WHO IS SHE - New Pages
Added 2024-04-30 07:41:22 +0000 UTCWanna know?? It's right HERE! *
*The answer to this question may not be included in the current pages. Thank you for your understanding.
Joke aside, I hope you enjoy these pages! I wanted to lighten the tone for a bit and return to the more comedic situations from the beginning of the comic. So, no plot development here; this entire scene in the gallery is meant to be humorous and quirky! Not to mention, their plan sounds like shit, you already know it's going to fail.
I don't want to spoil, but... who is the best trio in this comic? Ikr -
Who was expecting the Boy to think Joris and Tera are dating? I love it when the Boy has this slightly silly and straightforward behavior, very random. Such a clown.
I don't know if I want it to rain outside or not. Could lead to a funny and then cute scene BUT I didn't want ... that person outside to wear a jacket...
Have a great day y'all! Thank you so, SO much for all the support and comment on each update <3
Wait. I made the Boy left handed.
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(As always, make sure you properly closed the Patreon app/Safari/Chrome (whatever the PDF opens with, including tabs). If it says the file is now in the owner's trash it means you're trying to open the old link. It can take a few tries but you'll be able to read it don't worry!
Seems like opening it through your mail > safari (and note the Patreon app) solves the problem.)
Comments
I got sick w this, it sucks đ should be banned download or capture screens here
Ra
2024-06-03 10:16:06 +0000 UTCYeah đ
Rima
2024-06-03 04:54:18 +0000 UTCOn TikTok isn't ??? I see that too đ
Ra
2024-06-03 01:10:17 +0000 UTCWait wait, what's been shared from patreon? I only saw the "Boys don't notice" skit as of like, yesterday? Didn't see anything else tho
Rima
2024-05-17 19:21:44 +0000 UTCI am so so grateful for this webcomic. I feel so magical about the fact that I found this, there is really nothing else like it
moose
2024-05-17 18:05:27 +0000 UTCIt reminds me of the discussion about the NFTs, when the rich were so angree about people just downloading their property. But yeah, I believe that is still a security and property issue.
Lee Ravi Kim
2024-05-16 14:54:48 +0000 UTCAgree, itâs been asked a lot but they donât do anything. Thank you for all the support guys, makes it even more meaningful â€ïž
Z-Pico
2024-05-16 10:56:13 +0000 UTCIt would be good if patreon just didn't allow downloads too :/
Ra
2024-05-16 10:46:39 +0000 UTCHonestly, I would get such a high from DMCA claiming all the shitty people who download and reshare the stuff on other platforms. I would do it for free and all day long, with a sinister laugh just to make those awful peoples live awful and get them banned
Lee Ravi Kim
2024-05-16 10:08:11 +0000 UTCSad that someone is downloaded and posted pictures from here on TikTok. This is very sad for subscribers who want something exclusive but end up seeing it everywhere on the internet
Ra
2024-05-15 15:20:29 +0000 UTCTwo movies are stuck in my head, âV for Vendettaâ and âFight Clubâ(Spoilers for them by the way, but theyâve been out a while, so, it feels fine. Also, I couldnât make my point otherwise.) The former I have had in mind since December, but the latter only began living rent free this month. There are a number of similarities between both movies and this comic. The lead is a person of complicated identity who has a romantic connection with someone. There is an entity they end up opposing in both. They also both have homemade explosives as a plot point. Itâs why my brain made the intuitive leap to explosives from the âproductsâ mentioned in the car this chapter fairly quickly. With âV for Vendettaâ Tera reminds me a lot of Evey, the Boy a lot of V, but the mask wearing is switched. There are other features from V and Evey that cross between the Boy and Tera. For example, V survives a fire like the Boy, while Evey lost her father, mother, and brother. At the beginning of the movie Evey is attacked by three men like the Boy while Tera and V come upon them by accident. Evey and Tera were a part of an organization, needing to leave. Though as I imagine may happen here both V and Evey are in hiding as I think Tera and the Boy may end up doing. V and Tera hurt Evey and the Boy and smash their masks after seeing the pain. Itâs a compelling set of contrasts that I come back to often. So much so that I keep a list going on the side. Itâs a bit funny, the Boy and Tera even look slightly like V and Evey. Tera to me has a similar look to Natalie Portman from that movie. Complete with the hair color and two hairstyles she has, loose curls and buzz cut. Obviously though the Boy is the shorter instead and Tera made the tall one. âFight Clubâs characters arenât very similar, itâs the topics instead that seem most relevant.(I could see the humor being an inspiration.) The primary similarities are between the Boy and the lead who we never hear named in the movie. Heâs only credited as âNarratorâ like the Boy he has a sleep issue. This brought up a whole new line of questioning for me. (However, in a connection, the Narrator and the character Tyler may share a body, but they are two entirely different people and they have betrayal in their relationship as V and Evey do. All these stories feature that aspect heavily. To give Joris a quick bit of attention, he reminds me of the character Creedy from âV for Vendettaâ It's why I am simply unable to trust anything he does. Even if he became less of a jerk outwardly at some point. Joris is also sort of the third between the Boy and Tera as Tyler is a third between the Narrator and Marla. The dynamics are different but the trio is there.) In âV for Vendettaâ the organization being opposed is the totalitarian government. In âFight Clubâ itâs the capitalistic credit-card companies. Both these movies warn about the risks of following the rules blindly and needing to overthrow oppressive structures. They both do this by blowing something up, Parliament in the first, the company buildings in the second. It brings to mind the sort of warnings issued by George Orwellâs â1984â in contrast to Aldous Huxleyâs âBrave New Worldâ The issue of state control through force in âV for Vendettaâ and â1984â compared to the people going complacent in âFight Clubâ and âBrave New Worldâ Though both books and movies have substantial differences from this comic. ~ This is a side quest into history that I find intriguing. âBrave New Worldâ was published in 1932 during The Great Depression. It concerns itself with a World State which forces rampant consumerism fueled by blind devotion to scientific and technological advancements. âFight Clubâ was released in 1999. It was in an era of economic expansion. â1984â was published in 1949. Only a few years out of WWII, its focus on totalitarianism was a reaction to the new levels of state power that had formed. âV for Vendettaâ was released in 2005 and was in an era of war after 9/11. To me this all signals that we focus on either economy or state power issues at one time or another depending on which feels most pressing. For this story I imagine it was in development through the 2010s into our current moment. I feel itâs possible The Great Recession of 2008 was an influence. I canât know of course, but the coincidences were of enough note to me I wanted to include them. ~ Where they all diverge from the comic is that I feel rather than a relationship being set into the oppression issues, this feels like the focus is on the relationship itself. Itâs fascinating to me and it makes me question a lot more than the comic. I often find myself using this as a touchstone to compare things with and to further my understanding. The focus being on the people, rather than the structures, gives to me what feels far more intimate a portrayal of humanity. I love that about it. The connections come to relevancy because Iâm left questioning what Black Death is after. With how they steal money and give their predatory loans. I think they may be in opposition to some sort of tyrannical financial power, rather than the government. Which has me further exploring what the Boyâs family was mixed up in. Were one, or both, of his parents part of a financial institution?