Inktober 2018 Day 23 : "The Conflict"

Hi peeps, 

Sorry for my silence the past few days, the wedding was intense, and then I've been extremely tired for a few days. I think I might be falling ill, although I rarely fall fully ill, I mostly get extremely tired for a few days, feel like I'm falling ill, and then feel better again. Hopefully this is what is going on at the moment. 

I was hoping to get two pieces done on Monday but hated the drawing I did, and then had to sleep. l will share the drawings that failed or that I didn't like once I'm finished with Inktober. :) Is that something you'd be interested in? 

I also recorded the entire process for this piece above, from sketch to ink, as I thought you might enjoy a quick little video of the sketching process, and not only the inking stage. Let me know?

This piece to me reflects inner conflict, and my tendencies to constantly feel like I'm tugging between several parts of myself that belong to the adult and the child, and want different things that don't always coincide harmoniously.
I'd like to think I am aware of my inner turmoil most of the time, and I try to decrypt and come to terms with what I know of it, and what I know of its origins, but I'm sure a big part of what makes me tick is subconscious and relates to things I haven't uncovered in myself yet.
Part of my life goal is to slowly decipher my inner self. I don't expect to ever reach a final stage, I don't think healing and evolving have an end to them, but I'd like part of my life's work, the private part, to be as much of an achievement as anything I might do more publicly, in my art for example. 

With social media, although it has many good sides, I feel like our achievements have become things that need to be public and voiced in order to be validated and recognised. It sometimes feels like the world needs to know about it in order for it to exists and have any value. Part of that affects mental health, and I think that the idea that the world needs to agree that we are better for us to be really better is harmful and detrimental. Personal battles fought and won inside ourselves, in silence and turmoil, with no audience and no trophy, are real, true, and deeply valid. If you achieve even the tiniest shred of peace in yourself, if even for one day, one week, one month or one hour, and if no-one knows about it, you have still achieved something that a lot of people can't, something precious and powerful, a moment of peace that you have created for yourself is worth being proud of, even if in silence and only to yourself. 

And on this note, 

I'm off to bed, 

Love you all peeps, see you tomorrow, 

M