Episode 531 - The Colossus of Ylourgne - Part 2

There is a short story by Clive barker in the books of blood I think it’s called “ in the hills, the cities “ where two villages build giants by strapping themselves together. I think I read that he was challenged to make up a completely original horror story, I felt he did a great job and haven’t heard of another story with a similar idea. Until now.

I think everyone should remember that most of what we know about this comes from du Nord. Let's look at it from Nathaire's point of view -- du Nord was a student who could not hack the course of study, and then he breaks into his old professor's house and tries to wreck the poor guy's effort to deal with physical infirmities and impending death. I mean, I'm no stranger to academic feuds, but this is some cold lunch! OK, I get that there were some early problems with getting control of the giant body, and maybe some slight property damage happened, but wasn't it worth it for the scientific advancement? If Nathaire had been allowed to continue his research, many people with terminal diseases might even now being enjoying a new lease on (sort-of) life with their own giant corpse bodies! As for the "worse things," I think that was du Nord's effort to not say that Nathaire stopped and helped kittens out of trees, young people across rivers, and generally fixed some of the stuff he had accidentally broken. I admit that the attack on the cathedral was a bit ill-advised, but I ask you to remember that the administration of that cathedral started the story with the intent of murdering Nathaire. Isn't he due a little revenge? I think the whole sordid story is made clear at the end. Du Nord sold out his colleagues to the Church in order to remove his competition and corner the market on magical services. And you (along with a lot of others, I imagine) fell for the obvious tissue of lies du Nord spread about. Well, necromancers have learned to expect this sort of thing.

Peter Larsen

I'm waiting for new messages from future. Which stories tell about the future O great seers?

"Gee, I wonder if anything like that is going to happen." I lol'd

Hey kids, this is a message from Doctor W. E. Rewolf with a public safety tip. Heavy metal poisoning is serious and can cause long term impairment to cognitive functions. That's why many experts are recommending that you throw out all silver in your house. Yes, I know it looks good and some of it may be inherited from grandma, but can you really sleep easy at night knowing that your kids might be putting it in their mouths? As long as it makes direct contact with the body there is chance of heavy metal absorption. Be safe, toss out your silver. This has been a public health service of the W. E. Rewolf health group.

Finally some THEWS

"Before I kill you, Mr Bond," from Cheapass Games, is a charming homage to the villain's weakness to put off offing Mr Bond.

Gerard Quinn

I wanted to chime in on Chad's discussion of James Bond and his many breakouts after villains seemingly-lazily leave him to die in various ways. Miike Snow's "Genghis Khan" music video plays with that idea in a way that ends up being really cute and endearing; I'd recommend checking it out if you don't know it. And to pick up with another manga/anime similarity to the story (someone mentioned Attack on Titan earlier), One Piece has an eerily reminiscent arc where the main characters confront a zombie of titanic proportions (also imbued with life with the spirit of a human being). In their fight, they attempt to send a massive bag of salt into the monster's face in order to take it out. Not sure of the creator, Eiichiro Oda, knew about this story, but man there is some serious cross-over. P.S. Chad, no more predictions. You guys killed Prince already and now this business of attacks on D.C....

Matthew Bizzell

Wait, did you guys seriously go the whole episode without mentioning Nathaire smothered a group of priests to death by dumping a cart of manure onto them?

Mandy Reznor (She_It)

I misheard Chris, so when he’s talking about using the magic dust, I thought he said ‘he had to get himself a pie, so that he could throw the powder into the face of Nathair’.

The glee in your voices is an absolute delight and balm in trying times. But when Chris said: "He had to get himself up high so that he could throw this powder into the face" what I heard was: "He had to get himself a pie so that he could throw this powder..." And I really like the version I heard better. I mean, what kind of pie? Where would he get the ingredients? Does he have a pie in his wallet? Was that a thing? Sweet or savory? Or - and hear me out here - is it a cow pie that he's looking for? That would be more satisfying, wouldn't it? Man. I gotta make this movie.

The prediction came true: https://i.imgur.com/BzGY8bZ.png

Thunk

Anyone else think Chad is just showing off with his foresight ability...

I’m so, so glad y’all are returning to the Clark Ashton Smith well, because guys, if you haven't read any of his Martian stories, you are denying yourself joy because it is WEIRD. How weird? Inspired some sweet OG D&D monsters from the TSR days weird. It’s good stuff and I look forward to listening to you get to experience it for the first time.

Who knew Chad was a Seer. Mindless zombies, check...

Robert Sealand

I got into Lovecraft first and only came to CAS later but he quickly became my favourite weird fiction author. His stories are utterly fantastical but still imbued with comic relief. Even some sex every now and then. Since the Double Shadow Podcast has been defunct for the last five years I have been left without the audio nirvana of his tales. THANK YOU for covering them! Attack on Titan has major The Colossus of Ylourgne vibes.

Alan Ricks

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO EMPIRE OF THE NECROMANCERS!! Its just two bumbling necromancers that find a city of the dead and decide to animate its inhabitants for sex slaves and general hijinks!

Alan Ricks

Necromancers are the original Incels I guess, hating women who rejected them. I really liked this second part of the story more than the first, where we got to the good stuff. It made me think of folklore stories about large, maybe not 100 feet tall, skeletons that were in murky pits and swamps. They were called Bloody Bones and comprised of dead animals and bad children that they found wandering the woods where they didn’t belong. From what I recall Clive Barker used it as inspiration for his Rawhead Rex story, which had a lot of the villain attacking clergy and women.

