After AnimeCon 2: The Bonfire

    It wasn’t until Kelly spared a glance behind her to gauge Brian’s reaction to all of this that strings of anxiety tightened in her tummy. Would she find annoyance written across his features? Disappointment, or exasperation? There was this careful balancing act of how much of her true self she should reveal to others—the bold, provocative Kelly who never shied away from acting on her impulses—and the restraint she should probably be showing here, instead. Did she just fuck up the charade they were supposed to put on for Brian’s friend group, and worse yet, did she fuck it all up while making her first impression with them?

    At Brian’s left and right, Katie was in slack-jawed open disbelief at what Kelly had just done, while Mary was staring at her like she’d just grown a second head. Brian, though—it was subtle, but she could tell by the quirk of his lip pulling towards his handsome cheek that he was trying mightily to prevent a little smile from showing. Relief and validation coursed through Kelly on beams of red starlight at the sight, and for a brief, uninhibited instant she even felt compelled to push the envelope further somehow.

    Emily, however, had a hand around the small of her back and was trying to usher her forward, so Kelly allowed herself to be guided on past the stunned figure of Christine. The bear-like Michael was making exaggerated motions where he clasped at his head and then gestured urgently towards what had just happened in a did you all just fucking see that movement, Emily herself seemed a little flustered—a liquid mixture of embarrassed, pleased, excited, and wanting to burst into laughter at it.

    Pulling up the rear of the little group, Dottie wore a small smile of amusement.

    That more than anything else had Kelly sober up a bit. Erstwhile ally or not, there was an interloper in disguise among them, and it was hard not to feel like every observation Katie’s ‘friend’ made here was some secret test. As if ‘Dottie’ was assessing her character, evaluating whether or not Kelly measured up for this, as if to check whether or not Kelly was fit to be with her daughter. The dynamic of the situation here wasn’t just Kelly meeting Emily and Brian’s friends—and Actress wasn’t just her new girlfriend’s mother, either. She was some bizarre supernatural entity of incredible power on the same level or perhaps even above the Masters, and from their previous meeting alone, Kelly felt that Actress held skewed values towards everything that were far divorced from normal social convention.

    “B-but uh, hey?” Emily’s voice broke through the clouds and reached Kelly’s starlight once again. “That doesn’t mean I want you like uhh, kissin’ just anyone and everyone here, you know?”

    “I won’t,” Kelly promised, giving Emily’s hand a squeeze of reassurance.

    “My sister is off-limits,” Emily warned. “And the guys—”

    “Emily, your sister is like, sixteen,” Kelly laughed. “She’s still a kid. I’m not gonna—”

    “Um—I’m nineteen?” Katie spoke up.

    “Oh,” Kelly threw her a teasing look of interest. “Well, in that case…”

    “Nope, nooope,” Emily yanked Kelly forward. “Off limits! Bad! Bad! Her brain isn’t even fully developed yet at nineteen! In fact, in Katie’s case specifically? S’barely even fuckin’ started developing. She’s basically still a child.”

    “Durr hurr, yeah you’re really one to talk,” Katie retorted. “Dooftard.”

    Kelly watched on in amusement as Emily turned and made a peculiar face at her sister, narrowing her eyes and wrinkling her adorable little nose as if trying to sneer. Envy and adoration tugged back and forth, because Kelly couldn’t help but think that maybe things would have been different back then with her own sister, if only she’d been able to drop the pretenses and affectations and allow herself to act immature around Sarah.

    They were the first to step into the bonfire clearing and meet the group waiting for them there, and Kelly had to take a second to reorient herself as she quickly swept her eyes across the scene filled with all of these new people.

    At the center was the bonfire itself, five feet of flame roaring up from a charring stack of loosely arranged branches and old boards. While Rebecca’s campfire had been sequestered down safely into a firepit, the bonfire here was aboveground and even somewhat raised—it appeared to be built upon the heaped ashes of many past bonfires. The sheer size of the fire lit up the whole area in warm colors; showing that here the growth of weeds and brush was beaten back from the clearing by sandy soil discolored by ash and soot, which everyone tracked deep footprints through.

