Darkest Before Dawn - 125

Chapter 125

[Neito Monoma]

“Are you alright, man?” Tetsutetsu asked.

‘No, I’m not.’

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he replied, ignoring the honest answer as easily as he breathed. Because he was most definitely not fine, but… He didn’t want to voice that. He’d been called arrogant a lot in his life, and maybe he was, but he liked to think he was just proud and that there was nothing wrong with that.

His pride was stopping him from talking though.

Because, for once, Neito thought he had been truly arrogant. He’d thought he could take it, what Kazuki lived through every day of his life. He’d heard how it was, he’d considered it thoroughly too. He truly had, it had been a while already since he’d started thinking about the option of copying Kazuki’s Quirk and…

And he thought he could take it.

He’d been wrong, so wrong it wasn’t even funny. Neito could still feel the exhaustion permeating his body, it had come from almost everywhere too, like he was on a tiny island and huge waves hit him from all sides. He could still feel the frustration, a hundred times worse than any time he’d been underestimated or mocked. He could feel the sadness and the anger and the boredom and the-

“Hey,” a soft voice called, bringing Neito back to the present. It was then that he realized that his hand had been shaking. Gripping the fork harder, he slowly moved to set it down by his plate, which he’d almost left untouched. “Not doing so well, huh?” the voice said and it was only then that Neito looked up.

“Boss,” he said with what he hoped was a normal tone. Inside though, he didn’t know what to feel looking at Kazuki. Part of him pitied the guy, because he couldn’t imagine living every single day with that much negativity crashing against you, unrelenting, neverending. Part of him was scared, because how in the world could Kazuki be half as normal as he appeared to be when his Quirk was like that? There could very well be something wrong with him.

And another part of him remembered.

“Take a deep breath,” he heard in his mind and he followed suit. “Now, focus on what you can see.” Neito looked at Kazuki, still standing and holding his plate of food in his hands. Beside him, a little behind, was Chikuchi. Then there were his classmates at the table with him and everyone else further away. In the background was the forest that he’d first seen when following those same instructions.

“Focus on what you can hear.”

It was quiet, but Neito heard some conversations further away at other tables and he heard the wind through the branches once more.

“Focus on what you can feel.”

The seat was cold still, but it was already warming up after he’d sat there for a bit. The table under his hands felt sturdy, solid, and he found that oddly reassuring. He felt the breeze hit his skin like a gentle caress, almost as soft as Kazuki’s voice in his mind.

“Focus on what you can smell.”

The food they’d prepared, rich and appetizing. So much so that it was almost like a reminder that he was, indeed, hungry. And suddenly, between that and everything else, Neito felt semi-normal once more.

“Can we sit here?” he heard Kazuki ask and several of his classmates moved away. Chikuchi took the seat by his side while their Boss sat across from him. “You’re never doing that again,” Kazuki told him, firmly. Neito remembered that flash of foreign emotion. He remembered the strand of worry, nerves and concern that had reached towards him right from Kazuki. It was the only one he’d been able to follow to the source well, probably because he was so close to him.

“No,” he said and Kazuki paused, looking up and staring at him. “Not any time soon, but I’ll try again, Boss,” he continued, trying to stop his hand from shaking as he picked up the fork and started eating again. “I will,” he added as the resolution solidified.

Maybe he could get some other Quirk to help out at first. There had to be some kind of emotion dampener or maybe a flavor of self-mind control. If Shinso weren’t a prick even larger than Neito himself, he might have considered asking for help from the guy. All in all though, he’d find a way to do it.

And this time, it had nothing to do with his pride.

“Why are you so damn stubborn?” Kazuki said, exasperation and concern coloring his voice. Neito just gave him a semi-helpless smile. “... What are you going to work on now though?” his friend asked, very obviously deciding that it was better to change topics. Neito appreciated that, because he didn’t know if his determination would survive a firmer order.

Neito was proud, but he also called Kazuki “Boss” for a reason and not because it was funny to see the guy be so awkward about it.

It was some time later, after some inane conversation and when they had finished their food, that Kazuki stood up to go look for dessert.

