My Handsome Mountain Bike Is A Doctor And He Pounds My Butt - (Classic Tingler Revisited)

today is LABOR DAY in the united states, a day that has been set aside to celebrate labor and the workforce, which is pretty dang cool as far as national holidays go. i posted a few tingler covers this morning, a collection regarding this realm of UNIONS and WORK and TIME OFF, and i figured i would post one of those books as a classic tingler revisited. HOWEVER it turns out all of those covers have already been posted here WHAT THE HECK

that got me thinkin though. instead of sharing a tingler about work, why not upload one about something you might do on your DAY OFF

with that in mind i am bringing you MY HANDSOME MOUNTAIN BIKE IS A DOCTOR AND HE POUNDS MY BUTT which is a classic tingler that i find is often overlooked in the ranks of my many bicycle-based tales

before my painman way i did some pretty SERIOUS MOUNTAIN BIKING. it was an interesting phase that i would like to get back into, and as much as i enjoyed the exercise what i REALLY liked was getting out into the middle of nowhere. there is such an incredible connection to this timeline that exists in the farthest parts of the wilderness. it always set my brain up right to create when i spent a little time outdoors.

while i did not write this as a DIRECT inspiration from one of those bike trips, i feel like that CONNECTION TO THIS TIMELINE is what put a story like this into my subconscious. hopefully it can make you feel a little connected as well buckaroos.

MY HANDSOME MOUNTAIN BIKE IS A DOCTOR AND HE POUNDS MY BUTT

By Chuck Tingle

Living the big city, it’s hard to find time to yourself.

       Don’t get me wrong, I love life in the fast lane, and I’m thankful that I can afford this high end metropolitan lifestyle, but sometimes the constant sound of car horns and the never ending landscape of concrete can be a little much. One or two days of this chaos is fine, hell, even weeks of it, but eventually you’ll want to get out of town for a taste of the great outdoors.

       I manage to get my fix through mountain biking. While I live and work downtown, just a few miles up the interstate will eventually cause the buildings to fall away, revealing lush natural panoramas of hills and streams, trees and massive crumbling boulders. It takes a while to make it through all the traffic, but if I get up early enough, I can find myself in the middle of peaceful nowhere within an hour or so.

       This trip has been my weekly routine for the last year and a half, and there’s no question how good it’s been for my mental state. I’m much more productive at work than I could’ve ever imagined, feeling fresh, rejuvenated and full of new ideas.

       My friends have all noticed a difference, too, going on and on about how healthy I look and how happy I seem. Of course, it’s not just the routine contact with a natural setting that has been amplifying my lifestyle, it’s the exercise, as well. I was already a pretty fit guy, but these days I’m chiseled to perfection thanks to my time on the bike.

       “When are you gonna come out with me?” I ask my friend, Rusty, as we sit across from one another at a high top bar table. He glances down from the screen hanging behind me, making eye contact once more.

       “What?” my friend questions.

       He was focused on the game, which is fair. After all, it’s what we came here to do, kick back with a couple of tall chocolate milks and watch the Lake Crabs battle it out in the playoffs. Still, I can’t help but think that, if the situation were reversed, I could pay attention to both.

       My time on the bike has made me incredibly adapt as putting my focus where I want it, sometimes two places at once. I feel like I’m a superhuman.

       “I said, when are you gonna come out and ride with me?” I continue.

       Rusty smiles. “Well, it’s a nice invite, but I’m still gonna have to decline.”

       I roll my eyes. “Come on man, you see how much it’s changed my life!”

       My friend nods, then hoists up his glass of beautifully brown chocolate milk in a toast. We clink our drinks together and then take long sips from the creamy, decadent liquid.

       “I’ll admit it, getting out into nature once a week and exercising has been very good to you,” Rusty informs me. “A small, consistent change can make for a very healthy lifestyle.”

       “What’s the problem then?” I question.

       Rusty laughs. “The same problem we all have, there’s just not enough time in the day! I don’t know how you do it, Lurso. We both work nine to five jobs, and the weekends are crammed full or errands. By the time I get home I’m exhausted, and all I can think to do, besides lounging on the couch, is sit here with you drinking chocolate milk!”

       I nod. “Fair enough.”

       “What time do you wake up on the mornings that you ride?” my friend questions.

       “Three thirty,” I inform him. “That way I avoid traffic and always make it back to work with a half hour to spare.”

       Rusty shakes his head in astonishment. “Well, I admire you, I really do.”