(A question of possible similarity, in âV for Vendettaâ Eveyâs parents protested against the government, would it be possible the Boyâs parents did so against Black Death?) It reminds me of the bank robbery of chapter 4. Though how does preying upon those in financial struggle come into play here? This bit has always confused me some. Where is this all going? Is this very abusive sort of âcareâ how they mean to gain support? Or simply control? Is this another difference from the above stories, that here Black Death is aiming to become the power and thus targets the citizens? Iâm left with so many questions. Where was the Boyâs door? Was it his apartment door, or the building door? Was it a home door at all, or a business door? Which circles me back to the question I have asked for months. Did the whole building of people die? What would merit something so extreme? This financial connection is also why Iâm further wondering if the clue from chapter 10 is the Boy learning how that works for Black Death and following the money to dismantle them. I havenât found anything else that makes even a bit of sense in comparison. I ran through a number of options before I got there. There is a strong religious fervor behind Black Deathâs actions which Tera doesnât seem to share. What is the motivation behind it?(This intense devotion to a cause is also in all movies and books mentioned above.) Now I circle back to how did Tera get swept into Black Death? He really doesnât seem to be the type to have ever wanted that life. It comes across to me that some tragedy forced him there.(I still suspect that was him killing his father.) I have always found Tera familiar to people I knew who went either into gang life or military life out of desperation, trying to escape our circumstances.(I almost went the military route. I ended up a carpenter instead, of all things.) They didnât necessarily like it, but both those groups had more in common than they wanted to admit from my perspective. Tera reminds me of the haunted air about both. The unresolved childhood traumas that got buried beneath early adulthood ones and never properly addressed. Or even remotely acknowledged because there wasnât the time. Itâs why I have always perceived Tera as having a helplessness in him. There is something vulnerable underneath everything else that leads me to feel an aggravating amount of compassion for him. I feel I see within Tera a beautiful potential for gentleness and it is a ceaseless pain itâs been squandered in violence. Itâs another familiar thing. Thatâs what led me to spontaneously cry one day while thinking of the chapter 9 panel of Tera holding the Boyâs wrist. Where Tera had only just been strangling someone, he immediately shows concern, saying âIâm sorry you had to see that.â To me it showed that what Tera most values about the Boy is the kindness, and it was unacceptable to him that anything threaten it. This led me to feel that Tera saying in chapter 11 âyouâre a kind boyâ is Tera naming for himself why heâs drawn to him, itâs Tera realizing it. In chapter 10 he was still unsure, saying âthereâs something about youâŠâ as appealing as being âcourageous and recklessâ may be in Teraâs world, it wouldnât have been anything new. Itâs the kindness that was missing. Which has me full of thoughts about how Tera will react to both the Boy and Joris this next update. His childhood friend is putting someone else he cares about in danger and I feel like that would create outright war in his heart. What do you do then? The rage(and fear, though he may not know that) Tera could feel will make it a challenge to have a single thought. Survival/protection drives will be overpowering, and he will likely have an instinctive reaction here. Though what direction itâd go Iâm not sure. Tera has already been willing to commit violence against Joris in the Boyâs defense. It may go that route again. I feel torn up myself about that. Added onto this is the weight of Tera still only recently having learned about the fire. Heâs not exactly in a stable place to begin with and that makes him very dangerous. Not that heâs ever âsafeâ but it makes it much worse. The Boy is in a complicated emotional place too. Heâs in the evening of his 18th birthday and heâs probably remembering his lost family in comparison to the family he has left who didnât celebrate. I felt the emptiness of his apartment when he came out and asked âwhere are you all?â Turning this age is given substantial weight and to not have anyone to know about it is very painful. On this day the Boy is in a gallery being pulled into crime. Though he doesnât have the skill to counterfeit, heâs attempting it anyway for someone who is mistreating him. During that thereâs only one other person on his mind, Tera. I donât know if heâll be able to recognize all of this himself, but everything happening to him right now is huge and heâll probably feel as lost as Tera does. The Boy is going to be flooded by emotions about his past being known and likely deeply touched that Tera knew it was his birthday(regardless of how), that someone remembered and thought of him. I donât know if heâd be able to cry, but I feel teary myself. At the moment Tera seems to be doing a sort of traveling back in time. Where the Boy was ripped from his world those years ago, Tera is doing so now. Heâll have to come to realize he has to try and leave the gang behind. Which I am personally imagining will take some other shock to his system to really set off. For a while he may be too inside just trying to get through the pain he canât do anything else until heâs forced. Itâs why I imagine heâs going to learn something about Black Death he didnât know. It will be another terrible time for him I would think. Although I do not care about Kain, I imagine Tera does and it will hurt him to have to leave. The emotional stakes couldnât be any higher. Both love and family are deep subjects here and that makes it cut to the core of us. Who we really are, what really matters and what we decide is most important. It's another topic I think of a lot. Attachment vs Authenticity. I feel both the Boy and Tera will be letting go of attachments to their worlds so that they can work together against the powers suffocating them. They have been hiding themselves out of need to stay connected to those around them. Tera with the gang, the Boy with his Uncle, and in ways Joris. This aspect of the story has me revisiting how the Boyâs clothes may change. As he gets closer to Tera, further from his Uncle, there may be a time his fashion substantially shifts. If he and Tera do end up needing to hide from Black Death as I feel may happen, I could see that being when the Boy and Tera both start dressing more casually. It would be an interesting contrast, theyâd be living more faithfully to who they are between themselves while concealing this from the outside world. Itâs something essential to humans, we have a need for connection but this can be put into competition with our joint need for authentic expression. We can find ourselves having to risk one for the other and how we choose that is something destroying during the process. The question ends up, to be physically alone, or to be separate from who you are. Iâve always found the second more lonely. In situations like this one itâs turned into a true life or death concern. If you go too far, people may just kill you for it. A bit of explicit naming, Iâve imagined Luc, Kain, Joris and Tera are going to die. In my head very closely together, if Tera ends up having a similar fight to V with Creedy and his men.(âPage 718â reminds me of V and Evey saying goodbye.) It also brings up the Narrator killing Tyler. This is why I personally donât feel particularly attached to any of those four except Tera, theyâve all already betrayed him to me. Maybe I get ahead of myself.
anon
2024-05-11 00:30:54 +0000 UTC(I'm so full of thoughts about the Boy and Tera reuniting. This feels such a significant moment for them both and my mind won't rest whatsoever about it.) Tera may look particularly unhinged this next update. His mask will still be broken and so will he. Heâs barely getting through his gang obligations and now the Boy is out here risking his life without knowing it. Tera may have to somehow try and convince the Boy to stop being so reckless while being unable to truly explain the danger. Meanwhile Joris is going to be in the middle not understanding, or even wanting to really understand, what is going on. I still donât like Tera right now but the lost soul has landed in a mess of epic proportions he is totally unprepared for. Joris has me wondering what heâll do next. His plan utterly failed and heâll probably have to go back to the drawing board with his schemes. Which also has me on edge. I donât see that Joris would ever give up Kain for Tera, let alone the Boy, and I donât see Kain ever giving up the gang. By extension, it seems to me that conflict is inevitable⊠What will you do Joris? Iâm watching you closely. Unlike the people around you I listen to what you say and it troubles me.