“He’s gonna pick for all of us,” Chikuchi observed and Neito nodded. Of course Kazuki was going to do that. The guy just had this odd drive to just… do stuff for people. Like… ‘Like he feels he has to, or people will hate him,’ he thought, realizing that Kazuki probably picked up all sorts of emotions from people… and how was he supposed to know if those were in regards to him or something else? “You alright?”

“It sucks,” he answered, repeating his initial assessment of Kazuki’s Quirk. “I’ll never look at him the same way again,” he added, which was entirely the truth. It wasn’t bad, but it was certainly something that just… changed his opinion on Kazuki. Neito was still trying to figure out how though.

“We don’t follow just anyone,” Chikuchi said and he couldn’t tell if she meant that as a question, or as a statement. For that matter, he wasn’t sure how she’d mean it in either of those ways. However, there was one thing he was sure about.

“You’re not wrong about that,” he said, because that was the whole truth.

[}-o-{]

[Chikuchi Togeike]

More than ever, she found herself disturbed by Kazuki’s Quirk.

She’d seen how awful it was, after all. It was written all over Neito. It was in the way his hands shook. It was in the way his face seemed perpetually pale. It was in the way his mind drifted and his eyes dulled, as if haunted by nightmares during the day. It was in the way he moved, slow, hesitant, beaten.

Yet, Chikuchi found herself oddly… envious.

‘Am I becoming weird? Is it a requirement for being in the Hero course?’ she wondered to herself, and yet she couldn’t help feeling that way. Because Kazuki was, she’d freely admit, someone she admired greatly. He was her benefactor, the one that had helped reach where she was. She followed him because he always seemed to know what to do, even when he didn’t, somehow.

If he couldn’t do something himself, he didn’t panic or stumble, he just found someone who could teach him or help him.

In a way, Chikuchi was proud to be able to say that she’d done much the same… but she really hadn’t, it just so happened that she’d come across someone who could do both teach and help her. That was the reason why she felt like she understood that part of Kazuki the most. The part that looked for ways to achieve what he set out to do, that’s what Chikuchi felt they had in common, what made her feel like she was a little closer to him than everyone else in their club.

Everyone else, she was pretty sure, just… was there. Neito wanted company, the tinkerers wanted to tinker much like how the Management Team wanted to do what they were passionate about. Kazuki and Chikuchi had goals though, things they were working towards, reaching for. Kazuki wanted to carve his place in a world that hated him and Chikuchi wanted to do much the same, if for different reasons, in different ways.

“You’ve been very quiet,” Neito commented, blue eyes strangely focused at that moment as he looked at her. Strange for him that day, at least. He looked better than during dinner though, at least, so that was something.

Sitting there, away from the rest and waiting for Kazuki though, he seemed… distracted, or so it seemed to Chikuchi.

Not then and there though, not at all.

“... I know it was awful, I do… But-”

“But you wish you knew anyway, right?” the blonde finished for her and she nodded slowly. Now, they each had something, she supposed. She shared some of his drive and Neito had shared some of his burden. They were both that little bit closer to Kazuki than everyone else in the club, maybe everyone else in general. “There’s a reason why I want to do it again,” the 1-B student told her with a half-smile. “I guess I want to… to understand him better. To know what hides under… that.”

Chikuchi was then realizing that maybe she had something in common with Neito too.

Because she knew exactly what he meant, even though he’d been vague. She also knew that he couldn’t explain it better than that, just like she couldn’t. There was just something about Kazuki though. Sometimes, one could almost be fooled into thinking they knew the guy well, maybe even that he wore his heart in his sleeve.

Yet, to Chikuchi, that felt like an illusion.

More often than not, she felt like she didn’t understand nearly as much as she thought. Chikuchi would think that she was missing something, that Kazuki was hiding something, whether knowingly or not. Like someone saying something dead serious and following it up saying that it was a joke, except the correction was so good that one couldn’t tell which was the truth. That’s how Chikuchi felt, like she’d glimpse at something that she guessed was the real Kazuki and then it was gone, and he was back to “normal”.