       Suddenly, the Lake Crabs score a goal, prompting the entire bar to erupt in an excited cheer. Me and my friend burst from our seats, congratulating the rest of the fans at the tables scattered around us.

       Finally, the commotion dies down and Rusty and me return to our seats.

       “Speaking of your bike rides,” my friend begins. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.”

       “Oh yeah, what?” I question.

       My friend hesitates for a moment. “Did you hear about the guy who just feel down into a crevice up there?”

       I nod.

       It’s a terrible story. Another biker couldn’t make the turn while coming down on the opposite side of the mountain. He ended up falling into a ravine and breaking all of his bones. He’s been in a full body cast ever since, and will probably never sit up on the bike seat again.

       “That guy could’ve died if a hiker hadn’t heard him yelling,” Rusty continues.

       “I know,” I assure him.

       Rusty takes a deep breath. “I guess what I’m trying to say is… if you can’t talk anyone into getting up at three thirty to bike with you, maybe you shouldn’t be biking at all. The buddy system is important, and some of those trails can get really dangerous.”

       Deep down, I know that my friend has a point, but I’m forced to push any of that logic out of my head. Biking has completely changed my like, and I’m not just going to stop because someone hurt themselves along my path. It’s not like I’m up there without pads and a helmet. I’m as safe as I can be, despite being completely on my own.

       “I’ll be fine,” I assure my friend.

       Rusty begrudgingly accepts, well aware that he’s not going to change my mind.

       “So when you’re nice ride?” my friend sighs in defeat.

       “Bright and early tomorrow morning,” I offer with a playful wink.

The nights before I ride, I’m brimming with excitement but dedicated to routine. I go to be early, and I always wake up with one minute remaining on my alarm clock. Before it has a chance to sound I switch the thing off and climb out of bed, getting dressed in the biking gear that I’ve laid out for myself. I pack a protein bar and swing my camelback over my shoulder, ready for anything. My bike is already loaded up in the back seat of my SUV.

       The next thing I know, I’m cruising down the highway, curious if the other few vehicles passing me by are headed home for bed or up just as early as I am. Without traffic, it’s not long until I’m taking my exit and heading up a long winding road that snakes into the hills.

       Of course, I don’t want to drive too far. This climb is going to be so much better under the rubber tires of my bike.

       It’s not long before I park, finding a spot well below the designated starting point. If I’m gonna come all the way out here to bike, I might as well get as much riding in as possible.

       I double check that everything is situated correctly, pumping up the tires and snapping on my helmet, then seconds later, I’m off and running, shooting up towards the nearby dirt path.

       I let out as sigh of relief as the rest of the world disappears behind me. Almost immediately, I’m transported to a realm of peace and beauty, smelling the pleasant scent of the pines and listening to the soft chirp of the birds as they begin to wake from their nightly slumbers. By now, the sun has just started to crest over the distant horizon, bringing yet another beautiful day to this side of the world.

       Eventually, my climb levels out and I begin to make my way along the top of a massive ridge. The path here is narrow and treacherous, but in this moment my mind is razor sharp. My senses are elevated, operating on a level that is beyond danger, beyond crashing. I am invincible.

       Suddenly, during one of the many switchbacks, a massive rock sends my front tire spinning off in an unexpected direction. I quickly pull back, but with this motion I overcompensate. The next think I know, my bike and me are tumbling end over end into the canyon, tumbling down a steep rock cliff with no end in sight.

       The entire thing happens almost instantly, cut short when my body slams hard against a rocky bounder below. I bounce off of it and come to rest on the hard dirt, and although I’m alive thanks to my helmet and pads, I can definitely tell that something is wrong.

       I sit up, collecting myself for a moment, and then attempt to climb to my feet. Unfortunately, this doesn’t quite go as planned and surges of sharp pain shoot out across my body almost instantly. The sensation is emanating from my leg, which I quickly grab as though this movement will stop the awful feelings from pulsing through me.

       “Oh my god,” I groan, realizing now that my leg is badly broken.

       Understanding that there’s nothing I can do with my body at the moment, I gaze around and take in the rest of my surroundings.

       Down here, the canyon has become incredibly narrow. It’s so narrow, in fact, that I’d actually describe it as a hole in the ground with a long slit opening at the top. One either side of me are steep rock walls that are almost perfectly vertical, and the opening rests about ten to fifteen feet up.

       Laying a few feet away from me is my mountain bike, a little scuffed up and dirty, but still sturdy as ever.

       My bike, Mart, turns upright and then rolls over. “You okay?”

       I cough loudly, clearing my throat as the dust from our fall continues to settle. “No, actually,” I admit.

