Heavy Metal Unicorn Lawyer Sings Into My Butthole Legally - (Classic Tingler Revisited)

big day in the tingleverse as i have collected some MUSIC AND SOUND based tinglers to release as paperback called THE SOUND OF POUND. of course i have been thinking 'how the heck are we gonna celebrate on patreon?' and decided to post one of my favorite stories not just of the bunch but EVER.

to tell you the truth i am not entirely sure why i like this one so much, usually i am personally drawn to meta tinglers that break the fourth wall and zoom all over the dang place, but this one is a little more traditional. it is also VERY HEAVY METAL however which chuck really likes thats right buckaroos i am talkin on HEAVY METAL UNICORN LAWYER SINGS INTO MY BUTTHOLE LEGALLY.

some buds are surprised to learn that old chuck here is a heavy music buckaroo but it is true. when it comes to metal i will say MESHUGGAH is my number one but there are all kinds of loud buds bangin around that i enjoy in way of hardcore or PUNK ROCK. still havnt stopped listening to new every time i die album and it is not even new anymore (album name of RADICAL check that out buds).

alright buckaroos lets take a loud trot into the classics with this dang heavy metal unicorn lawyer

Jorbit is a hard worker with a decent job, but the daily nine-to-five grind is wearing him down. Realizing that his life is completely devoid of any recreation or entertainment, Jorbit and his friend decide that the best cure for their blues is a night on the town, heading out to the local rock club to see heavy metal giants, Horns of Heck.

Suddenly, a chance meeting with the unicorn lead singer, Grimble Chorns, has Jorbit reeling, and when he learns that Grimble is both a rockstar and a lawyer, all bets are off.

Soon enough, the two of them launch a five-year legal battle in an effort to attain permits allowing Grimble to sing into Jorbit’s butthole, which will bring them together in ways they could’ve never imagined.

This erotic tale is 4,300 words of sizzling human on gay unicorn action, including anal, blowjobs, rough sex, and rock and roll lawyer love.

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HEAVY METAL UNICORN LAWYER SINGS INTO MY BUTTHOLE LEGALLY

By Chuck Tingle

Some days a better than others, and I know this. It’s something that I keep reminding myself as the bad days start stretching out into bad weeks, rolling over each other like a snowball as they grow in size and scope. It feels like forever since I’ve actually woken up and been excited about my life.

The thing is, I’m also well aware that whatever’s going on with me could be much, much worse. I’m not completely consumed by hopelessness; at least, not yet.

Instead, I find myself with a vague, general blandness that seems to hang over everything in the subtlest of ways. Nothing is utterly dreadful, it’s just kind of boring, and that’s what makes motivating myself to change so difficult.

I feel like every day is exactly the same. I wake up, I get dressed, and I head to work with a tie snug up against my neck, then sit in a small office where I struggle to make sales. Even if I do well, these results seem to go unnoticed. I toil away here for hours on end as the sun slowly creeps across the sky, and by the time night falls, I head home to immediately crawl into bed before repeating the process all over again.

Thank god for the weekend.

I’m kicking off this Saturday afternoon by stopping in for a quick lunch with my friend Rento. I’m trilled, but when I see my bud from a seat out on the patio, he seems less than excited to see me.

I wave Rento over, standing up to greet him with a hug. “What’s up man? You doing okay?”
 “I’m doing great,” he informs me. “What’s up with you?”

I’m smiling wide, but the second Rento says this I give up the front, letting my expression collapse into a natural frown. “Is it that obvious?” I question.

“I mean, yeah,” Rento continues. “I know you better than anyone, Jorbit. You’ve got a terrible pokerface.”

I let out a long sigh as the two of us take a seat, the waiter approaching quickly and taking our drink orders before disappearing back into the commotion of the restaurant lunch rush.

“The daily grind getting you down?” my friend finally continues.

I nod. “It’s crazy man. It’s not that I’m sad, I’m just bored. I don’t know… it’s hard to put my finger on.”

“I get it,” Rento affirms with a nod.

“I just feel like there used to be so much color in my life. The grass seemed greener and the sky felt bluer. Now, it’s like everything is just gray. I feel like I’m living in an old black and white television show.”

“Well, besides lunch with me, what do you do for fun?” Rento asks. “That’s where most of the spark in life is.”

I consider my friend’s question for a moment, my mind racing with all the potential answers. Slowly, however, I realize that there’s really not all that much to chose from. My routine is set, and it’s very rare that I ever stray too far away from it.

“This is it,” I finally admit. “This is my fun.”

