Twin Cheeks: Agent Boober Gets Me Off

Marge and her sentient log friend, Cole, have noticed a stranger at the local diner in Twin Cheeks, but they’re still curious what brings this beautiful T-Rex to their small town.

Further investigation reveals this mysterious stranger to be Agent Hale Boober, a dinosaur tasked with seeking out the best cherry pie in Washington State every twenty five years. Boober is almost finished with her quest, but there’s one slice left to taste. Unfortunately, the final cherry pie lies between worlds, in a mysterious location known only as The Snack Lodge.

Now Marge and Boober are on a journey to find this otherworldly realm, battling the forces of darkness with the sensual power of their lesbian love.

This erotic tale is 4,000 words of sizzling human on lesbian T-Rex FBI agent action and hardcore sentient prehistoric reptile love.

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TWIN CHEEKS: AGENT BOOBER GETS ME OFF

By Chuck Tingle

Living in a small town, you get to know your neighbors pretty quickly. Twede’s diner has gone through a lot of owners, changing names a few times over the years, but the same clientele keep showing up over and over, and I keep watching them from my booth in the corner.

There are all kinds of people who call this place home, and plenty of them might seem a little unusual to any big city folks who also happen to make their way through.

However, this time it’s an outsider who’s caught my eye, an unexpected arrival in my otherwise static routine. She’s been coming by for two weeks now, sitting in the exact same booth and ordering the exact same thing every evening: a slice of cherry pie and a hot cup of chocolate milk.

I don’t know much about this dinosaur, other than what she happens to look like. She’s a beautiful T-Rex in a well-fitting, jet black suit, her scales a dull green but a sparkle in her eye. She carries around a tape recorder, constantly oscillating between talking into this device and quietly sitting in a haze of deep thoughts.

Over the past few weeks there’ve been plenty of opportunities for me to say hello and strike up a conversation, but something stops me every time. This mysterious figure is strangely imposing, despite their mild-manner, and the reasons why are tough to put my finger on.

I glance over at my friend, Cole, the sentient log who sits next to me at this long counter running the length of the diner.

“You see that dinosaur in the corner booth?” I question.

Cole nods.

“What do you think her story is?” I continue.

As town gossip, Cole the sentient log is deeply plugged into any comings and goings here in Twin Cheeks, and if anyone knows who this enigmatic stranger is, it’s him. The only question now is how much he’s willing to tell me.

“Her name’s Agent Boober,” Cole finally reveals.

“Oh?” I reply, nodding along. “What’s she doing here?”

“You’ll have to find out for yourself,” he explains.

I glance over at the suited dinosaur, who sits quietly and stares out the window next to her. The golden light of sunset washes across her face, giving it an even more dazzling glow.

“Why can’t you just tell me?” I question.

Cole glances over his shoulder, out the same window Agent Boober is looking through but in an entirely different direction. The living log seems focused on something that rests in the trees, a hidden entity observing us that I’m hopelessly unaware of.

“The owls are watching,” he finally explains.

I follow his gaze, but still can’t spot anything in the tree.

“Okay then,” is all I can think to say, finally leaning back and straightening up. Cole may be the best source of gossip in Twin Cheeks, but you’ve still gotta parse through several layers of hidden meaning to understand what the hell he’s talking about.

Some people might find this frustrating, but not me. It just serves to give this town it’s unique flavor.

I’m finally faced with the unavoidable truth of my situation. If I want to learn something about Agent Boober, I’m just gonna have to find it out myself.

I take a deep breath and stand up from the bar, leaving my friend and strolling over the table of this beautiful dinosaur.

“Hey there,” I offer, trying my best to seem casual as I push my glasses up on the bridge of my nose. “I’m Marge”

The T-Rex stops talking into his tape recorder and puts it away, shifting gears.

“Agent Hale Boober,” the T-Rex replies, standing up to give me a firm handshake. “Would you like to join me?”

A wave of excitement and arousal washes over my body, but I do my best to play it cool.

“Sure,” I offer in return. I slip into the booth across from this gorgeous dinosaur. “Can I ask you a question?”

“As long as I can ask you one in return,” Boober replies with a smile.

I consider this, then plow ahead. “Why are you always talking into that tape recorder?”