       Mart rolls over to my leg and starts to inspect the situation.

       “Rusty was right,” I moan. “I should’ve never gone out here without a partner. Now I’m stuck at the bottom of a massive hole and nobody has any idea where I am. I didn’t even park in the lot with the other cars.”

       “A riding partner!” Mart scoffs. “What about me?”

       “You’re a bike,” I retort with a laugh, then suddenly stop myself when I see the look on Mart’s face. “I mean… nevermind, I’m sorry man.”

       My sentient mountain bike rolls his eyes. “Well, this bike thinks we need to get under your pant leg and see what we’re working with. From the looks of it, this could be a compound fracture.”

       I narrow my eyes. “How do you know?”

       “I’m a doctor,” Mart informs me bluntly.

       The bike immediately gets to work, pulling out a pair of scissors from somewhere within his metallic body and then carefully cutting along the pant fabric that surrounds my thigh. The bike carefully lifts it off as I wince in pain, revealing that his suspicions are correct.

       A massive bone has broken through the skin of my leg.

       “Oh my god, we’re never getting out of here,” I groan.

       “It’s okay, it’s okay,” Mart says softly. “We can fix that right up, no problem.”

       “Are you kidding me?” I cry out, losing my cool. “My bone is completely broken! The only way I’m getting better is over the next six months at a hospital!”

       Mart shakes his head and then reaches into his hollow metallic body once more. The living mountain bike quickly finds what he’s looking for, pulling out a large tube that looks as though it might contain toothpaste.

       “What’s that?” I question.

       “You’re right about one thing,” Mart states, ignoring my question. “Human doctors would need to take you to the hospital to get this fixed up, but lucky for you I’m not a human doctor. This paste is state of the art in bicycle health. You’re lucky I like to carry some around with me.”

       Mart pumps a bit of white paste out from his tube then begins to lather it onto my wound, covering the bone and the hole in my skin completely. The sentient mountain bike isn’t modest with his application, really lathering it on thick until the entire situation is completely obscured.

       The second that the paste hits my skin the pain completely dissipates. Any discomfort that I once had has instantly vanished, replaced instead by a powerful numbness that is oh so pleasant given the situation.

       Next, Mart puts the tube of paste back into his hollow bicycle body, withdrawing another strange item in its place. This looks like some kind of ray gun, a futuristic device with a handle and a trigger that Mart points directly at my leg. The sentient mountain bike pulls his trigger and a flash of bright purple light erupts from the head of the gun, nearly blinding me in the process.

       I blink wildly, struggling to collect myself.

       “There you go, that should do the trick,” Mart coos.

       It only takes a moment before the changes start to occur. While I can’t see anything beneath the paste that has been layered on thick across my leg, I can make out the basic shape of what lies below. While I watch in amazement, the nub of my protruding bone sinks deeper and deeper, slowly disappearing into the paste.

       “All better,” says the bike, wiping away the paste with a rag to reveal that my leg has been completely healed.

       My mind has been blown wide open, completely thrown for a loop in the presence of such and incredibly skilled doctor. I’ve know this bike for three years now, and never would I have guessed that he was such a skilled physician.

       “That was amazing,” I gush. “Why didn’t you tell me you were a doctor?”
       Mart shrugs. “I mean, I’m not really one to brag. I went to medical school about fifty years ago. Back then there were a lot more schools for bike medicine, before human doctors became the norm. Anyway, I’ve kept up with the times. When we’re not out here on the mountain riding, I run a private practice out of your garage.”

       “Incredible,” I tell him, utterly blown away.

       There’s no question that I’m impressed with his skills as a doctor, but as I sit here staring at my handsome mountain bike, I can’t help it as another emotion begins to make it’s way through my veins. My not gay, but in this moment I can’t help finding myself overwhelmingly attracted to my handsome living bicycle. I’d know he was good looking, obviously, with a perfectly crafted frame lined with muscular abs down the front and a charming smile almost always pasted across his chiseled face. Now, however, I realize just how incredibly smart he is.

       Mart is a doctor, and I had absolutely no idea.

       “Ready to climb up out of here?” my bike questions. “Your leg should be just fine now.”

       “Yeah, I just…” I start, then trail off.

       Mart looks confused. “What is it?”

       “Thank you,” I finally tell him, a deep sincerity in my voice.

       “You’re welcome,” Mart replies, giving me a playful wink.

