Not Pounded By The Physical Manifestation Of My Need To Please Everyone Because Sometimes It's Okay To Give Back To Yourself - (Classic Tingler Revisited)

as most buckaroos know chuck has a busy trot. i am always writin away at a pace that is impressive but also a little concerning even for myself. being productive is a GREAT FEELING we all know this classic way, but it can also lead to sad days ahead because that is a lot of pressure hanging over our dang heads that we dont even know is there.

man name of chuck has thought about the lonesome train most days ever since i was a young buckaroo. i would lay awake and hear it call in the dark to remind me that one day i will leave this timeline, and even though this is a FRIGHTENING MESSAGE FROM BEYOND it is not all bad. it was reminder to chuck that time is limited resource and old chuck probably shouldnt just trot around in circles, gotta go get things done. this mental way has stuck with my trot and i have used it to accomplish very much. in some ways this is feeling of GRATITUDE which is very important feeling on this timeline.

so it is easy for chuck to look back and think ‘dang i am glad to work work work work work look what i have accomplished’ and in some ways this is true, but there are consequences to this way. YOU CAN OVER DO THIS TROT LET ME TELL YOU.

as time rolled on worlds greatest author chuck started getting way of chronic pain, trotting to hospital and having handsome nurses in lab coats say ‘dang’ and i would say ‘dang’ and they would say ‘dang’. nobody understood this pain for a very long time until one day it all feel into place like a dang puzzle piece. CHUCKS BODY WAS CLENCHED TIGHT FROM ALL THAT STRESS. workin so hard to avoid the lonesome train can be very hard of the body of a bud, and when you add my unique spectrum way of needing ORDER TO ALL THINGS it creates big multiplier and things get even more stressful.

so chuck started making changes, and part of this change was to understand maybe FULL ON WORK MODE GET THINGS DONE is not the healthiest trot there is. and maybe you will end up GETTING MORE DONE if you realize a solid comfortable pace is better than an uncomfortable one that ties your body into knots. and i think this is important lesson that changed old chucks life for the better. this is lesson that helped me PROVE LOVE IS REAL to myself.

with this in mind please enjoy classic no sex tingler NOT POUNDED BY THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF MY NEED TO PLEASE EVERYONE BECAUSE SOMETHING IT’S OKAY TO GIVE BACK TO YOURSELF

Joey likes to help the people around him, and he’s proud of that fact, but after fainting at work from exhaustion the man begins to realize that he might be wearing himself out. Unfortunately, when the physical manifestation of Joey’s need to please everyone around him shows up, things go from bad to worse.

When Joey finally breaks, he learns a valuable lesson in finding balance in his life, and in the importance of staying healthy enough to help the ones around you. Now Joey is starting to realize that sometimes it’s just as important to prove love to yourself, and not just others.

This important tale is 4,100 words of sexless learning between buds, including finding your internal equilibrium, self care, and a blossoming sexless love for the things that make you happy.

(Originally released June 6th, 2019)

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NOT POUNDED BY THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF MY NEED TO PLEASE EVERYONE BECAUSE SOMETIMES IT’S OKAY TO GIVE BACK TO YOURSELF

By Chuck Tingle

I take care of people, and I’m proud of it. Whether it’s during my time on the clock as a nurse, or when I finally get home and begin to process of helping out my neighbors with their landscaping, I’m here to give. It seems like I’ve always got something going on, and I feel like this does nothing but put a spring in my step.

Until it doesn’t.

I’m on my lunch break at the hospital, making my way across the street to my favorite deli for a delicious sandwich, when suddenly I find myself feeling a little off. The sensation is fleeting at first, and it causes me to lose my balance slightly, wobbling back and forth as I struggle to pull it together. It takes a moment for me to regain my senses, and when I do I’m off and running once more, squarely focused on the Ruben sandwich that’s about to rest squarely within my hands.

I get a few more steps before, suddenly, the dizziness strikes again. I stumble, me knees weakening below me as I struggle to stay upright. I can feel my vision going in and out of focus, and in a last minute attempt I reach out for the car parked next to me, struggling to find a reference point as the world swirls past.

Unfortunately, when I put my hand out for the car I quickly find that nothing is there, and the next thing I know I’m plummeting down towards the pavement with a loud thud as my whole world fades to black.

“Joey. You there?” comes a voice through the darkness, causing my eyes to flutter a bit as the syllables register within my brain.

“Huh?” is all that I can manage to say, the word barely slipping out through my lips.