“Just making messages for Tianne,” the dinosaur explains.

“But… who’s Tianne?” I continue pressing.

The T-Rex laughs. “You already asked your question,” she counters. “Now you have to answer mine.”

“Okay,” I reply.

“What do you think of this cherry pie?” the T-Rex continues.

The dinosaur pushes her plate across the table to me, offering a bite, and I graciously accept. I’ve had this dessert plenty of times before, and my opinion is solid as a rock, but I’m not going to turn down a free bite of something so delicious.

“Best cherry pie in the world,” I reply.

“Or at least Washington State?” Agent Boober replies. “I agree.”

“My turn for another question,” I plow onward. “You’ve been coming to this restaurant for the last two weeks and ordering the same thing over and over again. You don’t live in Twin Cheeks, but you’ve been here quite a while. Why?”

Agent Boober takes another bite of her cherry pie, savoring this delicious flavor as it overwhelms her palette. She takes her time chewing and swallowing, considering the best way to answer my question.

“I’m here on behalf of the FBI,” the dinosaur explains. “I’m part of the cherry pie task force. Every twenty five years we’re dispatched across every state, fifty agents total. We’re determining the best slice of cherry pie in each region.”

“Well, you’ve come to the right place,” I retort. “Mission accomplished.”

“I wish it were that easy,” Agent Boober explains. “If I could call the competition right now I would. After all, this is a damn fine cherry pie. Unfortunately, I can’t submit my report until I’ve visited every diner, and there’s one left.”

I furrow my brow. “What diner?”

“It’s my turn to ask a question,” my prehistoric companion reminds me, “but I’ll go ahead and answer yours at the same time. Have you ever heard of The Snack Lodge?”

I take a minute to consider this, searching through the depths of my mind as a vague recollection simmers within. I’ve never been to The Snack Lodge, of that I’m certain, but there’s something potently familiar about these words.

“I’m not sure,” I finally admit.

“The Snack Lodge is the last restaurant on my list, a notoriously exclusive diner that’s someone out here near Twin Cheeks. I’ve been everywhere in Washington State, but The Snack Lodge still eludes me. If I ever wanna get home, I need to try their cherry pie and see how it stacks up.”

With that, Agent Boober pulls out her tape recorder and begins speaking into it once again.

“Unfortunate news, Tianne,” the dinosaur begins. “Even the town gossip has no idea where The Snack Lodge is located.”

“I’m not the town gossip, actually,” I interrupt.

Agent Boober stops her tape recorder and puts it away, curiously raising an eyebrow.

“People just think that, but it’s actually my friend who knows the secrets of Twin Cheeks,” I explain. “You want me to ask him if he knows where The Snack Lodge is?”

The T-Rex’s eyes light up, recognizing this could be the big break she’s looking for. “Please!”

I stand up and stroll across the diner, returning to my sentient log friend who waits patiently in the same chair I left him.

“I think there’s some sparks,” I blurt. “She’s cute, right?”

Cole nods. “Mysterious, but safe. Serious, but goofy. A duality. I understand why you like her.”

“Have you heard anything about The Snack Lodge?” I question, sneaking glances back at Agent Boober. “She’s trying to find that restaurant and try their pie.”

“The Snack Lodge exists between worlds,” my sentient log friend offers. “You can find the entrance if you look hard enough. Just have to appreciate the duality of it all, like your friend does."

Cole reaches behind his rounded, bark-covered back and pulls out two pairs of glasses. They feature a red and a blue lens.

“Put these on,” the log explains. “One for you and one for your friend. Then head into the woods.”

“Oh… okay,” I stammer. I’m used to Cole being cryptic, but this is a whole other level.

I point out the diner window. “So just kinda… out there?” I question.

“Electricity will guide you,” Cole continues.

Finally, I stand up and stroll back over to Agent Boober.

“Listen, I know this seems weird, but I think it’s your best shot at finding The Snack Lodge,” I offer. “Put on these glasses and lets go take a look.”

The dinosaur accepts my offer and, soon enough, we’re heading out into the darkness.