    Kelly already recognized Tanya, who was standing with a much older woman—surely that was Aunt Mattie. The Aunt sported long gray hair with a few dark streaks, and had a throw blanket wrapped around her as she stood watching the fire. Then, there was a scrawny guy with messy hair crouched over and bending almost into the fire itself, in an attempt to push a broken piece of two-by-four deeper into the burning pile. A half dozen folding lawn chairs were arranged to ring one side of the clearing, and over there a skinny blonde chick in flannel was lounging, as well as a clean-cut Chinese guy in a brand new black hoodie—these two were sitting several seats apart, as if intent to illustrate that they were by no means together. Perhaps most noticeable of all, opposite them a chubby girl was leaning almost the whole way over the armrest of a deteriorating old couch that had apparently been left out here in the elements. There, massive breasts were threatening to spill out of a tube top from above, while below a corset piece was holding on for dear life. 

    “What’s off-limits?” Tanya asked, stepping forward to meet them. “Kelly! You made it. Brian! So good to see you doing better! Good to have you back.”

    “Hey! Yeah,” Brian chuckled. “Good to be back.”

    “I was saying my sister is off-limits—” Emily started to explain. “Since—”

    “Guys. Guys. Did you literally not even see that?!” Michael followed them into the clearing, still waving his arms. “Did you see that?!”

    Tanya surprised Kelly by stepping up to welcome her with a small half-hug—the girl seemed to smirk at the miles of cleavage Kelly herself was sporting tonight—before moving on to do the same for Emily, and then finally standing before Brian. Mary and Katie were still at Brian’s sides and they got a nod from acknowledgement from the girl but no greeting. Tonight Tanya had her hair pulled back into a french braid, and she was wearing just flip-flops and a rather humongous hoodie that came down almost the whole way to her knees, likely one of Michael’s.

    “Let me see your face in the light,” Tanya instructed, pulling Brian away from the teenage girls and closer to the fire. “I still see bruises, Brian.”

    “Let him set his things down!” Aunt Mattie chided her. “Goodness sake. Here.”

    “See what?” The scrawny guy—probably Will—asked Michael.

    “This girl. This girl, Kelly, she literally just—”

    “Thanks, Aunt Mattie,” Brian let the older woman take the carry cooler from his hands. “We brought stuff for s’mores, and uh—pack of hot dogs.”

    “Brian! Yo, dawg wassup,” The Chinese guy—Kelly thought that must be Mark—sat up in his lawn chair. “You’re back!”

    “Hey, man!” Brian raised a hand. “Yeah.”

    “Michael! Will, shuddup,” Emily called over. “This... is my girlfriend! Meet Kelly!”

    “Oh. Mah. Gaaaawd—!!” The heavyset girl’s squeal of excitement rose in pitch as she heaved up off the aging couch, enormous boobs nearly bobbing free—this was surely the infamous Becky.

    “Uh, heeey,” Kelly gave everyone a little wave with her free hand. “Nice to finally meet everyone.”

    “Chloe was like, ‘bout to get up all in their face like you want some of this, and then this girl Kelly just grabs her and fuckin’ kisses her—”

    “Yeah, right,” Will scoffed, trying to discreetly ogle Kelly’s tits with quick glances. “I’m uh. Will.”

    “Yeah, I was warned,” Kelly replied.

    “Brian, these still look serious,” Tanya said, her hands carefully cupping Brian’s face as she tried to get a better look by the fire light. “Does this hurt? When press here?”

    “I’m alright!” Brian assured her. “Hey, hey—”

    “Oi babe, easy on tha goods ya bloody wankuh!” Emily called over. “Michael bruv—ya bloody girl’s got ‘er grubby ‘ands all ovah poor Bri-yan! He’s already a right mess, can you hav’ ‘er lay off?! Fook!”