“Good, you’re back,” the voice continues, becoming clearer and clearer with every passing second.

It takes every ounce of effort that I have, but I finally manage to push my eyes open and capture the light of the world streaming in. I squint a bit, taking in my surroundings and quickly realizing that I’m laid out in a hospital bed, back at work but on the opposite end of the usual equation.

My co-worker, Frenno, sits across from me, smiling.

“What happened?” I question. “The last thing I remember I was on my lunch break.”

“You were, until you passed out on the sidewalk and had to be hauled back in here and hooked up to an IV,” Frenno explains.

It’s only now that I glance up and notice the drip hanging next to me, pumping liquid into my blood so that I don’t pass out yet again.

“Not enough fluids, huh?” I question, beginning to diagnose myself.

“Not enough fluids, and not nearly enough rest,” Frenno continues. “When’s the last time you actually slept?”

I consider his words a moment. “Well… five minutes ago.”

“Besides that,” he continues.

I scan over the events of the last few days, taking note of the fact that last night I was out hauling firewood for a friend of mine until the early morning, and before that I was driving all night picking up two separate buddies from the airport at spectacularly inconvenient times.

“Now that you mention it, it’s been about three days since I’ve had a full night of rest,” I continue.

Frenno shakes his head. “You’ve gotta take it easy, man.”

“I know, I know,” I counter. “I’m just… I like to help, you know? That’s why I became a nurse in the first place.”

“That’s great, it really is,” Frenno explains, nodding in confirmation, “but you’ve also got to take a little time for yourself. If you’re not healthy enough to help the folks you want to take care of, then what’s the point? It’s all about a balance.”

“Doesn’t that seem kind of… arrogant or something? Or self centered?” I question.

Frenno shakes his head. “You’re important and special. It’s okay to think that, because most of us need to be reminded sometimes. It’s one thing to be self-centered, but it’s something else entirely to stay healthy with a little bit of self love.”

“Fair enough,” I reply, understanding the sentiment behind his words but still not quite agreeing with it.

“Anyway, you’ll be up and at it again pretty quick here,” explains Frenno. “Besides the exhaustion, you’re in great health.”

I nod in understanding, thankful there isn’t something more serious lying just below the surface.

My coworker stands and begins to walk away, but when he reaches the door he halts suddenly, then slowly begins to turn around.

“Hey, by the way,” Frenno starts. “I’m part of a softball league, did I ever tell you that?”

I shake my head.

“We’ve got a game later today,” my coworker continues. “I was just wondering, since you’re gonna be better soon, if you’d mind helping me out and covering my next shift.”

Covering Frenno’s shift is the last thing I want to do right now, obviously, but there’s a part of me that’s unable to simply deny him. Deep down, I know that he needs my help and he wouldn’t be asking if it wasn’t an emergency.

“When do you need to me cover?” I question. “When’s the shift?”

Frenno checks his watch. “In about… 5 minutes.”

“And you think I’ll be able to cover for you by then?” I continue, a little worried. “I’m still lying in this hospital bed.”

“Yeah, but you’re awake now, right?” my coworker says.

He’s got a point, I guess. “Okay,” I finally agree.

“Thanks man, you’re the best,” Frenno tells me, then turns to leave.

I lay back against the pillow behind me, now wondering how long I have to rest. Since the time of our conversation, a minute has probably passed, leaving me just four to work with. Plus, it will take a few minutes to put away the IV and get this room situated.

I suppose I should probably just get up now.

I rise and climb out of bed, pulling the needle from my arm as I go about my business. I have to admit I was really looking forward to getting home today, even before my big fall, but it’s worth it to help out a friend.

When I’m finally finished, I head out into the hallway, but stop when I notice a swirling mass of potential activities floating about from the corner of my eye. I slowly turn to find myself face to face with the physical manifestation of my need to please everyone, who is strikingly handsome and smiling wide.

“Hey there,” the sentient idea offers.

“Oh… hi,” I reply, reaching out to shake the entities’ hand.

“You headed off to fill in for Frenno?” the shifting physical manifestation questions.

I nod.

“Good! Awesome! Hey, I was just wondering if later tonight you’d like to watch that movie your buddy recommended to you. They one you said you’d watch and then tell him what you thought,” the physical manifestation of my need to please everyone explains.

“I’m gonna be pretty tired after this double shift,” I inform him while reluctantly sifting through my options, “but I suppose I could carve into my sleep hours just a little bit.”

“Well, it’s gonna be more than just a little,” the physical manifestation admits. “The movie is four hours long.”