Nightfall has arrived swiftly, casting the town of Twin Cheeks in an eerie shroud. As we walk I explain to Agent Boober what my log friend had said, that we should follow the feeling of electricity and gaze between worlds, but this doesn’t seem to help us in our quest.

Instead, we find ourselves getting more and more turned around in the vast darkness of this thick, Pacific Northwest woodland.

Suddenly, Agent Boober stops, standing upright and stiff as a board. A new sensation has piqued her interest. “Whoa. Do you feel that?”

The dinosaur turns to me, a curious look on her face and the blue and red glasses resting awkwardly on the end of her snout.

I shake my head.

“Electricity!” Agent Boober shouts.

The next thing I know, my dinosaur companion is bounding off through the trees, making her way through the forest like a hungry hound on the trail of some mighty scent.

“Wait!” I cry out, hurrying after the dinosaur but swiftly falling behind.

Agent Boober is just too fast, and soon enough I find myself all alone.

“Boober!” I call, my voice echoing through the trees.

An owl hoots in return, causing my frame to halt in its tracks as a surge of alarm courses through me. I freeze, gazing out into the black sky. I struggle to make sense of the shapes that perch atop each branch, not sure what to make of the shadows that wash over everything.

I get the distinct impression this is not a safe place to be, yet somehow my curiosity pushes me onward.

Now that I’ve slowed down, a faint tingle has started coursing through my body. Could this be the electricity everyone’s talking about?

I follow this sensation, allowing it a space to bloom. The distinct vibration starts at the pit of my stomach and then spills out across my arms and legs, filling me to the brim.

Eventually, I find myself standing before a strange hole in the ground, a place from which this crackling electricity seems to emit. I gaze down into it, not sure what to make of this unexpected void, then finally continuing onward into its mysterious depths.

“Agent Boober!” I cry.

The forest has fallen away, replaced instead by a bizarre room unlike anything I’ve ever seen. The walls are made of hanging red curtain, and the floor is a zig-zag of stark black and white stripes.

I’m sitting in a black chair, and another chair rests across from me. There’s a small man perched upon this unexpected furniture piece, and between us rests a standing lamp. Strange, backwards jazz music washes across us from some distant room.

Immediately, I tear off my blue and red glasses, convinced my eyes are playing tricks on me, but to my surprise this space is just as real as ever.

The small man smiles. “Your reverse twin is here,” he offers, his voice awkward and stilted.

It takes a moment for me to realize he’s speaking backwards.

“Who is my reverse twin?” I question.

“Lanterman,” he says. “Everyone’s reverse twin is here: Cooper, Briggs, Horne.”

“My last name’s Manterlan, but I have no idea who those people are,” I admit.

The small man grins, continuing to speak in his bizarre, backwards tone. “We all have reverse twins. They are infinite, stretching across timelines. Places like The Snack Lodge bring these layers closer together, so close they almost overlap. Do you know who I am?”

The man stands up and begins to dance, his heels clicking across the floor as he moves and sways before me.

“Who are you?” I question.

“On this layer or that layer?” he replies, following up his first question with another.

“Either,” I retort.

The man rubs his hands together. “On thatlayer I am the arm, on this layer I am the leg.”

I hesitate awkwardly. “…riiiiight,” I finally offer, not quite sure how to react.

Realizing this conversation is going nowhere, I stand up and walk over to one of the hanging red curtains. Curiously, I pull it back, stepping through into a similar room with slightly different dimensions. This one is a hallway, and I make my way down it, rounding a corner to find another large space with the same zig-zag flooring.

This time, a black table is set with chairs on either side. Agent Boober is sitting in one of the chairs, and she’s hungrily devouring a piece of cherry pie.

“Boober!” I shout, rushing over and hugging her. “I was so worried.”
 “Sorry about that,” the dinosaur replies. “I got a little lost out there, but here we are. This is the pie I’ve been looking for.”

I gaze down at the food, impressed by the flaky golden crust and the bright red filling the spills forth from within. It looks incredible.

“Try it,” Agent Boober continues, motioning towards the chair across from her. “Let me know what you think.”

I sit down before a plate of my own, a glorious, steaming morsel of cherry pie waiting for me. It smells wonderful, a waft of sugary, buttery warmth drifting across my nostrils.