       Suddenly, the mountain bike freezes, the fun nature behind his expression melting away into something even more powerful, more primal. It only takes seconds for Mart to meet me on my level, the formidable attraction now flowing back and forth between us in a vast, unspoken river.

       I sit up and begin to crawl across the dirt towards Mart, continuing until I’m right in front of him. “Lean back,” I command.

       Without a word, then sentient mountain bike doctor pulls up onto his back tire, tilting until his enormous cock is directly in front of my face. I’m impressed with is size, the rock hard dick tempting me with it’s glorious fleshy mass.

       “Let me repay you for your help,” I coo, then open my mouth wide, taking the mountain bike’s dick between my lips.

       The second that his enormous shaft enters my mouth, Mart lets out a long, satisfied groan. I can feel his bicycle abs clenching and releasing above me, his body struggling to come to terms with the pleasure that I’m so diligently providing.

       I begin to pump my face slowly up and down across the mountain bike’s mammoth length, slowly at first and then picking up speed with every movement. Faster and faster I go, becoming more confident with my oral skills. Although this is my first time, I remember an article about bicycle blowjobs in one of my riding magazines, calling back to it within my mind. I reach up with one hand and cradle Mart’s hanging balls, giving it everything I’ve got.

       Eventually, I push down as far as I can and hold, somehow relaxing my gag reflex as the mountain bike continues deeper and deeper into my neck. Mart is now fully inserted within me, my face pressed up hard against his perfectly toned abs.

       I do my best to stay in this position for as long as I possibly can, holding my breath while the handsome bicycle enjoys the sensation of being completely consumed.

       “That feels so fucking good,” the sentient mountain bike groans.

       When I finally run out of air I pull back from Mart with a frantic gasp, spit hanging between my lips and the head of his shaft in a long, glistening strand. I reach up and begin to stroke the bike’s cock once more, using my saliva as lube while I lather him up like he lathered me just moments earlier.

       “I need you inside me,” I confess. “I need that huge bicycle dick up my tight asshole!”

       With that, I turn around on the hard dirt ground, pulling down my shorts and underwear then leaning forward. I’m now in the doggy style position, my muscular ass popped out towards Mart. I wiggly it from side to side, playfully teasing him with my incredible rump.

       “What are you waiting for?” I demand to know. “Roll over here and pound me like we pound the trails!”

       The handsome bicycle doesn’t need to be told twice, positioning himself behind me and aligning his utterly enormous cock with the tightly puckered entrance of my back door. The mountain bike places his massive, rock hard shaft against my anal seal, teasing me for a brief moment and then thrusting forward in one long, powerful movement.

       “Oh my fucking god!” I cry out, throwing my head back as I brace myself on the ground before me.

       Although I’d just finished sucking him off, nothing could’ve prepared me for this hung sentient object’s anal insertion. His girth is a force to be reckoned with, completely maxing me out on a level that I never would’ve thought humanly possible.

       Thankfully, Mart is a seasoned lover, taking his time with my first penetration. He stays put for a minute, allowing me to adjust to his size before slowly, carefully, beginning to push in and out of my butthole.

       Overwhelmed with aching discomfort, I clench my teeth and hiss through them, begging my own body to relax and accept the handsome bicycle’s incredible girth. My anal passageway is stretched completely taut, sending pulses of discomfort through my body in wave after powerful wave.

       “I want this dick, but I don’t know if I can take it,” I moan.

       “You’ve got this,” the beautiful bike reassures me. “Remember all those times we trekked up the mountain and you thought you couldn’t make it? Those steep hills we climbed together in the summer heat? You can do anything you set your mind to, Lurso.”

       His encouragement fills me with the confidence I need. I close my eyes, focusing on the sensations that are coursing through my body and then allowing them to flow through me instead of fighting against them. Somehow, I manage to relax myself, accepting the handsome mountain bike’s girth as he slowly thrusts in and out of my butthole.

       Eventually, the pain and discomfort begins to melt away, revealing something else underneath, something powerful and all consuming. Before I know it, my body has been overwhelmed by a pleasant ache; warm, blossoming pleasure spilling out through my veins.

       “Oh my god, that feels so fucking good!” I cry. “Fuck me! Fuck me!”

       By now, Mart has elevated his movements to a confident rhythm, hammering away at my backside with all of his strength. His dick plunges deep down inside me, every thrust sending a surge of pleasure out across my body. Deep down in the pit of my stomach I can feel a mighty sensation starting to bloom, although it’s not like any previous impending orgasm that I’ve ever experienced.

       I quickly realize that these strange feelings within me are the first hints of a prostate orgasm, something that I’ve heard plenty about, but never experienced for myself.