Rento laughs. “Well, I appreciate that, I really do, but you’ve gotta find some hobbies if you’re ever gonna be happy. Art and entertainment are what makes life worth living.”

“I’m too busy for that,” I counter.

“You’ve got all weekend,” Rento reminds me.

He’s right, and I know it, but I don’t even know where to begin. “Okay, well...” I trail off, trying to come up with any kind of entertaining suggestion for the two of us. “You want to do something later? Something fun?”

Rento nods and pulls out his phone, typing in a website and then slowly beginning to scroll through a long, long page of dates and names.

“What’s that?” I ask, curiously.

“The local event calendar,” Rento informs me. “Let’s see what’s going on.”

My friend doesn’t have to scroll far. “Oh, hey!” Rento blurts, genuinely excited. “Horns of Heck are playing at the metal club downtown tonight.”

I have no idea who the Horns of Heck are, but I nod along. “Okay, that sounds pretty fun. Do you wanna go to that?”

“Are you kidding me? Of course!” Rento confirms. “Their new song is all over rock radio right now. You know the one about riding like a unicorn biker?”

I shake my head. “I don’t know that one.”
 Rento smiles. “Well, you’re in for a treat.”

The second we arrive at the venue, I can tell that tonight is going to be something special. There’s a crowd out front milling around with passionate excitement, anxiously awaiting their favorite heavy metal unicorn rockers who will be taking the stage any minute now.

“You having fun yet?” Rento asks me as we walk up and hand our tickets to the security guard out front.

I nod, feeling the energy of the crowd as it pushes and pulls through the ether around us. “Hell yes I am!”

Inside the venue the speakers are already rumbling, pumping out hard rock hits at a lowered volume while the packed house awaits their main event.

Moment’s later, the lights go down.

“Perfect timing,” Rento offers with a smile.

We find a spot near the back with a good view and decide to post ourselves here for a while, taking it all in from afar.

Suddenly, a powerful surge of electric guitar fills the room with pleasant distortion, washing through me and immediately satisfying my soul with the colorful presence I’d been so desperately craving. A powerful vocal soars through the air above us as the crowd bursts into applause, and moments later the curtain drops to reveal the Horns of Heck.

“Wow,” is all that I can manage to say, the word falling limply out of my mouth while the band of handsome unicorn rockers kick into their first song.

They’re absolutely breathtaking, each and every one of them handsome and attractive in their own specific way. The drummer is powerful and muscular, his bulging unicorn biceps flexing with every slam of his sticks. The bassist is cool and collected, a suave creature with a long mane that flows down around the shoulders of his well-tailored suit. Meanwhile, the guitarist remains dark and mysterious, shrouded in the shadows as his hand chugs rhythmically across his six-string.

Last but not least is the stallion out front, his single pink horn glistening under the hot stage lights and flashing across my eyes in beautiful sparkling patterns. This is the lead singer, a unicorn named Grimble Chorns, who is breathtakingly handsome and overflowing with confidence. He prowls the stage with a fire in his eyes unlike anything I have ever seen, belting out power metal melodies in his tight leather pants and ripped open t-shirt.

I’m not gay, but I’d be lying if I tried to deny the incredible attraction that I feel for this horned creature.

Of course, before my daydreams manage to get too far unwound, I reign them back in. It would never work between me as such a wild and free unicorn. I’m a part of the system, trapped in a nine to five grind and searching for some excitement wherever I can find it. Grimble is the exact opposite, a man without care or consequence. He’s a rockstar, and although I’m certainly looking for a little excitement in my life, that’s just too much to handle.

Going out on the town like this has been good for me, but what I need in my life is balance, not extremes. Besides, it’s not like I’m ever going to meet Grimble Chorns in person.

As the night continues onward, my heart grows more and more full, brimming with an appreciation for the world around me. While I know that I’ve got plenty more work to do, I think that this is a wonderful first step for my emotional well-being.

Eventually, the last chord of the night rings out and the audience erupts into a wild applause.

“Let’s get out of here,” Rento suggests.

I nod and the two of us immediately turn and head back out through the lobby. The car is parked just a few blocks down but instead of heading straight home we decide to cross the street and stop in at Rento’s favorite chocolate milk bar.

The place is cozy and nice, dimly lit and perfect for a long chat over two glasses of the cold stuff.

Rento and I find a booth near the window and watch as the concert patrons spill out into the streets.

“That was amazing,” I finally tell my friend. “Honestly, it’s exactly what I needed.”

Rento smiles. “Glad to hear it. You gonna start coming out more?”

