Berrand Concepts

I've started doing more concept work for the whole comic idea I've been batting around, and decided I wanted to try and iterate on what the hell Berrand's design for it would be.  This is the third sheet that seemed to be the one that worked for him, though I still have to figure out his tattoos even if this is an 'earlier' version of him in the canon.

I was trying to get the 'bulk' of a lorrnathi warrior across.  They tend to have a lot more on their  frame than people do (at least people who don't do tons of bulk/bodybuilding).  His people are Aegencaldi (from the Aegencald continent) and tend to be a larger 'stock' to withstand the rocky, almost Icelandic elements, and his specific clan were sea-faring folks.

I've had a complicated past with this character.  He started out decades ago as a D&D character that 'clicked' and seemed to stick around in my head even after the game was put on hiatus.  Its sometimes  hard to explain the weird connections I feel with some of the people in my head and not come across as a lunatic.  Though I think that boils down more to my lack of skill in communicating than it does the actual concept.

There's a belief in some cultures, in this case I think it was Tibetan, that some concepts can take on life and thought of their own if they are ruminated on.  The belief of Tulpa, where thought can take on life.

Some people do indeed take on this self-driving and self-thinking quality when I think of them.  Berrand was one of them (as is Cinders, and their family, for example).

At one point, he was the vehicle I could utilize to see things in Felwroth.  The fandom term would be 'fursona' but I tend to use 'Avatar' as Berrand was more someone whose personality I wished I could have, rather than a representation of myself.

When I was at a really, really low point mentally, I began taking out frustrations on him, referring to the character as a 'big dimwitted idiot' or 'too thick to come up with much to say'.  This was a third party way I could attack myself, of course, as I'm one of those folks who has serious issues with self-loathing (medicated now, but always there).

I stopped doing this after I had an intense dream where Berrand pleaded with me to stop heaping this hate and abuse on him, and on myself.  I don't have many intense dreams.  Much of it is just forgettable nonsense of a brain de-fragging itself.  But this was one of the handful of utterly clear, emotional dreams I carried with me unto consciousness.

Since then, I've let him be.  I've watched him build a really good life, got to know a lot of his quirks, and saw more of the world through his eyes.  I don't know if I'd ever note him as an 'avatar' anymore, as I've adopted the utter null neutrality of the skull on any site I needed icons for, but I can at least appreciate that he didn't deserve any of that ire he got.  He's a gentle giant of a person, who just wants to make furniture in his retirement.  His story is a long one, and has a lot of 'adventure' in it, so he gets to have a well deserved rest.

And yes, he petted a reixa once.

-T.J.