       Soon the ache to climax has consumed me completely, my body trembling and quaking as I brace for impact.

       Almost instantly, however, the mountain bike pulls out of my ass.

       “Hey!” I cry, ripped away from the pulsing sensations of pleasure. “I was gonna cum!”

       My handsome living bicycle shakes his head. “The second you cum, you’ll be too tired to climb out of here. Don’t forget, we need you to scale this rock and then ride all the way out. It’s not just downhill from here, and we’ve got a long way to go.”

       I let out a weary sigh, recognizing that he’s absolutely correct. I need to be saving my energy.

       “You ready to climb?” Mart questions.

       I nod, then stand up and head over to the rocky wall. With all the sexual hormones pumping through my body, I find myself with heightened senses and an almost supernatural determination. As my eyes scan the imperfections of this rock face, I chart a path for my climb.

       “Alright, grab on,” I command the handsome bike.

       Mart rolls up behind me and then mounts my shoulders, hanging on tight as I begin my ascent.

       “You’re very strong,” the bike whispers seductively in my ear, clearly impressed by the way that the muscles of my back contract and expand below him.

       It’s not long before we reach the ledge of this massive opening. I let Mart climb up first and them hoist myself over behind him, laying out on the path in exhaustion as I struggle to catch my breath.

       “I’m impressed,” my handsome bike says, rolling over to me and leaning in for a kiss.

       A sharp chill of arousal courses through me as our lips meet once more, excited to pick things up where we left off. Mart has other plans, however.

       As I start to pull the handsome bike towards me, he pushes back, shaking his head mischievously.

       “We still need to bike out of here,” Mart reminds me, “but I’ve got a plan.”

       The sentient object pulls a bike tool out from within his hollow body, then begins to crank away at his cock. Moment’s later, the living bicycle’s dick becomes detached from his body.

       I gasp.

       “It’s alright,” Mart assures me.

       Next, the living mountain bike reaches up and unscrews his seat. He then takes his massive cock and mounts it where the seat once was, a massive fleshy rod projecting straight up into the air in all of its glory.

       I immediately see where my lover is going with this.

       “Well,” the mountain bike coos. “What are you waiting for? Get on?”

       I remove my biking shorts completely and then climb up onto the bicycle, lowering my body carefully onto his enormous shaft as I begin to pump my feet across the pedals.

       “Oh fuck,” I groan as the mountain bike’s enormous cock begins to thrust in and out of my ass, pulsing along at the pace of my movements. It feels incredible to be impaled like this across his giant rod, and as the natural wind of the canyon whips across my face, the smell of the pine trees filling my nostrils once more, I realize that this is the greatest moment of my entire life.

       Never before have I felt such calm, such peace, such love.

       The trail is winding and twisted, but with the cock stuffed deep within my butthole my senses are heightened. I am completely connected to the world around me, perfectly tuned in to this powerful moment between Mart and myself.

       It’s not long before the familiar sensation of prostate orgasm begins to fill me up once more. I’m shaking hard, intently focused on keep my hands on the bars while these orgasmic waves build within.

       “I’m gonna cum!” I start to repeat over and over again. “I’m gonna cum! I’m gonna cum!”

       “Me too,” my bike moans, picking up speed.

       Suddenly, my body explodes with orgasm, the powerful climax ripping through me and causing a powerful blast of pearly white spunk to erupt from the head of my cock.

       Almost completely in unison, the handsome bicycle erupts inside my asshole, pumping his spunk out within and filling me up with his jizz. It’s not long before there’s no room left within my butt, the milky seed spilling forth from the edges of my packed anal seal.

       Somehow, throughout this whole ordeal, I manage to stay balanced and upright, cruising along with just as much speed and enthusiasm as before.

       Finally, Mart and me finish.

       The next thing I know, my handsome living mountain bike and me have arrived back at the car.

       I climb off of Mart, his jizz spilling out down my leg.

       “That was incredible,” I tell him.

       “Likewise,” the handsome sentient mountain bike replies, “but next time, use the buddy system. I don’t wanna have to bail you out of a situation like that again.”

       “You don’t?” I question, raising my eyebrows.

       Mart laughs. “How about we go on a real date instead of just fucking at the bottom of a hole?”
       I smile. “There’s a Lake Crab’s game after I get off work tonight. You wanna come watch it with me at the milk bar? You can meet some of my friends, too.”

       “I’d love that,” says Mart with a smile, then winks playfully. “You don’t even have to drive. We can just ride over.”