“I think so,” I admit.

“I’ve got something going on almost every night,” my buddy continues. “If you want a vibrant life, I’m your guy.”

I consider his words for a moment, trying to determine why exactly I find this so off-putting.

“You know… I don’t think something new every night is the right path for me,” I finally tell him. “At least not right now. What I need is balance.”

“Balance?” Rento asks, egging me on.

I nod. “Exactly. I can’t just throw away my old life. Yeah, working nine to five week after week can start to wear you down, but it also pays the bills. I was actually thinking about this while the band was playing. I don’t think I could live like they do.”

“Why not?” asks Rento.

“It’s too wild,” I explain. “I would never want to be a member of Horns of Heck.”

“Oh yeah?” comes a deep, confident voice from over my shoulder.

I turn around and stop abruptly, completely paralyzed by shock and amazement at the sight before me. Standing by the bar is unicorn lead singer Grimble Chorns, sipping from a tall glass of chocolate milk while he listens in on our conversation.

Up close, he’s even more handsome than I’d initially thought, covered in tattoos that only serve to elevate his bad boy image.

“You guys didn’t like the show?” Grimble asks bluntly, but in a way that’s not threatening in the slightest. The horned hunk isn’t aggressive with us at all, just genuinely curious.

“Oh, no, no,” I stammer. “It’s not like that.”

“Well… what’s it like?” the unicorn continues, cracking a playful smile.

“I’m just not used to this kind of thing. I don’t go to loud rock concerts, I sit in my office and I crunch numbers,” I explain. “And I thought I might want a wild lifestyle, but now I’m starting to realize that the best thing for me is a little of both. I just need balance.”

Grimble nods in understanding. “Well, that’s all well and good,” the unicorn tells me. “But the real question is, why do you think I don’t have any balance?”

I eye the handsome creature up, not quite sure if I should say anything and then finally giving in to my temptation for honesty. “I mean… the tattoos, the heavy metal, the wild mane.”

Grimble laughs and walks over to our booth, sliding in next to Rento so that he’s now sitting across from me. The unicorn reaches into his pocket and pulls out a sleek black wallet, then opens it up and hands me a sharply cut, eggshell white card.

I read from the card aloud. “Grimble Chorns, Esquire.”

“You’re a lawyer?” Rento blurts.

Grimble nods and chuckles to himself. “You seem surprised! I’m not trying to brag or anything, I’m just trying to show you that balance isn’t always something you can see. Sometimes it’s deep down inside of your butt’s heart.”

“Wow,” I gush, talking faintly to myself as I reel from this newfound information. “A heavy metal singer and a lawyer.”

Suddenly, the dam within my mind breaks, spilling forth with a cascade of lust for this incredible musical unicorn. Just moments before, I’d been able to quell my arousal by telling myself that the handsome rocker wasn’t the right partner for me, that he was too far on the wild side while I was just dipping my toes in the water. Now, I suddenly realize that my preconceived notions were false, that Grimble is exactly what I’m looking for; exactly what I need.

“Are you okay?” the unicorn asks me, noticing that I’ve been losing myself in his eyes for the last few seconds.

“Oh yeah, of course,” I assure him.

“Still looking for balance?” the unicorn questions, a new weight in his tone.

It suddenly occurs to me that the sexual energy I’d been putting out towards Grimble might not be the one-way street I’d assumed it was.

Rento clearly notices this too, and clears his throat loudly. “I’m getting a little tired, so I’m gonna call it a night early.”

Grimble climbs out of the booth to let Rento pass, then stands for a moment as he waits for me to say something.

“You should stay,” I finally tell the rock and roll unicorn. “I’ve gotta finish this chocolate milk.”

Rento waves goodbye and slips me a wink as Grimble climbs back into the booth. The unicorn smiles, then takes a long sip from his dark brown beverage.

I watch the handsome creature closely, taking note of the way his muscular neck moves as the milk flows down it.

By now, I’m literally trembling with desire, the arousal that’s been building up within me left with nowhere else to go. My mind is swimming with all kinds of wild thoughts, ideas of how to proceed next.

Finally, I opt for the direct approach.

“When I saw you up there singing, I found myself getting really… turned on,” I admit.

Rento’s gaze becomes more focused upon me, but he says nothing.

“I’m not great at this stuff so I’m just gonna come right out and say it,” I continue, then take a deep breath. “I want you to sing into my butthole.”

Rento smiles, then reaches his hoof across the table to cover my hand. “I’d like that, too,” he tells me.

“Where should we go?” I question.