It drove her crazy, not knowing. She knew that nobody was one hundred percent open with everyone, but Kazuki seemed to make that into something that she couldn’t ignore. Those days, she couldn’t share a conversation with the guy without wondering if she was missing some kind of sign somewhere.

“If it helps, I don’t feel any closer to figuring anything out,” Neito said and Chikuchi sighed.

“It doesn’t, no,” she mumbled, shoulders dropping. There went that idea, she guessed. Then again, maybe she shouldn’t be so quick to drop it just because it wouldn’t work for one thing. “Wonder if there’s a Quirk combination out there that can have you share that with me.”

“Emotion projection or sharing, there should be something like that somewhere,” Neito commented, apparently taking her statement entirely literally. Not that she hadn’t meant it, but she had said it somewhat lightly. ‘Guess Boss is not the only one disguising,’ she thought idly, but it was less about that, really.

She just wished she could see through that disguise. It always felt like she was so close to doing so… and then she’d miss it. Chikuchi was starting to wonder if she was the problem in the whole thing. At least now she knew Neito was in the same boat.

“This is weird, isn’t it?” Neito asked, turning helplessly towards her and grinning weakly. “We’re weird, right?”

“Would have to be,” she answered, knowing exactly what he meant again. There had to be something wrong with them to want to suffer Kazuki’s Quirk just to better understand him. Especially Neito, all things considered. Yet there they were. “We’re Pharos members, after all.”

“Ain’t that the truth.”

[}-o-{]

[Kazuki Endo]

“I’m still not happy,” he said, staring at Aizawa.

He couldn’t quite manage a glare though, because… Well, as much as he wanted to dwell on the anger, maybe he’d gotten too good at dealing with the most dangerous of the negative feelings. Everything else could be manageable, but anger? Anger was something he’d learned to control, out of necessity, if nothing else.

Anger had been what drove him to ruin, after all.

“I know,” Aizawa told him and Kazuki was surprised to see the man bow. “I’m sorry. We are sorry.”

“... I know. I just…” Kazuki replied, unsure what else to say, really. That is, until he took a deep breath in and gathered his thoughts. “I understand why you did it. I’m… not fine, but I can accept that it happened. I just… wish it hadn’t happened like that, or at all,” he explained, going slowly as he processed the words himself. He hadn’t lied though, not at all.

Most of his… issues with the entire thing were that it had affected a friend of his and it had involved his Quirk. Both topics were something that he cared deeply about, one way or another. So, meshing them together. It was really no wonder that he’d opposed the idea so much immediately and it also no wonder that he reacted negatively when things went South.

As it was though, he understood. He’d seen some of the things his classmates and friends were doing to train, to get better. Neito pushing his own Quirk in such a way wasn’t crazy. They had all just… miscalculated. Although, maybe not as badly as Kazuki had feared, considering the crazy bastard wanted to try again.

Maybe he’d overreacted a little in the moment.

“Doesn’t matter,” he mumbled, running his fingers through his hair. “What am I working on?” he asked, glancing at Aizawa and catching his teacher giving him a strange look. His emotions were even stranger, to be honest. Kazuki didn’t even know where to begin deciphering that before the man seemingly pulled himself together and straightened his back… as much as Aizawa ever did.

“You’ll be working with Ragdoll, to try and push your sensing,” his teacher said and Kazuki grimaced. “You disagree?” Aizawa asked, trying and failing to sound like he was disappointed. Instead, all Kazuki could pick up from him was a mix of guilt and worry. Evidently, the incident with Neito had spooked the man, maybe the rest of the adults too.

“Not… really,” Kazuki answered hesitantly. “I just… I’m not sure how fond I am about the idea of sensing more,” he admitted and he saw the man in front of him grimace. “I’ll do it though,” he added, giving Aizawa pause. “No promises about sensing more, but… I’ve been trying to be more precise about it. It’s very vague right now and I’m trying to see if I could better spot people with it. Like size, position and all that.”

