couldn’t take a hint and like, give us a friggin’ minute alone. What’s up with them, anyways?”

    “It’s complicated,” Brian said.

    “Okay, well,” Mary stared at him for a long moment. “Goodnight, I guess. Can I gid—give you, just a kiss on the cheek? That’s okay, right?”

    “...Sure,” Brian answered with a small smile.

    “Cool! Cool, then yeah—just drop your pants and I can—” Mary let out a sudden giggle of hysteria and then her entire head jerked with a hiccup. “Kiss you right on the cheek! Hah haha! Hah. The butt cheek? Oh fuck I really am drunk, aren’t I?!”

    “Gimme your keys,” Brian held out his hand.

    “Fiiiine—!” Mary scowled. “You will still call me, right? Sowwi—so we can talk?? So that we can talk later?”

    “We’ll meet up for lunch sometime this week,” Brian promised. “C’mon. Gonna put you inside on one of the couches.”

    “Can I still kid you on the cheek?” Mary complained. “Kiss. Kiss, I meant. Meant to say.”

    “Mary, there’s only so many couches,” Brian warned her. “If we don’t hurry, you’re gonna have to share one with your brother, and then—”

    “Noooo—!” Mary complained. “I’ll kick him on the floor. And then. And then after that, I’ll kick him! Right onto the floor! Serves him right. Hah, hahaha~!”

* * *

    After getting Mary situated safely inside, Brian waved his last goodbyes and then stepped back down the familiar porch and headed for his car. At the sight of him stepping out Christine tapped off her overhead light and finally turned her ignition, and so Brian picked up the pace and took the rest of the distance at a quick jog. The driver’s seat was empty and waiting for him, and to his surprise Kelly somehow continued to hold claim to the passenger’s seat, while Emily was sprawled out in the back.

    “Man, I’m fuggin’ stuffed,” Emily said, patting her tummy. “Sooo much pizza. Damn.”

    “Emily you had two slices,” Brian chuckled as he started up the car. “Michael can fit that much in his mouth in one go.”

    “Oooh, wow,” Kelly teased, arching an eyebrow. “No homo?”

    “Oi—” Brian protested.

    “Yeah, well—if you love him so much, why don’t you marry him?!” Emily crinkled her nose in Brian’s direction. “And anyways, Michael’s only like a bajillion times my size. Two slices of a large is a lot for me, that’s like a quarter of a whole damn pizza. Plus, I absolutely demolished like, seventy or so wings back at that bar. Rudy’s. So, I was already super stuffed from then.”

    “You had like, four wings?” Brian tried to remember. “Four or five, tops.”

    “Which is already a lot, so—”

    “What my floundering little tugboat is trying to say, is that she’s too stuffed for cum,” Kelly smirked. “She’s so full she couldn’t possibly fit another single ounce—”

    “No! No!” Emily thwapped at the headrest of Kelly’s seat. “Bruh. S’totally my fuckin’ go. My turn. You hogged it all last time. On the way back to Tionetta. By road rules—”

    “But, Emily!” Kelly put on an innocent face. “You’re just so full, already! You’re positively stuffed!”

    “Listen. I basically have a second, separate stomach for that. For dessert. Which always has room for Brian blastin’ big ol’ loads in. You know what? S’magic—I don’t gotta explain shit.”

    “I, uh, I was actually gonna spend time with Christine tonight before bed,” Brian admitted.  “Since she… well, while we were all having fun, this was a rough night, for her.”

    He made sure Christine had a bit of a headstart down the driveway before pulling out and beginning to follow, and then their drive was a long sleepy rumble along the tire ruts in the grass. They were well past late night and driving into the early hours of the morning, and the dark landscape just outside of their headlights seemed to reflect that eerie sort of silence and stillness. Brian felt that they were all tired but maybe not in a bad way—the good kind of tired that followed a time of contentment. The glamorous Kelly had mellowed out quite a bit as the hours wore on, and Emily in her astounding cute makeup was frazzled and sillier than normal when she was starting to run out of energy.