“Four hours!” I blurt.

“It’s experimental,” the swirling entity explains.

“Then tomorrow morning maybe you can start watching the neighbors dog while he’s on vacation?” this strange mass of responsibilities continues. “You know, filling up the food bowl, taking him for walks.”

“I guess I’ll have time if I don’t sleep,” I mumble.

“Great, great,” the swirling mass replies. “Thank you so much for taking care of all this!”

By the time I finish watching my movie recommendation the sun is just beginning to rise over the horizon, filling my apartment with a warm dawn glow that would otherwise be very pleasant if it weren’t for the fact that I just sat through four hours of the most boring entertainment one could possibly devise. In fact, calling it entertainment is pretty generous.

Still, I’ve reached the other side, and while I can’t go back to my friend and tell him it was the best movie I’ve ever seen, I can at least say that it was a unique experience.

“Oh shit,” I suddenly blurt aloud. “I need to feed the neighbor’s dog.”

I stand up to head for the front door when, suddenly, I find the physical manifestation of my need to please everyone blocking me.

“Oh, hey,” I falter.

“Hey man,” the physically manifested idea begins. “I saw you were just about to leave and I thought I’d let you know that you feel asleep during the first half of that movie.”

“Oh… did I?” I question.

The swirling entity nods. “I just thought you’d want to know, so you can honestly tell your friend that you watched the whole thing. It would be a real shame to lie about it.”

“You think I should go back and rewatch it?” I question.

The manifestation of my need to please everyone shrugs. “I’m just saying, you missed a lot.”

“There’s no way I can rewatch the whole movie, check on the dog, and get ready for work today,” I explain.

“There’s time… you can just call in sick,” explains the physically manifested idea.

“But then I’ll be letting my boss down,” I remind him.

The manifested concept nods. “I suppose you’re right.”
 It looks like there’s only one option. I just need to work my ass off and somehow manage to fit it all in.

I’m not quite sure how I’m gonna do it, but I trust that I’ll figure something out.

First thing’s first, the dog.

Immediately, I rush past the swirling concept of my need to please everyone and make my way out into my apartment hallway. I aim straight for the residence of my friend, pulling the keys out of my pocket and readying them for entry.

I hit the door just right, pushing in the keys and turning them as some kind of hammering, imaginary clock pounds away within my ears.

The dog is immediately there to greet me, happy and excited as I fill his food and water bowls.

“Wanna go for a walk?” I ask excitedly as the creature bounces up and down.

I grab a leash from the table and soon enough my new canine friend and me are bounding down the steps of my apartment as the sky begins to bloom with a glorious imperal violet. It’s another beautiful day.

Unfortunately, I don’t have a chance to gaze at it for too long. Almost immediately, I pull out my phone and find a stream of the movie that I need to rewatch, jumping from scene to scene as I struggle to figure out what I might’ve missed.

It’s a hectic walk, but I get it done.

“Nice work!” calls out the physical manifestation of my need to please everyone from the top of my front steps as I return to my apartment building.

“Thanks,” I tell him.

“Hey, I was wondering,” the swirling entity continues. “Would you be interested in going out on a date tonight?”

“With… you?” I question.

The sentient idea nods.

“I’m not sure,” I stammer, completely taken off guard. “I guess I could fit it in.”

“Sounds good, I’ll pick you up for dinner after work,” the physical manifestation of my need to please everyone replies.

The living concept turns to leave but I suddenly call out to stop him.

“Wait!” I cry. “I don’t even know your name!”

“Crinn Sheems,” he informs me.

By the time I’ve finished work and stumble out into the parking lot I can barely keep my eyes open. I’m feeling weak and delirious, but I’m trying my best to pull it together for Crinn. I promise him a date, after all.

Right on cue, the physical manifestation of my need to please everyone pulls up to the curb before me, smiling wide from the driver’s seat of his beautiful white sportscar.

“You ready to roll?” he asks.

I nod.

“Hop in,” the living idea continues.

I do as I’m told, climbing into the passenger seat and then suddenly pushing back into the leather as we peel out and pull away from the parking lot.

“Where do you want to go?” I question.

“I knew you’d let me choose,” Crinn replies with a smile. “I was thinking Cheeseburgers.”

I was in the mood for sushi, but it’s fine.

We drive deep into the city, chatting casually as our destination draws closer and closer. Crinn seems like a nice enough guy, but there’s something about him that simply won’t let me relax in his presence.

When we arrive at the restaurant and head inside, I can only feel this nervous tension continue to build and build.

