Feedback request
Added 2019-06-22 21:07:57 +0000 UTCI had a lot of trouble with this chapter. It has a strongly emotional and controversial theme to it. I always worry I will offend when I write chapters like this, but these are what makes good stories. I would like to know if you think the chapter is going to far. I am trying to portray that Ayawa is haunted by a past she lost to become who she is, and Gedris is reminding her of it. This is making her a little emotional so to speak. It will all become more clear in latter chapters but I hope this explains a bit why Gedris seems so impulsive and needy. FunFact, I based Gedris off a real life girlfriend. Oh the stories I could tell.
Comments
I am going to rewrite this to take this into account. Ayawa in particular wouldn't do this. In this very chapter I said she was afraid to close her eyes at night indicating she was somewhat paranoid about security and I did this? It makes no sense. Thank you for pointing this out.
2019-06-22 23:00:47 +0000 UTCThe emotional part seemed fine. Didn't really notice the security implications till Rath pointed it out.
WhiteRabbit
2019-06-22 22:51:48 +0000 UTC
