So what's been going on in your life, Raen?

Wow, how long has it been since I made an actual text post about happenings? I might as well write some of my thoughts down while they're still fresh in my head and well, what better time for more self-reflection before my 22nd birthday comes up too? I hope my ramblings make some chronological sense at least and not all over the place but I'll do my best and of course, thanks in advance if you do end up reading through to the end.

My art

Thanks for supporting me thus far, I really do appreciate all the help I've had along the way, criticism and praise on all my pieces that brought me to the artist that I am today. I started my Patreon in May of 2019, and even though I've only promised to use it as a tip jar I have almost 70 supporters on it as of now... It's been a long journey, huh? I started out mostly just drawing Monster Hunter related things and of course branching off to my various interests over the years, but now it feels like I'm a weird crossroads of things, where I don't feel the want to latch onto popular trends and as a result it really does feel like people don't stick around for my stuff as much as they used to anymore. This year honestly felt a bit lacklustre in terms of my creative output and I suppose I have been missing more than hitting with what really grabbed people's attention too. I do want to draw things that I like first and foremost, so I guess in the end it really will be balancing what I want and what other people will like from me too. Drawing the basic things probably gets the most instant gratification from the lowest denominator, but creating characters and art that connects with the viewer, or the intended audience will still mean the most to me in the long term. I'll definitely have to refine Raen's character and draw more of him down the line, as I don't intend to give him up nor do I mean for him to just remain as a comic relief. That someday I truly will be able to call him a fursona that I relate and feel strongly about. And as for commissions and such, I'll have to take less of it in the coming year for sure as well to balance my workload for the forseeable future, but I do hope you'll be able to enjoy my art for what it is too, as an extension of my feelings and muses because hey, I'm absolutely terrible at writing but not so bad at drawing things instead (or so I hope!)

My friends

It has been quite interesting I suppose, that I never really saw the depth of how far the community goes before I got more into VRChat and seeing all the things that goes on with all my friends. Back in 2018 when I first got really into drawing and the fandom, I mostly lurked in small separate groups and was content with that just being the way things were. As I drew more and got to know more people, I do realize that people had their own groups that they felt safer with and you really can't just invest everything into a single point -- because when people do get busy and you weren't, how else would you feel other than being left out? I had to learn that the hard way at some point throughout this year, and on more self-reflection, was ashamed at how I acted instead of being in the moment with the people who did stick around and help me find a better place. I do hope that as time goes on and the status quo moves on, that I will still have good friends to share all my joys with, to banter with, and share in the fact that we will be there for each other, and are but a single DM away (and maybe a few time zones, but hey that's what weekends are for, right)

In time I want to get to know friends even better, to realize how much wonderful everyone is in my life with all the love and support they have given me thus far, to know *you* better. Hit me up if you ever want to just chat, because chances are I would think you're a cooler person than I am. <3 

Dear friends... Thank you. 

My future

With my graduation this year and me being semi-independent for the past four or so years to explore myself, I find myself having been through.... a lot, and yet somehow feeling uncertain still of the future. I'm sure it comes as no surprise that the virus threw a wrench into everyone's plans, and even though a new normal would be the path that our country is adopting, the uncertainty that stretches from flight cancellations, a change in the system to tackle the spread, anecdotes from dear friends and even the way we greet each other still subtly lingers in my mind. I may have my degree to practice pharmacy now, but the internship year lies ahead and the potential exams and tests will complicate plans that I do aim to carry out in 2022. Even being a massive introvert, I've slowly realized over the years that I do want to meet people, to connect with them at conventions and feel like a part of something I can truly belong to. I dealt quite poorly with the fear of missing out this year, seeing all the new friends I've made going to physical conventions and just having fun with each other in general, and yet plans are still up in the air about how I will make that happen.... But I know that it will definitely happen at some point because hey, my friends can't all be wrong about all the fun that goes on with those things eh?

But there you have it. Four years ago I definitely would not have envisioned myself in this position, but life truly is strange sometimes... I definitely feel unsure about how the future will be, but sometimes you just have to think of the good times you had and smile a little, and think of the good times you will have and dream a little, and hope for the best. 

Thanks for sticking around.