    “Fookin’ ‘ell,” Brian laughed.

    “Uhh, Dottie—grab a chair, fast!” Katie exclaimed with a giggle. “Before everyone else does!”

    “Stand still,” Tanya said with a stern voice, continuing to examine his ‘bruises.’

    “No for real, everyone saw it, happened right in fuckin’ front of us,” Michael insisted. “This total fuggin’ total babe literally just like, macked up on Chloe, the second she was tryin’ to start shit—”

    Michael had the other two guys here already now regarding Kelly with wide eyes—Mark almost rose up out of his chair in surprise, but quickly sat down again because Katie, Dottie and Mary were all hurrying over in a bid to claim all the good seats for themselves. Will’s jaw had dropped open, and in a moment of distraction he fumbled the board he had been attempting to feed into the fire, and it slid most of the way out of the pile.

    “William, be fucking careful!” Tanya cursed. “And, Brian—” 

    “I’m fine,” Brian promised Tanya. “Really. Much better than I was—”

    “So—so you’re really Emily’s girlfriend?!!” Becky bounced into Kelly and Emily’s personal space with a giggle, her top slipping down to reveal the upper edge of her nipples. “Oh my God. Oh my God. You’re, you’re—you’re fucking hot!”

    “Fuck off, Becky—” Michael jeered.

    “You… must be Becky!” Kelly said. I mean, if they’re already joking around about me ESTABLISHING DOMINANCE… in for the penny, in for the pound, I guess?

    As Becky had stepped in close enough for them to smell beer on her breath, Kelly took the initiative to reach forward and adjust Becky’s nipples the whole way back into her too-tight top. Becky froze in place with wide eyes and a giddy smile, and Kelly finished fixing the garment with a snap that caused the expanse of the girl’s entire chest to jiggle.

    “Kelly!” Emily swatted at Kelly’s behind. “Jesus. Hands to yourself! That’s it—Becky’s off limits, too. And, all the guys are off-limits. Everyone is off limits!”

    “Uhhhh—” Becky said in a total fluster.

    “Mark, move the fuck over,” Mary complained. “We want to sit on this side—you can go sit over there. On the couch.” 

    “Oh fuck off, piggie piggie—you guys take the damn couch—”

    “I can’t sit on the couch!” Mary groused. “Literally, I can’t. It’s all moldy, and gross, and. It probably gets rained on? Or like, has mildew on it—”

    “Perfect! Perfect for a cabbage-eating slattern sow like you, then—”

    “Mark. I’m not fucking kidding. Just… move!”

    “Oh, be nice!” Aunt Mattie chuckled, shaking her head at their antics. “Plenty of room for everybody, just—”

    “Emily was right!” Kelly told Becky with a wry smile, glancing down to indicate their similar choice of attire. “She did say I’d recognize you right away. Emily said you and I are the same kind—she called us sloots.”

    Becky was a rare girl with tits even larger than her own, but Kelly was neither impressed nor threatened—like Emily had explained to her earlier, Becky had indeed let herself go quite a bit. Her face was cute but also doughy, to the point where an attempt to hide the emergence of a second chin with makeup was failing, and though a corset piece crushed in her midsection, fat was apparent everywhere else along her arms, her neck, and her thighs.

    Kelly didn’t necessarily disdain heavyset girls—after all, Chelsea had put on thirty pounds after having Skyler, and she was one of her best friends in the whole world. Kelly did disdain heavy girls who tried to distract from their weight by overemphasizing their massive breasts and present themselves as ‘still hot,’ though.

    Because, that directly challenges ME, Kelly put extra friendly into the friendly smile she was faking. The second I realized my waistbands were starting to pinch, back in the day? Cut out ALL sugars and carbs for the next six months.

    Which fucking SUCKED, because that meant I was losing out on the free soda and five bucks worth of McBurger employee meal benefit every shift. Let alone all of the food on top of that I would have stolen or smuggled home. Worth it in the end, though—fast food is garbage and poison. Seeing what could have happened to me, if I’d let myself go even just a little bit? Well. I’m an extremely vain person, and my ego would have collapsed in on itself if I didn’t have the ONE thing that I have going for me; my stellar body.

