Happy Birthday Dracula, Now Pound My Butt - (Classic Tingler Revisited)

theres a lot to enjoy about every season THATS FOR DANG SURE. as someone who writes their tinglers based on how im feeling in the moment, i find myself really noticing the FEEL of each quarter that the year trots out. in spring im writin EASTER TINGLERS or tinglers about flowers and growth, in summer im goin to the beach with unicorns on roller blades or sentient swimming pools or VERY HOT sunshine, and of course HOLIDAY tinglers about christmas and cold winter days are always a treat.

all of that said, nothing gets me trottin quite like FALL. DANG do i love this spooky season and yes i know its not ALL about horror, but as a horror buckaroo i am very pleased that the whole world comes together and says 'time to celebrate this ONE GENRE that chuck likes.' i think thats pretty neat.

in my morning trots i have noticed the leaves turning brown and driftin from the trees, even here in CITY OF DEVILS LOS ANGELES. i have noticed neighbors puttin up there big old skeletons in the yard.

so in celebration of this spooky time i thought i would post a favorite tingler of mine. not to be confused with HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRANKENSTEIN, NOW POUND MY BUTT, its time for HAPPY BIRTHDAY DRACULA, NOW POUND MY BUTT

The highlight of Lance’s year is heading to Texas to watch spring training with his favorite baseball team, The Billings Bees, and this year he’s more excited than ever. The team has nabbed a hot new player from Transylvania named Jayce Count Dracula.

It’s only when Lance shows up to the game that he realizes this handsome star player is an actual vampire, as well as a sentient baseball bat!

Thanks to a chance meeting, the two quickly hit it off and decide to spend an evening on the town together. When Lance discovers it’s Jayce Count Dracula’s birthday, he decides he’ll do anything to make this night extra special… with a hardcore pounding!

This erotic tale is 4,100 words of sizzling human on gay vampire baseball bat action, including anal, blowjobs, rough sex, cream pies and sentient sporting equipment love.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY DRACULA, NOW POUND MY BUTT

By Chuck Tingle

I love baseball, so you’d think my favorite time of the year would be during the long summer afternoons of baseball season. Of course, I do have wonderful memories of these months; heading out to the stadium and watching the games, or just kicking back at home while my team, the Billings Bees, racks up runs.

If I had to choose one specific weekend, however, it wouldn’t be during the season itself. It would be my yearly trip down to Texas for the Billings Bees Spring Training Camp.

Spring training is a time when the teams are gearing up for their next year of baseball, trying out rookie players and warming things up. They stay in one place, a facility much smaller than the ones they use for official games, and play to tiny but enthusiastic crowds. It’s an exciting and intimate experience, offering those who care enough to head out into the desert a chance at seeing their favorite players up close.

This year, I’m particularly excited to head down and see what the Billings Bees have in store. They’ve managed to pick up a new star pitcher this year, after a few unsuccessful seasons with the last guy, and I’m on the edge of my seat to see how he does. The player in question is named Jayce, and he’s not particularly well known here in the states. Apparently, he’s been playing in the European Baseball League for several years to much acclaim, carrying the Transylvania Titans to a number of championship wins.

“I’m so excited for tomorrow,” I tell my friend, Kimberly, as we disembark the plane, hoisting our bags over our shoulders and marching through the airport toward the rental car pickup.

“What about tonight?” she questions, perplexed.

Now I’m the one who’s confused, not quite sure what she’s getting at. Maybe my friend has made some plans for our first night here in Texas that I’m unaware of, a reservation at a nearby barbeque joint or a drink at the local watering hole before we hit the ground running tomorrow morning.

“Where are we headed?” I question.
“To the first game!” Kimberly blurts. “What do you mean?”
I can’t help but stop in my tracks, struggling to sort things out. Through a

large set of airport windows behind us the sun has just about finished settling across the distant mountain range, casting the sky in a beautiful swath of purples and oranges that blossom like spilled paint. The day is done.

“It’s a night game,” Kimblerly informs me. “They’re all night games.”

“Wait, what?” I stammer, thrilled at this unexpected revelation. I’d been so excited to get to The Star State that I hadn’t yet gone over the details of our trip. I’m aware we’ve got tickets to three games, but I didn’t realize they were all at night.

