Episode 413 - A Story Told by the Sea

So, I looked this up and read it. I'm sorry to say that I found it very silly. The implication is she misheard rabbits rather than ravens and misunderstandings ensue. It's too short and blunt. The Woman and man are very silly indeed.

...Still salty from the night before...Dad humor represent! !(>0

Thanks! Yep - unless otherwise noted, we use original music. Hopefully before the year is out we'll be releasing a volume 3 of music here: chadfifer.bandcamp.com

Sequel Title: A Story Told by the Sea 2: Son of a Beach You'll have to let the title tide you over because I'm not going to wade in on some synopsis. I'd be out of my depth. Any port in a storm, or a brandy if you're out of port.

As a Californian, I was disappointed Monterey wasn't the setting... >_>

Jason Thompson

POLICE DESK SERGEANT: Good evening Sir, how can I - Good Lord! KEATING: Officer, I wish to report an assault. SERGEANT: You’re not kidding, you look a right mess - and you’re drenched to the bone! Let me get a form and take some details. Now, who did this to you? KEATING: The ocean. SERGEANT: Okay, the oc- say what now? KEATING: The ocean. We used to be old pals, you know, but then he made some inappropriate comments about my mother. SERGEANT: And was it the ocean that gave you that gash on your head? KEATING: Yes, but that was last night. Hit me on the head with a bottle, but then I choked him out. SERGEANT: You... choked out... the ocean? KEATING: Yes. Have you not noticed my magnificent thews? I left him on the beach and as far as I was concerned that was the end of the matter. But then I was on my way home this evening after some drinks with the boys and the ocean came up behind me, hit me with a two-by-four and dragged me into an alley. SERGEANT: The ocean was waiting to ambush you? In the street? KEATING: I know, terribly ungentlemanly behaviour - I guess he was still salty from the night before. Well, if it had just been the ocean I should have been alright - I recovered my wits and wrestled his plank away, but the craven had friends with him. The Sargasso Sea grabbed my arms, and Lake Michigan came at me with a baseball bat. I would have been done for if my old water-wrestling buddy Chad hadn’t turned up to help me fight them off!

POLICE DESK SERGEANT: Good evening Sir, how can I - Good Lord! KEATING: Officer, I wish to report an assault. SERGEANT: You’re not kidding, you look a right mess - and you’re drenched to the bone! Let me get a form and take some details. Now, who did this to you? KEATING: The ocean. SERGEANT: Okay, the oc- say what now? KEATING: The ocean. We used to be old pals, you know, but then he made some inappropriate comments about my mother. SERGEANT: And was it the ocean that gave you that gash on your head? KEATING: Yes, but that was last night. Hit me on the head with a bottle, but then I choked him out. SERGEANT: You... choked out... the ocean? KEATING: Yes. Have you not noticed my magnificent thews? I left him on the beach and as far as I was concerned that was the end of the matter. But then I was on my way home this evening after some drinks with the boys and the ocean came up behind me, hit me with a two-by-four and dragged me into an alley. SERGEANT: The ocean was waiting to ambush you? In the street? KEATING: I know, terribly ungentlemanly behaviour - I guess he was still salty from the night before. Well, if it had just been the ocean I should have been alright - I recovered my wits and wrestled his plank away, but the craven had friends with him. The Sargasso Sea grabbed my arms, and Lake Michigan came at me with a baseball bat. I would have been done for if my water-wrestling buddy Chad hadn’t turned up to help me fight them off!

POLICE DESK SERGEANT: Good evening Sir, how can I - Good Lord! KEATING: Officer, I wish to report an assault. SERGEANT: You’re not kidding, you look a right mess - and you’re drenched to the bone! Let me get a form and take some details. Now, who did this to you? KEATING: The ocean. SERGEANT: Okay, the oc- say what now? KEATING: The ocean. We used to be old pals, you know, but then he made some inappropriate comments about my mother. SERGEANT: And was it the ocean that gave you that gash on your head? KEATING: Yes, but that was last night. Hit me on the head with a bottle, but then I choked him out. SERGEANT: You... choked out... the ocean? Keating: Yes. Have you not noticed my magnificent thews? I left him on the beach and as far as I was concerned that was the end of the matter. But then I was on my way home this evening after some drinks with the boys and the ocean came up behind me, hit me with a two-by-four and dragged me into an alley. SERGEANT: The ocean was waiting to ambush you? In the street? KEATING: I know, terribly ungentlemanly behaviour - I guess he was still salty from the night before. Well, if it had just been the ocean I should have been alright - I recovered my wits and wrestled his plank away, but the craven had friends with him. The Sargasso Sea grabbed my arms, and Lake Michigan came at me with a baseball bat. I would have been done for if my water-wrestling buddy Chad hadn’t turned up to help me fight them off!

I kept being reminded of Emperor Caligula's "War on Neptune", where he declared war on the sea and had his soldiers and artillery units march on, and attack, the water, collecting sea shells as war booty.

Doug McCool

I especially like that you can so easily spot the precise moment when Bob Howard took over the writing of this story.

Honestly I just wish this story lived up to its title. An epic tale told by The Sea. Skirmishes with its ancient foe, a high-pitched transverse flute in human form. The luring in of an unsuspecting vessel. Cat and mouse as the great floundering ship is made to mockingly follow its desperate crew in lifeboats. All set for the big finish and then - then? - they get themselves et. Damn it! But wait! Two have come back! Well, The Sea will have to make due with their torment. But - no! - they are naked and more scared of some freaking cooks. It's hardly even worth it. Heck. Let the sun have them.

I was assuming that would be the end as well. The Sea needs to work on its storytelling skills, clearly.

Bret Kramer

This story misses a trick by not having more of the colonists escape on the boat, only to be lost at sea and in the end forced to resort to cannibalism themselves!

Hey C and C, great show. I’ve been listening to your old podcasts from years ago in between new weekly releases. I have to admit the music and sound fx on these casts have become extremely potent. The last piece of music on this episode was incredible. Is this original? How and when can I get a copy? Thanks for making yard work nearly tolerable.

Nice callback to Chad's battle with water there- go Chad! :)

Work in Carmel, live in Monterey! <3 Awesome story guys.

Cool story guys, a shame about the one sentence assassination plot but maybe he had a to keep to s tight word count for his intended publication,

Steven Vincent

The use of the term "ancient town" is even more incongruous here than in Lovecraftian New England since Carmel was founded in 1902 :-)

Another vote for Screwfly here too. Also, I bring up Leonora Carrington’s White Rabbits again. It’s in that VanderMeer curated The Weird. It’s nuts and Carrington herself is a great weird character, sculptor, painter, and Max Ernst’s lover. Surreal madness!

"Screwfly Solution" is a really good, unsettling tale; far better than its Masters of Horror adaptation. While it's more on the side of horror, there is certainly a bit of weird in it.

Mandy Reznor (She_It)

If you’ve not considered it yet, The Screwfly Solution by Alice Sheldon (more horror than “Weird” I suppose) is one of my favorites and seems to be in the public domain. <a href="https://lexal.net/scifi/scifiction/classics/classics_archive/sheldon/sheldon1.html" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://lexal.net/scifi/scifiction/classics/classics_archive/sheldon/sheldon1.html</a>

Bret Kramer