The Temp Boyfriend Story (I'm doing it, I'm posting cringe)

Once upon a time in the increasingly distant year of 2025, there was a girl who had every advantage in the world. She was rich. She was good

Once upon a time in the increasingly distant year of 2025, there was a girl who had every advantage in the world.

She was rich.

She was good looking, at least objectively speaking.

She was healthy.

But she squandered all of it, and became a malodorous shut-in, seldom leaving the depths of one of the manors her father had procured for her. There, she spent all day and night playing video games and subsisting on a diet of cheetos and energy drinks that would kill most animals. Her family had long given up on her, she had to friends to speak of, and even the media, normally chomping at the bit for any sort of scoop on a billionaire's failure daughter, had gotten bored of her lack of antics. Her greatest pleasure in life was getting a half-decent roll in one of her gooner gacha games. Her closest company was the rats that had taken shelter within her manor's walls. She was destined to die alone, remembered only in urban legends for the few times she left the house draped in her grey hoodie to go to the convenience store. Life had handed her victory on a silver platter, and she pried open its jaws with all her might and pulled defeat out of them. She was a loser.

Her investor father was satisfied basking in the success of his three sons, who had become prolific influencers, entrepeneurs, and politicians in their own right. His black sheep of a daughter could be easily forgotten. But he had one last trick up his sleeve, and it had to do with an investment of his: a dating platform accessible to all, but targeting the rich.

"For most people, it's just a normal dating app," explained the founder to the disgruntled young woman slouching on the $5000 chair in front of her, "But not for you." 

The founder tapped the projection screen where she was projecting her presentation with a little telescoping baton that she had brought herself.

"YOU get your pick. And don't worry -- it is all consensual of course. We have our Romance AI duplicate your personality, except, um, more... charismatic and likeable. That Romance AI then seeks matches and rizzes up 10,000 candidates at once. Once it isolates the most favorable candidates, you simply take over the chat from the Romance AI, and they're none the wiser. We even give you a temporary boyfriend to tide you over while the AI does its work. Normally this service costs $25,000 per week, but since you father is a prospective investor..." the founder shrugged cheekily, pointing her baton towards the ceiling like an orchestra conductor.

The baton then came down and pointed towards the girl, less now like an orchestra conductor, and more like a fencer.

"YOU get to be our first beta tester."

"Well I have been called a beta," the girl piped up, a rare small smile curling her lips. It was the type of smile she made when she thought she just made a really good joke, and said something really funny. But the crowd was a graveyard.

"What?" responded the founder.

"It's...it's like, f-four chan speak"

"What?"

"Nevermind."

"Anyway," continued the founder, "You can just go home for now. We already have all of your photos, posts, and internet searches to train the AI on"

"A-all of it?"

"So we should be all set on that end. We'll send over the temp this afternoon. If we need to contact you, we will text, and then call if you don't respond. If you need to contact me, then ..."

The founder pulled something out of her pocket

"Here is my card."

The found stretched her gloved hand out towards the girl. In her fingers rested a thin, blank metal sheet.

As the girl inspected it in her hand, she noticed letters and numbers appearing on the sheet where she touched it.

"Heat activated. Pretty cool, right?" said the founder.

Soon after that, the girl was on her way.

----

That afternoon, the girl got a knock on the door.

However, she was in the middle of a game, so she didn't answer. Once the game was finished, she had forgotten about the knock, and queued in for another game. However, when she was in the middle of the next game, she heard another knock

followed by a muffled

"E-excuse me, I'm not authorized to leave."

She huffed and yelled "JUST A SECOND, I'M FINISHING UP A GAME."

The game wasn't finishing up. There was like 15 more minutes in the game.

But then after that she let out an exasperated sigh and went to open the door.

On the other side stood a guy that looked less like the parade of greek-statue-esque suitors that her father sent her way (which included a few women, he was experimental), and more like... well, her.

He stood slightly shorter than her, with messy hair partially covering a pair of big, nervous eyes with dark shadows underneath. He wore a formal shirt with pants just a little too short and wide for his frame. He took out a small card and began reading off of it.

"Hello! This is your temporary boyfriend,"

"Th-that's me," he said, looking up at her from the card for a moment.

"He will accompany you while are patented Romance AI creates a selection of ideal, high status partners for you to choose from. Do not worry if he is"

The guy paused for a second.

"... if he is short and slash or ugly. The temporary boyfriend is merely a placeholder so that you can get accustomed to the social experience of living with a significant other. He will soon be replaced by the man of your dreams.

With love,

Romantech Staff"

The guy put down the card, having finished reading it, but did not look up to meet her gaze. She stood there, crossing her arms, for a few silent seconds, and then spoke up.

"Can you cook?"

The guy met her gaze at last as his eyes lit up

"BOY, CAN I!! That's actually part of the reason I was selected for this. Well, that and, um, not--uh, not resolving enough tickets as a programmer. It was either this or getting fired for me."

"Glad you chose me over homelessness."

"Well I didn't... I didn't know it would be you."

"So if you knew it'd be me, you would have chosen the homelessness?"

"I, um, I, n-no, that's"

"Hey, relax. I'm only joking. Why are you standing so far from the door, anyway? Are you starstruck or something?"

The truth is, he was standing about five feet away from the door because of the stench that now caught up with the girl and was wafting out of the manor. It smelled like a witch's brew of every flavor of Monster Energy with a dead rat swimming around inside it. When I say "swimming" here, I don't mean "swimming" in the way that a dead leaf swims in an autumn lake, but rather literally locomoting eternally around the cauldron, propelled by the unholy composition of the mixture within.

"So, you gonna get in here and cook me something?"

"Sure, let me just. Um. Brace myself."

"Brace yourself for what? Never been inside a girl's house before?"

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That's all I've written so far! But it's one of the things I promised y'all, and here it is, delivered. I don't know if there will be more, but if you want more, by all means let me know.