RE: Trailer Trash 63, 63 pt 1

   The Macintire household happened to be the closest from Springton High and so Tabitha was dropped off first—she thanked Casey for the ride and hopped out of the Jimmy, waving goodbye to everyone. Although it had been another long day of high school, Art Club had her in pretty high spirits, so Tabitha wore a small smile as she unlocked the door and stepped inside. There was a bit of homework to take care of, but nothing too tedious, and after that she planned to make scalloped potatoes for dinner.

    Tuesday night I didn’t really impress with those green beans and instant potatoes, Tabitha recalled. Then, Wednesday night Mrs. Williams really knocked me down a peg or two with her butter potatoes and garlic broccoli… I feel like now I have something to prove! I know for a fact that my scalloped potato recipe absolutely slays. They just… they didn’t get a great first impression of it, because last time I just brought it out as leftovers from the other Thanksgiving. THIS TIME, I’LL SHOW THEM!

    She kicked off her new sneakers, and set her bookbag upon the table so that she could settle in and finish a worksheet. It was amusing how easy it was as a teenager for her to slip into idle fantasies about how much she might impress people with her cooking—she was right at that unique age where those happened with high frequency. Tabitha thought she remembered reading in her past life that it was a common fixture of anxious avoidant personality disorder, which had been one of the many labels she tried on when looking to discover what in the heck was wrong with herself.

    But, yeah… Tabitha mused as she penciled through the numbers to show her work in completing ninth grade math problems. I had always been prone to that kind of daydreaming, just maybe right now my body and mind are right at that point of development where all kinds of FEELING surges into it. I’m fourteen. An idea takes hold of me and just—yeah, really sweeps me away. I want to be COOL, I want people to like me. I want it SO HARD that it makes me feel a little crazy, sometimes.

    She couldn’t serve just scalloped potatoes for dinner of course, so after finishing her assignment and tucking it back away into her binder Tabitha planned out the rest of their meal; pulled pork sandwiches for the adults, and chicken nuggets for Hannah. In Tabitha’s previous life cheap chicken nuggets had been a staple food back when she was at this age, but something about growing up simply made them unpalatable for her. The texture of them seemed disgusting to her now, and years of seeing chicken nuggies as a meme related to stunted millennial maturity managed to put her off of them for good.

    Hannah’s in second grade though—she’s weird and picky about food in that unique seven-year-old way. Tabitha thought. If she enjoys chicken nuggets with ketchup, who am I to judge? Although… I really do want to get Hannah to try my scalloped potatoes. Maybe she’ll give it a chance if I wait to start it until she gets home? Like, if we cook it together—because, then it’s not TRYING ICKY NEW FOOD. Then it’s sampling the fruits of her own labor, taste-testing her own work. Sort of.

    * * *

    The rest of Thursday night passed by without the exhausting teenage turmoil that had seemed to plague her throughout this week. Hannah came home and then was absorbed in playing her Gameboy while Tabitha prepared dinner. The Macintires got off work and then they tucked into dinner together for once without delving into high school drama or awkward family issues or stressful retellings of whatever this or that happened… Tabitha honestly found all of that was wearing thin on her by now.

    Instead, they chatted over inconsequential nonsense—one of the other officers in town was having his first child soon. One of the other little girls from Hannah’s second grade classroom got in trouble today. Sandra had some gripes to share about how some of her coworkers spent more time walking around chatting with others or grabbing more coffee than they did actually working. Both of the adults tonight gave Tabitha’s scalloped potatoes words of praise that put a beaming smile on her face… and then Hannah desecrated her portion of cheesy scalloped potatoes with ketchup, but had the gall to insist that the potatoes tasted weird.

    Ketchup! On MY scalloped potatoes! HMPH! Tabitha thought with a bitter smile—but she felt more exasperated than actually indignant. Well, she’s only seven. WHAT DOES SHE KNOW?!

    After dishes and a bit of tidying up, Tabitha worked through the second half of the Mulan storybook with Hannah, and her disgruntlement with the girl faded away into giggles and praise like it usually did. It was strange—earlier today when Tabitha had considered the prospects of maybe joining Springton High’s theater club someday, the idea had filled her with anxiety and vague, formless dread. But, when she was acting out the lines here with Hannah and really getting into the roles and putting on special voices, Tabitha kept returning to the idea of how much fun it was, and how much she enjoyed it.

    Definitely something to consider… but, not for this year! Maybe as a sophomore.

    Then Hannah was tucked into bed, and Tabitha showered and then turned in for the night to the privacy of her own room. Out of curiosity, she picked up the borrowed harlequin book Your Garden of Desire again to see if it would do anything for her. After fighting through several chapters, Tabitha put it down again with a chuckle. The steamy and sordid romance novel didn’t make her feel horny, and if she were to sum up the way it did make her feel, it was simple professional disinterest.

    It seems to be engaging my WRITER BRAIN, rather than my budding young heart that yearns for romance, still, Tabitha sighed in disappointment. Maybe this one’s just not the one for me. I need a book that really draws me in and captivates me—with this one, I keep falling back into this clinical dissection of the pacing and cookie-cutter characters and story beats.