Honestly, this is great news. I prefer evening games myself, but they’re pretty rare during spring training. Teams typically don’t play more than one or two during the season out here.

“Why are they all night games?” I question.

“I’ve heard that’s the only time Jayce will play,” my friend continues. “It was part of his contract as the new pitcher. This whole season the Billings Bees have worked it out so they only play after the sun goes down.”

The two of us keep walking, but I can’t help shaking just how strange this all is. Like I said, as a lover of evening baseball I can’t complain, but now I’m starting to worry about the hold that this brand new pitcher has over my favorite time. Is this player really that important? Is his presence going to throw off the synergy of my other favorite athletes.

I suppose I’m about to find out.

Kimberly and I finally make it out to the rental car lot, hopping into our ride and taking off towards Bumble Park, which is where the Bees spend the majority of their training. We listen to the radio as we go, letting the old country songs wash over us as they set the Texas mood.

Eventually, we pull into the lot and park, joining a small crowd of other enthusiastic fans as we march toward the stadium. People travel from all over the country to watch these games, superfans who fly in just like Kimberly and me, but some of them are just locals who’ve found a place in their heart for the Billings Bees over time.

We scan our tickets and head in, taking a pamphlet that features all the players and their stats as we pass through the turnstiles. There’s not a bad seat in the house, but admission is so cheap that we always spring for some killer seats. For this game, we’re right up against the rail of the field, just a few feet from the dugout where the Billings Bees will be standing.

Right now, however, they’re all out on the grass, throwing baseballs around and getting loosened up for the game.

I scan the field, squinting a bit as I struggle to read the names on everyone’s uniform. I can’t seem to find the new star player.

“I don’t see the name Jayce anywhere,” I offer.

“That’s his first name,” Kimberly informs me, then points out toward the pitcher’s mound. “Dracula.”

“Dracula?” I question, following my friend’s finger and then noticing the large, sentient bat that hovers in the middle of the field.

“Jayce Count Dracula is his full name,” Kimberly explains. “You’ve really never heard of Dracula? The famous vampire?”

“Wait, wait,” I reply, shaking my head from side to side. “You mean he’s that Dracula?”

“I can’t believe you didn’t know this,” Kimblerly continues. “I thought it was weird when you asked about the night games, but now it all makes sense.”

“I guess I was just so focused on our trip that I hadn’t really started to consider the details,” I admit.

“Well, Jayce Count Dracula is a hell of a pitcher,” Kimblerly informs me. “I don’t know how the Bees got him, honestly. He’s not allowed to use his vampire powers on the field, but that doesn’t seem to matter.”

I can’t tear my eyes away from this mysterious living object as he tosses baseballs back and forth with the other players. All this time, I’d always thought Dracula was the other kind of bat, never once considering the fact that he might just be a sentient piece of sports equipment.

Eventually, the game begins and Kimberly and I settle in. Today the Billings Bees are taking on the Helena Hornets, another Montana team, and the match up seems to be a good one. In the beginning, the score stays pretty even.

Of course, part of this is due to the fact they’ve let their warmup pitcher take the first two innings. After a while, it’s Jayce Count Dracula’s turn to take the mound, and the second this happens the dynamics of the game change completely.

As Dracula walks onto the field, haunting organ music begins to ring out over the park’s public announcement system, immediately setting the mood. The sentient bat is wearing a long black cape over his baseball uniform, and he holds it up to cover his face as he moves. He’s crouching slightly, rushing up to the pitcher’s mound and them taking his position with a large helping of theatrical flair. He throws his cape back and smiles wide, showing off a set of long white fangs that glint under the lights above.

The crowd immediately erupts in a fit of wild applause, but I’m not quite ready for that just yet. While I’m certainly impressed by Jayce Count Dracula’s presence, what I really care about is his baseball skills.

The first pitch this living bat throws is a fastball, ripping right down the middle at such an incredible speed I can barely see it fly by.

“Strike one!” the umpire cries, causing my heart to skip a beat.
It looks like all this praise for the Transylvanian wasn’t just empty talk. The inning continues along swiftly, mostly thanks to Jayce Count Dracula’s

incredible pitching skills. The other team doesn’t stand a chance, missing every attempt that’s lobbed their way and ending up without a single run.

I can’t help but call out to the vampire as he hustles back toward the dugout. “Hell yeah!” I yell. “That was amazing, Jayce!”