anon
2024-05-06 01:28:07 +0000 UTCHey you two : ) For a change, itâs nice to be able to have an actual conversation about the Comic, though at the same time, I feel bad about spamming the comment section ^^â I agree on many things with each of you and on the other hand, I also like the controversies and how a personal perspective is influencing the reception of the plot/characters and their relations. No matter how often I have been proven wrong so far â it has always been a pleasant surprise, something to learn from and much better than what I had anticipated and come up with (thatâs why Iâm not an author/writer/artist - obviously - since that takes skill and talent alike ^^â ) Good start of the new week to y'all
Mellowcat
2024-05-05 20:05:52 +0000 UTCI think Tera may be too young and immature for âfatherâ energy for either of these two. Itâs also at odds with how Joris has an unrequited bromance with Tera and Tera and the Boy are romantic. I think the dynamic is a lot more that Joris is competing with the Boy for Teraâs attention in his head. If youâve read the âJorisellaâ special episode here, thatâs a big feature of it. There are quite a few instances of Joris having heart eyes for Tera in the main comic as well. Like in chapter 8 Joris saying âlook at you! This..wholesomeâŠAdonis body.â and then asks âhow did you know IâD be here?!!â and Tera is pissed saying âyou texted me 27 times you scumbag!!! I should block you!â For me Teraâs interest in the Boy was clear from chapter 1 when the Boy is leaning over him. I suspect no one had ever looked over Tera when he was hurt like that and it immediately made him want to know the Boy. Saying while stunned from being hit by the car âdamn, your skin has likeâŠno pores.â and then âhow cute.â When the Boy asks âdo you want me to call 911?â Tera says âIâll get over it.â Probably feeling shocked by the question and concern. So as the Boy is leaving Tera says âhey, wait up!â I always read Tera seeing the Boy again in chapter 2 as his unbelievable good luck, which is why he is protective of the Boy from the start. Tera had never hidden his feelings. The Boy was just ignoring them. The guilt wouldnât have been a factor until chapter 11 when he knew he was at fault for the Boy losing his family and almost dying. Up until that point, the Boy was just this stranger Tera intensely wanted to know. For Joris I think itâs the residual connection to a childhood friend that Tera doesnât feel quite able to block. Growing up together would have meant a lot to him I imagine. Especially with how Tera seems to be trying to keep Joris away from gang life. No matter that Joris doesnât appreciate this. At some point I imagine there will need to be a confrontation between the Boy and the Uncle regarding the fire. The Boy being kept in the dark about the truth is a severe betrayal in my eyes as it is. However it will be connected to the Boy having fallen in love with one of the murderers. Thatâs going to be horribly painful. I really donât know what will happen between the Boy and Uncle because of that. I also love the depth and complexity of every character, it's one of my favorite pass times to dive into their psychology.
anon
2024-05-04 20:44:16 +0000 UTCI think what you both say about Tera and the uncle, for example, highlights something I really like about this story : the ambivalence of the characters. - Tera: he's a tough, respected gang member, capable of killing but unable to assert his authority over Joris and the boy. He's like a father who has to watch over and tell off his kids who don't listen to him. As you said, he has a soft spot for them (perhaps linked to guilt about the boy, but we don't know more yet). I think he can be quite mellow on the inside, despite what it does for a living. - The uncle: the uncle's behaviour is cold, distant and his remarks are bitter. I really have a hard time with him and it hurts my heart to see the constant criticism the boy has to put up with. But I think the things that happened in the past make him what he is today and that his hard behaviour with the boy may be to protect him, so that he doesn't draw attention to himself and stays safe and sound because he truly cares about him (like a son?). It's just a guess, I have the feeling that his character is going in that direction because he's sacrificing the possibility of having his own family to look after his mother and nephew. As for Joris, I have to say that his behaviour towards the boy sometimes annoys me, but you can't take away the fact that he's straightforward, he's never told the boy that he wants to be his friend, it's the boy who sticks it to him as he says himself in chapter 8. I hope their relationship becomes healthier as the chapters go on and that Joris will stop just trying to use the boy. I like these characters because they have dimension, they're not black and white like the Manichean characters you find in so many works. I think that even the boy who seems so naive and innocent can have his dark side. I can't wait to get further into the story so that the characters can continue to develop, it'll be more and more interesting đ
Soso
2024-05-04 18:08:48 +0000 UTCFrom this bit in chapter 8 from officer Bob, âHey, arenât you the chiefâs nephew? I remember you, you used to come with him to the police station when you were little!â I had made the assumption the Uncle has been the chief since before the Boy came to live with him. I feel like at the beginning the Uncle took the Boy with him places because there was that period the Boy was making his âescapeâs, running away, so the Uncle had to have him around. When the Boy did stop running away, I imagine thatâs when he stopped coming to the police station. Is how Iâve explained it to myself. The family of the Boy is something Iâve often felt a wondering about. Iâve imagined a lot of different possibilities regarding them. I usually end up at the point of âwhen I know, Iâll knowâ in a bit of exasperation. Though as much as I get frustrated Iâm also stubborn and I end up writing in my personal notes about all this a lot, running through scenarios. The thing about the Boy saying in chapter 11 âtheyâve always been really kind to meâ always struck me as inaccurate when it comes to the Uncle. Similar to how the Boy says this update âbecause weâre friends?â The Boy looks for the kindness in others, but he does so from a very young and inexperienced perspective that means his judgment about people can be, bluntly, wrong. So, I donât trust the Boyâs perspective on his Uncle and go off how I see the Uncle actually behave. I do the same with Joris. It's another entertaining bit for Joris to me. He is so blatantly only after what he wants it makes him the most honest and forthright character of the mains. He doesnât hide anything at all about what he wants. He doesnât even bother pretending the Boy is a friend. Saying flatly this update âNo.â to the Boyâs question. Which bothers me but the Boy seems blind and unbothered about. Itâs very hurtful to expect someoneâs help, as Joris said âyou said youâd help meâ without wanting to be their friend. Itâs such a clear using of a person and it grates on me every time I see Joris. I think the Boy is going to need to learn how to tell who really has his interests and wellbeing at heart. Heâs just lucky that Tera had been looking out for him and didnât want Joris in Black Death, or Joris would have already gotten him killed.
anon
2024-05-04 16:06:40 +0000 UTCHi Rin : ) Itâs impressive, right? Tera is incredible laid back and patient and not at all this stereotype of a gang-member. He clearly has a soft spot for Jo and the Boy alike, though on different levels. When it comes to the uncle⊠*sigh* hell yes, it hurts even just watching those interactions, but since the Boy already stood up for him, I really try (hard) to see his point of view â even though his past is still mostly unknown. The things that are certain (his own loss and the very complicate situation of taking his nephew in, Annas health issues and grief, dealing with the witness protection in general â he had to take the boy to work with him, thatâs what Bob remembered â and the constant fear that the Boy might come up in a way that will lead to another disaster, another black cross appearing onto someoneâs door, like the one that appeared and destroyed his family. Maybe due to something his brother/brother-in law did (or his sister) or his nephew⊠or himself. It has never been a ⊠choice. He never reached that point where he could actively decide âyeah, letâs become a family, letâs get pregnantâ. Being an uncle isnât the same as being a father. (Honestly, under those circumstances, I would be scared shitless). The boy is a living beacon of the past and also the walking challenge to not let it ever happen again. Keeping him âsafeâ and being able to raise him to be âa fine young manâ (whatever that means, old-school) would probably mean to be able to âchange the pastâ (if that even makes sense, hard to explain and properly express ^^â). I just think⊠his uncle is scared, overwhelmed and really struggling to keep things in order and working. His mother, his nephew, the constant stress at work and the gruesome nature of mankind, which always shows in the worst possible for his line-of-work. In his profession, he always gets to see the darkest parts of it. Walking in on a crime scene like the arson with victims included (the bank-clerk on the rooftop), or the bloodbath in the parking garage or even âyour usualâ domestic abuse/violence (something I still suspect being a part of Teraâs past) probably leads to a certain perspective and philosophy of life/paradigm. Now, try to raise that traumatized child within lies (witness protection) and this perspective of how the world ticks⊠I can see he simply wants this kid to âbelongâ and âfit-inâ. I wonder if he has always been a cop â or if the started that profession due to the circumstances of his family tragedy⊠I suspect he has always been in this line of work. Yes, the way he is âhandlingâ the boy doesnât sit well with me either â but I think I can understand the âwhyâ and the reasoning behind it (as always, just guessing ^^â).
