Jessie Beale

Sex wasn't a subject in my household // BTS

Added 2023-02-03 04:01:00 +0000 UTC

I was recently listening to a podcast with @carrotbowlbonnie speaking to Taylor-leigh about openly discussing sex with children.

Now, I don't have children, and nor do I plan on being a parent but this topic really brought up some deep-rooted emotions from my past.

Sex wasn't a subject in my household growing up although, it remained the elephant in the room for many years.

My guardian had many lovers. And when they arrived, my brother and I were second best. Sometimes they would stay the night, sometimes they would stay the month. All we knew is that we couldn't wait until they left.

As time went on, I began to associate sex with feelings of discomfort, leaving a sour taste in my mouth (fugitively speaking) & the exploration of my own sexuality through my teens made me feel icky.

Masturbation wasn't spoken about.

Contraception wasn't spoken about.

Consent wasn't spoken about.

Sex wasn't spoken about.

Now, I don't hold blame, but the lack of conversation made a large impact on the person I am today.

But the biggest impact, the biggest breakthrough in taking ownership of my sexuality was nude photography. The power I feel when I stand in front of a camera, knowing that I can create shapes and lines with this body of mine. Knowing I am a powerful woman that is in control of my body, my choices, and my future. Knowing that I am safe.