    “Ugghhhh—which is still bullshit!” Emily pouted, crossing her arms. “She had the turn right before Kelly! Can nobody refer to the timechart?! We have a payout rotation for a reason! That’s it. That’s it! I’m callin’ up my union rep Ms. Stephie. It was—”

    “If you mean when we had Christine down that jar, then that was right before Stephanie’s last turn,” Brian pointed out. “She was uh, with me real late that night in the tent.”

    “Seriously?!” Emily let out an exaggerated groan of exasperation. “Seriously?! That little fuckin’ suh—lut!”

    “So, Steph got creampied… night before last?” Kelly ticked off her fingers. “We also filled the jar that night. I uh, I snacked a bit. Last night, we fed the whole damn jar to l’il miss Silver. Then, Steph violently assaulted our poor Brian in their tent and practically sucked his soul out—”

    “Was actually my very first time doin’ a sixty-nine,” Brian admitted. “With anyone. Stephie could literally not calm down, had zero chill and I had to—well. You get that idea.”

    “Chat, this is so unfair,” Emily turned towards her window to address an imaginary fourth wall where her streaming viewers might be watching. “Literally haven’t had a proper magic infusion all fuckin’ month, since AnimeCon, and meanwhile—”

    “Brian, Emily is due a turn on your cock carousel,” Kelly hummed. “However—”

    “My—” Brian couldn’t help but laugh. “My what?”

    “Your cock carousel,” Emily said. “Wait, we can keep calling it that, right?”

    “Since when were you ever?!” Brian demanded.

    “However,” Kelly continued. “Emily, you realize you’re only gonna be waiting longer and longer each time, if we go and add a bunch more girls to the group? Candace? Becky? Mary? Ugh, no one even likes Mary.”

    “I-I never said Mary!” Emily argued. “I didn’t want to add Becky, either! And, Candace is—”

    “You gave her points, though?” Kelly said. “To start banking up for harem membership?”

    “No, that’s just—listen, I give points where points are due!” Emily explained. “Fair’s fair. That doesn’t mean anything beyond that, we’re not putting Becky in the harem. And—you gave points to fucking Michael.”

    “I am curious as to how that would work,” Kelly admitted. “Since Brian’s straight, would trying to add a dude to the harem have magic start to like, genderbend Michael into a chick? Turn him into Michaela?”

    “Wait. Wait that’s brilliant!” Emily lit up with glee. “Brian, we can—”

    “Uhhh, I’m gonna use my presidential power here to just veto?” Brian said, knocking his knuckles against the dashboard. “Thanks, but no thanks? I’m not interested, sorry, and in the first place Michael and Tanya have been a steady thing for years. I’m gonna start with no other guys allowed and then also add on a we’re not homewreckers rule. If—”

    “So you are actually interested in adding more girls in?” Kelly asked. “Buildin’ up a roster?”

    “I didn’t say that,” Brian clarified. “But, I’m saying that if we do—”

    “Candace and you were totally vibin’,” Emily pointed out. “Bro she was ready. She was totes thinkin’ ‘bout hoppin’ on that dick. Thinkin’ ‘bout goin’ plap plap plap on yo’ lap. Fuck, she’s probably dropped trou already and she’s flickin’ her bean to the thought right this second.”

    “Dropping trou?” Kelly pointed out. “She wasn’t wearing trousers, though, she had on that cute little mini. Looked great, and I mean, easy access. Emily, you’re the only dork here wearing trousers.”

    “These are just my comfy jeans, shut up!”

    “Candace seemed… very nice?” Brian said. “But, I don’t actually think we should pull her into the harem. She has a kid, and—”

    “Wait, is that just a no go?” Emily interrupted. “Havin’ a kid. If—”

    “Lemme finish, and I was gonna say she mostly seems like she’s got her life together,” Brian said. “Some part of me thinks that like, if people don’t need the magic, then we should save that kinda thing for the people who potentially really do need it? Magic to like, fix their lives. Their mental states, or issues, or whatever.”

