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創作も佳境を迎え皮膚の外側がだんだんと殻に覆われて行くような心地で過ごしています。体内の全てが音楽に喰われて泥泥になっていくような。音楽に触れていると自然と私の姿が終わる時のことを考える。細かく言えば終わりは無いが、この手のひらがあり、この眼球があり、この声帯があるうちはほんの一時に過ぎないのだ。熱したフライパンの上にこぼれる一雫のような人生、幾つ音楽と命を育めるだろうか。

満開だった桜は昨日の嵐のような雨風で見事に葉桜になり、わたしはとてもありがたい。桜は怖すぎるので緑が混ざっているくらいがちょうどいい。お腹が鳴って録音どころじゃ無くなって来てようやく本日一食目の食事をとる。午後3時過ぎ。近くのvegan屋でカレーを食べそそくさと戻る。GarageBandに6時間張り付いてもたった3欠片しか仕上がらないのだ。4小説が4回繰り返されるだけの、永遠の夢のようなトラック。暫く熱中して立ち上がるとよろけた。流石にもうやめようとスタジオから家へ帰宅する。

ふらふらだ、それでも幸せ。音楽ありがとう。小さな震え全て耳を澄ませて迎えに行く。

As the creative process reaches its climax, I feel as if the outer layer of my skin is gradually being covered by a shell. It is as if everything inside my body is being eaten away by the music and turning to mud. When I am in contact with music, I naturally think about the time when my figure will come to an end. There is no end to the details, but it is only for a short time while I have my palms, my eyeballs, and my vocal cords. My life is like a drop on a hot frying pan, and I wonder how many music and lives I can nurture.

The cherry blossoms that were in full bloom have turned into beautifully leafed out blossoms because of yesterday's stormy rain and wind, for which I am very grateful. The cherry blossoms are too scary, so it is just right that there is some green mixed in. My stomach rumbles and I finally eat my first meal of the day, when recording is no longer an option. It is past three in the afternoon. I eat curry at a nearby vegetarian restaurant and hurry back studio. 6 hours in GarageBand produces only 3 fragments, 4 novels repeated 4 times, like an eternal dream. I stood up and staggered when I got up after being engrossed for a while. I decide to call it quits and head home from the studio.

I'm woozy, but happy nonetheless. Thanks for the music. I listen carefully for every little tremor and go to pick it up.