Rento laughs. “Whoa, whoa! Slow down a bit. Before we go any further, I need to explain something. Here in the state of Illinois, singing into a partner’s butthole is highly regulated. It’s not just something that you can do out of nowhere.”

My expression immediately fades to one of deep disappointment.  “Fortunately for you, I’m a lawyer,” Grimble continues, suddenly pulling me back up again.

“So you can take care of the paperwork?” I gush excitedly.

The heavy metal unicorn nods. “Of course, it’s gonna take a while, but I can do it.”

“Well, lets get started!” I reply.

Grimble nods. “I’ve got a law office in every city that we tour in. We can head over there and start filing a motion with the State of Illinois.”

“I’m ready,” I offer. “Whatever you need.”

Grimble stands up and trots around to the front of the table, then motions back over his shoulder. “Get on.”

Grimble and me spend the next five years working our way through the legal system, filing and refilling motions with everyone from the local city council to the Supreme Court. Of course, during this time we grow closer and closer, our love blossoming into something unlike anything I could’ve ever imagined.

Still, however, Grimble refuses to cut any corners when it comes to singing into my butthole. The guy is a complete professional as he goes about his work, pouring over legal texts day in and day out as we cross every T and dot every I.

I’ll admit, when we first met that fateful night at the chocolate milk bar, I had no idea my life was about to take such a drastic turn, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Being around Grimble this much has truly made me understand what it’s like to live life to its fullest, balancing work and play in a way that’s both healthy and productive.

Over these five years the tension between us has continued to simmer. We both know exactly how the other feels, but we’d like to start things off with a butthole song, and without the proper paperwork that’s just not something we intend to spoil.

Tonight, however, I can tell that something is changed.

I arrive at Grimble’s downtown office later than usual, and it appears that all the other lawyers who work out of this building have gone home.

I typically come here to keep Grimble company while he files paperwork, sitting in a chair by the window and reading silently while I occasionally glance over at the heavy metal unicorn lawyer. This has been our routine for quite a while, and I love it, but that routine always begins with me strolling down the hall while rock and roll blasts from deep within Grimble’s office.

Tonight, there’s nothing but silence.

I walk up to the frosted door and see that there’s only a single dim light coming from inside, a lone desk lamp doing its best in a field of darkness.

I knock. “Hello? Grimble?”

“Come on in,” his voice calls out.

I push open the office door cautiously and then jump when I hear a sudden pop.

“Surprise!” the handsome unicorn shouts, approaching me with a bottle of carbonated chocolate milk and a tall glass. He begins to pour and then hands the full chalice over to me.

“Surprise?” I repeat back. “What do you mean?”

“We’re done. The papers have been filed,” the heavy metal unicorn explains. “I can legally sing into your butthole.”

I’m in utter shock, suddenly flooded with a myriad of emotions. It takes a moment for the joy, relief and excitement to work their way through me, but eventually I end up right where I belong: arousal.

I quickly set my glass down on a table next to me. “The chocolate milk can wait,” I tell him, something I never would’ve expected to leave my mouth in a million years.

The next thing I know, Grimble and me are embracing passionately, our lips locked together as our hands begin to roam across one another’s bodies. His touch is strong but sensual, immediately making me feel warm and safe here in the law office of my unicorn lover.

We quickly tear off each other’s clothes, tossing our shirts and pants to the side as our skin presses together without any barrier between. I realize suddenly that this is the closest Grimble and me have ever been, and this thought does nothing but pour even more gasoline onto the burning fires of arousal.

Suddenly seized with lust, I drop down to my knees before the handsome unicorn rocker and grab ahold of his quickly stiffening rod. Grimble lets out a long, satisfied groan above me, reeling at my touch as the toned muscles of his abs flex and contract.

A smile crosses my face as I begin to stroke Grimble off, pumping my fist slowly up and down his enormous shaft. The unicorn’s cock is utterly beautiful, enormous and thick as it juts out towards my face. Its powerful shape is inviting, tempting me to take things to the next level, and it’s not long before I give in.

I open wide and swallow the handsome unicorn’s giant cock, bobbing my head over his length slowly and seductively. With my free hand I reach up and begin to cradle the heavy metal lawyer’s balls, happy to service him after a job well done.

While the movement of my head is measured at first, I eventually start to gain speed, pumping faster and faster across the unicorn’s length. Eventually, I push down as far as I can go, somehow managing to relax my neck and take Grimble well past the limits of my gag reflex. Now my face is pressed up hard against the handsome creature’s stomach, his rod fully consumed with me. Grimble places his hands on the back of my head and holds me here for a moment, taking control of the situation while I submit myself to him.