    “Shit,” Emily swore, dropping back against her seat. “You kinda maybe have a super good point? Since you can totally dick the actual crazy out of people. We should save your spunk for that, it’d be a good public service. Chloe was legit bipolar or a sociopath or something. It’s the whole I can fix her meme, but for real. Brian. Brian I have the greatest idea ever—”

    “Are we still doing Rebecca next?” Kelly asked. “‘Cause. Honestly, she legit does seem like she has all her shit together and doesn’t like, need charm bullshit to fix her problems. She doesn’t really have problems? Unless you count like, us. We’re the problems.”

    “I think that—” Brian started.

    “Wait guys listen listen,” Emily bounced in her seat. “Brian, you’re done at Seneca Shipping, right? And lookin’ for a new job and all. You can start up a practice. We can open up an office for you that’s like, ‘Brian Douglas; Therapist. Offer like, relationship counseling services, but only to hot young bitches. You can literally dick the crazy out of all the psycho chicks in town, make Seneca a better place, and—”

    “Yeah, great idea,” Kelly gave Emily a sarcastic scoff. “That way, we can each get our special time with Brian like, once every fucking six months. Have to book that shit way way way the fuck in advance, to ever even get a turn. Great thinking, doofus?”

    “I, uh,” Emily’s enthusiasm deflated. “I… retract my idea. It was a hypothetical! C’mon. It’s uh, it’s interesting that doin’ that could actually be legit viable, right? It’s interesting to think about. I’m just sayin.’”

    “I don’t think we should be looking to arbitrarily increase the size of the group,” Brian shrugged. “Think there’s like a natural limit that we don’t want to overextend past. I want to keep us all really close, like a family.”

    “But—Rebecca?” Emily asked.

    “Rebecca’s fine,” Brian assured her. “She already knows about everything, and we’ve relied on her help a lot. A lot. I think she deserves in, if that’s what she wants. She has a place with us, for sure. But, like—don’t be making offers to random chicks we’ve just met. Sitting there with Candace, while you’re all like—”

    “But, you two were vibing!” Emily giggled. “C’mon. Was at least gonna be a proper wingman, since we’re trying to keep all our stuff between us on the down low. It felt like you were into her, too. Plus, like—”

    “S’actually like Brian maybe needed the other kind of wingman, tonight?” Kelly chuckled. “‘Cause like, everyone was gunning for him? Our very own aerial ace—beset by a whole flight of babes, and even catchin’ flak from some of the guys. I mean, damn, Brian.”

    “So Kell, you think him and Candace totally had chemistry, right?” Emily demanded. “Back me up, here.”

    “Emily, that’s not a fair question,” Kelly shook her head. “I mean, look at him. In THAT shirt. Brian tonight is a hottie, he’s melt in your mouth eye candy. What kind of bitch wouldn’t be vibing? Candace isn’t fucking blind.”

    “Did really seem like all the teens were gettin’ creamy,” Emily teased. “Becky was really drooling, like literal strings of saliva just—”

    “She was not,” Brian rolled his eyes.

    “Plus like, Candace was all rubbing up on you,” Emily laughed. “C’mon, bro. She was all like, oh, you actually have a whole fucking harem? I’m down, sign me up, fam! Battin’ her eyelashes at you and everything. Get real.”

    “I don’t know if we were vibing at first or not,” Brian said with a sigh, digging the charm out of his pocket and presenting it up to them. “But, partway through sitting with her there, this starts sitting in my pocket all weird, and that makes me grab for it—”

    “Oh shit you’re just CARRYING IT AROUND?!” Emily exclaimed. “Bruh. BRUH—!”

    “I forgot I had it in these pants!” Brian protested. “And, not just like ‘forgot,’ like I mean, I forgot. Like, in the way that remembering where the charm is can kinda drop out of your memory for a bit, whenever it’s convenient for the plot, if you know what I mean.”