The sentient baseball bat smiles and takes notice of my compliment, then alters course slightly as he jogs over to me. “Hello,” he offers with a wide smile, showing off his long fangs. “Vhat is your name?”

“Lance,” I reply. “It’s nice to meet you Jayce.”

The vampire laughs. “Don’t lance my heart! I vould die!”

Now the two of us are laughing together in an unexpectedly relaxed exchange. It feels as though we’re just a couple of old friends hanging out at the ballgame.

“You can call me Dracula,” the living bat continues. “That’s what my friends call me, Jayce is too formal.”

“Okay Dracula,” I reply. “How are you liking the states so far?”

“Vonderful! Just vonderful!” he exclaims, these particular words really showing off his thick accent.

It was easy to admire Dracula’s baseball prowess from afar, but now that he’s up close I can’t help but find myself admiring a little more than that. He’s incredibly handsome, perfectly sculpted from handle to tip and with a playful confidence that’s easy to be drawn to. I find my heart beating a little faster as the two of us continue talking.

“You know, I didn’t realize you were a living baseball bat,” I finally admit. “I always thought you were like... the animal that flies around.”

Dracula laughs. “Yeah, I get that a lot.”

Suddenly, the coach is yelling out for his star player. Dracula is getting pulled away, and as our conversation breaks down I can immediately feel a wave of disappointment wash over me. Unexpectedly, I get a similar sense from the living object himself. He doesn’t want to go.

I watch as the handsome vampire heads back to his place in the dugout.

“That was... something,” Kimberly offers, suddenly breaking through the silence.

I turn to my friend, almost forgetting she was there. “What?” I blurt. “You like him,” she offers, teasing me slightly.
My first instinct is to deny this completely and push back against her

assumption, but the attraction that I feel for Dracula is simply too potent to deny. Finally, I nod in admission.
“Yeah, he’s pretty hot,” I reply.
“What did he say?” Kimberly continues.

I shake my head. “Nothing, we just kinda chatted for a minute.” “It seemed like he was into you,” my friend states bluntly.
I nod. “Yeah.”
The two of us sit in silence for a moment.

“So what are you gonna do about it?” Kimberly continues. “You should ask him on a date.”

I laugh. “How am I supposed to do that?”

My friend and I are so caught up in our discussion that we don’t even notice a figure approaching on the field. It’s not until he’s standing right there before me that I realize the handsome vampire has returned.

“Oh, hey,” I stammer, jumping to my feet to greet him once again.

“Vould you like to have dinner with me after the game?” Dracula questions. “I know it’s late but... I thought I’d give it a shot.”

“Of course,” I blurt, trying my best to sound calm and collected but completely blowing it.

“Good,” the sentient baseball bat replies. “Meet me at the back entrance of the park later.”

As the vampire heads back to the dugout me and Kimberly exchange excited glances.

Dracula doesn’t keep me waiting long, and although it’s pretty late in the evening by now, I’m not too worried about finding a place that’s still open.

“Hell of a game,” I call out to the sentient baseball bat as he floats out to greet me.

I’m not just saying that. In all my years as a Billings Bees fan, I’ve never seen something quite as impressive. The Bees are functioning great as a team this year, but their star pitcher is what truly makes them shine. The game itself wasn’t a no-hitter, but it was whenever Dracula was on the mound.

“Thank you,” the sentient object offers in response. “My rental car is this vay.”

The two of us head across the parking lot, immediately picking up where we left off with the sexual tension. It’s hard to put a finger on exactly what it is that hangs in the air between us, but these feelings continue to blossom even when no words are being exchanged.

“So where do you want to go?” I question. “I come down here every year for spring training, so I’ve got a whole list of great restaurants.”

Dracula laughs. “Did you forget I was a vampire?” he asks.

“Oh!” I blurt, my eyes going wide. “I didn’t even think of that. You only drink blood?”

Jayce Count Dracula nods “Blood or blood-based foods. There’s an amazing blood bank nearby,” he continues. “They’re open late so the vampire patrons can have a place to go, and they only serve the donations they can’t use any longer.”

“Oh! Great!” I reply.

“And don’t worry, they’ll have plenty of food for you, too,” the vampire assures me.

We arrive at Dracula’s rental car, which happens to be a jet black hearse, then climb in and take off toward the blood bank.

