(Complete) Wimblewools & Truffletons

*dragging myself across the finish line* ough. guh. FINALLY done

No Two-Ton Truff here because his size throws the family tree visually off balance. Adsffffg. Anyway, it’s time for Mona’s side of the family. I made a lot of changes to her son “Teddy”, btw, including his name. Buckle up! >:O

Despite their visual similarities, sheep and goats have wildly different stereotypes regarding their species. Goats are thought to be brave and brash, thundering into life head-and-horns-first, while sheep are of course considered meek and timid weaklings. This could not be further from the case for the Wimblewool sisters, Mona and Muriel, of Lambden, England. Mona was an art history teacher at the local school, and Muriel taught music- and that’s about where their similarities end. Mona has always been a shy, stammering goat, even prone to fainting when spooked. Muriel, meanwhile was a pint-sized powerhouse with a proclivity for beer and bar fights. Mona was a hopeless lesbian often too flustered to even approach the ladies, while Muriel had always known exactly what she wanted- a studly ram with a bad attitude and a great big…..set of horns, silly.

Said ram manifests in the form of Balthazar Baast, future god of rock. Bal chats up the Wimblewool sisters one night at a pub, and while Mona finds him to be a bit of a tool, Muriel is instantly bewitched. Slapping her resignation upon the principal’s desk (it’s just the words ‘eat a dick’ on pink stationary), Muriel rushes off with Bal for a debaucherous new life of drugs, sex, and rock & roll. Present day Muriel goes by the stage name BATTLE-AXE, and has been Bal’s lead guitarist and manager for decades. Famous for teaching her fellow meek sheep the fine art of death metal rage, she refers to her beloved electric guitar as her axe.

Mona, meanwhile, has been left all alone. She doesn’t want high-flying adventure like her sister, instead Mona has always dreamed of a quaint, quiet life at home with a family. She moves in with her dear friend Roald, a librarian and rather lame amateur magician (he needs his faux unicorn horn for channeling his latent magic, or so he claims), and spends the next couple years boredly teaching and being the stiffly polite assistant at Roald’s sparsely attended magic shows. Ho-hum, life as usual.

News arrives from the front- Muriel is divorcing Bal, who’s so drunk on fame (among other substances) that he can hardly string a sentence together anymore, let alone perform. With a final harrumph, Muriel trades out all that exhausting hedonism for a safe stable life in the suburbs with a stuffy salaryman. Insisting this is what she’s wanted the whole time (So bugger off, Balthazar!), Muriel eventually gives birth to two treasured twin little lambs. Mona is happy for her sister, but also….jealous. As she creeps closer to her mid-30s, she can’t help but feel like she’s been waiting for years for her life to begin.

Well. Mona decides that since she’s had no luck finding a partner to start a family with, she’ll just have to go it alone. Roald, as exasperating as he is endearing, offers to be the donor. And so, Mona gives birth to the tiny golden goaty apple of her eye, Jamie. Mona is blissfully happy raising her bright, beautiful, only slightly stupid son for the next couple years, life as a single mother means she doesn’t even have to share him with anyone. Roald, an asexual gay man, opts to play the role of Jamie’s kindly “uncle”, rather than dad, helping Jamie with schoolwork and teaching sleight-of-hoof magic tricks that definitely don’t wear on Mona’s nerves.

Good news! Balthazar is sober! More news! He and Muriel are getting back together! Mona pretends to be surprised. Not like Bal hadn’t been spending the last year writing dreary, weirdly horny flop albums about lost love and being hungry for saucy little sheep….Muriel promptly divorces her husband (her dear john letter only reads ‘eat a dick’) and joins Bal on an electric honeymoon tour, and somehow, Bal comes back from it pregnant. Muriel’s quite smug about it. Mona can’t help feeling her life seems somewhat dull in comparison, even with her son….

It takes Mona a decade or so to pluck up the nerve to move to the states, and she doesn’t even move anywhere interesting. She merely wants a change of pace, a safe, quiet little shake-up. Instead a loud sow by the name of Lulu barges into her life and turns it upside down. Lulu is large, in charge, and her crass flirting makes Mona feel like she’s going to faint (and she does, sometimes). Mona doesn’t need to be good at talking to women because Lulu decides they’re dating by their second conversation. Mona is yanked along for the ride, bleating and terrified (okay not really, but Mona will never get used to how forward Americans are, goodness! I-it’s….exhilarating! Perhaps her sister was on to something after all with all that debauchery talk? Why Mona may just go home and drink a full caffeinated tea after this!)

Mona knew Lulu had a son, but by the proud, doting way she talked about him, Mona assumed he was a young, polite little schoolboy, maybe 8 or 9 years old. She is blown the FUCK back when Lulu happily introduces her to her gigantic surly boar of a son- the very same boar currently failing Mona’s art history class (and all his classes, really). Although Mona reaches out to him in concern over his floundering grades, nineteen-year-old Tibbs is not at all in a place where he wants help from his mom’s stuttering snooty british girlfriend. He tells her and her tutoring to fuck off, and then he fucks off- to god knows where, coming and going as he pleases, all while his mother turns a blind eye. Lulu brushes her son’s struggles off, or changes the topic, or, if pressed, becomes quite angry ,“Don’t act like you know my son better than I do!!”. Between the both of them, Mona often feels like she’s butting her horns against a brick wall. Still….she’d be failing as a teacher if she stopped trying to help young Tibbs.