    After all, Kelly was self-aware enough to know how superficial she had been in the past. She understood how much of the unshakeable self-confidence she relied on to survive was built upon the foundation of having good looks and a figure to really envy. She could fuck up most things in her life, but she could not allow herself to fuck that up. Because, unlike Becky here, Kelly had not had a wide circle of real friends who would have stuck with her—just Chelsea. Kelly’s social value in the city music scene had been pretty much entirely contingent upon her body and beauty.

    “E-EMILY?!” Becky squealed out again in laughter and surprise—at such a high decibel that it took a lot of Kelly’s composure to not flinch back. “Oh my God. Emily, you did not say that.”

    Shit, Kelly swore to herself. In the span of several seconds, I feel like I just had a whole cycle of fucked up realizations about myself. My self-image. Steph wasn’t here to catch it THIS TIME, but she’s gonna find out all the petty little ways I’m hung up on being super shallow EVENTUALLY. Then it’s gonna have to be a whole bullshit thing for her to work me through, which yeah. YAY! More gestapo forced therapy for me.

    Would I still love the others if they put on some pounds? Kelly asked herself. Yes, absolutely. Would I still love myself, if I put on even a little bit of weight? Umm, no. Not at all. I would be a wreck, I would have no leg to stand on. Too much of my psyche, my IDENTITY is bundled up into my appearance, I guess. I feel like I understand Emily’s psychosis about her stature a lot more, now.

    None of these intrusive thoughts had popped up back when Kelly was around Stephanie’s friend Megan, because Megan seemed completely comfortable being a more voluptuous girl. With Becky, however, circumstances screamed differently because of how much she was overcompensating. Nothing Becky wore fit, and the sheer size of her massive breasts made the amount of cleavage she put out there made her look ridiculous.

    I could tuck my phone in between mine, sure, Kelly thought, zoning out for a moment as across the clearing Mary began attempting to wrestle Mark out of the lawn chair he was occupying.

    But, MY phone was three inches wide. Becky could just about shove a full-size tablet there into sweat canyon and forget she even had it with her. Okay, okay, cool it Kelly. Gotta stop immediately being competitive and judgmental. Maybe she’s actually very nice? Mine will look better when they’re out anyways, so it doesn’t even matter.

    “I mean…?” Emily held up her free hand. “What?! You’re sloots, look at you both. Where’s the lie?”

    “I,” Kelly pulled Emily in closer. “Am not a sloot.”

    “You just made out with Chloe,” Emily pretended to pout. “So. No kissing anyone else! Becky’s off limits. The guys are all off limits. I mean uhhh except Brian, obviously. He gets a pass, duh.”

    “Duh,” Kelly agreed, sharing a subtle smile with her.

    “Wait, what?” Katie demanded. “What did she just say?”

    “Yeah, why am I off-limits—?” Will tried to interject… but seemed to find himself ignored by everyone.

    “Chloe? What actually happened?” The last girl who hadn’t spoken up yet—probably Monique—asked. “You uh, you look like you’ve seen a ghost—?”

    Christine was slow to trail after them back into the bonfire clearing, but with everyone talking over one another Kelly didn’t think anyone but Monique and Michael even noticed that the forlorn girl had arrived.

    All of the overlapping banter flying around was more than a little overwhelming, and although Kelly was certainly no stranger to social scenes, she found this group of friends exceptionally discordant and chaotic. In her experience a party in the city usually had easy to define lines of interest, where the important people, the someones, the movers and shakers, held the center of attention, and then the hangers-on made their pursuits somewhat clear—whether they were there for pussy, looking to score molly or ecstasy, there for clout, or out to oust someone they were beefing with. 