I take my fork and cut a small piece, then put it in my mouth to chew, expecting an explosion of flavor. Instead, I find myself patiently waiting for this sensation to arrive. I take another bite, then another, chewing thoughtfully and focusing on the muted signals of my taste buds.

It’s a decent slice of pie, but Twede’s is better.

“I’m… not that into it,” I admit.

Agent Boober nods. “Agreed. The Snack Lodge isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be.”

The dinosaur finally lets out a sigh and puts her fork down, quickly shifting through a sea of emotions. When she looks up again, the dinosaur is grinning.

“I guess that’s that, my job here is done,” she announces. “The best cherry pie in Washington State is Twede’s.”

“Glad I could help,” I offer.

“Now let’s get out of here,” Agent Boober continues. “This place gives me the creeps.”

We stand and head back the way we came, pushing through the red curtain to reveal another room, then another, and another. The hallway that should be here seems to have disappeared, replaced instead by a bizarre series of shifting, empty spaces with the same hanging fabric and black and white flooring.

“What the hell,” I murmur to myself, my heart beating faster and faster as we push even deeper into this strange, twisted maze.

Eventually, Agent Boober and I emerge to find an unusually tall man standing in the middle of the room, his bald head shining under the blaze of a spotlight that beams upon him from some unknown location.

“Without love, you cannot leave,” he announces.

“What?” I blurt. “What the hell does that mean?”

Instead of replying, the tall man simply dissolves away, disappearing into the ether.

Confused, I turn to Agent Boober. “Are we trapped in The Snack Lodge?”

The dinosaur considers this. “It sounds like there’s one way out,” she offers in return. “Without love, you cannot leave.”

My heart skips a beat as she says this. “What kind of love?” I stammer.

“Whatever kind you’ve got, I suppose,” Agent Boober replies, a mischievous grin making its way across her face. “I have no idea where this will lead us, but I have a definite feeling it will be a place both wonderful and strange.”

Suddenly, the tension breaks. The dinosaur and I come together in a fit of passion, completely losing ourselves in the moment. This setting may be strange, but the weight of its oddness is no match for the potent desires that flow through us.

The next thing I know, Boober and I are tearing away one another’s clothing, stripping each other down and tossing this fabric to the side in a state of feral lust.

My hands make their way across the dinosaur’s prehistoric form, exploring the topography of her body. I start at the top, caressing her neck and cheek, then make my way down across her chest.

“It’s no wonder they call you Agent Boober,” I coo softly.

Lower and lower my attention drifts, until finally reaching the forbidden border of Boober’s waist. I hesitate here a moment, teasing her with the prospect of something more.

The dinosaur sighs loudly, clearly wanting me to push onward as she pumps her hips against me. She’s craving my touch, begging for me to continue this journey while I savor my position of power.

Finally, I have mercy, slipping my fingers even lower and rubbing them across the T-Rex’s wet clit. Agent Boober lets out a soft groan as I touch her, allowing the sensations to blossom freely within.

“Oh fuck,” she sighs. “Just like that.”
 I rub the dinosaur’s clit in small, gentle circles, barely touching it at first and then building pressure. Eventually, my speed has elevated to a constant pulse, but at this point I need to offer more than just my fingers.

I begin slipping down the dinosaur’s exposed form, dropping to my knees right there on the black and white, zig-zag ground. I dive in hungrily, lapping away at Agent Boober at the same pace as my swirling digits.

I pick up right where I left off, working Boober with my touch as she pushes her hips against me. She reaches down and places her hand against the back of my head, working me against her body as the pleasure builds.

Agent Boober is trembling now, quaking with anticipation while the sensations within us begin to simmer. I can feel her frame desperately reckoning with the feelings that are washing through it, unable to keep herself from hurtling towards the edge of a powerful climax. The dinosaur’s muscles clench and release over and over again, building to a wild crescendo and then erupting as Agent Boober throws her head back and lets out a powerful scream. Her oice carries through The Snack Lodge, overwhelming this space with sonic vibration as she bucks and heaves. For a moment I think Agent Boober might collapse into a heap right then and there, but she somehow manages to stay upright.