Mellowcat
2024-05-04 07:54:39 +0000 UTCI had assumed Tera was keeping tabs on the Boy because he knows heâs in danger. I could see Tera seeing the Boy going to the gallery thinking to himself âwhat the hell is he doing?â Then being unhappily surprised that the Boy and Joris are doing exactly what he told them not to do. I think Tera would have been planning on seeing the Boy that evening where the Boy was safe, and this was something unexpected for him. It's rather funny to me actually. Despite how Tera is this supposed big bad wolf, no one seems to do what he tells them. It reminds me of how he looked a bit defeated in front the Boy during chapter 8, slightly hunched over asking the Boy âdid your parents ever teach you to be wary of strangers?â As the Boy refused to follow Teraâs orders to get on the bike. Then in chapter 9 when the Boy sees Tera waiting for him, the Boy simply turns away and Tera shouts âoh come on!â Having to plead with the Boy to finally get him on the bike. Iâve always found that an endearing feature of Teraâs character. For all his gang issues, he seems rather easy going and is just trying to get by in this world he found himself lost in. Iâm personally dreading the possibility of Joris and Kain ever getting back together because I think that would mean their joint betrayal of Tera. I do feel for Jorisâ issues, but I have never been able to trust him because of it. For the Boy and Joris I feel like there will need to be a time when the Boy finally no longer takes the disrespect Joris has always shown towards him. That as the Boy is around Tera heâll grow and see he's not the âburdenâ he called himself in chapter 8 and that he can properly stand up for himself because he knows he is worthy of care. I could see another situation happening between the Boy and his Uncle similar to that. Iâm very unhappy with the Uncle personally. I think the Uncle is a big reason why the Boy sees himself as a burden to begin with. That constant criticism and stream of demands hurts a person. Particularly when they already have trauma and are struggling from the start in childhood. I really feel bothered by the Uncle. Anyway, however things happen, for all my anger with Tera right now I find myself looking forward a lot to him and the Boy finally seeing each other again. The months of waiting did a number on my anticipation. Iâm rather impatient a person and it's been driving me up the wall wondering how that will go. As if Iâm on the edge of my seat so far I fell onto the floor.
anon
2024-05-02 20:59:08 +0000 UTCHi Rin and Mellow! Yes, it's true that Joris and the boy are blind to reality when they have a goal in mind, and that can make them act unconsciously. I'm always looking for a rational explanation but sometimes there really isn't one đ â It's true that the two of them only listen to what they want to hear, so they've really found each other. And as you said, their behaviour makes them human and endearing. What I also find touching about this pairing is that they've both had complicated lives, particularly with abandonment and loneliness, which has toughened them up and made them very mature in the face of certain difficulties. They hold on despite everything, whereas others would have given up. They're both strong, even if no one takes them seriously. The fact that Joris is "stuck" with the boy makes the situation more complicated for him, as you said he can't change his target otherwise he loses face, and the more he drags the boy down with him to lure Tera the more Tera will be annoyed and lose patience with him. And that's bound to reduce his chances of joining the Black Death and finding his brother. No matter how the situation turns out, it's going to be almost impossible for Joris to achieve his goal. I think the only way for him to see his brother again would be for Tera to convince Kain to see Joris, but it's a long shot... As for the fact that Tera followed the boy to give him the paint, I wonder why he didn't wait until he found the boy in his room - it would be less risky âđ€âđâ
Soso
2024-05-02 20:08:35 +0000 UTCThanks I'll give it another try
Tianna LeâRay
2024-05-02 19:05:49 +0000 UTCHi Tianna, if Pico's posted solution doesn't work, "(As always, make sure you properly closed the Patreon app/Safari/Chrome (whatever the PDF opens with, including tabs). If it says the file is now in the owner's trash it means you're trying to open the old link. It can take a few tries but you'll be able to read it don't worry! Seems like opening it through your mail > safari (and note the Patreon app) solves the problem.)" maybe Jazmin's will? I'll just quote: "If you guys are in the app, just hold down on the link and it will open in the browser. Scroll all the way down to âlatest pagesâ and it will open just fine." If that doesn't work either... maybe try to approach Patreon via browser, log in manually and try the link there? Or try on an actual PC? That's the last straw I can offer. ^^' Hope you can read it somehow! *fingers crossed*
Mellowcat
2024-05-02 15:32:15 +0000 UTC(I had another one of my panics about the comment I deleted. I ended up taking time to edit it. I felt I had crossed a line into something too personal. This is the revised content without my life clouding things. As much as I could do that.) The Boy seeing Tera again after his confession will be a big deal for him. Besides the psychologist, he had never told anyone else. That makes Tera automatically important. The fact that the Boy felt able to tell him at all is significant. Heâs been holding his past back out of fear heâd scare people. The Boy may not realize yet, but it shows how much he cares about Tera that he was able to say this finally. The Boy could feel scared, unsure, in the aftermath. Not knowing how to talk to someone who knows, or if theyâll still want to be around. Itâs an incredibly vulnerable and meaningful thing. I think thatâs why the Boy didnât message Tera or consider that someone could be interested in him. He needs that reassurance that it is him who is wanted. That with his past known, they really wonât run away. I felt the Boy was left in a lot of uncertainty when he woke up to see Tera gone. Then he didnât see him again for a while. It makes a lot of sense to me the Boy would come up with the idea that Joris was who Tera was interested in after that. As the psychologist said, the Boy gave Tera a shot, he revealed his darkest secret and now he needs to see theyâd come back. I feel heâs nervous, that last panel of his face this update had me feeling a lot of empathy for him.
anon
2024-05-02 14:17:03 +0000 UTCI also can't read it. I've tried like everything to try to get the new chapter and it isnât working.