    Whereas here, everyone’s just a big… jumbled mess, I guess? Kelly surveyed the clearing with a bemused smile. Like, siblings squabbling. People clearly just joking around with one another, nothing escalating. Nothing too SERIOUS, because no one here seems all that full of themselves. Outside of Chloe over there pouting with Monique—or pretending to pout, I can’t even tell—everyone here is a LOT more chill and laid back then I was ever used to. I should probably bring it down another notch.

    “Alright, alright I’m fine, I swear—!” Brian tried to placate Tanya as he pulled away.

    “Um Chloe only got owned, is all!?” Michael guffawed. “Seriously, did no one else see what—”

    “Let it go, already,” Emily rolled her eyes. “S’not even a big deal.”

    “Your hand is still in brace,” Tanya growled. “Should have asked for second opinion, for real splint and cast, should have—”

    “I saw!” Katie spoke up, trying to get Michael’s attention. “We saw it.”

    “And, Emily!” Becky said. “You look so super cute together! I just love you with the blue, ohmigod! Blue and then red, wow you guys look so amazing together! Emily, you’re all fancied up now that you have a girlfriend! I still can’t even believe it!! Pshaw, a sloot? I think you’re the horny little thang, not me—”

    “Fuck off, Becky,” Will called.

    “Well I mean no, look at you!” Emily scoffed theatrically at Becky and Kelly both. “I’m dressed normal. The both of you show up just… swingin’ around your big ol’ sloppy floppers. All out there in the open. Shamefur dispray! Like, would you both put those away, already?! Goddamn bra-burstin’ milk jugs, practically just all hangin’ out there in the breeze. Oh? Oh, is it getting chilly out here, Becky? Don’t point those nipples at me! Look, you just about made Will fall into the fire. Again.”

    “I—I did not—” Will tried to protest, quickly looking away.

    “Emily…” Kelly arched an eyebrow. “Sloppy floppers?”

    “Hehe—” Emily had the good grace to look a little embarrassed. “What?!”

    “Shamefur dispray!” Mark hollered over, apparently already in on that somewhat racist joke.

    Although, from the look of absolute outrage on Mary’s face, yeah… maybe he’s just trying to piss off his sister?

    “Well. My friend Candace is coming to meet you tonight!” Tanya told Brian. “She is single. She’s a friend from my work. She’s very nice. You two—”

    “Tanya leave him be, goddamn—” Katie scowled. “We don’t need your ‘help,’ okay?”

    “I—no, no, nothing even happened,” Christine tried to insist. “Basically. She just—”

    “Mark, can you not embarrass me for one fucking second—”

    “Bullshit ‘nothing even happened!’” Michael shot back. “She literally just stepped up and—!”

    “Michael!” Tanya hissed in aggravation. “Always with the shouting. Please can we not be shouting all of time tonight? Please?”

    “Uhh did she just sexually assault Chloe?!” The skinny blonde chick with Christine demanded, striding over in their direction. “Because, like. If she did? We can totally call the cops.”

    “That’s just how I say hello?” Kelly arched a provocative eyebrow at the girl. “But, I mean if she didn’t like it, if I was a bad kisser—by all means, call me a bad girl and put me in cuffs? Chloe?”

    Upon close inspection of Chloe’s scowling blonde friend, Kelly had even more trouble keeping her scathing remarks to herself than she had with Becky. This girl, presumably Monique, had a face puffy from lip fillers and then the worst nose-job she’d ever seen in person. Facelifts and rhinoplasty weren’t uncommon back in Kelly’s sphere of influence full of social climbers, but this one was particularly botched. The tip of this girl’s nose was artificially small, it was upturned a degree or two too high, and whatever they had done to repair her septum afterward made her nostrils appear as thin slits, rather than holes.

    I’m all the way past easy jabs, and ready to express genuine concern? Kelly paused. She can easily sue whoever did this to her for giving her legit breathing problems, and get it redone properly. Because, there’s no way that’s a fully functioning nasal cavity. Jesus Christ.