When the dinosaur finally finishes she staggers back, awkward and wobbly. I fully expect her to be down for the count, done in by sexual exhaustion, but I quickly discover the exact opposite is true. Agent Boober has a fire in her eyes, the desire within her only amplified but her recent orgasm.

“Now it’s your turn,” the dinosaur offers, dropping to the floor with me.

Agent Boober pushes me back, climbing on top of my nude body and kissing her way across my breasts. Lower and lower she drifts, working me with the same erotic patience that I provided her. She’s a gentle lover, building the tension and then pulling back so that I have no choice but to ache for more.

By the time she reaches my pussy it feels as though I’m ready to explode, and the sensation of her tongue across my clit is enough to make me worried I’ll orgasm right then and there. Instead, however, I manage to wait, allowing myself some time to sink into this moment and sprawl across the black and white floor.

I stare up at the ceiling above, watching as flashes of blue electricity sparkle across its flat surface. As the pleasure within me builds, so does this bizarre current, flickering with spastic energy.

It would be easy to think these two things are directly related, but as I watch this phenomenon I get the distinct feeling I’m witnessing two diametrically opposed forces. The electricity is building not as a product of our lovemaking, but in an effort to keep our love at bay.

Fortunately, there’s no stopping these potent feelings that spill through my veins, filling me to the brim with a churning, glorious sensation.

Agent Boober knows exactly what she’s doing, working me with expert precision.

In the grand design, dinosaurs were drawn with a different set of blueprints.

The impending climax that builds within me is only hastened when Agent Boober slips two scaly fingers within my waiting pussy, fulling me up to the brim and creating two distinct sources of pleasure. The sensations of her tongue against my clit and these digits deep inside me begin to swirl together, creating something wholly unique and devilishly potent.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck,” I start murmuring under my breath, repeating the words over and over again in an escalating mantra. Eventually, I’m crying out at the top of my lungs, the electric flashes reaching their peak. “Oh fuck! Oh fuck!”

Finally, I arch my back and let out a frantic scream, losing myself in the moment as erotic sensation overwhelms me completely. I’m swept away in the moment, awash in this sea of pleasure for what seems like forever.

All the while, Agent Boober doesn’t let up with the laps of her prehistoric tongue. She carries me from beginning to end, only relenting when the orgasm has completely left my body.

I sit up, only now realizing the dinosaur and I have left our strange environment behind. We’ve somehow returned to the dark woods, sprawled out in the middle of a clearing.

Agent Boober grins. “That’s some damn fine pussy,” she offers, then kisses me deep on the lips.

The two of us get dressed and soon enough my T-Rex companion and I are strolling back to the restaurant. We’re taking our time, just enjoying one another’s presence, but eventually I realize the devastating reason behind our slow pace.

Agent Boober’s investigation is now over, which means she has no reason to stay here in Twin Cheeks. Soon, she’ll be moving on.

I remind myself this was nothing more than a simple fling, an admittedly fun way of escaping The Snack Lodge but nothing more. Still, it’s hard to deny the creeping strings of attachment that have already started working their way through me.

There’s something about Agent Boober that gets under my skin, a pull I can’t seem to quell no matter how hard I try.

“I’m gonna miss you,” I finally offer. “When you leave, I mean.”

“I’ll be back again,” Boober informs me. “In twenty five years.”

That’s a long, long time, but something about having this distant future date is all I needed.

We walk in silence a bit longer.

“On second thought, I can’t wait that long,” the dinosaur finally blurts. “I’m always playing by the book. Maybe it’s time to do something for myself.”

“What do you mean?” I question.

“I think… I think I quit,” she replies. “I’m gonna stay here in Twin Cheeks.”

I stop abruptly, turning to Agent Boober and giving her a deep, passionate kiss. It’s only when I pull away that I realize we’ve made it back to Twede’s diner, the restaurant’s glowing sign hanging brilliantly above us.

“Looks like I’ll never know the best cherry pie in America,” she continues. “Washington State, sure, but once I leave the FBI I’ll never see the final results.”
 “I’m so sorry,” I gush.

The dinosaur shakes her head. “No, no, it’s fine. Sometimes it’s okay to leave a little bit of mystery hanging out there. I know how the pie here makes me feel, and sometimes that’s just as important.”