Tianna LeâRay
2024-05-02 08:20:43 +0000 UTCIt all started with Jo's attempt to kidnap the boy - and Tera crashing the scene. That's why Jo is so adamant to "deliver" the Boy as a token and entrance fee to gain his rank amongst the members of Black Death and impress Luc (the Tiger). When Jo tried to stuff the Boy in his car trunk (again, Tera interfering with that abduction attempt) Jo made clear that he can't simply switch out the target, because now Tera has seen the Boy, and Jo feels like failing if it isn't that exact victim. Though, Tera made pretty clear Jo should stay away from the boy - or else! At that car scene, Tera showed up because Jo texted him (and because he followed the boy)... he is the last Black Death Jo can reach out to, everybody else blocked him (including Kain, his brother). So now, Jo includes the Boy in his plans - not to abduct and deliver him again (he also tried to do that during the bank robbery, because the Boy hurt Tera enough to draw blood and Jo was hoping for gaining points by delivering the Boy so Tera/Black Death could take revenge and make the Boy pay) - but instead, to lure Tera. Jo did notice that Tera somehow is always around the Boy (it seems) looking out for the Boy. The Boy is Jo's bait to maintain that link (Tera) to Black Death - and thereby to his brother. If Jo manages to impress Tera - he still might get into Black Death. He needs the boy for that, because otherwise Tera wouldn't show up anymore (on Tera's cellphone Jo's number shows as "don't pick up!"). Maybe Tera is around because he had that plastic bag with "paint" in it... since he may have wanted to deliver that to the boy anyways, he might have simply followed him. After all, Tera is actively keeping an eye on the Boy, since the streets really aren't safe at all (even with Muta "gone") and the Boy IS a walking distaster and trouble-magnet. It's just a theory of course. ^^'
Mellowcat
2024-05-02 06:54:54 +0000 UTCHi Manu, if Pico's posted solution doesn't work, "(As always, make sure you properly closed the Patreon app/Safari/Chrome (whatever the PDF opens with, including tabs). If it says the file is now in the owner's trash it means you're trying to open the old link. It can take a few tries but you'll be able to read it don't worry! Seems like opening it through your mail > safari (and note the Patreon app) solves the problem.)" maybe Jazmin's will? I'll just quote: "If you guys are in the app, just hold down on the link and it will open in the browser. Scroll all the way down to âlatest pagesâ and it will open just fine." If that doesn't work either... maybe try to approach Patreon via browser, log in manually and try the link there? That's the last straw I can offer. Hope you can read it somehow! *fingers crossed*
Mellowcat
2024-05-02 06:36:06 +0000 UTCI don't understand why I can't read it đ When I click on the link it says "Last update: 31/03/2024" and the latest update is the one where the Boy and Jo just got into the museum đ„ș
Manu
2024-05-02 05:22:56 +0000 UTCI really enjoy coming back throughout the month and looking at what people say for this reason as well. Something that came to mind for me from your comment is that I feel both the Boy and Joris are hopelessly optimistic, not considering reality because they have an ideal theyâre after. From the beginning of chapter 11 for example I always thought it was very silly that the Boy took the message âhe said Iâd make a good Black Deathâ from what Tera said in chapter 10. When what Tera actually said is âhe doesnât stand a chanceâ and âeven you would fit in better.â That wasnât saying the Boy would be a good Black Death, that was Tera saying the Boy is a totally wrong fit and somehow Joris would be even less suitable. The Boy took the most positive twist on that language that he could have. Then in this section Joris says âI did notice heâs always lurking around when youâre out there, why do you think I include you in all of my plans?â Joris did not pay attention whatsoever to Tera saying in chapter 8 âstop sticking around this Boy!â Heâs too blinded by his dream. Using the Boy is obviously a terrible idea, but neither of them can see that. The Boy is also still incredibly naĂŻve about this world. He didnât think about what gang life would be at all. Reacting automatically âwe canât steal, Joris!â What on earth would they have done instead? All he sees is his want to make Joris and Kain âa happy family again.â I want to sit the poor thing down and carefully explain how impossible that thought is. I kinda love them both for this though because it shows theyâre very human and full of contradictions and irrational behavior.
anon
2024-05-02 02:29:08 +0000 UTCWhat's interesting when you're not in the first comments is that you can see everyone's thoughts and opinions before expressing your own feelings. That can either clarify certain points or confuse others. I think that if Tera is there it's because of Snapchat and that he can follow the boy like that, I don't think it was Joris who sent him a message, he would probably have done so once the painting had been stolen but not before. If Tera saw him without having succeeded in stealing the painting he'd still look like a loser. What surprises me is that I don't see why Joris called the boy, he's the one who forced his way in and he could have stolen the painting on his own, so why bring in the boy who might get them both caught with his legendary lack of discretion? Joris's desire to see his brother again may make him act stupidly, but in that case I can't see any explanation... It's nice to have some funny scenes again, I hope we'll have a few more in the next few pages and that chapter 12 will end on a light (and sweet đ„°) note. It's been a while since we've seen the boy and Tera together, I want a cute scene between them in the next update đ Thank you Pico for your beautiful work !
Soso
2024-05-01 21:01:52 +0000 UTCI didn't even think about how Tera loves cats ... I hope he loves the ears đ
ghibligirlie90
2024-05-01 20:59:56 +0000 UTCBut: Upon re-reading and thinking about it... the boy isn't as much "in denial" as it seems in this scene. He did realize Tera's feelings. He even talked to Lee about it. "He seems so lonely." "I can tell by the way he seeks my company" So, I wonder why the boy is reacting like he is now, linking Teras appearance to Jo and the possibility of them being an item...
Mellowcat
2024-05-01 14:05:35 +0000 UTCWell, in that case I advise to start with european law (guidelines and regulations) and then drop into national law (guidelines and regulations/codes) depending on the field of medicine (different approaches for different medical practices and the certain age of the patient, combined with privacy and data-protection laws and self-determination rights). Down the rabbit hole you go, don't get lost! : )
Mellowcat
2024-05-01 11:33:47 +0000 UTCThis has randomly made me want to study French legal practices, there's differences I'm very curious about. That may be my newest research rabbit hole...
anon
2024-05-01 10:28:50 +0000 UTCHi Rin : ) It's a bit more complicated and legally defined here, depending on the age of the patient and the topic/matter at hand, e.g. if self-harm is induced or criminal offense. Minors have (medical) infromational self-determination rights too and violating those means a potentional criminal charge and loss of accreditation.
Mellowcat
2024-05-01 09:36:21 +0000 UTCTherapists are mandatory reporters, at least in my region. If the Boy had told Lee the truth, he would have been legally obligated to report that while the Boy was under 18. From now on the Boy could theoretically say the truth if he wanted. I don't know if the Boy would though.