“Thanks for making this night special,” Jayce Count Dracula offers.

When we arrive at the blood bank we’re greeted by the valet and then a host immediately leads us to our table, which is set up right there in the middle of the building’s gothic lobby. They have a full human menu, as well as one for vampires, and I have no problem selecting something that I’ll enjoy.

All the while, I find myself drawn in more and more by Jayce Count Dracula’s charms. He has an incredibly calm and cool demeanor that somehow isn’t the least bit intimidating. Instead of making me feel left out, I get the distinct impression that his good vibes are rubbing off of me.

We chat all about his hometown of Transylvania and what it was like growing up there. He tells me all about living forever, which is absolutely fascinating, and I explain what life is like back in Billings.

We’re so engrossed in our conversation that I hardly notice when our meal ends and it’s time for Dracula’s surprise.

Back at the stadium, I’d had some time to look through the player pamphlet, going over stats and learning about the new team additions. When I came to Jayce Count Dracula’s page, I immediately noticed something very important: today is Dracula’s birthday.

The waiters begin to make their way out of the shadows of the blood bank, carefully carrying a plate of blood cake in their hands that flickers with the faint glow of candles that’ve been pushed into the dessert. They begin to sing the birthday song, their voices carrying out through this old stone building as they arrive at the table, setting the cake down between us.

Dracula is smiling wide, the sentient bat unable to help him himself. He blows out the candles and the whole room cheers.

“Did you put them up to this?” he asks as the waiters clear away from the table.

I nod. “I saw it was your birthday and I thought you could use a treat.”

“Going out on this date was supposed to be my treat,” Dracula offers with a laugh.

A single word sticks in my brain, and suddenly I’m unable to continue onward. “Date?” I question.

Dracula takes a deep breath and lets it out. “Listen, I really like you,” he says. “You’re handsome and sweet and... this whole birthday cake thing you did just puts it over the top.”

“I like you, too,” I offer in return.

I can see the sentient baseball bat’s mind working overtime now. He hesitates, then stands up from the table.

“There’s a part of the bank I want to show you,” he says.

I stand as well, following along behind him as Dracula leads me deeper into the shadows. I’m not entirely sure what he has in mind, but the living bat’s mission becomes crystal clear as soon as we get far enough away from the other diners.

We’ve found ourselves in a quiet, unused corner of the bank, our own private place to get to know each other better.

The next thing I know, Jayce Count Dracula and me are kissing hard, our lips connecting in a blissful fit of passion as we lose ourselves in this moment. We give into the erotic tension completely, our hands roaming their way across one another’s bodies.

I start at the top of the sentient bat and then begin to work my way down across his smooth, cylindrical form. He’s brilliantly manufactured, made of a strangely pale but beautifully grained wood that’s smooth and pleasant to the touch.

Gradually, I begin to drop my attention lower and lower across the living object’s body, working my way across his chiseled abs and then watching with amazement as a giant cock begins to rise from his solid form. He’s impressively hung, and my first instinct is to wrap my fingers around his rod.

I hesitate, however, waiting just a little bit longer as I tease the vampire playfully. I trace my fingers along his hips, toying with the border of this forbidden zone and then finally dropping my attention just the slightest bit lower. The handsome vampire lets out a long, aching groan as I grip his shaft, Jayce Count Dracula tilting his head back and allowing a satisfied sigh to drift out from between his lips. I begin to move my hand slowly across his cock, taking my time as I work him.

It’s not long before the sentient baseball bat and I fall into a pleasant rhythm together, the vampire pumping his hips against me as I reach down with my other hand and cradle his hanging balls.

It’s not long before my arousal is simply too overwhelming, the pressure building up and then finally exploding as I drop to my knees before Jayce Count Dracula. I open my mouth wide and take his dick between my lips, pumping my head up and down his length in a series of graceful movements. It starts slowly at first, then gradually picks up speed until I’m hammering my face onto his member with rabid enthusiasm. Once I simply can’t get any faster I pull back with a frantic gasp, a long strand of saliva dangling between my lips and the head of his rod.

I take a moment to collect myself, gazing up at the handsome bat above me and offering him a playful wink.

“You like that?” I coo.
“Fuck yeah,” Jayce Count Dracula replies.