    “That’s not even funny,” Monique insisted. “Even just getting into her personal space without permission, touching her? That’s not okay. We can literally have you fucking arrested for trying to do anything without full consent.”

    “Geez Mono, chill—” Michael tried to intervene. “Chloe’s not complaining. Kiss like that, damn girl normally you gotta pay for that kinda action—”

    “Fuck off,” Monique rolled her eyes. “Perv—you know Chloe’s not even okay with stuff like that.”

    “Okay? Then, if so that would be on me for not reading her right,” Kelly gave a shrug of indifference. “Because, looked to me like she wanted me to kiss her, and it felt like she really enjoyed it. Well, Chloe? Your call…”

    Christine stared at Kelly for a long moment as everyone waited to see what her reaction would be. But, rather than ripping into Kelly herself, or even speaking her piece—she simply turned on her heel and walked away back towards the lawn chairs to sit down.

    “Are we calling the cops or not?” Monique hissed under her breath, hurrying to follow. “Chloe?!”

    “Guess we’re not callin’ the cops, then?” Emily muttered. “Good. You know who we should call, though? Marino’s! I got fifty bucks to blow on pizza, and I’m staaaarved.”

    “But, we don’t want pizza, most of us want Chinese,” Katie argued. “You said that—”

    “Got all the Chinese you can eat, right here,” Mark boasted, bringing up both arms as if flexing. “Hnnnggeeuughh—!”

    “Mark, fucking stop—!” Mary wailed, covering her forehead with both hands. “You’re so fucking embarrassing! How do you even live with yourself?!”

    “Hnnnggeeuughh—!” Michael joined in on flexing. “Welcome to the gun show!”

    Emily started to step forward as if to join the guys in posing, but Kelly was able to pull her back just in time. The petite girl pursed her lips in a cutesy pout, but in the end managed to restrain herself. Not wanting to just stand there in the middle of everything all night, Kelly then tugged Emily over in the direction of the couch that Becky had abandoned.

    It was… well, it was an old couch that was left outdoors, and the less Kelly thought about its condition, the better. She took a careful seat on it near one armrest without resting her back towards the questionable cushions—with Emily joining her by sitting in the middle, hopefully Brian would notice them and take the open spot next to her. Before someone else did.

    “Yeah, what are we doing for food?” Becky asked, crossing her arms in front of herself in a way that made her melons bulge. “Pizza?”

    “We brought a pack of hot dogs!” Brian reminded them. “In the cooler, there. Get some skewers, and we can cook them right over the fire.”

    “Yeah, one pack,” Katie scoffed. “One pack of hot dogs. There’s like fifteen of us here, that’s not even enough for—”

    “One? Nah, Brian’s got more like a six-pack?” Kelly said suggestively. “I mean…”

    “I was gonna say,” Tanya teased. “Brian—how did you learn to shrink wrap your shirt?!”

    “Yeah bro, goddamn—”

    “I’ll try Brian’s hot dog!” Becky crooned in a saucy voice. “Oooh, me, me! Me me me!”

    “Becky, ew, don’t be crass,” Michael said with a straight face. “It’s not just Brian’s meat you sickos should be all drooling over. He’s also got…”

    “Oh, don’t even—” Will groaned, quickly covering his backside.

    “—these pert damn buns!” Michael continued, slapping Brian’s ass. “YEEOWW!”

    “Oi, oi—!” Brian protested.

    “Michael!” Tanya snapped. “We’re not starting that again. You leave those boys’ butts alone. I do not allow you to swing that way.”

    “No homo!” Michael grinned at her, as if saying that was his get out of jail free card. “I’m just sayin’. My boy is bricked up. He’s got that cake.”

    “Why aren’t you ever this gay for Will?!” Emily asked with a sigh. “Or Mark?”

    “Yeah!” Will paused. “Wait, I mean—no? Goddamnit.”

    “No homo,” Mark nodded along.

    “Hey, I mean Brian got these fat fuckin’ biceps,” Michael grabbed Brian’s arm and hoisted it up as if announcing a boxing winner. “Lookit these arms. Lookit these shoulders. Mm-mm-mmm, am I right? What do you think? He looks good, right? Becky?”