    “Yeah, I think that—wait no, what do you mean?” Emily asked. “Like for real, that with the charm has happened. Where we all simultaneously blank on it, when we should have it on our minds and made sure it was super secure. But. When you say convenient for the plot, is that like implying that the charm itself is sentient and can plot? Plot and scheme? ‘Cause man, the one anime harem trope thing we’ve been missing? Is totally the cute mascot character. Just, normally it’s a cat, or a cabbit, or like a living stuffed animal kinda thing? Is the charm sentient, or uh, sapient? I forget which is right for that.”

    “Uh, hello??” Kelly scoffed. “We literally have Stephie? Our cute mascot character?”

    “Then what’s the charm?!” Emily threw up her hands. “What really is a ‘focus’ in the first place? A magic focus. Doesn’t that normally mean like a tool used for spellcasting? So can we carve it into wands, properly weaponize it? If—”

    “I don’t know, but it definitely seems to encourage adding compatible girls to the harem,” Brian said. “Which, well. Yeah I don’t know if that’s a good thing, or a bad thing.”

    “Encourages how?” Kelly asked.

    “It ramps up attraction,” Brian thought about it for a second. “Libido, for sure. It’s not like a legit charm connection, exactly, not like the crazy sexy magic all in bullshit we have. But, it’s… making you interested and aware of that potential possibility? If that makes sense?”

    “It kinda does,” Kelly thought about it. “I think I felt a bit of an unusual draw back then before I got zapped. At the time I guess I just chalked it up to—well, I don’t know. Then, after I was zapped? Whew buddy, my thoughts kept turning back in your direction a lot. Thinking about you and Stephanie and that whole thing.”

    “Candace isn’t zapped in, right?” Emily asked.

    “She’s not, but it was a close call,” Brian said. “Like, right when I was trying to figure out what the fuck was in my pocket jammed up all weird and went to check, she was brushing her arm back to give me more room, or something—like circumstances were being manipulated to try to get her to zap in. Is what it felt like.”

    “Hmm,” Emily pursed her lips. “Fuck. Does anybody got a pen handy?”

    “One in the glove compartment there, I think?” Brian gestured. “Might not be dry. In with my registration and insurance stuff.”

    “Kelly, find a pen, please,” Emily commanded. “Quickly.”

    “Okay?” Kelly unlatched the glovebox in front of her and rummaged through it for a moment. “Here.”

    “Thanks, babe,” Emily reached forward to grab it. “One sec…”

    “What’s up?” Brian asked. “You need the lights?”

    “I’m writing REMEMBER TO PUT THE CHARM SOMEWHERE SAFE on my forearm,” Emily explained, testing out a quick scribble to make sure there was ink and then drawing it out in large letters. “S’okay, I can still see. Kelly, gimme your arm next. Brian, you too. Writing it on all of us. I hate anti-memetic mind-fuckery kind of shit.”

    “Okay,” Kelly said, offering her arm backwards. “Yeah, probably a good call.”

    “Anti-memetic?” Brian chuckled. “I don’t think that’s a—”

    “No, seriously that’s what it’s called,” Emily said, switching from her arm to start in penning the message on Kelly’s pale skin. “Just, normally that’s a concept in fiction. The charm is like, magically self-censoring itself outta our thoughts, whenever ‘convenient for the plot.’ We shoulda been trying to jot down reminders everywhere from the very second we first got suspicious.”

    “I, uh…” Brian paused to think about it. “Shit, you’re probably right. Good call.”

    “Wait, what were we talking about again?” Kelly teased.

    “The charm, and like—don’t joke,” Emily warned. “Not if it’s legit messing with our memories. Not something to fool around about.”

    “Okay, okay,” Kelly said, her cheeky expression fading away. “Sorry.”

    “It’s cool! Just, yeah,” Emily sighed. “Alright Kell, you’re all set. Brian—gimme.”

    “Wait. Wait,” Brian looked around in a panic. “Where is the charm? I just had it in my fuckin’ hand a second ago.”