Worse than Mona and her meddling is Jamie. Tibbs can’t stand Jamie. Approachable, warm, and just a bit goofy, he's the sort that genuinely wants to know the answer when he asks how you're doing. He's here for you mate, d'you need a hug? Whether by birth or through Mona's frantic overprotection, Jamie seems incapable of recognizing faults or negativity in other people. Since day one he's wanted nothing more than to be Tibbs friend (and maybe, hopefully, someday a brother?), which teen Tibbs of course HATES. He sneers at Jamie’s close, affectionate relationship with Mona (idiot actually calls her “mummy” still, what a rube). Worse yet, Jamie’s quite the cooking whiz (already getting offers from fancy culinary schools!) so he clicks quickly with Lulu. They spend their evenings making dinner and joking around in the kitchen, which used to be Tibbs’ thing to do with Lulu! >:( Sullen, resentful, and feeling replaced by the new golden kid, Tibbs withdraws from his family further. Jamie is the son Lulu deserves, Tibbs feels like an unsalvageable fuck-up in comparison. Jamie's relentless optimism and total lack of damage rankles Tibbs, and he spends quite some time trying and failing to shove away the grating goat. Jamie is so eager to impress Tibbs that he'll fake knowing how to smoke Tibbs’ cigarettes (cueing a violent coughing/puking fit) or even pretend to be related to Balthazar Baast (yeah fuckin right). It all does little to win him respect from the aloof boar, and Tibbs doesn’t bother looking back when he ditches his family for his girlfriend Joan.

And yet. Much later on, when Tibbs is serving his prison sentence, Jamie is one of Tibbs' few visitors. Tibbs is depressed and alone, but Jamie tirelessly brings him new books and junk food to share and teaches him how to crochet granny squares, and it's here that their friendship finally takes off. Tibbs not only comes to respect Jamie, but also grows fiercely loyal to him. Similar feelings ignite for Mona, a maternal mentor figure who sees Tibbs for who he really is. While Lulu and her endless fawning make Tibbs feel unheard and ashamed, Mona is kind but honest, fully able to challenge Tibbs when he’s being a moody little shit. He’s respected her ever since he was a teen, when he angrily got up in her face to intimidate her and she keeled over in a dead faint- panicking the fuck out of Tibbs, who thought he’d killed her. She then revealed she’d only pretended to faint to teach him a lesson- Mona may be anxiety personified, but she’s also been forged in the fires of public education for decades. She is not afraid of him, so he’d better stop trying to throw his weight around. Tibbs didn’t like the lesson at the time, but secretly he thinks Mona’s more than a little hardcore. In the end, she becomes so much more than his mom’s annoying goat girlfriend….and Jamie, of course, becomes Tibbs’ brother.

notes:

-Mona and Jamie are goats. Balthazar, Muriel, and their kids are all sheep. Winnie and Nona are both Muriel’s daughters from her poorly-thought-out prior marriage, and Bal has always been a doofy doting stepfather to both of them. They love Bal a lot! Winnie is a hippie-dippy herbivore that wants to create a commune for ungulate folk to graze sweetgrass freely, the way Mother Earth intended (public opinion remains skeptical), while Nona is a tech wiz that can’t stop selling scam ideas to silicon valley nerds. Bankrupting millionaires is a hobby for her. Bal eventually gave birth to his own princess of darkness, Belladonna (stage name Hemlock), a goth metal operatic-style vocalist (think Nightwish), though she’ll never stop being Bal’s baby bella luvvy lamby-lamb. 🖤

-Mona is an artist (she painted the designs on Jamie’s horns). When Lulu is later able to transform her shabby old diner into a slick Cajun kitchen, they’re finally financially secure enough for Mona to retire. She currently spends her days making artisanal cheeses and sculpting things out of butter. Lulu’s proud of each and every piece!

-Lulu isn’t allowed to use anything spicier than salt when she makes food for Mona. Even a sniff of cajun seasoning might kill Mona’s british ass

-Perry and Jamie get along like a house on fire, their combined excitable double dork energy makes Tibbs feel like he needs to lay down

-Roald is a cremello horse~ Also, Jamie still hasn’t figured out Roald is his dad. Roald says he’s Jamie’s uncle, and Jamie is of course a good boy that takes people at their word. 😌

-“Byron” is not Bal’s deadname, just the boring civilian name he used before he got rockstar famous. The only one to call him that these days is Muriel, in their softer moments. Comparatively, his pet name for her is “Bunty”.

they’re both (generally) more interested than crochet than cocaine these days. generally