True Blood 5X5: Let's Boot and Rally

Okay. I don't even know if I like this show, but I refuse to let it win. This show will not be smarter than me. If millions of people can understand, I can too (except I kinda don't). Also, I'm slightly tipsy as I write this. I'm doing a drunk re-watch in 90 minutes.

So, Sookie is about to have sex with Alcide (or maybe just blow him), when she pukes all over him, which is witnessed by both Bill and Eric. Afterwards, they explain to her that she needs to go into parking garage guy's mind and figure out what happened to Russell. He leads them to some building where they creep along along trying to figure out what happened.

First, they stumble into a room with a pile of dead bodies. Next, they find alive people meathooks, then, finally, it's Russell who looks like he's on his deathbed. Although, I'm pretty sure meathook people are being brought for him to feed off of and pile of dead bodies room is the aftermath. We don't get a conclusion of this though, as he's busy being snarky with Eric, and then Alcide turns into a werewolf and the episode ends. Okay.

Meanwhile, Tara is trying to deal with being a vampire. Jessica tries to help her out and I think they are going to have a nice relationship. But then, Tara ends up feeding on Hoyt (who offered himself to her, BTW) and when Jessica realizes, they get into a fight. I don't want this. I want them to be delightful vampire friends.

Sam heads over to Luna's to tell her that their friends are dead. After letting Sam comfort her for a moment, she tells him to leave. When he does, some crazy people in stupid masks shoot him. Luna runs out to see what happened and she gets shot as well. Then, her daughter comes out and Sam convinces her to run away. She shifts into a tiny dog and scampers off. But, both Sam and Luna are not in good shape.

Jason is dealing with the aftermath of what he learned in fairy land. He ends up having a dream where his parents are alive, but bleeding out from puncture wounds on the neck. And then his mom is all like, 'Would you like to have sex with me, Jason? No? Not even a blow job?' Jason wakes up horrified (how could he not) and tries to talk to Andy about it, but he has zero interest in this, as he wants to go all in on Holly.

And then we've got Terry and Patrick, who are being held hostage by Eller. Eller is convinced that during their time in the service, some lady they killed put a fire curse on them. Terry manages to talk him out of letting them go by claiming he believes him and the fire monster wanted all 3 of them here together, and they're letting it win. Eller, is like, hmmm, good point. And unties them. Where Patrick immediately knocks him out and ties him up. He refuses to listen to Terry when he tells him that he saw the fire monster too. He reminds him they were on drugs (Did we know this? I feel like I have a very vague memory of this, but maybe I made it up) and that's what he was remembering.