The more I thought about it, the less it felt like a joke.

Giants are as scary as it gets. I imagine Richard Boone (OG Smaug) voicing this thing. Has anyone else had nightmares about hiding from a giant?

You guys should make some predictions about the stock market. My god. You even got the zombies part right. Do you do lotto numbers? It's good we got an awesome necromancer story to see us through the first two weeks of 2021 because we definitely needed one.

I'd like to put in a request for a prediction of peaceful transition, end of pandemic, and ponies for everyone. Thank you.

Such an impressive prediction of the assault here in DC. I always look to HP Podcraft for the most relevant and ahead of the curve takes on our times!

I live 30 minutes from DC, and I found great...pleasure? in imagining the marauding monk as a baby Trump. Same outcome for the followers.

Same: generally I think of the Averoigne stories as CAS's weakest, maybe after the tossed off space opera stuff. But I'm reassessing after this.

Richard Horsman

I think the issue was less opening the basket and more surviving the fall.

Mandy Reznor (She_It)

They already covered (and loved) "The Charnel God," but they need to do "Yoh-Vombis."

Mandy Reznor (She_It)

Adding 'large enough for a pigeon' to animals used as units of measurement along with 'gophers high'. Repotting some plants? Make sure you make a hole large enough for a pigeon. How big of a baking pan do you need for a nice, one gopher high sour dough? Large enough for a pigeon.

Tony Sleaze

This story reminds me Attack on Titan. There are some similar images and concepts.

I generally don't like when a podcast jokes about predicting the future because they're pre-recording their episodes well in advance, but this time you actually nailed it!

That Trump joke was scarily on point. YIKES!

The Juggalobalist

Please don't go "uphill" from here! You made me chuckle to myself - several times! This is your best mode Fifer. Going on and on about the food wallet was hilarious ❤️

Henrik Arborén

At the very end, I waited impatiently for a comment about the Grimm predicament of the crew of Nathaire's minions, being crushed to death underneath the very creature they were building. But it struck me as kinda stupid, that they did not leave their basket during the whole afternoon grave searching. How were they shut-in, since they have made everything themselves? And even if so, what was the point of this weirdest ever piggyback ride?

Chad - Mega Millions numbers, please.

Scott Lloyd

I like the image of Nathaire (sp?) blocking Gaspard's scrying like how you block a survelliance camera in a heist movie; putting up a photograph of his empty study in way of the magic!

Erik Sieurin

Empire of the Necromancers is my favourite CAS story. It makes my skin crawl. Other greats are ‘the charnel god’ and ‘The vaults of Yoh-Vombis’

I like how Chris is disappointed that "There wasn't an actual werewolf..." Wait! Was there a promise of one?? Did I miss something?

Wulf Mungus

CAS' "Eidolon of the Blind" is also some fantastic Lovecraftian sci-fi Mars exploration.

Mandy Reznor (She_It)

Actually, Chris, this might interest you. I actually used the premise of this story as (loose) inspiration for an artifact I homebrewed once. ...An artifact for illithid Elder Brains: https://drive.google.com/file/d/123wwDuMDurLuaX24ocLkshL5J2u8ESPW/view?usp=drivesdk

Mandy Reznor (She_It)

But yeah, I’m loving this story and your reactions to it. Way better than child abusing ghosts.

Michelle Elbert

Duuuuuuudes! I laughed and then I was sad and then you made me laugh again, so we got that going for us.

Michelle Elbert

Necropunk 1277: spending two days having your students create a suitable zombie phallus for your necromantic alter ego.

Also, CAS's notes included an outline for a story called The Werewolf of Averoigne, so Chad might have gotten his wish eventually if he'd kept writing.

This and the Beast of Averoigne are the best of CAS's Averoigne Cycle, so, good choices. In terms of his best weird fiction in general, I recommend you look at Genius Loci and The Chain of Aforgomon next.

idk when I lived in LA from 2004-2009 I knew a guy who was an ex-Scientologist and he confided in me that he once did some clandestine breeze-feelin' on behalf of Tom Cruise 🤷‍♂️

Andrew M. Reichart

Ok, you made me love this story. I don’t remember adoring it, but even going in knowing the ending, you made it super rad and dramatic. However, I still prefer “The Seven Geases”. One great monster and a great story is good and all, but how about SEVEN great monsters and NO story

Jason Thompson

Seriously, no more predictions, unless it's for something good, and virtually impossible. Such as: "And THAT'S why Indiana Jones 5 is the best movie of the franchise."

Ahh, good to dive back in to this classic. I have a special love for this story, but it's also good inspiration--I recently got bit by the homebrewing bug and have been trying to create an AD&D 2E class for the Lifeshapers in the Dark Sun setting that can mould flesh and engineer custom made utility organisms. (Basically think cliffscalling cannibal hobbits with a dash of Elder Thing.) ...I wonder if there's an existing spell in 2E for creating a giant, animate body I could exploit?

Mandy Reznor (She_It)

Gave me chills!! At first I thought you had gone back and spliced in the commentary that this attack had just happened!

“I’ll show them! I’ll become a giant and carry around all the people who appreciate me in a backpack! Then they’ll see!”

Oh you guys will love "Empire of the Necromancers," it's a beaut!

Andrew M. Reichart

YOU GUYS!!! Stop the prophecies! Or start using your powers for good.

Looks like Clark Aston Smith IS a prophet and so are you guys. You nailed it.

Josh Miller

The mob of zombies Trump summoned weren't really fit for their age though.