anon
2024-05-01 09:20:48 +0000 UTCI got it all wrong again⊠but thatâs what happens with unreasonable wishful thinking. I was rock solid convinced that Jo feared Tera as a Black Death and what he is capable of way too much to even think about touching the boy ever again, even if it means to find other ways to get in touch with his brother. But Joâs agenda is rather âno matter the costsâ. He knows Tera doesnât level empty threats. By no means. Still, he is plotting and including the boy â why else doesnât he want to see him at all outside of his plotting (âleave me alone on my day off!"). The boy is adamant to befriend Jo because he is compassionate, he can relate to Jo's pain of being lonely, feeling lost and left behind. And because he is yearning for a friend. So, trying to be that for Jo seems like the perfect fit. All Jo wants is to get rid of his own fears, spread his wings and fly, leave that cage he sees himself trapped in and run with the pack, including his brother. At all costs. After all, as the younger brother he kinda is the kid being left behind by the older ones, not allowed to âplay with themâ. If that means getting physically hurt badly â then so be it. Thatâs scary. Even though I have to give him credit for that determination â and also feel sorry for that tremendous amount of pain of his. It clearly puts the boy in danger with Jo, who seeks the link to Black Death â which is Tera â but only to get in touch with his brother. Tera told him to stay clear â or else! Jo doesnât give a fuxx and is using the boy to lure the wolf instead. So much for my theory Tera is using Jo to lure the boy out to have a happy 18th birthday surprise⊠*head desk* The stance of that silhouette looks like the guys in one of those old western movies⊠almost high noon, clock seconds from striking twelve⊠and heâs ready to draw and hit bullâs eye. No clenched fists, but it looks like heâs in full work-gear, gun and all. Jo?! You have been warned⊠you might be the damsel in distress pretty soon, and probably saved by the boy interfering with Tera yet again. Or, if Tera learned a thing or two⊠the boy wonât be there to witness. Go, ask Muta⊠oh wait⊠youâll need a Ouija board for that. (No, I donât think Tera would kill Jo because of that lil episode just now. But I also learned that Tera doesnât level empty threats, at all. There will be consequences of some sort.) And for the boy⊠drawing with magic markers on the blank backside side of an exhibition advertisement to copy a pricy art piece and being positive itâs possible to sell that thing as original and get Jo into Black Death and by that re-united with Kain, who clearly isnât at all interested in seeing Jo⊠is it just me, or does the boy could really use and need a friend like Tera to have his back and take care of that boys âblind sideâ⊠The Boy and Jo almost have that same quality of⊠being alienated. The boy proposing that idea to Jo and Jo giving it a try. None of them is fit for Black Death. With that said⊠I still think itâs almost shocking that the boy lied to Lee when it comes to talking about Tera. He introduced him as a bully he met at school⊠If you canât even trust your therapist⊠youâre really lonely. (Though I don't mean to say that the Boy isn't trusting Lee in general. After all, Tera was the first person the Boy did open up to, like he did with Lee). Great update, I had lots of fun but also enough input to fuel the fire and keep my head spinning. : ) Nonstop rollercoaster! And Iâm here for the ride! YAAAAAAAY! *throws hands up, screaming*
Mellowcat
2024-05-01 06:03:46 +0000 UTCReread these new pages and a few quick things I wanted to state. First I'm super excited for Tera to see "the Boys" cat ears. As he is an avid fan of cats, it's so adorable to think of his reaction. I am also excited to see how possessive and jealous he can possibly get. Joris here is probably going to get in so much trouble for continuing to drag the boy along. A side of me really hopes Tera heard most if not all of their conversation. I did question how Tera knew they were there but knowing how Joris is, I could imagine the series of 27 text messages making their way to Tera quickly. Also, the possible future scene with a Jacket in the rain sounds absolutely adorable...along with the possible future scene of them celebrating his 18th birthday appropriately. ;-;
Erin
2024-05-01 03:43:44 +0000 UTCGood theory đ
Angelica Campos
2024-05-01 02:11:51 +0000 UTCThere's a theory floating around my mind that the Boy indeed still has the phone that Tera gave him and that's how Tera keeps track of him to begin with. That Tera has the tracking program activated. I don't know how else Tera could keep up with the Boyâs chaos.
anon
2024-05-01 02:05:52 +0000 UTCDid the boy buy another cell phone? Because I remember that Tera had given him another iphone model.
Angelica Campos
2024-05-01 00:42:58 +0000 UTCI might be doing it wrong but it isn't showing me the April update just the March even when I go to chapter 12
Kaylen Richardson
2024-04-30 21:52:27 +0000 UTCHey : ) I have similar thoughts! On one hand, the boy is so⊠upfront. Speaking his mind and having the confidence to dress the way he loves, even if his uncle constantly criticizes his choices. He has a strong sense of âright and wrongâ â though maybe a little twisted view of how âthe world ticksâ. He simply believes in the good if he doesnât do anything wrong (âwhat did I do to deserve this?â). On the other hand⊠he seems totally lost and oblivious when it comes to building relationships and that someone might like him⊠for âwho he isâ. It never crossed his mind that Tera might actually be interested in him as a person. He simply blocked out all facts and incidents that point to that⊠Tera is not just showing up when Jo is around. All those visits in the apartment through his window (âthose pills are bad for your healthâ), being adamant to take him home â and being worried about his safety, enough to almost kill Muta (accidentally, in the boyâs mind), just stopping because he told Tera âI am ok, stop, letâs goâ. The boy is ignoring all that, dismissing and disregarding all that⊠because he doesnât feel like itâs an actual possibility. He is seeking a connection, friends. And yet, at the same time doesnât know how to go about it or even⊠deeming himself âworthyâ. Maybe thatâs because he lost his âselfâ at some point in his life, not able to honestly talk to a friend (being in witness protection means⊠lying). Heâs not part of the game. Heâs watching from the sidelines. Helpfully cheering Jo and Tera on, no matter how much he is missing the point on that. What was his pearl of wisdom? Itâs all about trust⊠letâs see if he can remember that when it comes to Tera⊠and the next time he falls asleep with a masked stranger in his room right after he bared his heart to said stranger, trusting him with drawings of his nightmares and the story behind it. But sure⊠Tera must be there for Jo⊠(that blush Jo got upon mentioningâŠ)
Mellowcat
2024-04-30 19:50:38 +0000 UTCJoris is gonna get his ass beat đ poor him
VioletGrass
2024-04-30 19:29:14 +0000 UTCI'm landing on the previous page I can't open the new oneđ
Vandalicious
2024-04-30 19:29:06 +0000 UTCIt won't let me open it for some reason. I've tried off and on all day. I'll try again from my PC later.
ArtiĂž Vollrath
2024-04-30 17:37:12 +0000 UTCI love how you show the boyâs double-ended personality: on one hand he is really smart person aware of relationships, âpossessive typeâ, his grandmaâs fading, mr Gastonâs reminiscence, Jorisâs family drama, and other adult things, but on the other hand he behaves so childish, not noticing explicit things like Jorisâs fake friendship and Teraâs motives. Itâs like he doesnât feel rightful part of this big world, only careful observer, researcher, who canât try on all this he studiedđ„°
Super_geek
2024-04-30 17:05:17 +0000 UTCJoris better start running like his life depends on it đ€Ł
Jelimel
2024-04-30 16:21:16 +0000 UTCEvery update is a joy, but this one particularly has so many things I adored, like the boy's drawings and thought process (dating, really? đ), Joris' blushing face, and Tera's silhouette! So good! Thank you, Z!
Nas
2024-04-30 15:29:53 +0000 UTCBecause he's with his bestie, joris :D
Valley.
2024-04-30 14:12:19 +0000 UTCI wonder why the boy wasnât more scared since the art gallery was so dark inside that he couldnât see the paintings?
Aj
2024-04-30 12:28:49 +0000 UTCMe: *Sees THE SILHOUETTE* Woooooo! Yeeeeah babyyyy! That's what I've been waiting for! That's what it's all about!
Beelzebeans
2024-04-30 12:10:43 +0000 UTCJe n'ai pas compris le titre... Et, non, je ne m'attendais pas à ce que le garçon pense que Joris et Tera soient ensemble... J'ai un fou rire actuellement!
LadyKya
2024-04-30 10:22:09 +0000 UTCthe way I just realized we don't know the boy's name and he really is just "the boy" đđ
Nat Torres
2024-04-30 09:48:40 +0000 UTCTera is probably having a stroke out there. First he sees the shit those two are up to. Then he hears the boys thoughts on him and Joris dating. He is propably thinking about the boy "That's it, he gets a leash." Also, I would love to see Tera basically cleaning up the spot, taking the boy with him and leaving Joris back before triggering the alarm. Meanwhile, inside the boy's head after seeing the silhouette of Tera: I am in danger.
Michael Lohmeier
2024-04-30 09:34:52 +0000 UTCI love this Update!! Its really funny xD "are you two dahingehend? °.°" and "you should discuss this, its important" xD loved it!! And yeah I'm looking forward to next Pages đ im wondering who is standing there đ maybe its this obsessed racoon đđ€Ł thank you for your work! Looks amazing đ„
Lereri
2024-04-30 09:33:13 +0000 UTCAlso, no rain is fine. Rain scenes are for heartbreak.