“You can work on that then, if you don’t want to try and expand your range,” Aizawa allowed easily, which Kazuki knew was a concession he was making for him. The rest of his classmates were all working on strengthening alone, leaving technique for regular classes. Kazuki though, was allowed to do both, since he also did both on the regular.

He also imagined people might be a little reluctant to strengthen his Quirk in particular.

“Guess I’ll do that,” he mumbled, getting a nod from Aizawa. After that, the teacher left to supervise some of the other students. Kazuki for his part, got started without Ragdoll. Apparently the heroine had been held up by one of the others or something, because she was a little late.

No matter though, Kazuki already knew more or less what he had to do. Maybe the woman would have pointers or something, but that didn’t mean he had to wait for her to get started. Besides, not like he had much else to do in the meantime either.

So, he closed his eyes and reached out, following the strands of negativity coming his way and locking in on someone. He wasn’t sure who it was, but he honed in on them. He could pinpoint their location easily enough, sure, but he couldn’t really tell the position of their bodies, how they stood or laid or whatever, or even their general shape.

He thought it was possible though, for sure. Everyone felt some discomfort or pain almost everywhere in their body, and he could pick up on that. The problem was that most of it was so minor that they could be easily ignored, the same way one ignored blinking, or breathing, or the feeling of clothes on their skin, or their tongues in their mouths or… A number of other things. That made the whole thing more difficult for Kazuki, but he thought he could pull it off.

If nothing else, he hoped he’d be able to do it if he really focused.

Maybe it wouldn’t be enough for more general sensing, but if he could make his sensing more accurate in certain situations, that was better than never, right?

“Sorry~,” a voice called then, snapping him off his thoughts and making him turn to the side. Expectedly, it was Ragdoll. “I was talking to that classmate of yours, the one with the arms Very interesting, lots of ideas. We got a little side-tracked though~ I hope you weren’t lonely or feeling left out! I have lots of ideas for you too!” the woman said, skipping all the way to Kazuki. Before he could reply or anything, she continued speaking. “Like, maybe you can do what I do a little bit and focus more on one target to get better info! Or maybe you can-”

Suddenly, some of the things he’d heard about the woman from others became a lot more clear. With that, Kazuki realized something that filled him with dread and made him wonder what the chances were that he could skip that particular training session. Maybe he could say he was too tired? He could act the part, surely, some channeling and he’d be out of there.

‘Oh God, she’s like Camie, but worse.’

Kazuki was pretty sure he’d found someone that’d visit him in his nightmares.

‘Goddamn extroverts…’

[}-o-{]

“I’m getting better,” Shoto commented, hand raised and making fire flicker around it before it vanished, replaced by a mist that denoted at least some of her ice powers being used. “Of all the things I’ve trained, I didn’t think to do so with my resistance to my Quirk,” he added, seemingly fascinated by the new approach.

“That’s why we came here,” Momo said in that “teacher’s pet” voice of hers. Kazuki didn’t mean that as an insult though. It was kind of cute. “So that we could push our Quirks further in ways we otherwise wouldn’t. Our teachers and the Cats are professionals. They can give us advice from experience.”

“True enough,” Kazuki said, deciding to get involved since he felt Shoto’s emotion spike. He was probably remembering that his father was a hero with experience that should have been able to help. Then again, Endeavor’s help probably had involved stuff that Shoto wanted nothing to do with until recently, that being fire… and Endeavor himself. “How about you, guys? Any luck?”

“I’m working on the same things, really,” Toru said, and he was immediately paying close attention to her, because she sounded… down. She was usually a very upbeat person, so hearing her talking more normally sounded odd. However, he couldn’t pick up much from her in terms of negativity, not really, so that was reassuring. There was only a little confusion and some nerves, but other than that… “Using light and… turning off my invisibility.”

“How’s that going?” Minoru asked curiously, the whole table turning towards Toru. Everyone knew – or at least suspected – that she had some issues with being invisible all the time. “Any luck?”

“Some,” she said, fidgeting with her hands. “I’m working on it though.”

“Come on, you can’t leave us with that? How much is some?” Mina asked excitedly, leaning forward. Interestingly, Toru pulled back a little at that, not afraid or anything though. Kazuki was starting to get confused, because Toru was acting like she was feeling something negative, but he could pick up almost nothing from her. Although, the nerves were growing a little.