   “Hell yeah!” Becky cheered and then wolf-whistled in appreciation.

   “Aunt Mattie?” Michael asked.

   “Wooo!” The old woman obliged with a grin. “Brian, you’re very handsome.”

   “Tanya? Mary? C’mon,” Michael made an urging motion with his free hand. “Look at all this meat. Emily? Kelly? Uhh—Cathead?”

    “Brian looks very nice,” Tanya said.

   “Wooooo!” Kelly called.

    “Hellz yeah!” Emily joined in, dropping her voice into a low tone. “Looks like meat’s back on the menu, boys!”

    “It’s Katie, not Cathead—”

    “Brian, you do look really great,” Mary gushed. “I mean… like, wow.”

    “Mono? C’mon now, be honest,” Michael dared her with a waggle of Brian’s upraised arm.

    “Yeah, if you like steroids,” Monique scoffed, stepping in closer to Chloe. “Not everyone likes friggin’ muscled-up gym-rat-looking guys who—”

    “Boooooo—!” Michael jeered over her.

    ““Booooooo!”” Emily and Kelly both joined in together. 

    “Boooooo—!” Becky giggled, waving a finger. “Sour grapes! Sour grapes!”

    “Oh, please, Monique,” Mary rolled her eyes. “As if you wouldn’t totally boink him.”

    “No homo!” Mark raised his drink.

    “Uh, no I wouldn’t, because I have a fiance now, and because—”

    “She’s just trying to be supportive of Chloe!” Tanya sniffed. “However. My friend Candace will be here soon, and—”

    “I’m just saying, you’re all being really rude!” Monique insisted. “Like, Chloe’s right here, you guys? Have a little tact. Y’all act like Brian’s the only newly single person here? When were you guys gonna help out Chloe—”

    “Well hey, I’m single?” Will said. “If Chloe—”

    “Ohmigod, ew,” Monique’s face distorted in absolute disgust. “Chloe isn’t gonna date you. Have some respect. She’s literally way, way out of your league.”

    “Yeah… she’s kinda got a point?” Michael nodded. “Sorry, bro.”

    “Bruh—!” Will exclaimed in disbelief.

    “There’s single, and then there’s desperate,” Mary chortled.

    “Okay, okay, but ‘newly single?’” Aunt Mattie asked. “That was all like, a whole month ago. Those two’s breakup. Wasn’t it? Hell, Becky’s gone through like, six different guys since then.”

    “I-it was one guy!” Becky sputtered. “No, it was—okay, it was one guy but like, twice. Two or three times. That’s normal. That’s normal!”

    “Alright, alright!” Brian chuckled. “Uhh, thank you. Everyone. I guess everyone just assumed I was gonna be uh, gonna be right back on the market the second Chloe and I broke up? But, listen—”

    “Chloe’s gotta be fuckin’ stupid,” Mary muttered.

    “Hey, she’s not stupid,” Brian defended her. “Just because Chloe and I broke up doesn’t mean we’re on bad terms, or trying to split up the whole group, or anything. I have nothing but respect for her.”

    “I, uh, yeah,” Christine surprised everyone by speaking up. “No, it’s… I think we’re cool. We’re pretty cool. It’s not a big deal.”

    “Ladies, ladies,” Michael announced. “My boy Brian? Well, yeah he’s still a little hung up on Chloe, an’ needs a serious rebound. To get his head straight, an’ all that. Who of y’all’s got the balls to man up and—”

    “I do I do I do~!” Becky squealed, raising a hand and waving it back and forth. “Pick me!”

    “Uhh well I don’t have balls, sorry Michael,” Katie cleared her throat. “But I am single, sooo—”

    “It takes a lot of balls to put yourself out there like that, though,” Michael said. “Respect. Girl? You’ve got balls. Big ones.”

    “I don’t have balls!” Katie shot back. “Grow up.”