Fumachan
2024-04-30 08:29:55 +0000 UTCAnd cue: Taylor Swift playing in my head :D I just re-read the whole chapter and ugh, i share so many of the fears the boy faces with his grandma leaving. Okay, enough emotional rain. Love the way the boy only realizes Joris is up to super late. XD and noooo! Don't go making copies for Joris! Don't be a criminal! Also, perfect cliffhanger. Ngh. You do suspense so, so well. Is it Tera? Who knows! (We do) So excited for the next round.
Fumachan
2024-04-30 08:28:51 +0000 UTCHaaaa c'est de la torture! Les nouvelles pages veulent pas s'afficher ! Je rĂ©essayerai plus tard parce que lĂ , j'ai envi de jeter mon tĂ©lĂ©phone par la fenĂȘtre ! đđ
Jiji
2024-04-30 08:23:03 +0000 UTCThey boy really has no regard for his safety đ we love him though
BlueInkPens
2024-04-30 08:13:49 +0000 UTCI wrote this throughout April, it was around six pages in my word document. So, guess I'm dropping a text bomb here. ~ A song has been stuck in my head with this story recently. âAnd So My Heart Became A Voidâ by Ursine Vulpine, Annaca (Entertaining to me side note, âUrsineâ relates to âbearâ and âVulpineâ relates to âfoxâ so that name is âBear Foxâ anyway. Onto the sad thing.) The lyrics that connect for me along with the emotions of the song are âWhat have I done? Thereâs nowhere left for us to run.â, âWhatâs on your mind? Youâre caught between two ways of life. Iâll wait for you to find the light. One day we will reconcile. But that will have to wait this time.â I see Tera in the car staring out the window, then the Boy at school in my mind while listening. Accompanied are flashes of vague concepts I imagine will happen for them. Times of happiness, of fighting each other, fighting other things together, trying to surviveâŠHaving to deal with that inevitable Damocles sword thatâs over them. The first set of lyrics is Tera, the second the Boy. This set is for them both, âAll the pain of this life. Keeps me awake at night.â I imagine neither of these two are sleeping well right now. ~ I had some little curiosities. Who are the âfriends to meetâ that the Grandma mentions in the park? That implies we havenât yet met them. I think anyway. So more new characters are on their way possibly. We have the most recent unnamed character from the car now. Will he be returning? He seemed a small time employee of the gang. I am thinking that due to how he doesnât have a mask and how Tera and Kain do. It implies to me that the unnamed character isnât high up enough to merit knowledge of identities or identity protection himself. I donât think Joris or Kain would be those friends to meet. Although the Boy didnât talk to Kain, heâs already seen him. The Boy already considers Joris a friend. In theory that comment could mean Joris eventually sees the Boy as a friend perhaps. It feels more likely that we will be meeting new people. I wonder about that. The âadventuresâ comment is more clear. As a side note that reminds me of Frodo talking to Bilbo in Rivendell about how his âadventure turned out quite differentâ with a sadness about him. I could see some sort of similar conversation happening between the Boy and the Grandma. ~ The Boy and Joris seem to bring out the most desperate and reckless aspects of each other. I find it upsetting to watch them interact. Theyâre feeding into each otherâs issues and creating more problems. Iâm tired. I want to take Joris and the Boy to a support group for struggling youth where they have to work through their issues. During Iâd have them perform community service so they have something constructive to burn off that energy and ambition into. Maybe itâd teach them something and help them realize there is a lot more to life than being lonely and trying to attain the unattainable care from people incapable of giving it to them. I know theyâre fictional. No matter how many times I say that though my brain perceives them as real people and this is what I would do if they were in front of me. I work with a trauma organization. It did give me another idea. The Boy may find spending time at an elderly home fulfilling. Heâd have company and be around people who could lend him a useful perspective on life. When I was a traumatized kid I ended up spending time at an elderly center playing billiards with some very kind gentleman who gave me a place to feel understood. I donât know, would the Grandma go to such a place? How would Mr. Gaston factor into that? How would the Uncle and the Boy react to each other if this happened? The Boy might get very upset at the Uncle if he said the Grandma was being sent someplace else. Though with how the Grandma said sheâs not going anywhere maybe this whole line of thought is irrelevant. It seemed another option for those âplaces to visitâ and âfriends to meet.â The âsoon, it will be you who will leaveâ would be the foreshadowing of the Boy living with Tera, I think. Iâm just endlessly curious and find myself asking questions. ~ Thoughts that are stuck in my head. I was reading and came across this bit about a novelist named Leslie Epstein.(Not to be confused with Jeffrey.) He had been studying the Holocaust due to writing a book. While researching the subject, he internally put a barrier between himself and the content. Described as a psychic iron shutter. It led him to feel cut off not only from what he was reading, but from everything in his life. It manifested in his book as a humor that was at odds with the content. I feel Tera has done this with his life. He had thrown everything he didnât want to look at behind a door of âbusiness.â Then kept himself as busy as possible to never get too close to it. He ran with the gang, ran by himself, and had a steady stream of hook ups so he didnât have to deal with things. The Boy was like a shift in the earth that broke that door open and had Tera fall through it. For Epstein he came to realize what he had done while he was writing another book, this time set in California. The novel contained all the horrors of what he had researched but couldnât approach. He realized it was something he did after his father died too. He went with his brother to the movies rather than the funeral. Patterns repeat themselves. Which brings me to a related tangent. Iâve seen it said that we have three selves. Who we are, who we want to be, and who we think we should be. I think this list is incomplete, I think there is a fourth, who we could be. This one may be the most elusive. I disagree that these are a number of selves. I think they are instead categories under which we have different versions of the types. We often get stuck chasing who we want to be and who we think we should be. At the expense of who we are and who we could be. Usually it takes a significant event to force us to stop chasing and sit still long enough to see the possibilities of âcouldâ from the vantage point of âare.â The place of seeing where you really are and where you could go. Itâs hard to be comfortable with oneself to the point of being able to look within that much. To set aside our surface desires and other peopleâs expectations. This feels relevant to me because I think the characters are going to need to figure this out. It was brought up in my mind when I focused on the Boy saying in chapter 11 âsupposed to be.â I think he is going to need to seriously question that idea. For Tera that moment is in chapter 11 too and made clear by the caption âsitâ when he finally crosses over to the Boy. I felt Tera glued to the ground falling through his life and unable to make sense of any of it. Frozen. The spell only releasing him once the Boy was finished. From then, he was drowning. Doing everything just to get home so he could fully break. Heâs still in the beginning stages of that. Unfortunately this is not bringing him to any place of clarity. He is traveling from one land of delusion to another. Going from his idea of his âshould beâ gang self to who he âwants to beâ to the Boy. That level of denial rips me to shreds. Tera is going to have a whole other world upheaval when the Boy knows. Itâs like the Vesuvius of repressed emotions and memories. Or the Siberian Traps.