Without hesitation I open wide and take the handsome living baseball bat into my mouth once again, only this time I don’t bob up and down. Instead I swallow the sentient object deeper and deeper, allowing his length to plunge into my gullet. I somehow manage to relax my gag reflex, taking him all the way down to the hilt as my face presses up hard against the vampire’s abs.

Dracula places his hands against the back of my head and holds me like this for a minute, savoring the control as I consume him in a potent deep throat maneuver. I remain in this position for what seems like forever, then finally pull back with a gasp and a sputter.

I’m belligerent with lust now, aching to take things to the next level. “Happy birthday Dracula,” I offer with a sly grin. “Now pound my butt.” With that, I strip away my clothing and toss it to the side, revealing my body

to the handsome undead baseball player. I turn away from him and drop to the doggie style position, crawling away as I rock my hips from side to side. I reach back and give my bare ass a playful slap, holding my cheek open a bit as I tease my lover.

“What are you waiting for?” I coo seductively.

The living baseball bat doesn’t need to be told again, floating down into position behind me and aligning his mammoth rod with my tightly puckered backdoor. He teases the rim for a brief moment and then finally swoops forward with a deep, powerful thrust.

“Oh fuck,” I gasp aloud, my fingers digging against the stone floor below me as I brace myself against his weight.

Dracula stretches me brutally with his girthy member, and for a moment I’m convinced that I simply won’t be able to accommodate his size. Fortunately, the sentient baseball bat is a caring lover, taking his time with me and allowing my body to adjust to his formidable rod. The two of us stay in this position for a long while, the aching discomfort gradually slipping away as its replaced by a pleasant warmth and fullness.

Eventually, Jayce Count Dracula begins to pump in and out of me, pushing deep and then pulling away as our bodies fall into sync with one another.

“Oh fuck, that feels so good,” I groan, my eyes rolling back into my head.

Our speed elevates slowly, picking up the pace as the slap of Dracula’s hips against my backside rings out through the dim light of the blood bank. Faster and faster he pounds until, eventually, the two of us fall into a steady rhythm.

It’s not long before I begin to feel the first hints of prostate orgasm blossoming up within me, starting at the pit of my stomach and then spilling out across my arms and legs. I tremble and quake, my physical form having a hard time maintaining all the sensations that grow within.

“Just like that, just like that,” I repeat over and over again, the words spilling out from my mouth in a frantic mantra. With every passing round my voice grows a little louder, until eventually I’m screaming at the top of my lungs in a state of belligerent lust. “Just like that! Just like that!”

I reach down and grab ahold of my hanging cock, beating myself off in time with Jayce Count Dracula’s mighty anal trusts. These two distinct sources of pleasure immediately begin to swirl together like an aching cocktail of lust, combining to create something so much more than that sum of its parts.

“Oh my god, I’m gonna fucking cum!” I cry.

The living baseball bat doesn’t let up for a second, carrying me across the finish line with unbridled enthusiasm. I throw my head back and let out a wild shriek as hot white jizz erupts from the head of my cock, splattering across the cold stone ground below me. I’m completely swept away by the potent sensations, experiencing an orgasm unlike anything I’ve ever felt.

The second that I finish, Dracula thrusts deep into my ass and holds tight, unleashing a series of hot milky payloads.

“Oh fuck!” Jayce Count Dracula screams. “Happy birthday to me!”

The cum spills into my asshole, filling me up with his pearly seed until there’s just not enough room left. Soon enough, I can feel his spunk squirting out from the rim of my tightly plugged butt, running down the back of my legs in hot white streaks.

Eventually, the handsome vampire baseball bat pulls out of me and collapses against the wall, struggling to catch his breath.

“That was amazing,” I gush, crawling over and taking a position cuddled up next to him.

“The best birthday present I could’ve asked for,” the handsome vampire replies.

I laugh modestly. “It’s nothing special.”
“It is,” Jayce Count Dracula assures me. “You are.”
“I just wish I could’ve given you more than a date night and a blood cake,” I

continue.
“Well... maybe you could do me one more honor on this special day,” the

living baseball bat replies.
Dracula crawls back a bit and then takes his position on one knee before me.

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small box, then pops it open to reveal a glorious, shimmering ring.

“Lance, will you marry me?” the living object asks.

I don’t hesitate for a second. “Yes!” I blurt, wrapping my arms around him. “I’ll marry you!”