    “Balls,” Emily said, as if simply happy to have another chance to enunciate the word.

    It… suddenly makes so much more sense why Emily is the way that she is, Kelly thought to herself.

    “We don’t have to have it be like, a rebound,” Mary said, eyelashes fluttering. “But like… we can try it out, and see where things go? If you want to?”

    “S’not like he’s all that,” Monique huffed. “Sorry? Brian, you’re alright but you’re not all that. And, the whole rebound thing? Gross.”

    “Well, I think he’s very handsome…” Aunt Mattie drawled out with a weary sigh. “So, sorry, girls. Looks like I might as well take one for the team?”

    “Eeeya, you go Aunt Mattie!” Mark cheered. “Yeah. Get you some!”

    Dottie—who had been sitting in the lawn chair next to Katie’s but remained silent—was forced to cover her mouth to hide her laughter at that one.

    “Y’all are a buncha lusty jezebels!” Emily made a tch sound of mock disgust. “Look, Brian—c’mon bro. You don’t want any of these harlots. Kelly and I can just—”

    “Whoa there, I said ‘no homo!’” Mark protested. “Are you even listening?! Don’t lump me in with them!”

    “Emily, stop trying to throw your girlfriend at Brian?” Katie huffed. “That’s just super weird.”

    “I mean…” Kelly said, making a show of looking Brian up and down.

    “Candace is on her way,” Tanya assured Brian, patting his arm. “She’s a very nice girl. She can cook, too! You like bruschetta? Bruschetta, with capellini pasta? She’s in her twenties. She has her own place. She’s modest and very responsible, and—”

    “Ahem ahem, uhhh hey speaking of—!” Emily interrupted. “What are we getting tonight?! Besides Brian! For real, I’ve got fifty bucks, here. For once. Burnin’ a hole in mah pocket. We doin’ Marino’s, or what?”

    “I got uhhh—twenty bucks!” Becky offered, digging deep into her own cleavage for hidden money. “One sec. I’m cool with Marino’s?”

    “Barbeque and chicken pizza,” Aunt Mattie asserted. “At least half of one, please? You all can do the others how you please.”

    “How aboouut—parmesan and anchovies?!”

    “Fuck off, Becky!”

    “Fuck off, Becky.”

    “You can fuck right the fuck off.”

    “Why not?!” Becky whined. “We can just have that on half of one!”

    “That sounds heinous,” Mary said in a flat tone. “We’re not getting that.”

    “Just half!” Becky asked. “Please?! You guys are such babies!”

    “And, it smells like old feet at seaside pier,” Tanya complained. “So, no. No parmesan and anchovies, please. Never again. Who else has money? So we can count.”

    “I can chip in?” Kelly spoke up. “I’ve got cash.”

    “I’m broke… but if someone can just spot me for like, breadsticks or something?” Will pleaded. “That’d be tops.”

    “Hey man, I’ve got you,” Brian nodded. “Get whatever you want.”

    “Cheesy breadsticks?” Will asked. “I can pay you back when—”

    “I have money,” Christine said.

    “I got a twenty, too,” Michael said. “And, guys we can get whatever—InstaDash can deliver from any of the local places, now.”

    “Lucca Italiano?” Monique suggested.

    “Ew,” Emily recoiled as if affronted. “Heresy. You take that back.”

    “It’s Tanya’s fault for talking about pasta!” Monique retorted. “They have this really good spaghetti carbonara? Like, really good. Shoot—I’ve only got my debit card with me, though.”

    “I’ve got you,” Christine spoke up.

    “Yeah?” Monique seemed surprised.

    “Yeah.”

    “It is very good,” Tanya nodded. “Lucca Italiano’s spaghetti carbonara. But expensive, yes. We can order from wherever.”

    “Then—we should totally get Chinese!” Katie chimed in. “We were already thinking—”

   “Hnnnggeeuughh—!”

    “Mark stop, I’m going to fucking kill you!” Mary raged.

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