(Iâm a bit of a geology nerd, donât worry about it.) During that time between Tera will be in pain. While heâs with the Boy, heâll be consumed in the presence of someone he cares about so much. Everywhere he goes outside of that will force him to remember and feel what he has done. Heâll be wildly passing between places with no where solid to stand. Heâs going to be very confused. All heâll know is he canât let go of the one place he finds any comfort at all. That the place, the Boy, is the cause of his pain wonât matter in the face of that high.(I use that last word with purpose, this relationship looks like addiction.) Iâm struggling about that. He could do other things. He isnât taking the opportunity to save himself. Honestly I wasnât ready to see him after the two month break. It felt as if he wasnât coming back for me on some level. I got too focused imagining the end and forgot weâre at the beginning. I will probably have to deal with this for a while. I feel caught in the gravitational fields of different worlds of emotion.(Iâm also into astronomy, if you ever want a non-fiction read, âCosmosâ by Carl Sagan, is beautiful. The Boy being a stargazer who struggled with faith, he'd possibly find solace in it.) Whatâs mildly funny to me is this displays how Teraâs pattern is repeating. He fled his home to Joris and Kainâs. Then he fled to the gang. Now heâs fled to the Boy. Tera is living his life under a banner of avoidance and the thing is heâs facing it directly while somehow blind to it. Itâs not sinking in that he canât escape this. Heâs trying so hard and heâs going completely the wrong direction. He looks like a guy in a boat with one paddle, going round in circles. I want to help him. Thatâs my pattern. ~ I have a more personal note, if thatâs alright. Iâve been trying my best to maintain a balance between not oversharing while somehow keeping the heart of what Iâm saying. Itâs been a challenge. Tera put me in an existential crisis since December.(Itâs fine, Iâve had many. My life doesnât fall apart these days so it was kind of comforting.) November through March can be really difficult anyway, but the revelation of the Boyâs fire proved to be a particularly sore point. Tera coming back right between February and March hit major triggers of mine. I have trauma anniversaries in both those months. It turned out to be a serendipitous healing opportunity. This had me reexamining what the word âforgivenessâ means. For a long time, I didnât really understand it. Due to things in my past it felt unbearable to think much about. Iâd get reactive and defensive. In interacting with Tera, trying to understand him, I was finally able to think. I was as enraged as I was curious because I love his character. I donât like him right now but I miss him while he's not around. Itâs very conflicting. The only thing forgiveness needs to mean is that you donât want harm to come to the party in question. Holding that in mind, despite all my protesting and avoiding and denial. Forgiveness is something I've always had. Iâm angry with Tera precisely because Iâve forgiven him. I donât want harm to come to him or for him to harm other people and heâs making both happen. Iâm Frustrated by that.(I wish I could emphasize that word with italics.) However, it made me realize there are things that may come after it, depending on the situation. Forgiveness is one thing, if you were to go beyond not wishing harm upon others, you reach the point of âreconciliation.â That word entails a whole other process. Itâs the process of repairing a relationship after forgiveness. Maybe this is terribly obvious, but it wasnât to me and it feels radically new to be able to consider. Reconciliation is where I was unable to go in actuality. For the Boy, I donât know where heâll go with it. I think he may at a point try reconciliation. Tera, and this shatters me, I donât know if heâll forgive himself. I feel an undercurrent of self-hatred in Tera. It seems to me that his being around the Boy is an act of self-punishment. It took me a while to approach, but what Tera reminds me of is that the first person we hurt when we are harmful, is ourselves. I think this is why that song has been on my mind. âOne day we will reconcile. But that will have to wait this time.â I feel overfull and left with a question, âwhat will happen?â ~ To the current update, these are my first impressions. The Boy did get Teraâs attention for Joris, but I donât think they'll be happy about that. From Teraâs shadow alone I'm imagining heâs pissed as hell right now. ~ Some stray bits and closing. More songs have been in my mind, I see these as their themes in my head. Tera fits âWhatâs Up Dangerâ by Black Caviar, Blackway (In case anyone is unaware, this song comes from the movie âSpider-Man: Into the Spider-Verseâ where itâs the song of the lead Miles Morales. It's the first of a trilogy, the third movie isnât yet released. Iâm looking forward to it. Like this story itâs a feast for the eyes as well as deeply impacting. Tera is no hero, but he has a heart under that murderous exterior that I see and that I feel in this song.) The Boy fits âMonsters in My Mindâ by Cloudy June The lyrics I connect: Tera liking âtall buildings so I can leap off âemâ in chapters 1 and 2. In chapters 5, 9, and 10 he âhad a slumber party witâ all my foes. Now I wear them like a badge of honor on my clothes.â In chapter 10 he gives his Snapchat so that heâs âalways gonna answer when you call my phone.â The Boy with his hallucinations in chapter 3 in the âdarkâ of the âpark.â At âhomeâ with his nightmares in chapters 7 and 11 without his âmedsâ getting âso little sleepâ seeing âshades crawling up to the ceiling.â Waking up in chapter 12 to âbreath on my neck.â From his childhood how he âran away to hell and backâ and how âthey hunt me down.â I havenât found a song for Joris yet. I feel like heâd think he sees himself in âLa Haineâ by Cut Killer. Thinking heâs bad af, trying to psych himself up. When really he seems like an incredibly insecure kid looking for external validation. That may make him tragic but it does not make him brave. The movie, of the same name as the song title, reminds me a lot of the three here. Of the three main characters, Hubert seems like Tera, Vinz like Joris and SaĂŻd like the Boy. SaĂŻd even ends up shouting outside Vinzâs apartment at a point like the Boy. If you ever want a movie to watch, I think itâs well-worth the time. Though itâs just as heavy in subject matter as this story so be prepared. I think Joris would fit âNobodyâs Listeningâ by Linkin Park âI got a heart full of pain, head full of stress. Handful of anger held in my chest.â, âNothing to gain, everything to fear.â, âTry to give you warning, but everyone ignores me.â, âTold you everything loud and clear.â, âCall to you so clearly, but you donât want to hear me.â, âThe pain gave me somethinâ I could set my sights on.â I feel Joris feels heâs chronically unseen and unheard. In chapter 8 to Tera âplease! Donât block my number!â Then talking to the Boy about his mother in chapter 9 âShe doesnât care. She doesnât see it.â Thatâs a dangerous place. ~ In my want to not end with sadness Iâve been loving KWAYEâs album âLearning To Swimâ lately. If you like soul or funk his music is a lot of fun. The Boy could have been listening to the track âBe Easyâ this chapter while getting dressed, having âconfidence in myselfâ, âmoving like somebody else.â ~ Thank you for your time. Iâm so freaking relieved to be out of those months and I feel this writing was my celebration.
anon
2024-04-30 08:12:55 +0000 UTCAll I could hear when I saw Teraâs silhouette was VVV by Sanikwave when they go âHEEEEâS BAAAAACK!â Because BABY YOU KNOW HE IS!
Dani H
2024-04-30 07:56:27 +0000 UTCHaha aw thank youuu Erin!! That's really appreciated!!
Z-Pico
2024-04-30 07:52:25 +0000 UTCWhat a spot to end, ahhhh I love these pages!! They are great, amazing work as always!! <3
Erin
2024-04-30 07:50:08 +0000 UTCOh dear looks like Tera might not be happy that the boy is there but will protect him anyway
The Movie Buff
2024-04-30 07:48:19 +0000 UTCTera is so ominous when he really tries lol. I love it đ©
WallyWumpy
2024-04-30 07:48:14 +0000 UTCHahaha what do you meaaaan
Z-Pico
2024-04-30 07:45:07 +0000 UTCYay!!
Z-Pico
2024-04-30 07:44:48 +0000 UTCAH- Shhhh!!!! lmao
Z-Pico
2024-04-30 07:44:43 +0000 UTCSomething tells me the Boyâs parents definitely invested in a child leash when he was young.
Dani H
2024-04-30 07:44:25 +0000 UTCOhhh Tera is coming đ±đ±đ±
Lilia
2024-04-30 07:44:06 +0000 UTCAhhhhhh I'm so excited!!!!
Steven Caio
2024-04-30 07:42:10 +0000 UTC