“I just… I want to work on it by myself until I’ve managed to make myself visible,” the invisible girl mumbled, looking down and seemingly drawing into herself. Kazuki took that as his cue to intervene… again. Why did he sometimes feel like he was his friend group’s minder?

“What about you, Mina?” he asked, immediately getting a huff and plenty of annoyance.

“Don’t get me started. I’m trying not to think about it, you know?” the pink girl grumbled. “My whole body itches because of how much acid I’ve been using,” she explained, tellingly rubbing a hand over her arm and shifting where she sat. “Let me distract myself, Kazuki, please,” she whined and he grinned apologetically at her.

“Sorry about that,” he mumbled before taking a deep breath in to center himself. “Well, I’ve been trying to improve my sensing. Ragdoll’s advice helped a surprising amount… even if she’s exhausting to deal with,” he commented, feeling more tired just thinking about it. That woman really knew how to destroy an introvert’s social battery, that was for sure.

She had great ideas and suggestions for his sensing though. Surprisingly, the woman seemed to be the most helpful one when it came to helping him get better with his Quirk. There was plenty that aligned well between her use of her Quirk and his own compared to Mandalay and Pixie-Bob.

“But sensing doesn’t require any physical effort,” Eijiro pointed out and Kazuki just stared at him. Somehow, he wasn’t surprised that one of the most well-adjusted – socially, that is – members of their group didn’t get it. What he wouldn’t give to have some of that himself. Alas, he had to make do with acting skills.

“I meant-”

“How are you training though?” Tsuyu commented bluntly, looking at Minoru. Idly, Kazuki wondered if he’d been momentarily replaced as a minder by the frog girl. He felt like he had… which was neat. He didn’t want that responsibility to begin with. “I thought you had to limit your Quirk usage.”

“I do,” Minoru mumbled. Predictably, some of the negative emotions he manifested whenever his Quirk issues were brought up flared up. “I’m mostly training with Tiger, regular physical training rather than Quirk training. They mentioned trying to test the limits of my Quirk in other ways though, like seeing if I can change the spheres at all, make them more sticky, less sticky, more resistant, that kind of thing. Nothing yet though, so it’s just regular working out for me.”

“I mean, that’s not too bad, is it?” Kazuki commented, leaning back and grinning at the guy. “I know nothing about girls and what they like, but I think putting on muscle and getting stronger will help you there.”

“It’ll make you more manly!” Eijiro exclaimed, smacking Minoru’s back and almost sending him to the ground. Kazuki had to make an actual effort not to laugh at that. Although, that was helped by the fact that he felt like he’d said something weird. Had he offended the girls somehow? He felt odd spikes of emotion and they sent glances his way.

Oh well, nobody had said anything and the emotions weren’t too bad, so he guessed it was fine?

“Know nothing?” Shoto asked, frowning like he did when he stumbled onto some social situation that he didn’t understand. For once, Kazuki emphasized with the guy though. Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything on the matter. It was just… He felt like it was the kind of thing he was supposed to say, or something like that, at least.

“Do I look like the kind of guy that knows about that?” he asked with a chuckle “Dude, girls always thought I was creepy as fuck before I got sent to juvie. And there was nothing from there until now, so… Yeah,” he admitted, still grinning and chuckling. He decided to keep the upbeat front going though, because the girls had definitely not liked that.

[} Chapter End {]

Hey guys! How’s it going?

A bit of an aftermath chapter and a deeper look into both Neito and Chikuchi. By the way, no idea where that came from, honestly. Other than that, just more training shenanigans and then friend group shenanigans. You know, business as usual in a calm, peaceful training trip.

Nothing to worry about.

I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter.

Discord Link: discord.gg/UTDransjJZ

Random Question: Do you have a favorite hour of the day? Which is it? I seem to be the most awake and productive late at night, frustratingly enough, so that’s my favorite moment, I guess. When I’m actually doing stuff I want to do instead of just fighting with myself.

See you.