    Or, perhaps it’s just that neither of my MENTAL AGES line up well with this kind of thing? I feel like right now I’d be more receptive to Disney princess stories about true love. Where they rush into each other’s arms as the music swells, and he spins her around in that weirdly satisfying way. And then? They kiss. Happily ever after, the end. FIN, FINITO—the end.

    Letting out a yawn and throwing her arms out in a languid stretch, Tabitha finally set the book aside and climbed into bed. She burrowed deep into the covers, and in the soft warmth of the blankets and comforter she experienced one of those rare, happy moments of complete contentment. Today hadn’t been perfect by any means, but it had been pretty good, and certainly it was a significant departure of the constant malaise of fear and dread she recalled from her first lifetime. She had new challenges in life, but she was rising to meet them, and Tabitha had friends, now. She had the near picture-perfect sitcom dream family to live with in the stereotypical nineties suburbia and she still had her real family, with whom she was still on better terms with than she’d been last lifetime.

    The future feels… pretty bright? Actually?

    * * *

    To her surprise, that good feeling lingered on into the new day. Tabitha woke up with a smile feeling refreshed, and she went about getting ready for school in what had already become a routine. She still wanted to save the debut of her sporty outfit for later, so today Tabitha chose her other other nice blouse, a light blue one-shoulder top that featured embroidered white flowers along the top. It had originally been a rather large XXL summer dress that seemed pretty plain, but when grandma Laurie helped her take it apart at the seams and tailor it to her figure, what had been a sparse bit of flowers on a huge dress instead seemed like a rather lively adornment on small blouse.

    Gonna feel a little weird wearing a single shoulder top beneath the jacket today, but—so what? Tabitha thought. No one will probably even see it, anyways.

    She brushed her hair, and applied some makeup, and then when she came out into the kitchen to put together Hannah’s lunchbox for school, Tabitha discovered that Mrs. Macintire was already up and waiting for her.

    “Good morning, Tabitha,” Sandra greeted her with a grin. “Coffee?”

    “Oh um, no, but thank you,” Tabitha said. “Good morning. You’re up early?”

    “Hmm,” The older woman gave her a teasing look. “Goodness sakes. I guess you really forgot, hon! Well, you have had just so much going on, lately.”

    “Forgot?” Tabitha blinked in confusion. “Forgot what?”

    “Um, it’s only Friday!” Sandra said, giving Tabitha an expectant look. “Friday, January fifteenth. Both of your appointments are today! Your cast comes off at eight, then at ten fifteen we go in for your other checkup, to see about clearing you for physical activity again. I figure, no sense takin’ you in to school late just to pull you back out again right away, so. We’re gonna get all of that taken care of, and then I’ll drop you off at Springton High just in time for lunch period. If you want, we can stop somewhere for food on the way back—just to celebrate.”

    “Oh, I—oh,” Tabitha was shocked. “I, um, wow. Wow! For uh, for some reason in my head I knew the appointment was for the fifteenth, but I guess I had been thinking that fell on a Saturday? No, you’re right. Yesterday was the fourteenth! Today is the fifteenth… wow. Oh my God.”

    “You did forget!” Mrs. Macintire laughed. “Hubby dearest thought you might have—we were joking about it last night, when you didn’t say anything. Here I thought you’d have been counting down the days! I’m sure that thing’s itchy as hell—if I was you, I wouldn’t be able to wait to get that stupid thing off.”

    “I… yeah!” Tabitha stared at her cast in a daze as she felt an enormous smile form. “It’s finally coming off. It’s finally coming off!”

    No—even more than that, I’ll maybe be cleared to run again. Instead of being the weirdo loner in first period who sits out and waits for everyone to finish their laps every morning. I can start running with Elena, too! We need to get in top shape before we go for try-outs. Can get back into my exercises! And, it’s about to be THE WEEKEND! I can maybe play tag with the boys again, if I’m super careful with my hand still. Hah, yeah definitely don’t try to jump right into cartwheels and hand-springs, just yet.

    It feels like… it feels like I SHELVED this big huge part of my new life and did my best to forget about it—but, now it’s time. I can pick ALL OF THAT back up again. I can be my whole complete new self again! It’s really finally, FINALLY time!

( 62, Art Club meeting. | RE: Trailer Trash | Next, 63 pt 2 )

/// IT'S ABOUT DAMNED TIME.

I know I did this to myself by giving her the break in the first place, but holy shit has it been frustrating. We had pre-break Tabitha who was like this gung-ho fitness and exercise junkie, and then we had post-break Tabitha who was this constantly stifled awkward in-waiting person who had to put most of the activities that really defined the start of her new life on complete hold and figure herself out in a different way and redefine herself as a completely different entity.

OUTTA THE WAY gentle, soft-spoken, and mild-mannered Tabitha.

Muscle mommy tag empress is back in town, and it's time to pump iron and run miles and start an acrobats training montage that'll blow away those Cheer squad bitches. Will fix links and guide page in a bit, my sleeping schedule is way off and I'm already... ZZZzzzzz.