“Is everything okay?” Crinn questions.

I nod. “I haven’t slept in like four days. Don’t let that bother you, though. I’ll be fine”

The physical manifestation of my need to please everyone nods in understanding as we reach our table and sit, pulling out some menus and looking over the delicious selection of burgers this place has to offer.

I’m not quite sure what I’m in to mood for today, but as my eyes scan the page in front of me I realize that it might not even matter. I’m so exhausted I can barely see the letters as they melt together on the menu, flowing into an incomprehensible mess.

“What should I get?” I question.

“Whatever you want,” the physical manifestation of my need to please everyone replies.

“But what do you think I should get?” I ask.

“The buffalo burger,” Crinn finally suggests.

I hate buffalo sauce, but I don’t want to be rude and reject his recommendation after I asked for it.

Eventually, the waiter comes over and takes our orders.

“So what’s it like being a living concept?” I question, hoping to get to know a little more about this handsome date that sits before me.

“Well… it’s a little strange,” Crinn explains. “Being a living concept is a lot harder than being a living object, because at least those already have a physical form. Manifesting myself like this takes a lot of work, you know? It’s like… how is the physical manifestation to please everyone going to present to the word?”

“I like what you’ve done,” I continue, making note of the little moving scenes that swirl in and out of his floating form. Each one of them seems to show me helping someone out as I suffer from the extreme exhaustion.

“Thank you,” Crinn replies.

When the food arrives I suddenly realize just how hungry I really am, having skipped most meals over the last few days in an effort to help others.

Unfortunately, my excitement to dive in immediately dissipates when I remember what it is that I ordered. I hate buffalo sauce, and this burger is absolutely overflowing with the stuff.

“What’s the matter?” Crinn questions. “Not hungry?”

Suddenly, all the tension that’s been building within my body snaps, not outwardly, but with a deep internal weight that immediately dissolves around me.

“Hold on,” I suddenly blurt, sticking up straight in my chair. “I don’t want to see you anymore.”

Crinn seems a little confused by this. “What?” is all that he can manage to say.

“I don’t want to be on this date and I don’t want to eat this burger covered in sauce that I don’t like,” I continue, simply letting the words flow out of me now. “I’m sick of putting everyone else first, and I’m sick of you.”

“So like… you don’t want to sleep with me later?” questions the living concept.

“Fuck no,” I retort.

“Oh,” is all that Crinn can think to say.

“For years I thought that putting everyone else’s needs before my own was the right thing to do, and don’t get me wrong, sometimes it is. But it can also be unhealthy when you forget to check in on yourself. I’m a really great person, and my time here on this Earth is important. I want to use some of it if for myself; need to use some of it for myself.”

As I rant, I begin to notice that Crinn is getting smaller and smaller in his chair, the entity gradually dissolving as I accept the fact that it’s okay to tend to my own needs sometimes.

“I want to eat where I feel like,” I inform him. “I didn’t want to go here tonight.”

“Where did you want to go?” questions the physical manifestation of my need to please everyone.

“I wanted sushi!” I blurt. “But to tell you the truth, what I really wanted to do was sleep for like two days straight.”

Crinn is so small now that he can barely see over the table, standing on his seat and struggling to make eye contact with me over the lip.

“In fact, that’s what I’m gonna do,” I continue, the physical manifestation of my need to please everyone disappearing completely into thin air.

I pay for my meal and stand up to leave, heading home.

Instead of taking one or two days off of work, I take a whole two weeks, deciding to use some of those seemingly endless vacation days that I’ve managed to rack up over my time as a nurse. It’s only when I call in that I realize I’ve never once missed a day, and this realization proves even more that I’ve done the right thing.

Now, with all this time off, I’ve decided to finally knock a few things off the list of what I want to do for a change.

Having never seen the ocean before, the first step is booking a plane ticket for the Oregon coast. I make my arrangements for the very next day, finding someone else to watch my neighbor’s dog and handling any other looming responsibilities I can think of.

During the course of all this, several friends have told me that I should find a part of the coastline with more sun, and I’ve quickly replied that I appreciate their input but no thanks.

I’m taking this vacation the way that I want to.

The second I land in Oregon, I know that I’ve made the right choice. This place is incredible, lush green trees and mountains stretching out in every direction as far as the eye can see. There’s a powerful somberness to the mood, and unlike the beaches of California that are packed with lazy sunbathers, plenty of the sand here in Oregon is completely empty for miles and miles and miles.