    “Right here,” Kelly leaned forward and picked it up from the tray molded into center console. “You… huh. Huh. I mean you must have just kinda put it there absendmindedly, a few seconds ago? But, I was sitting right here fucking next to you, and I do not remember seeing you do that.”

    “Alright, yeah this is some spooky shit,” Emily growled. “Give it back to Brian. Brian, put it back in that same pocket you had it in. Both of you watch and make sure. I’m writing where it is on everyone’s fuckin’ arm, too. So, Kelly—arm. Again. The very first thing we’re doin’ once we get back? Put this slippery fucker somewhere secure. Do you have like, a safe or anything?”

    “Yeah, kinda,” Brian nodded in affirmation as with careful, deliberate motions he accepted the wooden charm from Kelly and then returned it to his pocket. “I mean it’s not like, a real safe, but it works.”

    “What do you mean, not a real safe?” Kelly let out a tired laugh. “What do you have, a fake one? A stage prop, or something? A cardboard standup, of a safe?”

    “It’s made out of metal, and it has a door with a combination lock dial thingie on it?” Brian shrugged. “But, it’s more intended to be like, a piggy bank than an actual security safe, I think. To drop coins in through the slot in the top. If you keep turning the dial in any direction for like, half a minute? Fucker’ll pop right open.”

    “Right, yeah I feel safer already,” Kelly said in a dry voice. “Should we, uh. Put getting a real safe on our to-do list? How much are they, is that in the budget?”

    “Maybe?” Emily stuck her tongue out as she concentrated on drawing neat letters upon Kelly’s arm. “We gotta do something. Like, I know it’s kinda out there and probably not uh, probable, but if we lose track of it, or it gets stolen? Won’t it literally start zapping everyone whose hands it passes through?”

    “Yeah, yikes,” Brian cringed. “That could get bad, fast.”

    “Eh,” Kelly said. “Not that bad. Rebecca got zapped, and then went no sauce for a month and she unzapped. Christine too, ‘cause we had to zap her back in.”

    “Still,” Emily said. “If there’s literally any chance that the charm is manipulating probability and stuff like that with the aim of zapping more bitches—yeah, we need to get a handle on all of that. Some better control. And—wait, why are we going this way? Brian, isn’t this the super long way around?”

    “We’re following Christine, remember?” Brian said.

    “Oh shit, you’re right,” Emily giggled. “Jesus. Sorry, it’s super late.”

    “Late! Sleepy,” Kelly murmured, letting her fingertips trace down the neckline of her top and then peeling the fabric back so that her large breasts spilled free with a jiggle. “But also? Horny.”

    “Oi, put those away,” Brian chuckled. “Don’t need those kinda distractions when I’m drivin’.”

    “Just letting them out for a bit of air,” Kelly yawned. “Ohh, excuse me. Damn.”

    Rather than fitting them back into her top, Kelly then hefted them in her hands and then squeezed them. She cupped a palm full of pale boob in each hand, and then stroked her fingertips down them until they were tugging at the rigid nipples protruding from her swollen pink areola. Although the interior of the car was dim, they were already back in the downtown Seneca area at this point and there were streetlights lit—it was hard for Brian to keep his eyes on the road when those magnificent tits were out and receiving attention.

    “Fuccck, barely even used any, and I’ve got glitter everywhere,” Kelly murmured, tweaking and pulling at her nipples and making little mewling groans. “Gonna need someone to help me clean up…”

    “Dibs!” Emily blurted out. “I uh, I mean yeah, I can help? For sure. Saves water if we shower together anyways, am I right? Or, whatever you wanna do. I’m game. Wait, is that glitter stuff safe to ingest? ‘Cause—”

    “Orrr, maybe we can watch, while Brian brutalizes Christine?” Kelly suggested, pressing her chest together to form a canyon of cleavage, and then bouncing them gently in her hands. “Might be fun? Might be a good way to wrap up the night.”

    “We’ll see, we’ll see,” Brian laughed. “We’ll see what Christine’s comfortable with.”

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