"The Collapse" Finished Painting

Hi everyone!

I hope you are all doing well?

Here is a small painting I completed yesterday. You may have seen the work in progress scan of it a few days ago.
I titled it "The Collapse", and it has been quite a journey, emotionally, to paint, let me tell you, haha!
This piece, like a lot of my work, has both a positive connotation to it, and a darker meaning at least for me. Depending on my state of mind, I see it as both a break down of barriers, an opening of the mind, a process of letting the light in, but also a crumbling of the resolve, a weakening of the inner world, and a representation of unconscious fragility.
I am in a strange state at the moment, in my life. My anxiety has been flaring up, and I have been feeling fragile and delicate, emotionally unstable, while also extremely determined and resolute in my goals and plans. I feel both incredibly strong, and terribly frail, with no clear delimitation between those two states.
I see that manifest itself in my art, both in the process, and in the final pieces.
The process is a dichotomy between the energy I feel coursing through me when I create, the excitement, the sheer pleasure of producing work, and the self-doubt, the impostor syndrome, the inability to get the results I want, the powerlessness I feel in not being able to connect what my mind envisions and what my hands can actually do.
The final pieces awake a mix of feelings in me, ranging from happiness and pride from finishing a painting, to deep sadness and exhaustion from not feeling like I did the concept justice in my execution.
But it's a journey, and one I am constantly in awe of being on as my job, and I hope you won't mind me sharing my conflicted states of mind with you every so often, they are so inherent to my creation process as well as who I am, that I would very much like to share those moments with you on occasion. 

I painted this one with acrylic inks and gouache, on a sheet of my 640gsm Arches watercolour paper. It's a delicious paper to work with, since it's so wonderfully thick and high quality, but I do feel the pressure when I do, as it is quite pricey.
I need to figure out how to scan my paintings on textured paper so that the surface doesn't come up too grainy...

Anyway.
This piece might be a tad darker than the works I have done of late, which I suspect might be due to me going through this tough bout of burn out and anxiety. The commission I am trying to finish has been a massive source of stress, our neighbours being horribly noisy (again yesterday, hardly slept last night, yay) doesn't help, and on top of that, I am in a in between stage with my work, where I am not sure where I want to go exactly, but I know that I am not satisfied with where I am at right now. The good thing from all of this, is that it just makes me want to work all the time to create, create, create and get to the happier place that comes from me feeling productive and prolific. 

Again, I want to apologise for the lack of artwork during February, I have been quite worried about the impact that would have on you guys, and although I know you are all incredibly kind and understanding, I do feel guilty for not producing as much content as usual.
I hope this will change soon, at least once I am done with the commission.  

POSTS I'M HOPING TO HAVE UP THIS WEEK

✦ I am working on a few posts today, and $5+ peeps should hopefully get a step-by-step of this painting, with my review of acrylic inks.

✦ $10+ peeps will hopefully get a small tutorial about values. I signed up to the New Masters Academy a couple of months back as they had a big discount on their membership, and I want to start taking their courses more regularly. I will be taking notes during the classes, which I thought I would share with you when I can. I am currently watching the course on values and colour, so should hopefully have some things to post every so often about it, that I hope will be of help/interest to you!

 ❗  IMPORTANT NOTE FOR THE MONTHLY PRINT ($20 tier) ❗  

✦ $20 peeps, please let me know if you would like this painting as your February print.
If you do, I will send it to you with the rest of my orders later this week.
If not, I'm afraid you will need to wait until I have another painting done later in March, and I will send you both your February and March rewards together.
I realise this piece is a little peculiar, so no hard feelings if you'd rather not have it as your monthly print. I'm sorry for not producing as much art in February as I had hoped, I think that is just what happens sometimes.

I have a lot of exciting new concepts that I want to get to painting ASAP, and I will hopefully be able to share the sketches for those with you this month, so keep you eyes peeled. ;)

That's it from me for now,
I hope you are all doing well!

Best, M