I take a seat on one of those empty stretches of sand, hiking through the woods a bit until the thick forest opens up into a glorious view of the vast and seemingly endless ocean.

It’s enough to take my breath away, and while I’d once imagined running down the shore and diving into the water, I drop to the ground instead. I sit here on my own, doing exactly what I want to do for a change.

As the waves go in and out, I find myself losing any bit of that tension that I might’ve still been holding within me. With every pulse of the waves I’m reminded of the need for balance within all of us, a push and a pull that evens things out and keeps us healthy.

I should still help people out whenever I can, because it’s something I truly enjoy doing, but hurting myself in this process is just not worth it.

Sometimes you need to prove love is real to yourself.

The second I think this, I notice a swirling figure making it’s way down the beach.

“Hey!” I call out, feeling a strange connection to this mysterious being.

The figure stops, then turns to make his way up to me. As he draws closer I begin to notice that his body is made of several swirling images, the scenes playing out in an endless loop. Unlike Crinn, however, these vignettes are depiction of me taking care of myself.

“Whoa are you?” I question.

“I’m the physically manifested concept of your own self care,” he says, “but you can call me Borgo.”

“That’s a very sexy name,” I admit.

“Thanks,” he replies. “I suppose I should thank you for willing me into reality.”

“I did that?” I question, a little shocked.

The physically manifested idea nods. “Before this, you didn’t really have much self care. You certainly thought you did, but in reality you were just wearing yourself down.”
 “And now that I’ve taken some time,” I begin, “you’ve popped into existence.”

“Correct,” Borgo replies.

“That’s pretty exciting,” I offer. “That I can just make something out of nothing.”
 “Of course you can!” the living idea continues. “Haven’t you ever written a song? Or a story? Or drawn a picture?”

“Not really,” I admit, shaking my head. “I mean, it sounds like fun, but most of the time if I’m creating something then it’s meant for someone else.”
 Borgo smiles. “I guess that’s why I’m here then.”

“To help me create?” I question.

“Is that what you want to do?” Borgo continues.

I nod, but instead of asking him any more questions I decide to take matters into my own hands.

Abruptly, I turn around and head back towards my car, traipsing through the thick Oregon forest as Borgo follows closely behind.

“Ooo, I like this place,” the physically manifested concept of my own self care says as he looks around the art store, his eyes roaming slowly across all of the blank canvases.

While these empty spaces would have once seemed daunting, like an oppressive task for me to complete, they now fill me with a strange sense of freedom.

I plan on purchasing a few of the canvasses, as well as a few paints and other supplies, stocking up on everything I’d need to create a beautiful work of art.

“What are you gonna do with all this stuff?” Borgo asks me.

“Paint the ocean,” I reply. “I felt inspired.”

Borgo glances down at the paints that I hold in my hand, then back up at me. “You don’t have any blue, just so you know,” the living concept notices.

“I know,” I inform him. “I’d like to see the ocean as a nice deep red. That’s how I’d like to paint it.”

Impressed to with my confidence, Borgo just smiles.

I stroll over to the register and get in line to make my purchase, standing proudly as the excitement begins to flow through me. Blossoming creativity is such a unique sensation, and as far as I can remember this is the very first time that I’ve actually felt it.

I watch as the line continues to move along, the transactions between artist and cashier moving at a brisk pace.

I’m just about to the front of the line when the man before me falters, causing the whole thing to grind to a screeching halt.

“I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do,” I hear the cashier saying. “You’re seventeen dollars short and we don’t take cards.

The customer is clearly disappointed, but they don’t put up a fight. Instead, they begin to turn around and place some of their items back on the shelf.

“Wait!” I cry out, halting the man in his tracks.

“I’ve got seventeen dollars,” I inform them, then step forward, placing it on the counter.

“Thank you so much,” the man in line before me says. “I really appreciate it.”
 Suddenly, I realize my mistake. Was this small moment of care for someone else going to bring Crinn, the physical manifestation of my need to please everyone, back into this reality? Would my new friend Borgo disappear from existence?

Fortunately, when I turn around I see that Borgo is still there smiling at me.

I pay for my art supplies and the stroll back over to Borgo.

“I thought you were gonna disappear,” I inform him.

“Now why would I do that?” he questions.

“Because I paid for someone else,” I counter.

The physical manifestation of my own self care laughs. “It’s good to please others sometimes, just not everyone. Its all about balance, and what you did was very kind.”

“Thanks,” I reply.

“Now let’s get painting,” Borgo offers, taking some of my bags for me as we head out the door.