I stay like this for as long as I can possibly manage, then eventually come up for air in a sputtering mess of saliva. I struggle to collect myself, but before I get a chance, Grimble takes me by the waist and lifts me up onto my feet once more. The handsome unicorn turns me around so that I’m facing the desk, at which point I realize where we’re headed and take control.

I lean over the study wooden workstation, popping my ass out towards Grimble and wiggling it playfully from side to side. Grimble immediately saddles up behind me and places his enormous unicorn cock at the tight entrance of my butthole, teasing me for a moment as he pushes back and forth at the edge of my anal rim.

“Do it!” I beg. “Pound me up the ass right fucking now!”

The handsome unicorn chuckles to himself, then finally has mercy and slides forward with his enormous rod.

I let out a startled yelp as Grimble enters me. Although I’d been begging for his penetration, nothing could’ve fully prepared me for what it would be like to take this rockstar lawyer’s enormous dick. His size stretches me to the absolute brink as a surge of discomfort pulses through me.

The longer that Grimble remains inside my body, however, the more I begin to adjust to his thrusts. The unicorn starts off slowly, allowing the pain to subside and then be immediately replaced by a potent warmth in the depth of my stomach. As the rock and roller’s rhythm speeds up, the pleasure within me begins to grow, until eventually I’m pushing myself back against him with equally confident slams.

“Oh my fucking god!” I scream out, my eyes rolling back into my head as I take the layer unicorn’s length into my absolute depths. “That feels so fucking good!”

“Are you ready for the main attraction?” Grimble coos.

“Almost!” I cry out.

I reach down with one hand and grab ahold of my hanging cock, immediately getting to work as I stroke myself off in time with the slams up my asshole. My hand quickly finds a pleasant counter rhythm with the rest of my body, and soon enough the speed of my escalating pleasure kicks into overdrive. Before I know it, I’m hurtling towards the edge of orgasm at lightening speed, with not hope of letting up.

“Okay!” I cry out. “Sing into my butthole!”

Immediately, the heavy metal unicorn pulls out of my ass and drops down behind me. He places his lips on my anal rim and then suddenly lets out a powerful belt, the sound waves vibrating through my body with powerful sustain.

The note itself is absolutely beautiful, slowly evolving into a melody that is just as pleasant within my ears as it is my asshole.

“Oh my god!” I scream, throwing my head back. “I’m cumming while you sing into my butt!”

Suddenly, pearly jizz is erupting hard from the head of my shaft, spraying out in hot milky ropes onto the office floor below. Pleasure completely consumes my body in a way that I’ve never before experienced, every sense tickled by the same powerful wavelength.

I can tell by the vibrato in Grimble’s voice that he’s cumming as well, the force of his incredible vocal simply expelling hot spunk from his mammoth rod. The unicorn’s seed mixes with mine on the floor below us like a beautiful cocktail.

When the song is finally finished, me and Grimble collapse onto the ground together in a fucked silly daze, completely satisfied.

“That was incredible,” I tell the unicorn, struggling to catch my breath.

Grimble reaches up and grabs the bottle of carbonated chocolate milk, taking a long swing and then passing it over to me.

“You are incredible,” he tells me.

I take a pull of the chocolate milk, savoring the cool, rich flavor as it slides down my throat.

“So what’s next?” I ask Grimble when I finally finish. “You’ve been working on this case for so long, now the future is wide open.”

“Just gonna strive for the same thing I’ve always been hunting,” offers the handsome unicorn. “Balance.”
 I smile. “I’d love to be a part of that balance.”
 “You already are,” Grimble replies, putting his arm around me and leaning back against the desk. “You already are.”
 I suddenly realize that this is exactly where I need to be, and as I look back no the events that lead me here, I have an appreciation for both the good times and the bad. I used to be so frustrated with my old life, but I somehow managed to use that frustration as fuel, instead of letting it hold me back.

“You know, it used to be so daunting when I thought about attaining the life I wanted,” I tell Grimble. “But I think that’s because I was too focused on swaying things to the distant other side, when I should’ve just been looking for balance. One little change every day can end up accomplishing so much.”

“Hey, it took us five years of hard work to get here,” Grimble nods in agreement. “Day by day.”

“Five of the best years of my life,” I inform him, then raise the bottle of carbonated chocolate milk. “Here’s to many, many more… together.”

“Together,” the unicorn repeats back to me, then gives me a deep, passionate kiss.